Anne’s breathing was labored. She struggled to stand on her unsteady legs, pushing them toward her bedroom. Tears ran down her face; whimpers ricocheted through the vague room. Fumbling for the switch on her small lamp she fell in front of her nightstand. Shaking frenziedly, she attempted to read the labels on the prescription bottles.
Spilling out moans of frustration, she popped open the white ribbed cap and a dozen small pink pills dribbled out onto the floor. Her fingers grasped one and she shoved it down her throat, swallowing hard, praying for the little dustings of medication to flow through her veins and shut off the neurons that were causing her body to convulse with panic.
***
Lying face down on her hardwood floor, staring at the family of dust bunnies that inhabited the space under the bed, her breathing began to slow; her pulse calmed. The darkness she once ran toward had now spilled out into her reality; that dark place was here, living and breathing like the self-destructive monster it was.
Feeling the vibrations on the floor of passing trucks and neighbors moving furniture soothed her. Then she heard what sounded like a tapping noise. Lifting her unsteady head to try to focus her hearing on the sound and realizing someone was at her door lightly knocking, she heaved her body up as carefully as she could. Her vision laced with vertigo, reaching out to the walls to guide her to the door, she heard the tapping noise once again.
“Anneliese, open the door or I’m coming in.”
Coordinating her muscles to unlatch the locks took immense concentration, but once she swung the door open she fell right into Carter’s arms, sobbing into his chest. He shut the door with his foot and pulled her further inside, stroking her tangled locks.
“Shhhhhh, my Anneliese. It’s okay, it’s okay,” he kept repeating in a reassuring tone.
“Oh my god, Carter, it’s my entire fault. Sam is dead because of me!” Anne bellowed out into the wool fibers.
“It’s not your fault. Stop saying that.”
He continued to stroke her tear-saturated blonde strands, placing kisses atop her head.
“It is! If I hadn’t met him at the park, putting him in danger, he would still be alive!”
Anne was near hysterics. Carter wrapped his fingers around her arms and pulled her back so he could see her agony-twisted face.
“He wasn’t murdered because of you, so please stop blaming yourself. Sam was in a lot of trouble. He was associating with people he shouldn’t have been.”
Anne tried to focus on Carter’s gorgeous sapphire eyes. They reeled her in like they had their own gravitational pull.
“Anneliese, did you take something? Your eyes look glassy?”
“When I saw the picture of his wife and daughter on the TV, I lost it and—” Her voice trailed off as her body began to feel boneless.
Carter tightened his hold on her, picking her up in his arms, cradling her like a small child.
“How many of those did you take?” he asked, placing her down on the bed and then kneeling down to the scattered pills on the floor.
“Just one. I was having an anxiety attack. They help me calm down.”
Carter placed the remaining pills in the bottle and back into the drawer. Her hunched body fell to the side, nearly missing her wrought-iron headboard. Her head sank into the plush down pillow. The room grew dark as Carter shut the lamp off and made his way to the other side of the bed. He lay down next her, and she moved closer to him, draping her arm over his stomach, feeling it rise and fall with each breath. He stroked her arm with the tips of his fingers. Anne let out a weary exhale.
“I am so sorry, Carter. Sam was your best friend and I...I just can’t believe he’s gone. Just like that. Now his daughter is going to grow up not ever knowing her father.”
A rogue tear trailed down over her nose and soaked Carter’s sweater. She knew that feeling all too well. Not fully knowing who you are or where you came from.
“Shhhhhh, my Anneliese, just close your eyes and rest. I’m here. It’s all right.”
Carter’s touch was melting her deeper into a hazy sleep. Through the night there were moments where she felt awake and others were a trance, as though her body was disconnecting from her and floating around the boundaries of her bedroom. She heard Carter’s voice out in the living room, talking to someone. Not able to distinguish realism from hallucination, she tried to listen to Carter’s firm words.
“I don’t care what he told you. Get it done.”
Silence, then footsteps.
“Carter?”
“I’m here. How are you feeling?” he asked, perching next to her and gently rubbing her arm.
“Who were you talking to?”
His spine stiffened.
“Oh that—well…my mother is asking a lot of questions, so I’m just trying to pacify her. Nothing for you to worry about.”
Anne ran her fingers through her snarled hair.
“What time is it?”
“Close to midnight. You have been out for some time but you needed it. You scared me, Anneliese.”
“Why?”
“You seemed frantic. I’ve never seen you like that and you taking medication—that’s new.”
Anne sat up, still feeling the after-effects from the pink wonder.
“Um, yeah, I haven’t taken one in a long time. After you disappeared I started therapy and my doctor prescribed some medication to help me, but like I said, I haven’t had to take any of it until…”
She swallowed the rest of her words.
“Until I came back, right?”
He looked down at his hands.
“Well, yeah, but when I saw Sam’s face, knowing I just saw him, it shook me up. I saw that BMW follow him out of the parking lot. I should have done something.”
“Like what? I told you these people were dangerous.”
“I should have gone to the police. Sam was one of the good guys, Carter, and he was just doing what you told him to do.”
