I moved toward him, and he turned to me. I knelt down on the ground in front of him so that I was between his knees. As I reached out for his hand, I saw tears well up in his eyes. I took the glass out of his other hand and set it on the table next to the window. When I turned back to him, a single tear rolled down his cheek.
He pulled my arm toward him, and I got off my knees. I settled myself onto his lap and cradled his face into the crook of my neck. He held me tightly, and I felt his silent tears sliding down the skin of my chest into the edge of my camisole. My arms held him snugly, and I tried to comfort him in the only way I knew how.
I’m not sure how long we sat there. He didn’t move from where he was, and I didn’t either. It wasn’t until I stifled a yawn that he finally spoke. “I don’t want to be alone,” he whispered.
I pulled my face back enough so that I could look at him; I placed my hand on his cheek, and he peered up at me. “Neither do I,” I whispered. His eyes were red-rimmed and swollen from being tired and crying. “Come on, let’s go lay down,” I said as I climbed out of his lap. I kept hold of his hand as we walked over to the bed.
I pulled the sheets back and he climbed in. Instead of walking around to the other side, I climbed up onto the bed and crawled over him. I snaked my way down under the covers and put my arm out to him. He moved toward me slowly, laying his head on my shoulder and putting his arm around my waist to pull me closer.
I wrapped my arm around him and felt his warm breath on my neck. My other hand rested on his arm that lay across my stomach. I gently stroked it, while I lifted my hand that I’d wrapped around him and ran it through his hair absently. Ryan squeezed me and I returned it. It was not that much longer before I heard his breathing even out and felt his tense body relax against mine.
When I knew for sure he was asleep, I turned my head and placed a single soft kiss on his forehead. I finally closed my eyes and fell into a hard sleep almost instantly.
Sometime during the day, we changed places. I no longer held him; when I awoke from a hazy sleep, he was holding me. I heard his heart beating under my ear as my head lay on his solid chest. His arm was wrapped securely around my back, his hand softly rubbed my hip where it rested.
I should have moved away, but the feeling of being held felt so good that I didn’t want to. It was very rare for me to stay all night with a man. I didn’t want to be close to anyone. The intimacy of waking in someone’s bed was not something I wanted, or could afford to do. I had learned that the hard way years ago. Yet today was different. It felt right to be here in Ryan’s arms. It was probably because of everything that had happened yesterday. The need to feel someone close after death was a normal feeling.
I slid my hand up over his stomach to his chest and heard him sigh. I knew this was way too intimate of a position for us to be in, but I couldn’t move yet. He squeezed my hip and I unconsciously nuzzled his chest with my cheek.
His hand came to my head, and his fingers slid through my hair. It felt good, too good, and I was about to move when the bedroom door opened behind us. I lifted my head abruptly and looked at who walked in.
My hand was still on Ryan’s chest giving my body the leverage to turn around. His arm was still wrapped around me and immediately went to my waist to keep me from moving too far away as I sat up.
I was not shocked that Roseanne was at the door. The part that shocked me was seeing Jimmy standing behind her staring at me with a look of shock and anger on his face.
“Okay…” Roseanne said quietly. “Sorry, didn’t mean to disturb you guys. Ummm…Jacquelyn, you have company.” She looked away from us and down at the floor, obviously embarrassed.
She wasn’t the only one. My cheeks grew pink, and I pushed off Ryan’s chest and out of the hold that had grown tighter when we saw Jimmy at the door.
“Okay, people, it’s not what you think,” I said as I slid to the side of the bed, putting my feet on the floor. Jimmy stared at Ryan with menace in his eyes. He glared at me and raised his eyebrows. “Will you two please go downstairs? We will be down in a few minutes.”
I was a grown woman, a single woman at that, and what I did was my business. I didn’t need people judging me, especially not Jimmy. Roseanne lifted her head and nodded quickly, still pink in the face from walking in on what she thought was a romantic moment. I guess it did look rather romantic to her. She stepped back and started to leave the room. Jimmy’s eyes narrowed as the door closed between us.
