Recognising an act of fate when it rose up and hit her, Alix went back to Jemima’s Tea-Rooms and offered her services, which were soon accepted. Within an hour Alix was helping in the kitchen, her case safely stowed away in a small bedroom upstairs, the thoughts of her two- day marriage necessarily pushed to the back of her mind as she started a completely new way of life.
Despite all her problems, Alix found that she actually enjoyed those three weeks. She was kept busy all day long, serving morning coffees, cooking lunches, serving teas in the afternoons, and in the evening baking the home-made cakes for the next day. The cordon bleu cookery course that she’d taken so that she could make delicious meals for Rhys gave her the confidence to take over the cooking and she added several dishes to the lunchtime menu, which drew in more customers. At night, instead of lying in bed thinking about Rhys, Alix fell into an exhausted sleep and was able to face the day ahead.
After a couple of days it occurred to her that it was the day she and Rhys should have called at their respective homes to collect their luggage for the trip abroad. She didn’t know whether Rhys had told their parents what had happened, but she didn’t want them to be worried about her, so that evening she rang her home from a call-box in the village.
Her mother’s voice, sharp with relief, immediately warned her that Rhys had told them. ‘Alix, where are you? We’ve been so worried.’
‘I’m quite all right. Really.’
‘Why didn’t you come home, darling? It was so wrong of Rhys to go away like that.’
‘He went to Vilnius, then?’
‘Yes, darling, I’m afraid he did. But he was most concerned about you when he rang to tell us. He expected you to be here and wanted to talk to you. Where are you? Are you with a friend?’
‘Yes.’
‘What’s the telephone number?’
‘The number’s out of order,’ Alix lied. ‘I’m calling from a phone-box.’
‘Come home, darling. Promise me you’ll be here tomorrow. Alix, please promise,’ she repeated when Alix didn’t answer.
‘No, I’m sorry, I don’t want to come home yet. I need time to think.’
Her voice full of anger, her mother said, ‘I could kill Rhys for doing this to you. How insensitive to leave you like that.’
‘Well, now I’ve left him,’ Alix said shortly. ‘For good.’
‘What?’ There was a stunned note in her mother’s voice. ‘Oh, Alix, no! Please don’t be hasty. I know that Rhys has upset you, anyone would be upset, but you mustn’t let it spoil your life. Look, Rhys is due home again shortly; let him come and see you so that you can talk it through. I know he’s very sorry for what happened and——’
Alix’s laugh, full of irony, cut her short. ‘I have no wish to talk to Rhys or to see him. As far as I’m concerned our marriage—if you can call it that—is over. Goodbye, Mother. Give my love to Daddy.’
‘No, wait! Alix, your father is here, he wants to talk to you.’
‘I’m sorry.’ Alix was suddenly crying. ‘I—I can’t…’ Quickly she put the phone down, unable to control herself any longer, then leant against the glass doors, dissolved in tears.
Mrs Pegram, the owner of the tea-rooms, saw her tearstained face when she came in, but wasn’t the sort to ask questions. Alix went up to her room and took the wedding- and engagement-rings from the drawer where she’d put them soon after she’d arrived. She looked at them for a long time, then went down to the tiny office, found a box and some cotton-wool, and made up a parcel of the rings, addressed to Rhys’s flat in London. The next morning she got the milkman to take it to the nearest town to post for her.
At first, during those weeks, Alix’s thoughts were chaotic, veering from one idea about what to do, then to another. The thought of staying on at the tea-rooms forever was sometimes extremely attractive, but Mrs Pegram only wanted her for three weeks. OK, so she could open her own café or restaurant somewhere else. But the difficulties of that soon pushed it out of her mind. She thought of going abroad to live, of starting a new life under a new name, cutting herself off from ever having to see Rhys again. But Alix loved her parents very much and knew she could never bear to be so far away from them. And, anyway, why the hell should she cut herself off? It was Rhys who had behaved like a prize chauvinist pig, not her. Why should she disrupt her life because of him? she thought in deep indignation.
