by Unknown
I rolled the bottle around in my hands, “I don’t know man…it’s like I’m stuck on the what ifs of life.”
“You lost me, bro. What are you talking about?”
“I don’t know how to describe it. I’m at a loss…” I trailed off.
“For what?”
“Where my life would have gone if I’d never quit playing and went back home to the farm.”
Darryl rubbed the back of his neck, “Shit, man, you have got to stop thinking that way.”
“I can’t help it Darryl. I just feel like I’m a washed up farm hard and not good enough.”
“Does this have to do with a woman?”
“Bentley, are you falling in love?” Kendra interrupted, closing the patio door behind her.
I shifted uncomfortably in the lounge chair and focused my attention on a Nerf ball floating in the pool.
“Bentley, look at me,” Kendra said gently as she stood in front of me and laid her hands on my shoulders. I slowly moved my vision to hers. “You have fallen in love, haven’t you?”
I sighed as she sat beside me.
“Talk to us,” Darryl urged.
“Where do I start?” I asked honestly.
“We have all night,” she offered.
“No, we don’t,” Darryl corrected. “I have a baby to make.”
Kendra rolled her eyes at her husband’s comment.
I set the bottle on the cement beside me before starting, “Her name is Haley, and she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and her laugh,” I smile to myself, “always makes me weak in the knees.”
“Sounds like love,” Darryl confirmed.
“Do you see yourself having a life with her, marrying her?” Kendra asked.
“I do, but what if one day she wakes up and decides she doesn’t want a farmer that has to budget his money?”
“Does she come from a different lifestyle than you?” Kendra asked.
“No. Well, her dad makes a good amount of money, but she prefers to live with her grandparents on their ranch.”
“So then she understands what it’s like—the lifestyle, I mean?” Darryl asked.
“Yeah, she says she prefers the ranch to anything; it’s where her heart is, and she’d give up anything to live there.”
“Where does she live now?” Kendra asked, sliding over into her husband’s lap.
“The city, three hours from me; she teaches at a private school.”
“Can she teach somewhere closer, like is she willing to teach in a rural community? I know they don’t make as much money…” Kendra trailed off.
“She said she’d move back in a heartbeat if there was a job for her.”
“How did you guys end up seeing each other?” Darryl asked.
“The short story is the high school football coach was offered new uniforms if the team did some work on Haley’s grandparents’ ranch. I’ve been an assistant coach for a few years and had the first shift supervising the players. When we showed up to work, she was the one to welcome us. Her grandparents left her in charge while they went on vacation.”
“That’s when all the magic happened,” Darryl snickered at his wife, holding her tight.
“Did you sleep with her?” Kendra asked giggling as Darryl nuzzled her neck.
“That’s where it gets tricky,” I breathed, running my hands through my hair.
“This is gonna get good,” Kendra whispered loudly to her husband, shifting so they both were facing me.
“You read too much, love. Can’t you see the man is in pain?”
“You hush,” she swatted. “I want to hear the rest.”
Darryl rolled his eyes as he leaned back in the lounge chair.
“Two nights ago we slept together. It was perfect. I mean we were under the stars, and the fire was roaring…”
“Aw, Bentley, it’s just like a book. How romantic,” she gushed.
“When I woke up the next morning, all these thoughts started running through my head—what if I’m not good enough? What if she wants more? What would have happened if I’d kept playing football, instead of going home? What if I’d stayed and coached at the university? What if…”
“Man, you need to stop living in the what if world, as you say, and come back to reality,” Darryl said adjusting his t-shirt.
“I can’t help it, man. I feel like I was ripped off.”
“I understand, Bentley, but were you really?” asked Kendra. “I mean you have a loving family, a brother that adores you and friends that would do anything for you if you asked. I’d say you’re pretty rich, if you ask me.”
I stood up from the chair and walked along the pool’s edge, looking at the lights changing in the water. After a few moments, I stopped and turned to Darryl, “Would you want one of your daughters marring someone like me?”
“Absolutely,” my friend said without hesitating.
“Wait one minute, Bentley.” Kendra snapped, her mood shifting at my question. I turned back to where they were sitting to see her standing a few feet away from me, her hands on her hips and a stern look in her eyes. “Are you saying I am a gold-digger because I married Darryl?”
“No-no, I don’t think that all.” I answered confused, looking at Darryl for help. He mouthed you are on your own. I still want to get laid. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“That’s my point,” Kendra said calmly, “I married Darryl because I love him, I couldn’t care less if he played, or not. Or if we lived in this house, or a in a trailer park.”
“Doesn’t it make life easier knowing you can just go buy whatever you need when you need it, Kendra? That you don’t have to worry if there’s enough money in the account to cover it?” I pointed to my chest, “I can’t offer that to Haley. There are going to be things she wants, and I won’t be able to buy them.”
“And you’ll get through it,” Darryl said.
