Garrett stared at her in his quiet manner. His lips pressed into a firm line and his eyes hardened. After a moment, he slowly rose to his feet.
She averted her gaze from his naked body, but her heart thundered. She never should have touched him.
He deserved more than what she could offer.
“What don’t I understand? Why don’t you explain? What exactly does all this”—his hand shot to the bed—“mean to you?”
“Everything! It means everything to me and let that be enough!” The tears she fought streamed down her cheeks and she swiped at them. “It’s not about us. It’s about me. I’ve given you all I can. There is no future for us because I can’t be what you want. What you deserve. I’m not free to be so. I…I belong to another.”
“What? Like hell you do!” Garrett exploded. “You belong to me!”
A cry escaped Alex and she backed away as he advanced on her, his expression thunderous. She sucked in a ragged breath and struggled to explain. “My uncle betrothed me to another. He made sure to give the illusion of it being consummated—”
“It damn well wasn’t,” Garrett swore. “Don’t take me for a fool. I know a virgin when I lie with one. You—”
“It doesn’t matter!” she cried, her eyes beseeching him to listen to her, to understand. “My uncle ensured I’d be ruined if I refused his betrothal agreement. And he succeeded. It wasn’t consummated, but the man spent the night in my room. Should I break my betrothal for another, my uncle vowed to spread word of my ruin.”
“Alex, it doesn’t matter. I love you, and I don’t give a damn what your uncle has done.”
She blinked at his words, her heart near bursting with the joy of them before the burdens she carried snuffed out the spark of light. She looked away, shaking her head. “You don’t understand. It’s too late. My uncle has other men to testify that they lay with me as well. And…I can’t…” She closed her eyes.
“They lie!” Garrett barked. “I know it and you know it, so nothing they say can touch us. Alex, you—”
“No! I can’t! You still don’t understand.” Sobs broke from her.
“Then by God make me!” He held up his hands. “For I’ll be damned if I’ll give you up based on the lies and slanders of another!”
“You have to!” She cried and recoiled at the stricken look on his face. She needed to be merciful and end this for both their sakes. Clutching her nightgown, she pressed her fists to her heart to hold its broken pieces together. Exhausted, it took all her strength to speak. “I’m not like you, Garrett. You’re a soldier. You’re used to having shots taken at you. I’m not. And…my father, he…he was a notorious philanderer.”
She forced herself to finish, blinking furiously at the tears streaming down her cheeks. “And I hated him for it. I abhorred the parade of ladies, maids, and governesses whom he used and discarded like worn cravats. His reputation cut a wide swath and was hard earned, but by God, it won’t be mine! I won’t let it be. I can’t! You can’t ask that of me. No one can.” Her voice shook on her words.
She sighed and softened her tone as she beseeched Garrett to understand the finality of their situation. “More important, it’s not just me who will be ruined by my uncle’s accusations. My scandal touches my cousins. My ruin is their ruin. I can’t do that to them. My parents neglected to think of the consequences their behavior had on my life, forcing me to leave my school, friends I loved, and forfeit any thoughts of a Season. I won’t do that to my cousins. I won’t link their ruin to mine. Don’t ask me to.”
She blindly groped for the door behind her, whipped it open, and fled.
She locked the door behind her, collapsed against it, and crumpled to a boneless heap on the floor. Her cries tore from her as Garrett pounded the door, bellowing her name. She couldn’t open it. She hadn’t the strength.
It was too late for them.
It had always been too late.
“ALEX! DAMN IT, open this bloody door!” Garrett hurled his body at the cursed barrier, but the thick oak would not give. He slammed his fist against it. He wanted to kill someone and he knew damn well who. Alex’s conniving, manipulative bastard of an uncle.
He would die.
And it wouldn’t be pretty. Alex’s sobs drifting through the door were like added punctures to his already bleeding heart. He yanked at the doorknob, cursing it and his bruised fists.
