by Ford, Jordan
Guilt tramples me, making me want to sink right into the pavement.
I wish I could see him. Talk like old times. Make things right.
But he looked like he wanted to murder me when we saw each other the other day.
With a heavy sigh, I rub a hand over my head. Making things right with Hayes, that’s a damn good reason to stay. It’d be kind of torturous, but I’ve missed him. Plus, clearing my conscience would be nice.
The bounce of a basketball makes my steps slow. Stopping beside the court where Hayes shot me a couple of death rays, I watch my friend dribble the ball up to the hoop. It’s so weird seeing him in a wheelchair. He was always so tall and physically imposing. I loved the contradiction of him. Tall and broad, yet meek and cruisy.
The ball swishes through the hoop and he wheels forward to gather it before spinning around and spotting me.
He goes still.
And I do the only thing I can. I pull my hands out of my pockets, hold them up and ask, “Can I play?”
He grips the ball to his stomach and eyes me warily. “Where’s your girl?”
“Uh, she went shopping with my mom.”
He nods and makes me wait it out. I’m about to tell him not to worry about it, but when the ball hits the ground between us, I run onto the court to collect it and give him a little smile.
He doesn’t smile back.
Clearing my throat, I start dribbling the ball around him. He darts in front of me, his arms stretching wide as he nabs the ball off me and dribbles it away.
“Damn, man.” I chuckle and race after him, figuring going easy on this guy isn’t even necessary. He’s obviously been shooting a lot of hoops lately.
I jump to try and stop the ball from getting into the net, but it sails past me and Hayes scores his first point. Running to retrieve the ball, I restart the game and we’re soon grunting with exertion. Whatever angst is steaming between us starts to show as Hayes angrily speeds for the ball and aggressively takes it off me any chance he can get.
I bite back, silently annoyed as he makes it impossible for me to score a point. Trying again, I dribble past him, but he gets in my space, actually running over my foot with his wheel when he snatches the ball off me.
“Ow!” I shout. “Foul, man!”
“Whatever,” he murmurs, shooting for the hoop.
The net swishes and I leave the ball to bounce and roll away while I stand there puffing and glaring at him.
My foot freaking hurts, but I’m not about to let him know that.
“You gonna get the ball, or are you done?” There’s a double meaning to his sharp tone, so I stay put, resting one hand on my hip and narrowing my eyes even farther.
“You’re done?” Hayes wheels past me. “That’s cool. Be on your way.”
“I don’t want to be done,” I mutter. “I want to play some ball with my friend.”
“What friend?” He looks around the court. “You don’t have any friends here.”
My shoulders slump forward, and for some reason, I feel like crying. Dipping my head, I close my eyes, my voice coming out shaky and raw. “Hayes, I am sorry, man. I never meant for you to get hurt. I never meant for you to be in a wheelchair.”
The ball bounces hard by my foot and my eyes snap open. Hayes is firing death rays again. “You didn’t put me in this damn chair! My choice did! Would you stop making it about you?”
“I…” My face bunches with confusion. “You don’t blame me for the accident?”
“No!” he growls.
“Then why are you so mad at me right now?”
“Because you cut me off! You were my best friend, and I know you got no say in going to Ryder Bay, but you were still my friend and you just…stopped contacting me. You froze me out, you asshole!”
“I…” My head jolts back. “But… You don’t want me to… I mean, you didn’t want to hear from me again.”
“What? Yes I did. Do you have any idea how devastated I was after that last back surgery? I could have used a friend.”
Pressing my lips together, I watch his tormented face and sudden realization dawns.
Do I tell him?
Do I cause a rift between him and his mom?
Part of me thinks I should just take the blame and walk away.
But I can’t.
It’s Hayes—one of the best people I know.
Crouching down by his chair, I rest my fist on his knee and lightly tap it. “I never wanted to cut you off.” My tongue darts across my lower lip as I wrestle the truth out of me. “Your mom told me you didn’t want to speak to me anymore. She called me and blamed me for everything and then told me never to contact you again.”
Hayes shoves my fist off his knee and pushes his chair back.
He doesn’t want to believe me. I can see it in his face.
I stand and gaze down at him, hoping my expression is honest and unguarded.
His eyebrows form a sharp V when he eventually mutters, “She never told me that. She said you must have given up on me.”
“I would never do that.” I shake my head. “I… It killed me, man. When she told me, I actually cried. Like ugly cried.” My cheeks heat with embarrassment and I look to the ground, kind of shocked that I told him that.
He lets out a dry snicker and shakes his head. “I guess we’ve got some catching up to do, then.”
A slow smile tugs at my mouth. “That’d be great.”
Tipping his head to the side, he silently invites me to walk the boardwalk with him. We amble up the street, I buy him an ice cream from Jody’s, and we find a perch looking out over the ocean. He tells me all about life in a wheelchair. The annoyances, the enlightenment… making new friends at school.
“Her name’s Selena and I…” His cheeks bloom red.
I nudge him with my elbow. “You crushin’?”
“Hoping to ask her to prom.” He winces and I tell him I’m proud of him.
“She’d be an idiot to say no to you.”
