“I’d like to take you against the wall,” she whispered against Meredith’s lips.
Meredith groaned, heat rushing through her core to her stomach, chest and then to her cheeks. The thought of Ainsley taking charge did it to her every time. She straightened her shoulders and leaned all her weight against the wall behind her.
“Then take me,” Meredith answered.
Ainsley’s hand was against her, her fingers moving in tandem with Meredith’s clothes heating and soaking with each push of Ainsley’s fingers. She gasped and closed her eyes, resting her head back and enjoying the feel of Ainsley against her. Nothing could have felt better than that. Ainsley snapped open the button on Meredith’s slacks and pulled down the zipper with two fingers. Meredith opened her eyes just in time to see the glint in Ainsley’s as she moved her hand back down and under Meredith’s clothing.
“That’s it,” Meredith muttered, gripping Ainsley’s hips to steady herself. “Just like that.”
Ainsley whispered harshly in Meredith’s ear. “Like that?”
“Yes.”
“Want me to stop?”
“No. Don’t stop.”
“Good. I don’t plan on it. Not for a very long time.”
Meredith opened her eyes, locking her gaze on Ainsley just before Ainsley moved in to kiss her passionately. Her breath was stolen as she fell into the moment, completely comfortable for the first time in years. Meredith mewled when Ainsley hit a particularly sensitive spot, and her grip on Ainsley’s hips tightened. Ainsley trailed kisses along Meredith’s neck, nipping a few times as she went.
Bucking her hips in time with Ainsley’s movements, Meredith knew she was close. Heat overwhelmed her, and she felt faint as she struggled to stay standing against the wall. Ainsley moved in closer, wrapping an arm around Meredith’s back to help hold her up as she clenched down and came hard. Meredith let out a breath and kissed Ainsley’s cheek twice before kissing her lips.
“Do it again,” she whispered.
“Here or the bed?”
“Bed—definitely the bed. I don’t know if I can stand up any longer.”
Ainsley laughed and kissed her again. “That’s what I like to hear. Now no more talk of this breaking up stuff.”
“Yeah. That was a bad idea.”
“Yes, it was,” Ainsley agreed. “Good thing I stopped you.”
When Meredith opened her eyes again, ready to finally move toward the bedroom, Ainsley had laughter written all over her face. She shrugged and rested back again, content to stay there a few more minutes; Ainsley’s hand still down her pants was a good way to stand.
“I’ll admit it wasn’t my brightest idea.”
“It was not. Did you talk to Sam about it?”
Meredith nodded. “He was most unhelpful.”
“Good for him. Let you dig your own grave.”
Meredith narrowed her eyes and then wrapped her hand around Ainsley’s neck and brought her in for a kiss. She skimmed her other hand down Ainsley’s chest, feeling her hardened nipple through the thin fabric of her shirt. “I don’t really want to talk anymore.”
“Me either.”
“Bedroom?” Meredith asked.
“Yes.”
Ainsley moved her hand from Meredith’s pants, and Meredith grabbed it. She carefully stuck each one of Ainsley’s fingers into her mouth and swirled her tongue around each digit, making sure they were clean. When she was finished, Ainsley leaned in and kissed her, their tongues dancing together in a well-known waltz.
Meredith moved her hand up Ainsley’s shirt and massaged Ainsley’s breast, ready to give back as much pleasure as she had received. Ainsley was right—the best part about fighting was making up. Meredith had forgotten that part of being in a relationship. Skimming her hand around Ainsley’s back, Meredith kept Ainsley as close to her as possible, moving her hips in a rhythm against Ainsley’s.
“Bedroom,” Ainsley whispered.
“Yeah, let’s go before we use the wall again.” Meredith giggled and led Ainsley away from the wall and back toward her bedroom, ready for a few more rounds of making up before they had lunch.
Chapter Twenty-One
She’d been carrying around the feeling inside her for weeks at that point and hadn’t told anyone. But she couldn’t do it any longer. Ainsley texted Adam and asked him to meet with her. She was nervous. Her heart pounded and every noise she heard made her skittish.
The campus was dark and blanketed in a thin layer of snow. Ainsley had on two layers on top of her normal clothes and thick socks to make up for it. Adam had wanted to meet someplace inside, but she was drawn to the snow falling from the sky. She needed to move and to walk, needed to get the pent up energy inside of her out. Ainsley wandered around the empty square of the campus before taking a seat on the cold cement stairs of the theatre house.
The snow falling outside was beautiful. There was a bit of wind that would pick up each of the flakes and swirl them around before they would tumble to the ground in silent oblivion. The chill ran through the air, but it was too cold to keep everyone out. People shuffled through the square, their feet sliding against the ground to keep them steady.
No one noticed her as they passed. Ainsley stuffed her hands in her pockets and watched with a sigh as snow accumulated on the ground, building on each flake until it was no doubt going to be thick. She leaned back and relaxed, content for the moment to just sit and watch as time passed in a slow swirl of frozen water as it made its way gently to the ground.
Ainsley licked her lips when she saw Adam coming toward her, huddled against the cold. He had a hat covering his head and his face toward the ground, but she knew it was him. She would always know it was him. Smiling, she cleared the snow on the steps from next to her with her mittened hand so he would have a dry place to sit.