Stepping away, he dragged his hands through his hair, pacing the room. This was not over. Alex was his and she damn well knew it. She wouldn’t be crying her heart out for a loss she didn’t mourn. She loved him even though she hadn’t said the words that he had bellowed like an idiot in the midst of his world crashing down around him. He closed his eyes, blew out a breath, and stood still.
This courtship had wreaked havoc on his sanity. Christ. But he had spoken true.
He loved Alex and he refused to give her up.
Alex did not believe she had the strength to fight for what she wanted, but he believed otherwise. She had mettle. He wouldn’t have fallen in love with her if she weren’t a fighter.
But she was afraid. Her uncle had threatened her, and her father had humiliated her. It was a formidable combination. Together he and Alex could overcome both. Once he killed her uncle, the odds were on their side.
He stomped to his wardrobe and began yanking out clothes. He needed to get dressed, pack a few items, and drag Brandon’s lazy arse out of bed. The man could make himself useful by helping bury the body. He’d take a few men with him for his protection, but with murder on his mind, anyone daring to confront him now wouldn’t survive the day.
When he returned, he’d tell Alex he loved her in normal decibels, get her to admit she loved him, inform her they were marrying, and then they’d start making those damn babies.
He stormed from the room and down the hall. It was a good thing a man only got married once in his life, for he didn’t think he could go through this again.
But Alex was worth it.
She was worth everything.
Chapter Twenty-five
ALEX grabbed a fresh nightgown and tossed it on, dragging herself into bed. She curled into a ball until she drifted into an exhausted sleep. A persistent banging had her jerking awake and blinking in confusion. She thought the noise was the pulsating throb in her head until she realized someone was knocking on her door and heard Kit calling her name. Sitting up, she pulled the sheets to her and answered. Despite her fervent desire to disappear, she felt compelled to face Kit and explain herself. She was done running and hiding.
Kit entered, took one look at her, crossed to the windows, and threw open the curtains.
Alex recoiled from the sunlight that streamed into the room. Groaning, she slid back under the covers and shielded her face beneath her arm.
“Here’s a sight. What in the world happened last night? I awoke to Garrett bellowing Brandon’s name. The next thing I know, the two idiots have packed their bags and ridden off to murder your uncle.”
Alex shot up in bed, horrified.
Kit waved her concerns away. “They won’t be killing anyone. I warned them I refused to raise my boys under the shadow of their father and uncle swinging from nooses at Newgate.”
Alex collapsed back into her pillows and closed her eyes. She felt the bed dip as Kit sat beside her.
“Alex, honey, what is it?” She asked gently, all levity gone. What on earth happened last night that has Garrett swearing murder and my normally rational husband vowing to dispense with the body?”
Alex flung her arms around Kit, burying her face in her shoulder. She thought she had cried herself dry, but there were more tears to be wrung from her yet.
After a few minutes, Kit eased back and handed her a handkerchief. She waited for her to dry her eyes before she prodded. “Alex, talk to me; perhaps I can help.”
Alex brushed a strand of hair from her face and struggled to decide where to begin. She supposed it began with her father, so she started there. Sighin
g, she told Kit of her father’s philandering ways, his gambling debts, and her mother’s devotion to her father in spite of all his faults. Lastly, she confided her determination to never be beholden to another.
It was this goal that had led her to rejecting all offers for her hand and had motivated her to accept Garrett’s mercenary arrangement. Then her voice broke. “It was easy for me to dismiss my suitors, for none of them were like Garrett.”
“Of course they weren’t. No one is like him,” Kit murmured.
“It’s easy to reject men for whom you don’t care.”
“You didn’t love them. But why would you? You love Garrett,” Kit said.
“Yes, well, the trouble began when my parents died and my uncle took over my father’s estate. He was adamant to see me wed despite my objections. I didn’t understand what I do now. You see, my uncle has three daughters. A betrothal contract to a wealthy suitor would finance the dowries my uncle couldn’t provide.”
Alex laid the handkerchief she had twisted into a soggy mess on the bedcovers. “My uncle led a parade of suitors before me. But none of them…I didn’t feel any of the things Garrett makes me feel. Didn’t believe I was capable of it.”