“Crap,” I said as I looked down at the floor. I felt the bed shift, and Ryan slid up behind me, his arm wrapping around my waist. I put my hand down on his arm for a second and then pulled away.
“You need to get up and go get dressed. We have a lot to do today.” I didn’t look at him as I walked to my closet and stepped inside.
Ryan grunted but got out of bed. He startled me when he appeared at the doorway to the closet. “I’m sorry, Jackie. I didn’t mean to get you in trouble with your boyfriend, again.”
I shook my head. “It’s fine, Ryan. He’s not really my boyfriend.” I didn’t want to make eye contact with him right now, so I stared at the clothes in front of me, not really seeing them.
“Well, you might want to tell him that, because it was pretty obvious he was pissed that we were in bed together.”
I focused on him then. “We were sleeping in the same bed. It’s not like we had sex, and you’re wrong about Jim.”
“You’re blind, Jacquelyn. That man is crazy about you.” I watched him spin around and stalk toward the bedroom door. He stopped with his hand on the knob and looked at me over his shoulder. “Yeah, we might not have had sex, but that doesn’t mean nothing happened.” He turned and walked out.
I stood in the closet staring blindly at the closed door, his comment echoing through my mind. Not the comment about Jimmy, but the comment that something had happened between us. Each time the echo bounced in my mind, I felt with more certainty that he was right. Something had happened between us. I exhaled loudly and turned back to my clothes.
A few minutes later, I walked downstairs to find RJ and Jimmy sitting on the back patio with Roseanne. Lunch had just being served and both of them were filling their plates. Roseanne peeked up at me and I smiled to let her know I wasn’t upset with her. She nodded once.
It was probably better to just forget about what happened upstairs, so I didn’t look at Jimmy as I walked to the table. “RJ, I wasn’t expecting you this soon. I didn’t think I would hear from you until later today.”
I pulled out a chair, and heard footsteps behind me. I knew it was Ryan by the look that flashed across Jim’s face. I ignored it and sat down. Ryan came over and sat beside me and I could feel the anger rolling off Jim from across the table. I looked up at him and tightened my eyes. He looked down at his plate.
“RJ, this is Ryan Palmer. Ryan this is RJ Miller, he is in charge of the bomb squad.” I wasn’t sure how Ryan would behave after yesterday, but he seemed to have gotten himself under control and held his hand out to RJ.
“Thank you for your help,” Ryan said huskily to RJ as they shook hands.
“I’m sorry about your friend, Mr. Palmer. We are going to do everything we can to figure out who did this,” RJ said quietly to him.
Ryan nodded and looked down at his plate. Normally, I knew he would have piled his plate full of food, but right now, he only reached for the coffee.
“So what did you find, RJ?” I asked when the silence began to fill with tension.
He seemed thankful that I crossed us over the awkward moment and took a bite of his sandwich. After he swallowed, he spoke, “We gathered quite a bit of debris from the field. After the initial examination, we discovered that the device on the limo was exactly the same as the one on your truck.”
I winced. I hoped it didn’t show on my face, but when I glanced at Jimmy, I figured it probably had. Ryan, who was lifting his coffee cup up to his mouth, froze and looked at me. I could see him out of the corner of my eyes.<
br />
“There was a bomb on your truck?” he asked. I inhaled deeply, holding it while I figured out how to answer that.
“I guess he didn’t know about that one,” RJ said with a look of apology on his face.
“Jacquelyn. You didn’t tell me there was a bomb on your truck.” He put the coffee cup down hard on the table. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I looked at him. “Ryan, I…”
“Maybe if you hadn’t gotten her into bed so quickly last night she would have told you,” Jim taunted from across the table. My head snapped toward him, my eyes squinting with anger.
“That was totally inappropriate, Jim,” I said through gritted teeth.
