by L. Divine
“Alright, we’ll be there in a few minutes. Thanks, baby,” he says before hanging up. I open the door and step into the hallway leading to the living room to see Jeremy comfortably spread across the couch, ready to chill for a while. I’ve got ten minutes and counting to get him up and out.
“Sorry about that. Jack in the Box always runs right through me,” I say, holding my stomach and feigning discomfort. “I think I’m going to lie back down.”
“Okay. You want me to make you some tea or get you some medicine or something?” Oh God, now Jeremy wants to be sweet again, making me feel even guiltier. But he did just pop up on me, like I don’t have a life of my own. He assumed I didn’t have other plans and it’s true, I didn’t at the time. But I still don’t like drop-ins, and I’m sure he’d feel the same way if I did that to him.
“No, I think I just need to rest. Thank you for breakfast and the lively conversation this morning. It’s been real,” I say, gesturing toward the front door while making myself comfortable on the couch again. Maybe if I feign illness he’ll leave without contesting too much.
“You can’t kick me out. I just got here, and I haven’t seen you in days,” Jeremy says, looking genuinely hurt. He rubs my leg affectionately. I glance at the wall clock and notice a minute has already gone by. Nine and counting. “I know you’re not really mad at me because of what I said, are you?” This would be a perfect opportunity to ease my way out of this conversation and use my emotions as an excuse, but that’s not my stylo. Picking a fight is the best way to get rid of someone, but I’m not going out like that.
“Jeremy, I’m just tired and I need to chill alone. That’s all. I’ll call you later if I’m feeling better and we can continue our argument,” I say, patting his very comfortable hand still present on my thigh. “Besides, it’s not fair if one opponent is off her game. It gives the other an advantage and that’s not a good fight.” We both smile at each other’s stubbornness. Jeremy reluctantly rises from his cozy seat, picking me up in a bear hug with him, making me momentarily forget that I’m waiting for Rah and that I haven’t showered yet.
“I don’t want to fight with you. I’ve got nothing but love for you, Jayd. I hope you know that.” I know he thinks that, but I’m not so sure if I’d call Jeremy’s feelings for me love.
“Yeah, whatever.” We both laugh at my mockery of the old school rap song before saying good-bye. Still in his arms, I look down at him as he lowers my feet back to the ground, but not before he kisses my lips gently and I instinctively return the gesture.
“Bye, Lady J. I’ll check in with you later. Call me if you need anything.”
“I will. Bye, Jeremy,” I say, opening the door and handing him his coat from the coatrack.
“How’s that new jacket working out?” he asks, referring to the expensive Christmas gift he laid on me a few weeks ago, which is hanging on the coatrack. It’s hard to believe the holidays have come and gone as they do every year, leaving behind all of the drama they bring with them.
“Lovely,” I say. I caress the soft, pink fabric. This North Face jacket is the warmest one I’ve ever had and I’m grateful for his thoughtfulness. That still doesn’t excuse Jeremy’s daddy-like behavior on the regular.
“Good. By the way, if you don’t already have plans, I’d like to be your date for Valentine’s Day—well, night, really.”
“Really? I thought you don’t do holidays?” I tease as I glance at the second hand on his Tag Heuer wristwatch. Five minutes to go before I hear Rah’s Acura pull up.
“I gave you a Christmas gift, didn’t I? Now, you know I’m not going to the dance, but I could do dinner if you’ll let me take you out.”
“I’ll think about it. Being a racist and all, I don’t know if I should be seen in public with a white dude,” I say sarcastically. Jeremy looks down at me and kisses my nose before heading down the stairs.
“We’re going to work on all of that. I’m praying for you, girl,” he says over his head. I know my nosey neighbors just heard that. I’m surprised Shawntrese didn’t poke her head out to see who I’m talking to.
“Oh, now you believe in God, too? You are full of surprises this morning, aren’t you?”