“Of course you didn’t, because you hadn’t met the right man,” Kit offered.
“I thought I was different from other women, of harder stock. The word my uncle used was frigid.” Her breath hitched at the insult.
“Garrett was right.” Kit slapped her hand on the bed. “The man deserves to die. That will teach me to meddle.”
The small bubble of laughter that slipped from Alex stunned her. She shook her head. “It didn’t matter. I was intent on my independence and believed no man could change my mind.”
“Independence is highly overrated. It doesn’t warm your bed at night and it can’t give you children.”
“Yes.” Alex smiled wistfully. She thought of her plans to purchase her family cottage. There was no Garrett and no children in that picture. They were a girl’s dreams. Garrett had offered her children and together they’d nearly set the bed on fire. She couldn’t go there. Not now. “Eventually my uncle lost patience with me and took matters into his own hands. After a dinner party abetted by liberal drink, I escaped to retire early for the night. I was finishing my toilette when my door was opened, closed, and locked.
“It was an older gentleman, a more persistent suitor. He informed me that he and my uncle had reached an agreement and we were formally betrothed. He had come to claim his reward for payment rendered. I had cost him a fortune and he looked forward to my paying it back.”
“Dear God.” Kit gasped. “He and your uncle should be put on the rack and stretched. There must be one of those medieval contraptions tucked away in a dungeon somewhere. Brandon has connections. He loves me, he’ll locate one.” Kit closed her hand over Alex’s, her expression anguished. “I’m sorry, so very sorry.”
Alex squeezed Kit’s hand. “You need not be as sorry as you are thinking. He didn’t hurt me. A bit of pawing, but I was able to get away.”
Kit closed her eyes and exhaled. “Thank God.”
“Does he still get the rack?”
Kit’s eyes opened and narrowed. “Perhaps we’ll tease him with it, not stretch it so taut.”
Alex smiled. “He had drunk a lot, so it was easy to make him believe that if he but waited a few minutes, his patience would be rewarded. I told him I needed to dress more appropriately and would soon return. There was another door to my room that led to my old nurse’s chamber and I fled through there. Her room contained a hidden back staircase. My father’s paramours used this entrance, my father liking the clandestine nature to it all.”
Heat burned her cheeks and she hastened to continue. “But for the first time in my life, I was indebted to my father’s rakish life. Due to his penchant for pawning my jewelry, I had taken to stashing my valuables in a secret alcove in this back staircase.
“I knew I wouldn’t get far in the dead of night in winter, so I hid in one of our maid’s rooms for over a week. She was eager to assist me, not being an admirer of my uncle. I knew it would never occur to my uncle that I would remain on the grounds and not take flight.”
“I’ll have to remember that should I ever decide to flee Brandon. Garrett always tells me to have a contingency plan, particularly in regard to my marriage.” Kit rolled her eyes, and then ruefully regarded her bulging belly. “But I doubt I’d get far.”
“The maids kept me updated on my uncle’s plans.” Alex went on to recount his threats should she try to break the betrothal contract.
“No!” Kit stood and began to pace the room. “The rack is too good for your uncle. He needs to be drawn and quartered. A few bribes in the right pockets and I’m sure it can be arranged.”
“I like that picture myself. Eventually, the maid pawned a piece of my jewelry and I made my way to Gus’s wife, Meg, my old nurse in London, and found refuge with her.” She told Kit about inheriting her father’s luck at cards and taking the name Daniels. She explained how she had solicited the assistance of Lady Olivia, the Duke of Hammond’s daughter, with getting coveted invitations for her family friend, Alex Daniels. Thus Daniels had been introduced to the ton.
Kit beamed at her. “What an odd twist of fate. Your father served you well in the end. The Langdon luck won out because here you are.”
“Yes, here I am.” She nodded as the tears she held at bay blurred her eyes. She hadn’t cried so much in years. “Kit, I hurt Garrett. He talked of being together and having babies and he said he loved me and I couldn’t let him go on. I couldn’t.”
