‘But those murders need to be avenged.’
‘Narfi, the man who committed the murders, is dead. Is it necessary for you to risk your life for something which will not change the course of history or bring the dead back to life?’
Cwen pleated her gown between her fingers. ‘And when we are in Jorvik, waiting for the ship to be ready? Hagal knows that I am alive and with you. He wants me dead because of what Aefirth did to his cousin.’
‘Hagal would have to fight me, something he has avoided doing for years, despite my attempts at provocation. Your brother has me gone. Everyone is happy. Just not in the same way we had planned. Plans can change, Cwen. For the sake of the child, they should.’
His words thudded through her. ‘But the marriage contract? My dowry?’
‘Betrothals are put aside all the time.’ Thrand made a cutting motion with his hand.
‘It seems a shame just to allow Hagal to have my dowry. He will use the gold for bribes.’
‘Your brother can sue Hagal for it. It is what the courts are for. I’ve more gold than I could ever spend in ten lifetimes.’ He put his hand on her shoulder. ‘We have to think about saving an innocent child’s life. It is what my mother would have wanted.’
Cwenneth stared at Thrand as the enormity of what he offered washed over her. Her dreams lately had been full of what would happen once she reached Jorvik. The only thing which had calmed her was waking to have Thrand’s arms about her and watching the rise and fall of his chest.
She knew deep in her heart that she’d never truly relax until she had proof that Hagal was dead. But Thrand was right—Edward could try pursuing Hagal through courts for the dowry. She could send word once she was in Iceland.
A tiny smile crossed her lips. Edward would not be able to do anything about her living the life she wanted to lead. No more threats of a windswept convent. Or marriages to further Edward’s power.
‘It is very tempting to believe we could do this.’
Thrand stepped closer and laced his hand through hers. He brought their knuckles up to his lips. ‘Seize this chance to give that boy the perfect mother and a new start in Iceland away from all the politics and killing.’
‘Flattery. And you have no idea what I was like. Far from perfect.’ Cwenneth’s cheeks flamed, and she pulled away. If he touched her again, she’d agree to everything. She scuffed her boot against the packed dirt of the barn floor and tried to stop her imagination from building longhouses in the clouds. ‘Sometimes I was far too impatient, too concerned with running Aefirth’s estate, rather than attending to my child. I should have done more when I had the chance... There are nights I wake up in a cold sweat, remembering all the chances I once had and neglected.’
‘You need another child in your life. If you and your husband had had another child, you would not have proclaimed you could not mother that child because Richard had the misfortune to die. Whatever else happens, Aud needs a mother and he likes you. Even I could see that.’
Cwenneth’s throat closed. Somehow it had felt right to be holding a little boy again. She had savoured his little-boy smell and the way he kept finding things for Thrand to look at. It made her remember Richard, but in a good way, rather than in the heavy regretful way she had fallen into. ‘I like him very well. I could come to love him.’
Thrand’s face clouded and his shoulders hunched slightly. ‘Then it is me who is the problem. You have no desire to be married to me. I understand. War and battle have made me, but I will try to be a good father. I swear it on my parents’ grave.’
‘I never said that!’ Cwenneth protested before he had a chance to leave. She knew if she let him walk away, her one opportunity for a life would slip past. He might not be offering marriage for the reason she had hoped, but he was offering. And he was right. Jorvik could be very dangerous for the both of them. Thrand might dismiss Hagal’s threat to him, but she couldn’t. Iceland could save his life.
He turned back to her. His eyes grew wide. ‘Then you will do it? You will go to Iceland with me and allow Hagal to dig his own grave.’
She swallowed hard and did not give herself a chance to think.
‘Yes, I will do it. I will marry you, Thrand, and be Aud’s mother. We will leave for Iceland as soon as possible.’
He caught her hands and twirled her about, lifting her off the ground.
Round and round until she was dizzy.
