Heather’s cell phone rang, interrupting the conversation, which was fine by Heather. She was getting used to this new life still and all of the feelings that came with it. However, she was not really comfortable talking about it all just yet because she didn’t entirely understand what it meant herself. The gleeful expression she was wearing quickly became anxious and stormy when she read the caller ID flashing on her screen.
She turned to Sara, and asked, “Can you keep an eye on Tommy for a second, I need to take this.”
“Go, I got it.”
Heather stood in the distance, pacing back and forth as she took the call, tossing a glance at her sister and the boys every so often as they waited their turn for ice cream. Just as she was settling into the life she thought she was destined to live, fate threw her a big fat plot twist. What once would have had her head over heels excited, now had her at the edge of her seat. Heather had a big decision to make, one that wouldn’t come easy. Not in the least.
Sara and the boys had almost made their way to the front of the line by the time Heather rejoined them. Standing beside them, Heather didn’t say a word – she kept looking at the screen on her phone…like she was waiting for it to tell her what to do next. Her blank expression and too cool demeanor had her sister’s attention.
“Are you okay?” Sara questioned, full of concern.
“Uh, yeah…I, uh…think so?” A question, not a confident statement because Heather didn’t have one.
“Heather? Honey, who was on the phone?”
With a look of surprise, and pale glow as if she had seen a ghost, Heather finally answered, “New York.”
***
Clay noticed a distance between Heather and himself all evening. He came home to her and Tommy making dinner, as planned, but she seemed…distracted. Not sure what to make of it, since she wasn’t offering him any clues, he made a point to ask her several times how her day went, was Tommy behaving for her, and point blank – was she okay.
Her answers never strayed, one from the other, and she claimed to be just fine. She said she had a lot on her mind, and was perhaps a bit tired. The mood was dramatically different this night, versus every other; it had him concerned and feeling a bit insecure, if he were being honest.
Tommy was finally tucked in for the night when Clay found Heather in the kitchen, putting the dinner dishes away. Wrapping his arms around her waist from behind, he pulled her body to his. Her rigidness faded, and she relaxed into him, letting out a deep sigh. Something was wrong.
“So…what’s really going on, twinkle toes? You haven’t been yourself all night. Tell me what’s bothering you so we can fix it.”
His words were sweet, endearing, and exactly what she expected from him. Of course he wanted to fix it for her, that was Clay – he would do anything for her, she knew that much. What she didn’t know was how to tell him what was really weighing on her because she knew, like everything else, he would put her first and she just might want him to be selfish, just this once.
Her eye’s filled, and bottom lip began to quiver. The minute she started this conversation was the minute she would be forced to face it, and make a life altering decision no matter which way that choice went.
“I got a call today…from New York.” she paused to gauge his reaction, to which he remained calm and unreadable, “Um, my ex…well, old director called. The lead choreographer abruptly left the production.”
“Okay. So what does that mean?” He knew exactly who the man was that had called her, her ex-fiancé – his insecurities grew just a bit more.
“They want me to rejoin the production, Director of Choreography. I wouldn’t be dancing full time, but I would be part of the creative aspect and…well, Broadway.”
“That’s…great. Right? It’s not exactly your dream, but close…” he tried to add confidence and cheer to his reply but it fell flat because that’s exactly what his heart had done too.
“Yeah, close. It would be a great opportunity. I figured dancing professionally would eventually lead there anyway, all the greats do anyway.”
“When would you leave?”
She hesitated, biting her bottom lip, trying to hold it together, “Friday. They need me right away.”
“Day after tomorrow. Wow, that’s…soon.”
“I know…” she whispered.
“Hey,” he pulled her in to a comforting hug, holding her tighter than he could remember, “you know I will support you, no matter what you choose, twinkle toes. Right? Follow your heart, chase your dream.”
Her body quaked against his as the sobs she had been holding in all day, poured from her body. He said follow her heart, but that was the problem. She didn’t know where it was telling her to go.
***
Without another word between them, and tears subsiding, Clay scooped Heather in his arms cradling her against his body as he walked to the bedroom. He moved to the center of the bed, still holding her as he went, finally laying her gently below him.
Emotions were high for both of them, confusion, fear, and sadness raking at both. They didn’t speak because there was nothing to say, not yet anyway.
Clay didn’t want to hold her back, keep her from her dream, and become a source of resentment for doing so. He didn’t like the idea of her leaving, but wouldn’t stand in her way. He also wouldn’t make the choice easy.
Heather didn’t want to be the source of Clay’s broken heart, she knew how that felt, but she also couldn’t give up the idea of New York. Second chances like this just don’t happen in that industry. What if it was a sign, and exactly where she was supposed to be?
So they remained silent, and let their intimacy say all that they couldn’t with words. Carefully, attentively, and slowly he made love to her. This wasn’t their hot, steamy windows variety they tended to act on. This was a different kind of passion, a different kind of pleasure, this was love.
Clay showed her how much he loved her…all night long.