Carter shot up.
“So this is my fault?”
Anne was in no condition to involve herself in a spat with Carter so instead of continuing the banter she shook her head and walked into the bathroom. Following closely behind her, Carter’s reflection stood next to her in the mirror as she brushed her rat’s-nest hair.
“Carter, I’m not going to fight with you.”
The word defeat should have been scrolling across her forehead. The silence said more than words ever could.
“I love you, Anneliese, and I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
Silence again.
“I feel like I’m losing you.”
Her stuttered statement rumbled over her dry lips. The physical pain of his disappearing again was crippling.
“You haven’t lost me.”
“Yet,” she said.
Her faith waivered; she wore it for all to see. Carter brought her back to lie down. She felt his weight sink behind her. His arms circled her waist as he interlocked his fingers under her university T-shirt. Their skin-to-skin contact was enough for her to lull herself to sleep.
***
“In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.”
The elderly pastor, towering over the mahogany coffin, read from Genesis; Sam’s family quietly sobbed, holding onto one another, clutching white roses. Under the green vinyl tent, Anne could hear the soft pattern of raindrops falling from the ominous sky. The clipped wind bit through the mourners gathered around Sam Goodman.
His frail wife sat on a white metal chair, embracing their sleeping toddler, who was dreaming of rainbows and ponies. Anne spotted Ryan Dover, Sam and Carter’s camping buddy across from her; he occasionally would dismiss a tear or two as he stared at the glossy brown enclosure that held his dear friend.
Anne could feel a presence beside her, braiding her fingers through soft leather gloves. She shifted her gaze to the rig
ht; Adam was standing stoically, focusing his attention on the pastor. Not wanting to cause a scene, she retained his grip until the service concluded.
“And all of God’s people said… ‘Amen.’”
One by one, people approached the casket and placed their long-stemmed roses on top of it. Some cried, some laid their cheeks to the cold surface and some said a quick but quiet prayer. Anne attempted to break from Adam but he tightened his grasp, guiding her to the casket. Controlling her breathing, she placed the rose gently on the casket, kissed her fingers and touched his smiling photo. She would miss those peppered red freckles.
“This way.” Adam bent down, whispering in the curve of her ear.
A shudder thundered through her spine. They walked away from the crowd of mourners and toward a black Lincoln Town Car. A burly man loomed next to the back passenger’s door. He looked like he just came from securing the president. Anne yanked her hand away, rubbing her fingers that ached from being crushed in Adam’s vice grasp.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
The man opened the door, motioning for her to get in.
“Please, Anne.”
Hesitantly, she slid into the spacious back seat. Adam followed suit. The windows were so heavily tinted she could barely see the world of gravestones around her.
“You didn’t answer my question. Why are you here?”
Adam kept enough distance between them so he could somewhat face her; their knees were nearly touching though Anne scooted herself closer to the opposite door, feeling the cold leather against the back of her exposed calves.
“Anne, we have much to talk about. You can’t keep avoiding me.”
“So you stalk me at my friend’s funeral?”
“You gave me no choice,” he replied, sighing.
“I’m not ready to talk to you yet.”
“Carter isn’t who he says he is, Anne.”
“Funny, he said the same thing about you.”
Anne crossed her arms.
“I’m sure he did, and I am also quite certain you have believed his every word.”
Anne could feel her face beginning to flush with frustration; she turned her gaze to the window. Droplets of rain were trickling down, distorting the grey scenery around them.
“He is putting you in danger by revealing everything to you. He’s playing you for a fool, because he knows you would do anything for him.”
Anne shot fury his way.
“Again, he said you were playing me for a fool, lying to me every day, expressing to me your love and devotion, knowing it was a complete and utter lie. You will never understand what I feel for him.”
Adam winced at her scathing words.
“I do because that is how I feel for you. I vowed to protect you and right now you may not see it that way but you will. I knew one day our paths would interweave and in my delusional thinking, I trusted that our relationship would triumph, but he has pulled you into his twisted world of lies.”
Anne’s face softened as she watched Adam’s eyes fill with anguish.
“Adam, please tell me what’s going on.”
Anne reached out to him, placing a hand on his thigh, begging for him to be honest with her.
“I can’t.”
“Then I will find out on my own.”
Anne clutched the door handle with her free hand. He quickly trapped the one on his thigh.
“Anne, please don’t or you will surely pay the consequences like your friend Sam did.”
The threat sent volts of heat through her. His grip loosened; Anne departed the black vehicle into the downpour. Giving him one last glance before she closed the door, she saw his expression was solemn and hard.
“Goodbye, Adam.”
Anne closed the door and glanced over to where Sam’s casket had become one with the earth as four large men were covering him with dark damp soil. Would she be next—would she be laying there next to Sam while her friends mourned over her? Anne shook the thought and she picked up her pace through the eerie silent paths of Lakewood Cemetery.