All the ice vanished from his face. He seemed years younger, eager and excited. The way he looked caused her heart to turn over. It was no good telling her not to love him because she already did.
‘We should bring the girl Hilde with us,’ she said when he set her down and the world had stopped spinning.
‘Why?’ he asked. ‘Why should we take her? She seems well settled here.’
‘She looks after Aud and I don’t think they look after her very well either,’ Cwenneth explained with a smile. ‘It will be good to have another female to balance the two males in the family.’
He turned his face to her palm and kissed it. A great warmth flooded through her, but it was also tinged with regret. She wanted him to kiss how he’d kissed her at night, as if he desired her and only her. She knew he only asked because of the children.
‘Then it is decided. We will go to Iceland,’ she said briskly. She refused to mourn things she couldn’t have. ‘You, the children and I. We will live our life away from kings and politics. We will be free. Our freedom and a life well lived will be the sweetest revenge.’
He threw his arm about her shoulders and hugged her close again. She leant her head against his chest and savoured his warm, spicy smell. ‘Sounds like a good plan to me. Freedom to be the person I am is something I have always sought. My father refused to bow before an usurper. I could never return to Norway as long as the current king and his heirs are on the throne.’
‘What happens next?’ she asked, trying to be practical and not think about the thousand reasons why this might be a bad idea. ‘How do we get to Iceland? I have never considered it before. There must be a way.’
‘We will go to Jorvik and meet my men. Some of them may wish to join us. Helgi has often expressed a wish to settle in Iceland. He had made plans to go with Sven. It is only right that I extend the offer to him. I will buy a boat and hire any men we might need. It will be done before you might think. We will be there by midsummer at the latest.’
She laid her head against the broad expanse of his chest and listened to the steady beat of his heart. She tried to keep the sudden wild leaping of her heart at bay. Somehow against the odds, she might actually live to see another Christmas and then the new year and the spring beyond that. She had a future. It felt good—better than good.
He pulled her close, resting his chin on the top of her head. ‘It is time I rested my weary body and found another occupation for my arm. My father farmed after spending years as a warrior. I can do the same. My mother would be proud of me.’
‘But...but...’
‘We will buy a large tract of land and build a fine house as well as getting the right sort of boat for the voyage. Not a dragon boat, but a trader, a sturdy one which can carry livestock as well as people. I refuse to leave Myrkr behind. The horse has been a faithful companion for many years.’
She looped her arm about his neck and pulled his lips down to hers. ‘You talk too much, Thrand.’
‘Most people say I hardly speak.’
‘They don’t know you like I do.’
His mouth descended on hers, and she drank from it. Their tongues met and tangled. She allowed her body to say things that she knew she could never admit. His arms tightened about her and she could feel his arousal. A part of her rejoiced. He did desire her. She would make this marriage work. Even a mother like her was better than no mother. She wasn’t sure she could love them, but she could give them a better
life. She had to stop wishing on clouds for things that were impossible, like Thrand actually loving her.
Thrand wanted her to look after the children. And she shared his bed. Many marriages started on a far worse basis.
A small cough sounded in the back of the barn, bouncing off the walls. They jumped apart. Cwenneth silently gave thanks that the interruption had not been a few heartbeats later. Even now, she knew she looked well-mussed and thoroughly kissed.
She turned her head towards the sound. Hilde stood there, with the rough shawl thrown over her shoulders. She had a worried look on her face and carried a torch. Her intent face relaxed slightly when she spied them.
Cwenneth gave Thrand’s hand a squeeze and went over to Hilde.
‘Aud wanted to know where you had gone. I promised him that I would look out for you. He likes you both. Aud doesn’t like many people. He misses his mother dreadfully.’ Hilde gave a disapproving frown. ‘Too many people have gone from his life. It isn’t right. He is a good boy. He tries hard. Was he born unlucky? Is that the problem? Father Athlestan says it is.’