His smile is kind of sheepish and shy. “Her friends are pretty cool. Her brother’s in a wheelchair, and he’s been teaching me a few easy tricks. We hang out at her place a lot. She’s got a good crew. They’re real, you know? No bullshit.”
“Yeah, I know the type.” I grin.
He smiles back at me, then starts asking me all about Ryder Bay and Lettie. I tell him everything I can think of, and we end up circling around to my big decision.
Hayes taps his fingers on the top of his wheels. “Well, what do you want to do?”
I groan, resting my elbows on my knees and staring out at the ocean. “I want both.”
“Can’t have that.”
“I know, but how do I choose?”
“Well, what are your reasons for wanting to stay here?”
I rub my chin while I think about it, then glance at him and admit, “Reconnecting with you. Making my mom happy. She is my family. Frankie’s my family too. Just feels like it might be the right thing to do. I’m not sure.”
“Okay, and what are your reasons for wanting to stay in Ryder Bay?”
Bobbing my head, I start listing off a bunch of stuff. “I feel like I’m a better version of myself there. I’ve made some good friends. Marshall and Denee are freaking awesome and… and I’m in love with Lettie.”
He stares at me for a long beat, a slow, sad smile pulling at his lips. “Not that I want you to be a selfish prick or anything, but…I think we both know exactly where you should be spending your senior year of high school.”
I catch his eye, my smile kind of pained as I nod.
A decision like this can’t be made without heartache and sacrifice.
But Hayes is right.
I know.
I know exactly where I’m supposed to be.
24
Lettie
Ugh, well, that was exhausting.
For a person who doesn’t love shopping, I’ve just exceeded my quota for the year. Dumping bags of baby clothes, toys and a f
ew things for Jace on the table, I force a polite smile when his mom starts going on again about how much she’s looking forward to the summer.
“It’ll be so nice having Jace home permanently.”
I grip the back of the chair, my already chaotic emotions bubbling to the surface. I can’t take this anymore. I can’t keep silently listening to this. With my heart racing, I spin to face her and find the courage to ask, “What…what if he doesn’t want to do that? What if he ch-chooses Ryder Bay?”
“Aw, honey.” Her sympathetic smile is kind of patronizing. “I know you’re going to miss him, but you can email and text. You can talk to each other every day. Thank God for modern technology, right?”
My expression drops, the fight inside of me dying. I now just want to crawl into a dark corner and start licking at tender wounds. “But what if he-he wants to be in Ryder Bay? You said the choice was his,” I whisper.
“Lettie, sweetheart. He’s my son, and he belongs here with us. I’ve already missed out on a year with him. I don’t want to do another one.”
“But…you…you kicked him out. You sent him away.”
“I had no choice!” she suddenly snaps. “I was doing that for his own good.”
“And it was the right decision.” I hold up my hands in surrender. “I’m not trying to…to argue with you, but if you said the choice is his, then you need to let him make it. I’ve been busting my gut to stay silent and not try and persuade him either way. The choice needs to be his.”
Her lips pinch into a thin line. Oh crap, I have really pissed her off.
With a thick swallow, I inch out of the kitchen. Should I apologize?
No, because I haven’t said anything wrong.
My nose tingles with the onset of tears. Conflict always makes me want to cry.
“I’m just gonna go f-for a walk to the…to the beach,” I murmur, backing up until I hit the door.
She gives me a little nod as if to tell me that’s probably for the best.
Without another word, I wrench the door open and bolt out into the sunshine. I end up running until I trip and scrape my knee. It freaking hurts, but I stumble back to my feet and push myself forward, hobbling until the pain has subsided and I can walk like a relatively normal person again.
Slipping off my sandals, I hit the sand and walk to the water’s edge.
My knee is starting to throb a little, but it’s nothing compared to the ache in my heart.
Jace’s mom is going to make him stay. She’s going to talk him into leaving me when the summer rolls around, and I’ll be gutted.
I mean, I still have Savannah, but she’s graduating soon and going off to college. I’ve kind of begun a tentative friendship with a few people from a book club that the librarian set up in January. They’re sweet girls and we eat lunch together now, but it’s not the same.
The worst part is, I’ll be Jace-less.
And that hurts more than anything.
Emails and texts are great, but it’s not as good as arms and hands and lips. Warm breath on my cheek, sweet whispers in my ear.
The burning tears I’ve been fighting set themselves free, silently rolling down my cheeks as I gaze at the water. The blue expanse turns to a fuzzy blur. I don’t bother wiping the tears away. I just want to stand here and feel this loss. I need to get the tears out before I see Jace.
It’s not fair to influence his decision. I refuse to be like his mother.
The choice is his.
His.
And he needs to make the right one for him. Not me or anyone else.
Savannah and I talked about it at length before I left on this trip. She was great, listening to all my angst and then trying really hard not to give me advice until I asked for it.
A little smile twitches my lips. My big sis has really changed since my ordeal with Reed. Or maybe it’s me who’s changed. Either way, we’ve grown close and I’m grateful for her. She’ll be there with open arms when I return, hugging me and telling me that everything will be all right. I can survive a year without Jace, and if our love is strong, then we’ll be together again after he graduates. Maybe. Depending on where he decides to go to college.