Chapter 12
Thursday morning was spent having breakfast with Clay and Tommy. They told him together that she would be moving to New York…to dance. He didn’t understand entirely, and his little heart hurt, but they got through it.
Clay made a deal with him that they would make a trip to New York to visit and see Heather’s show. It appeased him in the moment, but both Clay and Heather knew the likelihood of the trip was slim to none. Once the initial ache of being separated wore, and new routines were established, staying in touch would slowly fade. That’s just how these things worked.
The morning escaped them and it was early afternoon before she knew it. There was packing to do and she was expecting a package delivery. The production was sending a messenger with her airline ticket, production scripts and music, along with instruction on where to pick up the key to her new apartment, once she got there. She couldn’t miss the messenger.
For now, she was packing clothes, a few sentimental items, and the essentials. Sara and Trey had offered to pack up the rest of her belongings and ship them the following week. Not even they had asked her stay. Surely another sign that she was supposed to leave, pursue her dance career and live her New York dream.
She almost believed her own bullshit. Truth was, if she did miss the messenger, and never made it to New York…she wouldn’t lose much sleep over it. It was a hard decision to make, and had Clay asked her to stay, she probably would have. It would have been easier. But he didn’t, so she was leaving.
Spending her last night in her quaint little loft apartment, in small town USA, Heather laid wide awake, despite her early morning and long flight the next day. She was only hours from living her dream, in the city she loved, and making a name for herself. What she couldn’t get over was the heavy feeling in her chest. She was about to embark on the greatest journey yet, so why did it feel so bad?
***
Footsteps on the outside steps leading to Heather’s apartment alerted her to Sara’s early morning arrival. It was time to g
o. Heather had been up for hours already, not really falling asleep at all the night before, and when she did, it was restless and fitful.
“You ready to go, kid?” Sara asked, after letting herself in.
Heather let out a deep sigh, and plastered on a faux smile. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
Grabbing her suitcase and oversized purse that doubled as her carry on, she took one more look around the open space, and headed for the door. “Let’s go.”
With last minute travel arrangements across the country, it was near impossible to get a flight out of nearby Sonoma, leaving Sara and Heather with scenic hours of driving to the nearest large airport, in San Francisco. Leaving St. Helena left Heather with a dull ache in her chest, one she hadn’t expected. The further they ventured through wine country, and distanced themselves from their small quaint town, the sharper that ache became.
“You ready? Got everything you need to get by? Trey said your stuff should arrive in just over a week,” Sara said, breaking the silence.
Startled from her thoughts, Heather responded with as much optimism as she could muster, “Oh, uh, yeah. I don’t really need much, I’ll be getting right to work, and putting in long hours for a while. Won’t be home but to sleep.” She chuckled, hoping it passed off as excitement.
“So, how did Clay take it? Where did you guys leave things?”
“Um, we didn’t really leave it as anything. I mean we weren’t even together really so not really a loose end to tie. He and Tommy will come to New York, maybe around Christmas, to visit and see the show. It’ll be nice to see them.”
Sara guffawed at the nonchalant, informal, take on the situation. “Nice to see them? C’mon sis, you’re talking to me, here…I’m not buying it. What’s really going on?”
Leave it to her sister to draw out the tears. Heather didn’t even fight them this time; she just let them flow, and poured out her heart.
“I don’t know. That’s the honest truth, I don’t know what’s really going on. This is my dream, right? Or at least some modified version of it. I may not be performing, but I’m still a major player in this, maybe even more so than as a performer. So why does it hurt so bad? Why am I hung up on this fling, hoping I made the right choice?” She paused, took a deep breath and asked the real question that was haunting her, “Why didn’t Clay ask me to stay?”
“Oh honey. I think he wants whatever decision you make to be entirely yours. Think about it. If you weren’t entirely sure and stayed because he asked…you would always wonder what could have been, right?”
“Probably…”
“Clay doesn’t want to be the source or cause of that wonder. Honey, he loves you, it’s obvious. He just wants you happy, even if it means he’s not. Eventually, you’ll realize you love him too. Maybe you aren’t ready and just need to try this first.”
“And what if I get there and it’s not what I want anymore?”
“Then you know where to find us!”
“I hope I made the right choice…”
Sara glanced her sister’s way and said, “Dreams change honey…maybe yours just isn’t in New York anymore.”
***
San Francisco was always busy, despite the hour, the airport more so. With airport security what it was, and not being allowed past a specific security point without a ticket, Sara dropped her sister off in front of the airport where they said their goodbyes. Heather was to call, as soon as she made it to New York, letting her know she made it safely. Tears were shed, hugs had, and promises to talk on the phone weekly, text daily, and see each other at some point over the holiday season.
With baggage checked, and more than an hour until her flight, Heather sat in the coffee shop nearest her departure gate, alone with her thoughts due to a delayed flight. That was until a familiar face sat at her table, across from her…Angelo Moretti.
“Why the long face, kid?” he said in his typical crusty tone.