‘Hilde.’ Cwenneth knelt down and took the girl’s cold hands in hers. ‘We have decided to take Aud and you, too, if you like. We will give your master some gold to compensate him for the loss of two such fine children.’
She glanced back at Thrand. He gave a brief nod. ‘Your master will be well compensated,’ he confirmed.
The young girl’s face broke into a wreath of smiles. ‘Where would we be going?’
‘To Iceland to start a new life.’
‘I don’t know where that is, but I would like that very much,’ Hilde said without hesitating. ‘I am a hard worker. Everyone says that about me.’
Cwenneth put her hand on the bony shoulders. She had wanted to have a little girl for such a long time, someone to teach to sew and to do so many things. She had never anticipated it ending like this. ‘I am sure you are.’
‘Shall we go and inform your master?’ Thrand said.
‘And Aud? Can I tell him?’ the girl whispered. ‘He never liked sleeping with the pigs. He is going to be part of a real family.’
Cwenneth regarded the stall where Mrykr was tethered. Real family. She had given up hope and suddenly Thrand had given her more than she’d ever dreamt. He might not love her, but she couldn’t help loving him.
‘Shall we let Thrand do it?’
The girl nodded rapidly. ‘That would be best. He will think it is another of my games otherwise. We play what will happen when his father comes to claim him. Only I never thought it would be like this. Or that I would get to go as well.’
‘And this is what does happen,’ Thrand said. ‘Is it better than a game?’
Hilde’s eyes glowed. ‘Much better. It is a dream come true.’
‘I have never been anyone’s dream before. Nightmare, possibly. It feels good to be a dream.’
The little girl ran out of the pasture.
* * *
Later as they waited in farmyard for the farmer to get Aud’s things, Cwenneth slipped her arm through Thrand’s, breathing in the scent of straw, the final warmth of the evening sunshine and animal. She used to think barns were ugly things, but this one had a certain grace and charm to it.
She closed her eyes and made a memory. She opened her eyes with a snap.
‘How will we get to the coast? We can’t all ride on Myrkr’s back. Aud is far too young to walk any great distance.’
‘The farmer has agreed to sell us his cart and a horse to pull it.’ Thrand gave a husky laugh. ‘Did you think I lacked sense?’
‘But the roads...’ Cwen attempted to think her way around the problem. ‘It took us far longer to reach Acumwick’s lands than it should have.’
‘The roads may be muddy, but I’ve a strong back and can get it out of any ruts. I suspect Narfi wanted to go slowly for his own reasons.’
She shook her head in amazement. She hadn’t considered that. ‘How long have you have been thinking about this?’
‘When something is right, instinct guides you.’ He put his hand on the small of her back. ‘I’m well skilled at moving armies. Getting you and the children to the coast is little different.’
‘A family is very different to an army. You are going to be those children’s father, not their commander.’
‘We need to go to Jorvik by another route,’ Thrand said, changing the subject.
Cwen frowned and allowed it to go. But she silently resolved to make sure he understood his new role. ‘Another route?’
‘I hardly want to take the two children near to Hagal’s holdings. We know they are looking for us and we barely managed to slip through their net. It will take a little longer and we will have to go closer to Lingwold than I would like, but it is either your brother who does not know we are there or facing Hagal who is looking for us.’
‘Go past Lingwold, but never stop?’
‘Do you trust your brother with the children? With me? We both know he wants my hide nailed to a church door. You send the message just before setting sail for Iceland.’
Cwenneth pursed her lips. Thrand was right. They couldn’t take the risk. Her brother wanted Thrand’s head. He’d act and then ask questions. He might even believe the rumours about the kidnapping. ‘The last thing I want is Edward making trouble. I’ll trust your judgement on this.’
‘Spoken like a true wife.’
‘They won’t take you for Thrand the Destroyer.’ She linked her arm with his. ‘You will have a wife and two children. Something the Destroyer would never have.’