OK, so she’d stay in England, Alix decided. But she still didn’t want to see Rhys, which would mean giving up her job. It was another week before she acknowledged that it was a good job which she enjoyed, so why should she give it up and make herself unemployed, for heaven’s sake? Better, surely, to stay there until she could find another position. Rhys was seldom there, anyway. And if she had to face him, so what? Presumably she’d have to face him some time; their parents still lived next door to one another. It had to be done so she might just as well get it over with.
The three weeks over, Alix said goodbye to Mrs Pegram, got in the car and headed for London, her self-esteem extremely battered but not lost. There were still several days before she was due back at work. Alix went to a staff agency and let them know she was looking for a new job, then went to a different agency who found her a furnished flat at a reasonable rent which she could move into at once. Clothes were the next problem. Alix toyed with the cowardly idea of just buying new ones, but she’d spent a great deal on her honeymoon outfits and didn’t have much left in her bank account after paying three months in advance for the flat. So she drove down to Kent on a day when she knew both fathers would be at work and both mothers out doing voluntary work by delivering meals on wheels to old people in the neighbouring town. Her only fear was that Rhys might be around, but, as she realised cynically, he had probably gone back to Lithuania by now, if he had really come back at all.
After a difficult journey in which she seemed to get caught in an endless traffic jam on the motorway, Alix let herself into the house and ran up to her room. Time was getting short; she would have to hurry. Her suitcases, bought specially for the honeymoon, were standing packed and ready. Ignoring them, Alix took out her old cases and began to pack them with her working clothes. She noticed a large envelope on the table beside her bed, one she certainly hadn’t left there herself. She finished packing the cases, pulled out a hold-all and put her shoes in, but then curiosity got the better of her and she picked up the envelope, emptying the contents on the bed. It contained the proof copies of the wedding photos. Dozens of them dropped out on to the quilt: her alone, with her parents, the bridesmaids—with Rhys.
Standing staring down at them, Alix didn’t notice a car that drove by, pulled up with a jerk and then backed up, blocking the driveway. Rhys got out, ran up to the car she’d been using and put his hand on the bonnet, felt that it was still warm. He glanced at the house, ran to the front door but found it locked, so went round to the back. The sound of breaking glass broke through Alix’s absorption. Her first thought was that it must be a burglar and she grabbed the telephone, but then heard Rhys’s voice. ‘Alix? Alix, where are you?’
Her heart filled with horror. No! She couldn’t see him. She wouldn’t. She made a move to lock herself in, but stopped short. What good would that do? He wouldn’t go away and it would all become ridiculous, with her on one side of the door and him on the other. A new thought filled her with dread; if he’d broken a window to get in the house, then he might even break down her door. She looked wildly round, saw the photographs on the bed, then quickly went out on to the landing, closing the door behind her so that he couldn’t see inside.
Rhys came running up the stairs, turned and saw her as he reached the top. Without hesitation, he strode to her and took her in his arms, held her close. ‘Thank God you’ve come home! I’ve been so worried about you, urchin. Don’t ever do that to me again. I’ve…’ He became aware of her stiffness within his arms and broke off, stepped back to look at her.
‘Let go of me,’ she ordered curtly.
A look of chagrin came into his eyes, but Rhys kept his hands on her arms as he said, ‘So I’m to be punished even more, am I? Well, I admit I deserve it, but if you only knew what I—what we all—have been going through these last weeks. Oh, Alix, sweetheart, I’ve been going mad with worry.’
‘Really? Made a couple of phone calls from Vilnius when you weren’t busy, did you?’
His mouth twisted at the sarcasm in her tone, but Rhys said, ‘I was only there for a few days; I got back as soon as I could. I mean it, Alix. I’ve missed you like crazy. You really made me——’
But she moved away from him. ‘I’m really not interested,’ she said coldly. ‘You can leave by the front door.’
‘Leave?’ She had gone to walk away but Rhys caught her shoulder and spun her round. ‘I’m not going anywhere without you.’
She shrugged, a cold anger at his presumption that he only had to apologise and it would be all right, making her implacable. ‘Suit yourself. I’ll leave, then.’