“I’m leaving, headed back to New York,” she replied in between sips of her coffee.
“So what? I asked why the long face, not where ya headed.” Classic Moretti edge and straight to the point.
“Oh, um…I don’t know. I’m just not excited to leave St. Helena. Not sure if dance and New York is for me anymore.”
“Pffft. Then why are ya goin? I don’t see a gun to your head? If St. Helena is where you want to be, then be in St. Helena. Seems simple to me.”
It really did seem simple when he put it like that, but why couldn’t she adopt that thinking? What was she chasing, better yet, what was she afraid of.
“I guess it’s just not as simple as it seems…or should be. I had a life in New York too. What if that is where I am supposed to be?”
“The way I heard it, little lady, was that you were dumped by your life in New York. Is there really something there waiting for ya? Or is this more about the pride you young ones carry around like a badge. I don’t get your generation one bit.”
“Pride? No…not that at all, Mr. Moretti.”
“Then what? Why are you running away, back to a place that already kicked you out, kid?”
His words were harsh, classic Moretti, but provoked her own questioning inner monologue, “I just don’t know.”
“Ah, you do. You know why. Just too stubborn to see it. You’ll figure it out though, and feel foolish when you do. Wish I was going to be there to say I told ya so.” He looked at his watch, then stood from the table. “My shipment should be offloaded soon so I better get back. My ingredients for the gelato arrive today from Italia.”
“You fly in ingredients from Italy?”
“You young people, you just don’t understand. Of course I do. Why do you think it tastes as it does?”
She shrugged her shoulders, and giggled at his offense. Truth be told, she liked Mr. Moretti and his abrasive honesty. She would remember him fondly.
As he wandered out of sight, her gate was called for boarding…her plane was there.
Chapter 13
Sitting in her seat for over an hour, it seemed there was yet another delay. Something had failed on the pre-flight check and it was being repaired as they sat and waited. If she were being honest, it didn’t sit right with her and not out of fear of midflight malfunction, but because she wondered if it meant something.
First her flight was delayed due to fog preventing incoming flights, leaving them short planes for outgoing flights. Now a delay due to mechanical failure…it was like she wasn’t supposed to leave, forced to sit there with her thoughts.
Mr. Moretti’s words danced thorough her head. New York had already let her go once, and maybe he was right…she was running back to a place that didn’t want anything from her, that was just a job and nothing more. But, running from what? Clay?
Her feelings for Clay had become much more than she wanted to admit, as her sister said. The longer she sat on that idle plane, the longer she had to weigh the answers working their way to the surface. She was running.
“Ladies and gentleman, this is your captain. We are almost clear to taxi, but we had an injury among the flight staff so we are waiting for another attendant to join us and we will be on our way. We appreciate your patience. We should be cleared here shortly.”
Another delay, interesting. She saw this for what it was, a last chance. The universe was interfering, or assisting, depending on how you looked at it. Back to her thoughts, she picked up where she left off. Clay.
Why was she running from him, their town, and the life they were building? That’s the part she couldn’t bring herself to admit. He wasn’t like any man she had been with, in fact, he managed to put pieces back together for her, that she didn’t even realize were broken. He made their relationship easy. He was easy to love.
Love. That was it. He loved her and it scared the shit out of her. The last man that said he loved her, left her, hurt her in a despicable way. She was afraid of living that nightmare over again. Only, the man who hurt her didn’t truly love her or it wouldn�
�t have been so easy for him to put her on a plane headed cross country and tell her never mind about the whole marriage thing.
Clay loved her though. Loved her hard. Loved her completely. Loved her sincerely. She knew that, felt it even. That’s why it was easy for him to let her go, he loved her that much. She had been such a fool.
She had no business going to New York. It wasn’t what she wanted, it wasn’t where she belonged. She belonged in St. Helena, with Clay, and Tommy…teaching dance. New York was just an excuse to avoid what she had been fighting. Her dream. It had changed, like her sister said. Her dream was with them.
She jumped to her feet, grabbing her bag, ready to get off the plane while it was still at the gate when the contents spilled on the floor in front of her. Picking them up quickly, she picked up the script that had topped the pile and noticed something she hadn’t before. It wasn’t the right script, not even close. Not only was it from the wrong production, it wasn’t the choreography script. Tossing it in her bag, she took a second look at the flash drive that contained the music she was to use, and realized it was labeled for the same production.
Laughter overcame her, it was another sign. She wasn’t supposed to go anywhere on that plane. She was chasing an old dream, in a town that didn’t want her, with a script that didn’t belong to her. She needed to get off the plane.
“Miss,” a small voice came from behind her, “please take your seat, we are being cleared to taxi any moment.”
“No, I can’t,” she replied taking in the attendants shocked expression. “I-I need to get out of here.”
“Miss, we are about to leave, our manifest is complete, and with the captain. I need you to take your seat. Our flight is already behind; we surely don’t need any more delays.”
More laughter erupted from Heather, “Which is why I need off this plane! See, I’m the cause for all of the delays!”
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