My insides knot all over again as I get too far ahead of myself.
I wish my mind didn’t do that.
I wish I could be hopeful and optimistic, but instead I spend my whole time getting battle-ready for whatever crap the world wants to throw at me.
With a sniffle, I shake my head and finally rub my wet cheeks. I’ve been standing out here for I don’t know how long. I look over my right shoulder and notice the sun is starting to fall behind the buildings. I should probably get back before it gets dark. I don’t want anyone worrying about me.
Sucking in a long breath, I start praying that Jace will be home when I get back. I don’t want to face his mother again. Not without backup.
“Lettie! There you are!”
I glance to my left and see Jace running toward me. His smile is wide with relief and he cups my face as soon as he’s close enough. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere, and of course your phone rang in your bag when I called you.” He gives me a reprimanding look.
My grin is sheepish as I look down, but he gently tips my head back up.
“Have you been crying?” he softly asks.
I want to shake my head, but it’s probably so obvious that I have been.
His expression is pure sweetness as he gives me a sympathetic little smile. “Mom told me what you said to her.”
I cringe and try to look away from him, but his hands hold me steady.
“You were right. The choice has to be mine.”
“I know,” I whisper. “That’s why I’ve been working overtime not to say anything.”
I step back from him, creating a little space between us. He watches me carefully, his eyes trailing down to the leg that I’m kicking through the sand.
“Hey, what happened to your knee?” He crouches down, sounding all worried as he gently examines the graze.
I hiss when he touches the tender spot. “I just tripped. Nothing new.”
He looks up at me, his smile adoring. I have no idea why. I’m a total klutz. There’s nothing adorable about that.
His grin only grows as he stands tall and pulls me against him. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he winks and teases, “It’s not safe to leave you alone.”
“Ha-ha.” I roll my eyes and look out at the ocean, too afraid to watch his face.
His smile is going to grow sad in a minute. He’s going to tip his head and softly break it to me. His voice will be gentle and sweet, but the words will wound anyway.
“So, I saw Hayes again today.”
My head whips around to face him. “How did it go? Did he talk to you? Was it okay?”
“It was great.” He grins. “We spent the whole afternoon together. We talked about everything and caught up. It was such a cool time. I’ve missed him so much, you know?”
“Yeah,” I squeak, my head starting to bob as emotion claws my throat, making it hard to swallow.
“I talked a lot about next year and what I’m going to do.”
“Cool. Cool, cool, cool.” My head keeps bobbing, my eyes fixed on the water.
“He helped me figure out that I need to choose home.” I tense but force myself to stay in his arms, especially when he grips me a little tighter and rests his forehead against mine. “The place that feels most like home.”
I sniff and bite my lips together.
Don’t cry, Lettie. Don’t cry.
“And that’s with you.” His husky voice skims over me, and it takes me a moment to catch it. But then the words sink in, slow and delicious, as I absorb what he just said.
Turning away from the ocean, I look at him with wide eyes. “You’re staying in Ryder Bay?”
His smile is beautiful as he nods at me. “I love Ryder Bay. I love the people in it, especially you.”
I let out a surprised laugh.
&n
bsp; He grins and presses his lips to mine. I cup the back of his head and deepen the kiss, joy rocketing through me in thick, heady waves.
He’s staying with me.
With me!
He chose Ryder Bay!
Ripping out of the kiss, I give him a worried frown. “Your mom is going to kill me.”
Jace laughs, lifting me off my feet and squeezing me against him. “She’s not thrilled with my decision, but she understands it. She’ll come around, and she has promised me that she won’t take out her sadness on you in any way, shape or form.”
I give him a nervous wince, but he counters it with a protective look that makes my insides stir with warmth.
He loves me.
He really loves me.
Leaning toward his mouth, I stop just before our lips can touch and whisper, “I love you, Jace Bastion.”
He grins and steals a kiss before whispering back, “I love you, Lettie-Lou.”
Placing me back on my feet, we start walking toward his house. It’s time to have our final dinner with his family before heading home tomorrow.
Home.
I thread my fingers between his and give them a squeeze.
He smiles down at me, and my heart is full to overflowing.
I suddenly can’t wait to get back to Ryder Bay. To my family and friends. To a life that I have come to love.
25
Jed
A smile is tugging at my lips as I lock the front door and head down the steps.
I just received the world’s best phone call. I can’t wait to tell Skylar the news. When I told my grandparents on Thursday night that I wanted to be with my girl and try living in New York, they were horrified. We stayed up most of the night talking it through, but by the time the morning rolled around, Gramma was organizing my future for me.
I’m pretty sure she spent most of yesterday on the phone, calling through her ridiculously huge tree of cousins until she found a relative in Brooklyn.
“Brooklyn,” I whisper, testing out the name and feeling that punch of excitement.
My accommodations in New York are now figured out. All that’s left is the study part, because my grandparents were adamant on that. I wasn’t allowed to go unless I had a plan. And that’s what I’ve spent my day pulling together.