‘No.’ He moved between her and the door of her room, looked into her face and saw the bitterness there, the flash of near hatred in her eyes. ‘Alix!’ He said her name on a small gasp and frowned, recognising the depth of her feelings. ‘Look, we have to talk. We can’t just ignore what’s happened. Please.’ He made a supplicatory gesture with his hand.
Reluctantly, Alix said, ‘All right. What do you want to say?’
‘First of all, of course, that I’m deeply sorry that you’re so upset. It was entirely my fault. I was wrong; I should have let Todd take on the project from the start. But must we let this come between us? Can’t we start again, Alix?’ He reached out to touch her but she flinched away. A grim look came into his eyes, and Rhys added, ‘After all, we are married, and nothing can change that.’
‘A divorce can,’ she retorted at once.
He winced. ‘Isn’t that being rather hasty? Isn’t what we feel for each other worth more than——?’ He stopped as Alix laughed.
‘I don’t know what you feel—just annoyed, I expect, because your plans have gone wrong, because I didn’t turn out to be the tame puppet whose strings you could pull whenever you felt like it and then put back in the cupboard while you got on with your own life.’ Her eyes blazed at him, the cold blue of an angry sea. ‘But I do know what I feel for you—and that’s nothing! Not love, not infatuation, not even hero-worship any more. All I do feel is anger that I was such a fool as to be taken in by you for so long.’ She laughed jeeringly again. ‘No wonder you didn’t want me to move in with you before we were married. Why, it only took me two days to have my eyes opened, to find out what you were really like.’
Rhys’s mouth hardened. ‘Oh? And just what did you find out?’
‘That you’re completely selfish. That you married me just because you needed the accessory of a wife, and you thought I was so besotted by you that I’d do whatever you wanted, be whatever you wanted me to be.’ She gave him a derisive look. ‘But if you wanted that you should have married me years ago. You left it too late, Rhys. I’ve learnt enough to see you for what you are—and I don’t like what I see.’
His jawline had hardened as she spoke, and now there was anger in Rhys’s eyes as he reached out and took hold of her arms. ‘No? But just what did you marry me for, Alix? Tell me that. Was it just to have your childhood dream come true? To have a happy-ever-after ending?’ Suddenly his hands tightened and he jerked her towards him. ‘Or was it for this?’ His mouth came down, hard and insistent, taking her lips with an irresistible force, bending her head back so that she had to open her mouth, had to let him ravage the softness within.
Alix put her hands against his chest and tried to push him away, but he was holding her too tightly. She made sounds of rage deep in her throat, tried to twist her head free but couldn’t. Her efforts to escape only served to increase his anger. He let go of her wrists but kept her arms pinioned between them as he held her against him, his other hand grabbing a handful of her hair so that she could no longer even move her head. His kiss deepened, became insistent, and masculinely demanding. Despite her fury, Alix felt the old fire take hold, desire surge through her body, and now had to fight that as well as Rhys. Her senses began to go; she felt the now familiar sensation of drowning in a tide of sensuality. Desperately she redoubled her efforts to break free, struggling, kicking out at him. Rhys swore under his breath, but bent her under him, so that she had to cling to him or fall. Her body was pressed against his now, and she was gasping, panting, her fingers digging into his shoulders. Her fury gave way to a moan of awakened need as she felt her last resistance crumble before the onslaught of his lips. Rhys gave a triumphant laugh against her mouth, stooped to pick her up, take her to her room, her bed.
But fate decreed otherwise. The front door was flung open with a crash as both their mothers erupted into the hall.
‘Alix!’
‘Rhys!’
Rhys swore furiously and had to let Alix go.
The women saw them and came running up the stairs in time to see Alix stagger back, an appalled expression in her eyes as she realised just how near she’d come to succumbing to him. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she cried out, her voice filled with venom, ‘I hate you! I hate you!’
‘Rhys, what on earth…?’
Rhys swung round on the two older women. ‘Damn you, did you have to interrupt us just at this moment? Didn’t you have enough sense to keep out of the way?’
He turned towards Alix, made a move to go to her, but she screamed out, ‘No! Don’t touch me!’ and ran into her room, locking the door behind her.