“You think just because Darryl plays pro football our life is all candy and smiles? Let me tell you something, Bentley Knight,” Kendra wagged her finger at me. “I attend all father’s day functions for my girls. I plan all the birthday parties and have to explain why daddy can only attend certain things so the girls don’t feel neglected. I’m the tooth fairy, the ghost getter, and everything else in between. That doesn’t even include all the things I need to do as a player’s wife. Just once, I’d like to go to a game and be able enjoy the actual game without having fans coming up or cameras flashing in my face. You might think this lifestyle is easy, but you better stop and think of the side effects it has, as well.”
“I never thought of that,” I admitted.
Kendra hugged me, “Of course you didn’t, honey, and you were just a kid at the beginning his career and only thought about playing when you were forced to quit.”
She pulled back and held me at arm’s length, “How long are you staying in town?”
“I don’t know. I hadn’t given it much thought. I just packed a bag and left.”
“Well, you will stay in the pool house for as long as you’re here, and play with the girls.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She turned and kissed her husband, “I’ll meet you upstairs.”
He kissed her back, “I won’t be long, love.”
“Take as long as you need.” She smiled over to me, “Bentley, I’m assuming you got up and walked out on her without any explanation?”
“Yeah,” I answered sheepishly.
“Call her and make things right, she needs to know you walking away has nothing to do with her. Night boys.” Darryl and I watched as she went in.
“You are a lucky man, Darryl.”
“I know,” he said, grabbing his beer off the chair beside him.
Suddenly, it dawned on me that I couldn’t hear any crickets, or frogs; just the sound of car horns and sirens. “Man, it’s loud here. Isn’t there any point of the day when it’s quiet?”
“No, that’s why when I retire, we’re thinking of moving outs
ide of the city and letting our girls enjoy life without having to worry about all the nonsense.”
“Retiring?” I asked shocked.
“Yeah, I’ve been giving it more thought, lately. I’m fast approaching my forties, and my body doesn’t hold up like it used to. Shit, Bentley, these new kids coming in are faster and hit harder than I’ve ever seen. It’s pretty hard to mentor the shits when they can run circles around you.”
“I believe that. Records are breaking all the time.”
“Besides, I’m missing out on far too much with my girls. My wife didn’t sign up to be both mommy and daddy.”
“Who does?” I replied, taking a pull on lukewarm beer.
“Exactly my point, Bentley. I’m going to miss the game something fierce, along with the boys I’ve played with over the years, but I think it’s time to move on. I’ve made enough money and invested well enough that I can stay home and let Kendra do something for herself, for a change.”
Darryl pulled himself up and put the chairs away and folded a few towels I’d missed under the water slide. “Can I give you some advice, Bentley?”
“That’s why I’m here.”
“Stop living in the what if world, and enjoy the moment you are in now. And for fuck’s sake, get the fucking girl already. Now I’m going to bed to bang my wife.”
I waved him off, shaking my head at his last statement. “Night, man, and thanks.”
“Get up early tomorrow and you can come to practice with me. The guys will be happy to see you. Oh, and don’t open the bedroom window unless you want to hear my wife scream.”
I laughed at my asshole friend as he entered his home, turning off the lights as he went.
THE DAYS AND weeks went by easily as I attended the odd practice with Darryl and helped Coach Brown with a few boys on the university team. Coach was pretty impressed I still had my defensive moves; I could block with the best of them.
The nights were the hardest to get through. Every night, after I’d played with Kendra’s girls, I’d swim to get my mind off Haley. Some nights I’d mope around the pool house, looking at all the pictures of her on my phone. I tried texting her several times to tell her how sorry I was, and I that want her more than anything, but I deleted every text.
I heard from my dad and Travis every now and then, but Mom was having such a hard time with the fact I’d I just split. I think it had more to do with Haley than anything else. Travis said he’d seen her a few times, but she stopped helping with the football team on the ranch after I left, and avoided him in town.
One late night at the end of August I got a call from my dad.
“Hey, Dad, how are you?” I asked answering my phone.
“Good, son. Have you figured out what you want yet?”
Wow, nothing like getting straight to the point. “I think so.”
“And where is that, a football field, or the farm?”
“I just want Haley, wherever that is.”
“Even if it means leaving for the city?”
“Yes,” I answered plainly. The truth of the statement lodged in my heart.
“What about the football season, son? You made a commitment.” That’s my dad, always making sure I finish my commitments.
“I plan to make good on the commitment, Dad. I just hope Haley will wait, or is willing to do the long distance thing until football is done.”
“What if she chose to stay here?” Does he know something?
“Wouldn’t that be great?” I asked letting a little hope show in my voice.
“Wouldn’t it?” my dad agreed with a smile in his voice.
“I’d like to be a partner in the farm, Dad, but I think to make it feasible we need to sell some land and cattle. If we can get it back to where we want it, we can always buy back.”
“What if we were to rent out the land, instead?” he countered.
“We could do that, too,” I considered.
“Sounds like you figured out some things while you’ve been gone.”
“I did. I’m coming home, but this time I am doing it because I want to. Now let’s hope Haley will take me back as easily.”