“I’ll believe in whatever I have to if it’ll get you to have a little more faith in me.” Jeremy turns the corner and takes the last word with him. I shake my head in frustration and pleasure as I think about having an actual date on Valentine’s Day. The last time I celebrated that wack-ass holiday was with Rah two years ago and it was horrible. We were supposed to go to the movies and then have pizza afterward, but as soon as we got to the theater Sandy was there to cause trouble for us. And that was the last time I spoke to him until he found me, via Nigel, at South Bay High. This year will be different, regardless of who I end up spending the day with.
I close the door and check the wall clock. I now have less than five minutes to shower and brush my teeth before Rah and Rahima arrive, and Lord knows I need to do both. I can’t wait to see the little princess. My hair will have to wait until nap time. I’m going to spend the day playing with baby girl, and hopefully her daddy will be able to kick it with us later.
By the time Rah and his daughter arrive, I’m ready for the baby action. I moved the coffee table to the other side of the living room so we can have the couch and floor free to play. There’s not much space in this small apartment, but what little room we have needs to be baby-proofed to keep the potential for accidents down to a minimum.
“Look who’s here,” Rah says, passing Rahima to me. We smile at each other and she jumps from her daddy’s arms into mine, instantly melting my heart. I’ve missed this little girl.
“Hey, sweetie,” I say to her. Both of her chocolate dimples look good enough to eat. She begins to play peekaboo with me, picking up where we left off last time I saw her. Damn Sandy for being such a fool.
“She’s as happy to see you as I am,” Rah says, putting the diaper bag and car seat down on the floor next to the couch and kissing me on the cheek. Man, babies come with a lot of stuff.
“Yes, and most of it isn’t material,” my mom says, adding her two cents. Will she ever get out of my head?
“Is that right?” I put Rahima on my back and give Rah a hug. Rahima puts her arms around my neck, ready to play horse for a while. “You have someone to ride with you to the impound garage?”
“Yeah, my homie’s waiting in the car now. I’ll check in with you when we’re on our way back.” Since he’s not being specific, I assume his homie must be Trish’s brother, also known as his main supplier. Rah really had no choice since Nigel can’t drive until his shoulder heals and I’m watching baby girl. I think Rah needs to meet some more people, but at least it isn’t Trish escorting him on the hour-and-a-half drive.
“I’ll be glad when you get some new friends,” I say, letting him know that I know who the homie is and I’m not happy with the arrangement—but what can I really say?
“Jayd, I’ll be back in a little while. Don’t worry, it’s just business.” Rah bends down and kisses me on the lips and then kisses his daughter on the forehead.
“Yeah, yeah,” I say, looking back at Rahima, who is ready to play. And I’m ready to be entertained.
“I’ll see my girls later.” His girls. As sweet as that sounds, it’s only half true. I haven’t been Rah’s girl in a minute, and I’m not really looking to pledge that sorority again anytime soon. He’s lucky I love his daughter. Otherwise he’d have a much harder time pulling at my heartstrings. But this little girl can pull all she wants. This time I’m not letting her go.
After playing with Rahima all day long, both the apartment and I are whipped. I never got a chance to do my hair or work on my spirit work. Having a baby full-time is no joke. I wonder if Mickey really knows what she’s gotten herself into. Rahima wouldn’t take a nap and keeps eating like she hasn’t had any food in days, which may not be too far from the truth. Sandy doesn’t cook, and prefers potato chips over the chicken
pasta salad I made for us to eat. Rahima’s eating my food like a champ. My phone vibrates on the coffee table and Rahima reaches for it. She must know it’s her daddy.
“How’s it going?” Rah asks as soon as I answer. “Y’all need anything?”
“No, we’re cool. We’re just eating some dinner now. Did you get the Regal back in one piece?”
“Yeah, everything’s all good. It looks like she’s got a couple of scratches on her but it’s nothing I can’t handle.” As Rah and I talk, Rahima finally slows down and falls asleep on the blanket I spread out on the floor. Finally, some quiet time. I thought she’d never settle down.
“I’m glad you got your grandfather’s car back, Rah. I know he’ll be happy to see it,” I say, turning off the cartoons and changing the channel. If I hear another kiddie television show I’m going to pull my hair out. At least then I wouldn’t have to worry about washing it.