‘Then it is good that I am the man and not the legend.’
His laughter rumbled in the quiet evening. Cwen found it hard to equate this man with the silent stranger who had arrived at the farm only a few hours before. She had to hope his instinct was correct and that they would be safe.
Chapter Twelve
‘Please, sir, what is Aud to call you?’ Hilde tugged at Thrand’s shirt after they had travelled a few miles in the grey early-morning mist.
The cart went little faster than a slow walk, but it allowed the children to rest. They had also been able to take some bedding and a bit of food. Progress was slow but manageable.
‘Why are you asking?’
‘He is worried and too shy to ask.’
Thrand looked down at the little girl. His experience with females was limited and with girls he had next to none. There had been only him and a few male cousins when he was growing up. He glanced at Cwen to see if she would answer, but she was occupied with readjusting Aud’s pack.
The boy had wanted to take all of his treasures and Cwen had managed to get it down to his most precious feathers and stones, but he wanted to carry it rather than storing it in the cart. Both Aud and Hilde had decided at the last stop to walk for a little ways. Thrand hadn’t objected as the going was muddy and it took all his concentration to keep the cart going.
‘Call me?’
The girl dropped her voice and glanced over her shoulder. ‘A special name. People in families have special names for each other. And we’re a family now.’
A family. The girl’s words caused the enormity of what he’d done on impulse to wash over him. The warrior who had resolutely resisted any complication or entanglement had voluntarily saddled himself with two young children and a woman. These people depended on him for their survival.
He frowned. He just had to approach it as though they were members of his felag, rather than his family. He had kept his men safe in the past.
‘It all happened so fast that I haven’t given it much thought.’ He gave Cwen a questioning glance. She nodded encouragingly. He found it impossible to get rid of the impression that she had put Hilde up to this. She wanted to test him. ‘Most people call me Thrand. And Cwen answers to
Cwen. It is best to keep things simple.’
Hilde’s face fell and she let go of his shirt. ‘I wanted Aud to have a special name for you. It will make it more like Aud and I are truly brother and sister.’
‘We’re going to Iceland,’ he said, watching Aud struggle slightly with the pack. ‘It makes more sense to use the Norse words rather than the Northumbrian words. You are Norse now. Use those.’
‘And the proper words are...’ Cwen lifted both the protesting Aud and his pack into the cart. ‘The children won’t know the words and I don’t either. Maybe you can teach us all Norse so we can speak the language before we get to Iceland.’
He clenched his fists, feeling his own inadequacy. He should have said the words to begin with. And he should have thought about lifting the boy in the cart. ‘Mor for mother and Far for father.’
‘Yes, they can use those words,’ Cwen said. Her brow puckered. ‘It is silly, but...I’m pleased they are not the same in Northumbrian.’
A knife went through Thrand’s heart. She still clung to her dead family.
‘Can you practise, Hilde?’ he asked deliberately turning from Cwen.
‘Yes, Far.’ The girl gave a little curtsy and laughed. Aud laughed as well and took up the chant—far, far, far.
‘No, you have it wrong. One far, not two.’
‘Did they go too far with the fars?’ Cwen asked with an innocent expression on her face.
Her pun sent the children off into fresh peals of laughter.
‘Just one Far,’ Thrand explained, trying to keep a straight face. He knew he should strive to be like his father—dignified and remote so he could instil discipline, but a large part of him wanted the ease that Cwen had. ‘Far-far means something else.’
‘What does Far-far mean?’ Cwen asked. ‘Or don’t I want to know?’
‘Grandfather. My father.’
Thrand paused. His father had been a remote figure and had left most of the child rearing to his mother. Thrand knew in that instant that it was not what he wanted. He didn’t want to be the person who always laid down the law and seemed perfect. He knew his imperfections too well. It was one thing to be called Far and quite another thing to actually be a father. He remembered vowing that when he had been punished for some minor misdemeanour.
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