There were raised voices out on the landing, people knocking on the door and calling her name, but Alix took no notice. Her breath gasping and unsteady, she grabbed the phone by her bed and managed to call a taxi, telling it to wait round the corner. As quietly as possible, she opened her window, dropped her cases out, then climbed through it and down the drainpipe, a means of escape she’d used often before as a child, but not for some years. She fell the last few feet, bruising her hands, but quickly gathered up her cases and bag and pushed past the cars blocking the drive, out into the street. She hurried to the corner and round it, praying that it would be some time before they realised she wasn’t just sulking and had gone.
It was a close thing; the taxi came and she threw her cases and herself into it, telling the driver to go, go! As it turned the far corner she risked a glance back and saw Rhys run into the street, looking for her. She had intended to take the taxi just to the station to catch the next train to London, but guessed that Rhys would immediately go there, so instead she asked the driver to take her all the way to London. He agreed willingly enough, but she had an uncomfortable journey, continually looking out of the back window in case Rhys’s car appeared, only relaxing when they reached the outskirts of London and the streets got busy.
Alix hid in her flat for the next three days like a fox driven into its lair and with the hounds baying outside, too frightened to come out. But Monday morning came and she was due to go back to work. By then she had managed to work herself up into a state of cold anger against Rhys again. But there was a desperate undertone to it, because now she knew that she was still vulnerable to him, that he had the power to overcome her anger and arouse her sexually, that she didn’t have the strength to resist him. So she would just have to make sure that he didn’t get near to her again, that she kept him at a distance with words and open hatred.
When she walked into the office it was obvious that no one there had any idea what had happened. Todd and Brenda greeted her with big grins and wanted to know why they hadn’t received a postcard.
‘The post must be slow,’ Alix prevaricated.
‘Or you were too busy,’ Todd said with a knowing grin. ‘Will you be free to go to Alaska with me in a couple of weeks?’
‘Yes, of course.’
Todd raised an eyebrow. ‘Don’t you want to check with Rhys first?’
‘No.’ She tr
ied not to let anything show in her face.
‘Come to an understanding about work, have you?’
‘You could say that.’
He nodded and half turned away, then stopped and said, ‘That reminds me; I must remember to book you on the passenger list as Mrs Stirling now that you’ve changed your name. I take it you’ve had your passport changed?’
Alix shook her head and said quickly, ‘No, I haven’t. And I’d much rather you went on using my maiden name. It—it’s a matter of principle,’ she added lamely.
‘I suppose you mean it’s the latest fashion to keep your own name,’ Todd observed. ‘OK, if that’s what you want.’ He grinned. ‘Or until Rhys persuades you to change your mind.’
Alix managed to smile back but was glad when he went into his own room. Brenda took the day’s post in to him and Alix went into her own office to hang up her jacket. She looked round the room, thinking how happy she’d been the last time she’d been there. But no, not entirely happy, because by then Lynette had already told her the truth about Rhys, a truth she had been too stupid to even contemplate let alone accept. Trying to push these unhappy thoughts out of her mind, Alix sat down at her desk to catch up with the reports that Brenda had left on it, but the phone rang almost at once. It was Kathy.
‘Hi, I heard you were back. Well? Did you have a wonderful time? Is Rhys everything he’s rumoured to be?’
Faced with such direct questions, Alix didn’t know how to answer. Back at the flat, as she mentally prepared herself for today, she had struggled with the problem of how much to tell people. It was going to be so difficult, working in the same place as Rhys. The coldness between them was sure to be noticed. Except that Rhys was bound to go away again almost immediately. So Alix had decided to pretend that nothing had happened, but here was Kathy, who was one of her closest friends, and now she would have to lie to her. Alix badly needed a shoulder to cry on, but had the sense to recognise that Kathy was the last person to confide in, so instead she managed to say brightly, ‘Oh, hi, Kathy. Yes, I had a wonderful time, but don’t expect me to tell you anything else; that’s personal. Anyway, how are you? Fill me in on all the gossip that’s being going around while I’ve been away.’ And so she managed to fob Kathy off, and several other girls who rang or dropped into her office, agog with curiosity.
To Have And To Hold (Mills & Boon Vintage 90s Modern) Page 12