“Well, I guess. It was originally for me to drive so you could roll my ride, but it all worked out how it was supposed to, I guess.” I know Rah was trying to help and it all went to hell once Sandy arrived, which is the usual when she comes around. Much like Misty, that girl is a force to be avoided at all costs because there’s no reckoning with her.
“I have a run to make. I’ll come and get Rahima now if you’re too tired. I know you need your rest, especially now.” I look over at Rahima, laid flat out like a butterfly. Her baby-pink and yellow Dora the Explorer blanket is draped across her chocolate skin. She looks so peaceful I’d hate for her to be disturbed.
“No, just let her sleep. She’s probably out for the night anyway. Maybe you can pick up a movie and y’all can just sleep over here tonight.”
“Sounds good, boo. I’ll be there as soon as I can. And Jayd, thanks again. I really appreciate you, girl. I hope you know that.”
“No problem, Rah. I know you do,” I say before hanging up.
“No problem. Are you serious?”
“Mom, why are you up in my head again? You’ve been on my case all day, it seems,” I say aloud. I’m too exhausted to communicate via mental telepathy. This little girl has made even my brain tired.
“I’m up in your head because I can’t believe what I just heard. Are you really going to watch Raheem’s daughter while he goes out and plays? Jayd, don’t be a doormat. As nice as it sounds to be sweet and gracious to fools we love, it’s always the nice girl that gets walked on.”
“Mom, he’s working, not going out,” I say, cuddling up on the small couch, ready to let the Half and Half reruns on TV One lull me to sleep.
“Same difference. Then let him figure the babysitting out on his own. As cute as that baby is, she’s not your responsibility.”
“But I’d help out any of my friends who needed it, not just Rah,” I say, imagining myself watching Mickey’s daughter. I’m sure there will be plenty of times I’ll babysit her.
“Well, that’s your choice. But I’m telling you, Jayd. Nice girls never win.”
“There’s nothing wrong with being nice, Mom. Mama Oshune is over all things nice and sweet, remember?” I say, gently reminding her of the spirit lessons she gave up a long time ago.
“Yes, but Mama Oshune is also a warrior woman, and she’s no one’s doormat. That’s for damned sure.”
“You’re right,” I think back, too tired to argue. It’s been a long day, and I’m going to join Rahima in sleep land as soon as I can get my mom to be quiet. I wish I could put her on time-out sometimes.
“You have a sweet heart, and because of that it’ll always get stomped on if you allow it to, baby girl. When are you going to learn that lesson? Mama’s told you all of your life not to wear your heart on your sleeve because people will take advantage of you, but you just don’t listen, Jayd. And you need to. It’s the only way to protect your ashe. You’ll learn the hard way if you don’t take our advice.”
“You’re right. I need to listen better,” I say, trying to appease her so I can get a nap in before Rah gets here. “Good night, mom. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I love you, baby. And listen carefully to what I’m saying, Jayd. It’s for your own good. Sleep tight.” Something about my mother’s tone makes me think twice for a minute about her advice.
Shifting my pillow comfortably under my head, my scarf accidentally falls to the side of my neck. I touch the top of my head and remember the rogacion de cabeza—or head cleansing—Mama and Netta gave me on Tuesday, and the sacrifice to the river I made a few weeks ago. When I looked in the water I felt sucked into the reflection. That same feeling of surrender is how I’ve been feeling lately in my dreams, and it feels that way with Rah lately, too. Maybe guarding my ashe a little more would help me get some good rest instead of allowing myself to be sucked into other people’s realities.
I don’t want to sleep too hard even if I do need it because Rah should be here sooner than later. I have a little bit of the tea left from last night and it should be just enough to help me nod off. I don’t want to pass out as hard as I did last night, especially not with the baby here. Maybe if I only take half of the remaining portion it won’t hit me so hard. I’ll take what’s left when it’s time to sleep for the rest of the night.