“You told him of your betrothal?” At Alex’s bleak expression, Kit nodded. “I now understand his motive for murder, and it’s a good one. But, Alex, why the tears? Don’t you believe Garrett can resolve this matter?”
“How can he? My uncle has made sure my name will be ruined should I break the contract. He’s only kept silent thus far because he is still searching for me. That is why I changed my name.” She shrugged. “When my uncle does speak, people will believe his slander because of my father’s notoriety. And it’s not just my name and reputation that is ruined, but my cousins’ as well. They are the true innocents in my uncle’s machinations. So there’s nothing to be done because if Garrett does murder my uncle, he’ll hang for it!”
“Do you really believe that your uncle would ruin his daughters’ chances of a marriage when he was fighting for them to gain a dowry in the first place?” Kit frowned.
Alex shook her head. “I don’t know. But I do know that he’ll do anything to get what he wants and is capable of sacrificing anyone who stands in his way. He fired everyone loyal to my father when he gained the estate. Kit, he sent a man into my bedroom when I defied him.” She turned her face to the window and bit her lip. “I couldn’t go back. And when Meg died, I couldn’t leave Gus.”
“I understand, but, Alex, you have to trust in Garrett to help you through this. That’s what loving someone is about. He’s trusting you to help him; it’s time you trust in him to do the same for you. You don’t really believe Garrett would abandon you now, not when he has vowed his love for you.”
Alex drew a ragged breath, struggling to digest Kit’s words. It had been so long since she had leaned on anyone, but Garrett was different.
If she could trust Garrett now, he could give her everything.
She lifted hopeful eyes to Kit, then stilled. “I’ve never even confided my real name to him. He doesn’t know what uncle to kill.”
“Oh, honey, he’s known since meeting Gus.” At her surprise, Kit spoke gently. “Gus didn’t betray your secrets, but he did mention working for a Viscount Langdon, and it was enough for Garrett to go on. It was never important to Garrett. He wanted you to tell him when you were ready. He was willing to wait.”
“I was afraid,” Alex murmured.
“Of course you were. Your uncle made sure of that. Now then.” Kit stood, straightening her skirts. “Dry those tears,
have a good soak in a tub, and then we shall face the day. To get our minds off matters, we’ll search for a torture device for your uncle around here.” Kit crossed to the door but turned back. “Alex, in all of Garrett’s plans for your future, did he ever actually propose?”
Alex frowned. “No. I don’t believe he did.”
“I knew it!” Kit slapped her hand on the door. “My brother takes too much for granted. Don’t let him get away with it. Next time he talks about making babies, you make sure he gets down on bended knee and begs for your hand!”
Alex couldn’t picture Garrett so humbled. “He did say we would name our firstborn Arundel, but he will demand to be called Wellington.”
Kit laughed. “He does have a charming way about him. I’m so very glad you stumbled into his life. He needs you very much.”
Alex’s tears returned. “I need him, too.”
“Then you make a pair.” Kit smiled and slipped from the room.
Alex plopped back on her pillow, feeling lighter than she had in hours. She didn’t know how things would resolve, but at least there was some hope.
While the future was uncertain, she knew one fact. No son of hers would be named Arundel.
Chapter Twenty-six
FIVE days had passed since Garrett had left and Alex started at every sound, half expecting to turn and see him scowling at her. Irritated, she flipped the page of her book, nearly ripping it from the seam. Her patience was a strained and frayed cord, ready to snap.
Where the hell was he?
Sighing, she slammed her book closed and stood. She would have Cook prepare tea, for Kit and Will would awaken shortly from their afternoon nap. Beau had accompanied Stewart to the hops fields. She set her book on the table, smiling as her eyes fastened on the title. Garrett was a wily one, for Tom Jones had been a clever choice. Its lusty hero Tom further reminded her of Kendall. Like Garrett, Tom was a notorious rakehell who proved more noble than those whose pompous moralizing hid false virtues.
For the Love of a Soldier Page 26