“Time to get your ass home then?”
“I’m thinking I’ll leave early Saturday morning.”
“Are you going to see Haley before you come home?”
“No, I think I’d better get things sorted out before going to her, so I know what I can fully offer her.”
“All you need to offer her is you, son.”
“I know, but I need to do this for me first.”
“I’m proud of you, son, and I love you.”
“I love you too, Dad, and thanks for understanding.”
“Bentley, we only want what’s best for you.”
“Do you think Mom will forgive me?”
“She did the moment you walked out the door. That is the one thing I love most about her—her forgiveness.”
“I pray Haley will do the same.”
I ended the call with my dad and went to the bedroom to start packing. For the first time in I can’t remember how long, I had a grin on my face that felt real. I finally knew what I wanted, where I wanted to be, and whom I wanted to share it with.
THE BEGINNING OF football season flew by, and the team has shaped up nicely. We shouldn’t have any problems taking the first few games. The boys have bulked up nicely and gained a good amount speed. Apparently, I have the new track coach to thank for that, but I haven’t met him yet.
A glance at my watch lets me know the defensive players are late for practice. Again. They’ve been late every day this week, and it needed to stop, now. I stormed over to the track, intent on giving the new coach a piece of my mind for cutting into my time with the boys.
As I come into view of the track, I noticed my brother talking to a girl and the rest of the team was walking toward them. Is she the reason the boys are late? I shake my head, trying to let go of the anger. “Why is my defense still over here and not at football practice where they belong?” I shouted.
Travis and the girl turned to face me, stopping me dead in my tracks. My mouth dropped open as my eyes did a once over as I realized the girl was Haley. The color instantly drained from her face as she wrapped her arms around herself. Stunned in disbelief, I breathed, “Haley? What are you doing here?”
Travis stepped in front of her, “Haley is the new track coach.”
“You’re what?” I stammered in shock.
“Haley is the track coach,” Travis repeated patiently.
“How…I thought you were going back to the city?” My eyes remained locked on Haley as I ignored the others around us.
Haley stepped from behind Travis, but he kept a protective arm in front of her. “I took a teaching position at the elementary school. Mrs. Harris hired me to teach second grade.”
“How long?” I asked, still not believing what I’m seeing.
“Since the beginning of the school year,” she replied quietly.
“No. How long have you been back?”
“I never left, unless you count when I visited my dad and got my stuff to move here.”
“You moved here?” How in the hell did I not know this? I looked over to Travis with a look that let him know he had a lot of explaining to do.
“Yes,” she whispered.
Cullen cleared his throat and said to the football players, “I think track is over, why don’t we get our gear from the locker room and get to the field. I’m sure Coach Dudley is wondering where we are.”
Seemingly shaking her head to clear it, she responded to Cullen’s comment, “Oh sorry, yes, practice is over. You boys did great today, sorry I kept you fifteen minutes longer again.”
“That’s okay, Haley, if my times keep improving the way they have been, I have no problem doing the extra burpees. See you next week,” Mack called out.
“Have a good weekend,” she called after the team as they jogged to the field house.
Haley and Travis watched as
the guys disappeared while I remained cemented in place, my eyes trained on Haley, finally noticing Travis’s protective stance. What was that about? He obviously knows something, and I plan to find out right after practice.
Travis turned to face her, resting his hands on her shoulders as he leaned in said something to her too softly for me to hear. She closed her eyes and shook her head. Before I could ask what was going on, Travis jogged over to me and slapped me on the shoulder. “We better head over to practice, before the assistant coach blows a gasket,” he said as he led us away from Haley.
I looked back over my shoulder, watching as Haley tucked her head and rubbed her stomach before turning the other way. “Is Haley feeling okay?” I asked my brother.
He looked over at me, “Yeah, why?”
“She just looked at little off.”
“It’s probably because it’s the first time she has seen you; it caught her off guard a little.”
“Maybe,” I said unsure of his reasoning. I glanced back one more time before we crossed onto the football field.
Practice was a bust; I couldn’t get my head in the plays. My thoughts kept wondering back to Haley. I let the boys go early, reminding them we had a practice on Sunday to make up for the time they missed this week. I asked Travis if he needed a ride home, but he said it had it covered. That little shit was avoiding me. What he knows must be bigger than I originally thought.
On the way home, I stopped by the hardware store to pick up a couple of salt blocks for the cows and a new pair of coveralls for myself. Mom’s voice floated out the open windows as I walked toward the house. Something about making a baby blanket.
Dad’s voice followed, “I like the idea. It’s nice that we can share a bit of us with our grandchild.”
Grandchild? What the hell were they talking about? Oh no, Travis…
“I think it’s a nice gift, Mom. She’ll love it,” Travis said as I opened the back door.
The three of them froze at the sound of the door creaking. The atmosphere suddenly tense, Mom dropped the quilt to the kitchen table, while Dad and Travis looked at me like deer caught in headlights.
“Grandchild?” I asked looking to Travis. “I thought Whitney said she was on the pill?”