I scowled at him another moment and then returned to consider Ryan. His face was pale again, and he was staring at Jim. I reached over and put my hand on his arm. “Ryan.”
He blinked twice before he pushed his chair back and stood up. He looked down at me, swallowed, and then turned and walked toward the house. I jumped up out of my chair and went after him. “Ryan, wait.”
He spun around a foot from the back door. Pain radiated from his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked tensely.
“After everything that happened yesterday, I was exhausted when I got home. You were so upset, and I didn’t want to add anything else to that. I was going to tell you today.” I stepped closer as I spoke. “I’m sorry, Ryan. I really was going to tell you today.”
He took a step closer and glared down into my face, his eyes bright and intense. “You could have been killed, and it would have been my fault. Troy and the limo driver were killed because of me, and how many people were injured because of that damn bomb?” His voice rose as he spoke. I didn’t blame him, he was angry and it was finally starting to hit him. “That damn bomb was meant for me and other people got hurt because of it!”
He got closer as he yelled, and he reached out and grabbed my shoulders tightly. It hurt, but I knew he wasn’t doing it on purpose.
“Ryan, it’s not your fault. There is a very sick person who is trying to hurt you, but just because the others got hurt, that’s not your fault.” I put my hands on his chest. I needed him to calm down.
“Of course it’s my fault!” he yelled, and I flinched when his fingers dug into my shoulders even more deeply.
“Let go of her,” Jimmy’s stern voice came from behind me. Ryan’s face snapped up to face off with Jim, and I felt his fingers loosen.
As soon as he released me, I spun around to stand in front of Jimmy, my back to Ryan.
Jim was staring over my head at Ryan. “Jim you need to leave,” I said as I stared daggers at him.
Jim regarded me for a moment. His eyes were burning with his own anger. “Pretty hypocritical of you, huh, Quen?” I gasped at his words.
“What are you saying, Jim?” I stared at him hard, my heart beating loudly in my chest.
He flicked a glance at Ryan before he returned his attention back to me. “Don’t you think you should take your own advice before you tell someone else to do it?”
My eyes tightened into slits, and I barely got the words out. “Get out, Jim. Get out right now.”
“Come on, Jimmy, let’s get going. I need to get back to the station.” RJ stood beside Jim and pulled him by the arm.
Jimmy glared at me a few more seconds before RJ tugged on his arm again, and he finally turned away and headed toward the side of the house.
My shoulders slumped as I watched him walk away. “I’m sorry, Jackie. Look I’ll call you later today when I know some more,” RJ said as he followed Jim.
“Thanks, RJ.” I hung my head and tried to relax the muscles in my neck that felt like steel knots.
Ryan put his hands on my shoulders. “Jackie, I’m so sorry.” He pulled me to him. My back leaned against his chest while his mouth rested in my hair. I closed my eyes for a second and took a deep breath.
“It’s okay, Ryan.” I pulled out of his grasp and walked to the table, stopping when I stood next to Roseanne. With my hand on her shoulder I asked, “Are you all right?”
She nodded and picked up her napkin to wipe the tears from her face. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“You have nothing to be sorry about, Roseanne.” I squeezed her shoulder. She put her hand up over mine for a second before allowing it to slide off.
Ryan looked almost as bad as he did last night. I knew that none of us were doing well, but I had things I needed to get done. I squeezed her shoulder one more time and then stepped away from the table.
“I’ll be in the study. I have some phone calls to make.” I didn’t look at Ryan as I walked past him. I was afraid of what I would see there if I did.
Chapter 27
Ryan
I got dressed in my room and waited until I heard Jackie’s bedroom door close before I followed her down to the patio.
Roseanne, Jimmy, and another man I recognized as a police officer from the scene last night were sitting at the table eating lunch. Well, the men were. Roseanne was pushing food around on her plate, and Jackie was just sitting down.
I purposely sat next to Jackie and made eye contact with Jim as I did. Oh yeah, he was not happy with me. Jackie started talking, and I looked at her with a brief smile.