Chapter 11
Anne exited the main gate of the cemetery through flooded eyes; still feeling Adam’s phantom grip, she rubbed her arm. His words tumbled around in her brain, burning through every cell and nerve ending. Was it a warning or a threat? Adam had never been harsh with her before, but the hurricane named Carter sent him into a desperate tailspin. Heavy emotions suffocated Anne while she drove through thick traffic, heading toward downtown.
She knew Carter had been lurking behind a tree or mausoleum during Sam’s burial and she also knew he caught the show between her and Adam.
The interrogation would commence soon. She tried to search through her vault of memories, attempting a glimpse of false interactions. She never saw herself as naive but apparently she had been. Clouded by infatuation, duped by affectionate words and engaging promises that would never come to pass, she had believed nothing but lies.
Before entering the office suite, Anne stepped in to the restroom to freshen up her make-up and hair. Between the tears and rain, her appearance was dreadful. Running a thick comb through her lengthy blonde locks, she twisted the damp hair into a loose bun that hung just above the nape of her neck. Dusting powder over her face, she tried to hide the lines where the tears had streaked her pale cheeks.
Anne’s black wrap dress was spotted by rain drops that had found their way through the openings of her coat. Shelly’s face donned surprise when she entered the office. Anne needed to stay busy, plus she felt safer having witnesses around.
“Dr. Jamison, I hadn’t expected you in today.”
“I know, but I have some work I need to finish up. Any messages?”
Shelly handed over a stack of pink message slips.
“Is Casey in?” Anne asked, thumbing through the messages.
“She will be in around noon.”
“Thanks, Shelly.”
Anne walked to her office, closing the door behind her. The room had become increasingly unorganized. Green files stacked on her credenza like a tower; dust layered her desk and keyboard. It reminded her of what Rita’s office looked like—completely disheveled.
Anne sat down at her desk, turning on her computer screen. She accessed a database that housed records of every single person ever born in the United States. She typed in Carter Steven Leeds and his birth date. Scrawled across the screen in black and white, the result read:
No records found
Please try your search again
“That’s odd,” Anne said, dumbfounded.
She continued to click the tab that brought her to the medical information page; she entered in Carter’s full name once again. As the screen began to load, there was a knock at the back door of her office. Quickly, she flicked the screen black. Anne stood against the wooden door in apprehension; though her voice was shaky, she asked who was there.
“Anneliese, it’s just me.”
Letting out a sigh, she unlocked and opened the door.
“Why are you knocking on this door?”
Anne asked, closing and locking it behind her.
“I can’t very well stroll in to the waiting room, can I?”
Carter had a point. Without further delay, he placed his lips on hers and enveloped his arms around her waist. His lips were soft and moist. Anne’s mind began to cloud up but she tried to remain focused.
“I’ve missed you. You don’t know how badly I wanted to be at your side this morning.”
Anne touched her lips, moving away from him.
“Yes, well, it was extremely heartbreaking to see his family so devastated. I figured you were keeping your distance somewhere nearby.”
“I was. It pained me to not be there to fully pay my respects.”
The elephant in the room was beginning to grow, smothering them both.
“I know you saw Adam there with me, and that we had a discussion…if you want to call it that.”
Carter approached her, runn
ing his finger down her jaw line.
“Did he hurt you? Are you all right?”
She shifted her face away from his touch.
“No, no, he didn’t hurt me. He’s just concerned and you know why. You both can’t be playing on Team Good and in fact I suspect you are both playing on the Team Very Bad, which leaves me to wonder… Is this like picking the lesser of two evils?”
Carter lowered his gaze to the floor.
“Remember that first night we met. The hot summer night air can make you do crazy things and when I saw you across that room I knew I had to talk to you. Even then I wanted to give you the world, the sun, the stars, the universe and I knew I could never come close to that. Nor did you want any of that, my simple, sweet Anneliese. All you ever asked of me is to just love you…”
“It wasn’t enough, was it, Carter?”
His lack of response screamed at her. She was losing him all over again. Her heart sank in the depths of her hallow body. Carter pushed her numb shell against his dank cotton shirt, burying his face in the crook of her neck, soaking in her scent. Her arms remained weighted at her sides.
“Let’s go away, Anneliese, let’s just…just disappear.”
His plea electrocuted her senses. She was done playing the victim. No more damsel in distress.
“No, I will not run and hide with you. Your guilty conscious is yours alone. You and I vanishing into the night is not the remedy to this problem. As much as I want us to be us again it can never be, don’t you see that? Carter and Anneliese died together that day. We have succumbed to such an entanglement of lies that there will never be a happy ending…not for us.”
Carter embraced her with such might the air from her lungs escaped her mouth with a hiss.
“You will always be my Anneliese,”
Carter whispered in her ear, kissing her cheek. Before she could blink, she was once again alone in her office, but his words lingered through the stale air. Anger rose from where her heart had plummeted.
Returning her attention to the computer screen, she clicked it back on, gazing in disbelief at what she was seeing. Absolutely nothing. All records pertaining to Carter Leeds were gone, as if he had never existed; not even a birth record could be located. It was as if he had been sucked into the cyber abyss and never seen again. How fitting, she thought.
Deadly Deception (Deadly Series) Page 8