It wasn’t unusual for them to meet out on the campus late at night and have discussions, but it hadn’t happened all year, and for some reason that night felt special. He tightened his scarf around his neck when he sat down next to her and bumped her shoulder.
“Had to pick the fucking coldest night to do this, didn’t you?”
“I like to watch it fall. It calms me.”
He turned and gave her a quick look before staring across the open square. “What do you need to be calm from?”
“Life,” she said and sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. “Just life.”
He kissed her head and then shivered even though he was bundled up more than she was. He radiated heat, and Ainsley scooted closer, wanting to keep him there as long as she could. Winter was already there and soon there would be enough snow on the ground that they wouldn’t be able to sit outside in it. They were at that perfect time of year when it was warm enough to still stay outside for great lengths of time and able to watch the snow flurries all around time.
“What about life?” he asked, breaking into her reverie.
“Three years. It’s been three whole years, and it feels like a decade.”
“I know.”
“It didn’t hit me until now, you know. I thought it would hit around my birthday, but it didn’t really hit me until now. Dad isn’t here—he doesn’t get to celebrate.”
“I know,” Adam whispered and reached into her pocket, taking her hand in his. “It sucks.”
“It does, but I think he’s living vicariously through me.” She grinned, the cold making her eyes hurt when they crinkled from the smile. She took in a deep breath and the air froze her nostrils—the temperature was dropping rapidly. Sighing, Ainsley knew they wouldn’t have much longer out there. Adam would whine and complain until she gave in and they moved inside.
“We should make a pact,” she said. “Each year we come back here and sit like this for a few hours before we go our separate ways again.”
“We should,” he whispered. “But we should do it when it’s not snowing.”
Ainsley giggled, bending down and feeling a rush of warm air come up from the openin
g of her jacket to her face. “All right, we can do it in July.”
“It’s fucking hot then.”
“Can never please a complainer.”
Adam grinned and squeezed her hand again. “You can’t.”
Ainsley looked back out to the snow flurries as they settled on the ground, only to be kicked up again by those passing by. No doubt they were freshman going from their dinner in the commons to their dorms to perhaps study the night away, depending on which one passed by. Ainsley observed each and every one, noting how they walked, who they walked with. People watching was one of her favorite activities.
Adam tugged her a bit closer and whispered in her ear. “I don’t know why we’re out here, but you better get to the point soon, my ass is freezing off as we speak.”
Her lips turned into a small smile before she closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. “I’m in love.”
Adam said nothing in response. Ainsley didn’t expect him to, didn’t think he would approve or be supportive, but she had to tell someone and thus far, he was the only one she could tell, the only one who knew something about what she was going through.
It must have been five minutes, because when she went to speak again, her voice hurt. “I’m in love, and I can’t get out of love. I tried a few times, but in all honesty, I don’t want to.”
“Then don’t. Stay in love.”
“Really?” She looked at him with wide eyes.
“Yeah. Why not? Being in love is a good thing, and if you’re in love, that means she’s made some sort of impact on that thick skull of yours. I want you to be happy, Ains, and if you have to be with her to be happy, then do it. Stay in love.”
Tears stung the corners of Ainsley’s eyes. She had never heard him be that honest and supportive before. Wiping at her eyes with her cotton mittens, Ainsley shook her head. “Why the change?”
“I can see the change. That’s what you should be asking. There’s such a change in you from last spring to now. It’s a good change, too. More pep in your step.” As he said the words, Adam rocked his shoulders forward one at a time, accentuating the words. “It’s a good thing.”
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“I love you, sis. Just don’t forget that. I might be overprotective at times, but it’s for your own good.”
“Yeah.” She sniffled again, tears springing to her eyes one more time. God, I have to stop this crying thing, she thought. “Yeah, it’s been for my own good at times. I really love her.”
Her heart warmed at the words as they left her lips and the realization she had come to sunk in even more. It was as if the more people she told the more real her love became. It wasn’t just a secret to keep anymore; love was something to be shouted from the mountain tops. Love was something to be shared and spread and talked about. Chuckling, she leaned into his shoulder again and then quickly tilted her chin up and kissed him on the cheek.
“I love you too, Adam. Thanks for being my sounding board through all this.”
“I didn’t do anything you wouldn’t have done.”
“So very true.” She was smiling when she stood up. Adam still sat on the cold cement theatre steps, and Ainsley held out her covered hands for his. When he took them, she tugged him to stand. “Come on, then. Let’s get warmed up. I think hot chocolate sounds like a very good idea.”
“Does it have schnapps in it? I’m only drinking that shit if there’s booze in it.”
“There can be,” she said, slyly looking over her shoulder at him as she walked toward her car. “It can be a celebration.”
“A celebration of love?”
“Yup.”
“God, you’re so cheesy.”
“Don’t go there,” she said, narrowing her eyes at him. “You who have no romantic bone in your body cannot judge me on my romanticism of everything.”
“Right,” he answered, following her. “Anyway, I have been meaning to ask you a question.”
“What’s that?”