“RJ, this is Ryan Palmer. Ryan this is RJ Miller, he is in charge of the bomb squad.” I stood up and reached over to shake hands with the man she introduced.
“Thank you for your help,” I told him as I sat back down
“I’m sorry about your friend, Mr. Palmer. We are going to do everything we can to figure out who did this.”
I nodded and knew that if I tried to speak, my voice would have cracked. I had no appetite, so I poured myself some coffee and just inspected my empty plate.
I listened to Jackie and RJ talk and felt my heart skip a beat when he said there was also a bomb on her truck.
What? My heart stuttered in my chest and it hurt to breathe. “There was a bomb on your truck?” I put my mug down with a bang and scowled at Jackie.
RJ said something from the other side of the table, but I didn’t look at him, I was staring a hole in the side of Jackie’s head.
“Jacquelyn, you didn’t tell me there was a bomb on your truck. Why didn’t you tell me?”
She looked at me with an expression I didn’t understand. “Ryan, I…”
When Jim spoke from the other side of the table, I wanted to reach over and hit him in the face. Before I could respond to him, Jackie hissed at him from beside me.
I was still staring at Jim when I felt her hand on my arm. The world around me was buzzing. “Ryan.”
I couldn’t sit here anymore. I glanced at Jackie and abruptly stood so fast the world spun around me. I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t get the words out. The thought of a bomb being on her truck was earth shattering. What if she had gotten into it? What if we had gotten into it? We would both be dead like Troy and the limo driver.
Jackie got up from her chair and called out to me. I spun around feeling like I was about to snap. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“After everything that happened yesterday, I was exhausted when I got home. You were so upset, and I didn’t want to add anything else to that. I was going to tell you today.” I stared down into her eyes. She was upset, and I was sorry she was, but I couldn’t imagine something happening to her because of me. “I’m sorry, Ryan. I really was going to tell you today.”
“You could have been killed, and it would have been my fault. Troy and the driver were killed because of me, and how many people were injured because of that damn bomb?” I couldn’t control my voice as I spoke. I knew I was yelling, but I didn’t care. “That damn bomb was meant for me and other people got hurt because of it!”
I didn’t even realize that I grabbed her by the shoulders or that I was hurting her. I had lost control over my emotions and anger as hurt and fear raged through me.
When she touched me and tried to calm me, I couldn’t help but sna
p at her. “Of course it’s my fault!” The pain flashed across her features just before I heard Jim tell me to let her go.
At the sound of his voice, I immediately knew I had been hurting her, and I loosened my grip. Jackie spun around on Jim and told him to leave.
He stared at Jackie when he said, “Pretty hypocritical of you, huh, Quen?”
I felt the tension radiating from her as she glared at him.
RJ came up to Jim’s side and talked him into leaving. I watched as the two of them walked away.
Her head hung down and I knew it was my fault. “Jackie, I’m so sorry.” I grasped her arms and pulled her back to rest against me. I kissed her gently on the top of her head and kept my mouth there so that I could breathe in her fresh scent.
She spoke quietly to me and then walked to Roseanne. I watched as she spoke with her, and then our eyes met across the patio. There was more pain in her eyes now then there had been last night, and I wondered how much of that was my fault.
I wanted to pull her into my arms and tell her I was sorry. I wanted to hold her and kiss her and make that pain go away, but I let her walk past me. I was the cause of all this pain. I already knew that and I couldn’t drag her deeper into it.
I walked over to the table and sat down beside Roseanne. We were quiet for a long time. She looked down at the cell phone that was lying on the table. The little green light blinked in the corner telling her she had a message.
“Troy’s funeral is on Thursday,” she said after she read the message. We looked at each other, and I watched as tears slid down her face again. I fought hard to keep mine at bay, but eventually, I lost the battle, and we both sat there, food forgotten, while we both relived our memories of Troy.
Chapter 28
Jacquelyn
Spring Into Love Page 88