“Young brides are the prettiest,” Netta says, primping my hair as I stare into the mirror’s reflection. “You’re even prettier than your mother was when she married your father. I wish you nothing but the best, Jayd.” Netta smiles as she kisses the top of my head. But behind the smile her eyes are filled with sadness. I look beyond her at the room’s reflection. It looks like we’re in someone’s bedroom. She touches my shoulder-length tresses again, smoothing wayward strands down with the palm of her hand. “The bells are ringing,” she says, looking toward the open door. “It’s time. Close your eyes.” I can feel her place something on my head and then she gives me something to hold.
Netta takes me by both hands and directs me to rise from my seat at the vanity. She leads me out of the room and I find myself apprehensive about being led with my eyes closed. The ringing bells get louder the more steps we take. I don’t know where we’re going but now I can feel myself walking slowly down a spiral staircase to avoid tripping over my long dress with my bare feet. Curious about where it leads, I continue moving downward even though I can’t see the next step. I trust that it’s there and just keep walking.
“At last, my love has come along,” Etta James sings as I continue walking. The music is coming from the speakers located at the bottom of the staircase. When I get to the bottom I open my eyes and see various people standing around what looks to be a living room, watching me walk toward the center of the cramped space. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and notice I’m dressed in all white, veil and all. I’m the bride and these people are here to see me get married, but to who?
“They were high school sweethearts, you know,” I hear someone whisper to another faceless observer.
“Actually, junior high. You know he was her first love, kiss, and everything else,” they whisper, snickering as I continue my procession. Rah and I are getting married? Why is there a screaming newborn in the living room? What the hell is really going on here?
“That baby knows there’s trouble coming their way and no ring is going to be able to fix that,” I hear one of them say. We have a child together and before we get married? That’s definitely not the way I envisioned my life turning out.
“Oh, doesn’t she look beautiful? And how romantic, having the wedding on Valentine’s Day. You can’t even tell Jayd just had a baby less then two months ago. Little baby Destiny is so beautiful.” I look down at my body and notice the little pooch in my belly like the one Mickey will have soon after her baby’s born. I named my baby Destiny? That’s not a bad name, but I just knew if Rah and I had a baby we would give her an African name. Why do I feel so different? I need to wake up from this dream now because I have a bad feeling about this one.
“Yeah, being born on Christmas sucks. Holiday babies never get
their fair share of gifts.”
“Neither does a project twin. Can you believe Raheem had another baby with that girl, and that Jayd’s forgiving him, again? You’d think he’d have learned his lesson the first time around.”
“I thought she’d learned her lesson. She was on her way to being such a powerful young priestess. But she got drawn into the spell, and you know she could only go down from there.”
“Yeah, when these little girls think they’re in love you can’t tell them shit. And what could she do? By the time she found out that hussie was pregnant again, Jayd and Raheem had already announced their engagement and everyone knew the girl was expecting.” I look at the elders present in the room and they’re all looking at the floor, ashamed of me, I assume. But I don’t seem to care about what anyone’s saying or feeling. I’m on a mission and I’m determined to make it to my destination.
I look around and see Raheem waiting for me near the back door. He looks nice in a white linen suit. Mama, Daddy, and my mom and dad are standing on one side of him, while his mother is on the other side. The conscious part of me wants to stop walking, but I can’t keep my feet from moving forward. Before I reach my husband-to-be, Sandy bursts through the room with another newborn in her arms. I guess this is the project twin for our newborn that the bystanders were referring to. This is definitely one of my worst nightmares come true.
“You are not seriously marrying this trick after all we’ve been through.” Sandy stands in my spot like she’s the one about to say “I do.”
“Trick? I got your trick,” I say, hurling the small bouquet in my hands at her before I can stop myself. She dodges the flying roses and charges ahead, baby in her arms and all.
“Ladies, please,” Daddy says. Mama, who’s said nothing in this dream, looks at me and smiles. Her green eyes glisten in the afternoon sun’s reflection shining through the window behind her.
“You can’t stop what we’ve got, Jayd,” Sandy says as Rah and my grandfather escort her from the room. “We are destined to be together. That’s why we named our baby Fate.”