Adam sidled on up to her and rocked his shoulder into hers again, knocking her off her balance. Ainsley caught herself and stood straight, glaring at him. Adam laughed and then reached out with his bare fingers to pull at the chain around her neck.
“Where’d you get this?”
“Meredith.”
“It’s pretty—and expensive.”
“I love it.” Ainsley fingered the heart again. “It’s a perfect birthday gift, especially for this year.”
“I suppose so, but mine was better.”
“What? A party with all you can drink booze?”
“Yup,” he said with a huge grin on his face.
“I suppose,” she said and rolled her eyes, not that he could see her doing it in the dark of night. They made it to her car, and she unlocked it, slipping inside behind the wheel while he got in the passenger seat. “Hot chocolate?”
“Make good on your promises, woman.”
Ainsley laughed and turned the engine, driving through the cold toward her house.
#
Meredith put away the leftovers from their meal, sliding them into her fridge as Sam sat on her couch, listened to jazz music from the radio and sipped at his wine. They’d had a lovely evening with no talk of Jeremy—the first time in weeks. It saddened her but made her happy at the same time. While she would always love to talk about Jeremy, each conversation tugged at her heart in a way she didn’t like—and she hated seeing Sam so sad.
Grabbing her own wine, she sat down in the chair across the way from him and sipped at her drink. The music floated through the room, but the turmoil in her stomach hardly let her relax. All she had done instead of talking about Jeremy was think about Ainsley. For some reason, she couldn’t get the girl off her mind, and that bothered her more than anything.
Sam had brought up Ainsley a few times in conversation that night, and Meredith had taken great pains to change the subject to something else—like school or faculty meetings she hated. When she looked up, Sam was staring at her with a smug look on his face. Meredith narrowed her eyes at him and shook her head.
“What?”
“Nothing,” he answered.
Meredith didn’t quite believe him, but she would take the few more minutes of silence she had bought. Finishing what was left of her wine, she settled it onto the table next to her and sighed. “I have a release coming up.”
“Do you?”
She nodded. “Yeah, December first. It’s a new series, which means it’s a lot more work.”
“Least you’ll be done with the semester right after to do some of that work.”
Meredith pursed her lips and then massaged her right palm with her left hand. Her fingers were aching because of the cold and from typing away most of the day at work and then at home, trying to make up for the words she had missed over the past few months. She’d certainly been distracted with her time and wasn’t quite keeping up with all the work she needed to do.
“Yeah, that will help some. I’m thinking about resigning anyway.”
“Are you?” Sam took a sip of his wine and wiggled his eyebrows at her. “Is this because—?”
“No. It’s not. You know I’ve wanted to write full-time for a while now, and I think I have an opportunity. I have enough in savings to survive a few years before royalties pick up from increased output.”
Sam hummed, and Meredith detected a tone of disbelief from him. If he wasn’t going to just outright say it, then she wasn’t going to say it either. They both knew the biggest reason behind the push to quit, but it wasn’t the only reason—she had talked about it for years. Sam had always called her a coward and said she wouldn’t do it. Well, if she did it, then it would certainly prove him wrong.
“I’ll miss you at all those faculty meetings.”
“I’m sure you will,” she said and smiled. “Me and my boisterous opinion that throws everything off balance and then you have to clean up my mess for me.”
“That only happened a few times.”
>
Meredith grinned. It had happened quite more than just a few times, but she was willing to go with what he said. It certainly hadn’t happened every year since she’d been hired, but it had been close enough to warrant her to always have a backup plan in case she got fired for something stupid.
“You could self-pub and get more royalties.”
Meredith sneered. “Not my idea of spending time wisely. Maybe in ten years I’ll think about it then.”
Jazz filled in the echoes of silence as thoughts ran through her head. She wanted so much to figure out what was going to happen in December that she was planning for every outcome that might possibly happen to her. If she made it to December, she could certainly make it through to the next summer, and if that happened, she doubted she would be fired for sleeping with a student.
Meredith stood and refilled her wine glass, bringing the bottle out for Sam. He held his glass out while she filled it and then he patted the seat next to him, asking her to sit. Meredith smiled and slid in next to him. Sam patted her arm and readjusted on the couch.
“We need to talk,” he said.
“What about?” She drank down half her glass of wine, not wanting to talk with him about anything of importance. She wanted to talk and him to listen. Whatever he had to say, she didn’t need to hear.
“You know what about.”
“Sam!” she said, exasperated with the situation. “I don’t want to talk about that.”
“You have to talk to someone, and since I’m always that someone, talk to me.” He said it smugly because they both knew he was right. Sam set his wine aside and then took hers. He grabbed her hands and pulled her so she had to look at him. “You going to talk or am I going to have to?”
Meredith made a noise in the back of her throat and squeezed her eyes shut. Of all nights, this was the last one she wanted to talk to him about this. Actually, any night in the near future and she wouldn’t want to talk to him about it.
“Ainsley.”
“What about her?” Meredith asked, playing dumb to his line of questioning.
“Ainsley Jacobs is twenty—”
“She’s twenty-one.”
Memoir in the Making: A May-December Romance Page 20