“You never know.” She laughed. “But whatever he did, he’s not worth it.”
“I know he’s not,” I said softly, trying to stifle the next cry from coming out.
“Then why are you crying?” she asked so sweetly, I couldn’t help but keep crying. I didn’t know why I didn’t hide it more. I never cried in front of other people. She just sounded so nice.
“It just sucks. It sucks really bad.” I don’t know if she understood what I said, but she didn’t move where she stood, so I knew she was listening. “I’ve never felt this low.”
“But you know he’s not worth it.”
“It’s not about who he is, it’s about what he did.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked. “I know you don’t know me, but it might be good to get it out.” I didn’t know what to say. She sounded so nice, but she was a stranger. “Or you can come out and get something to eat with me. I don’t bite, I promise.”
There was something about the way she spoke to me that made me want to trust her. And I think that scared me more than anything. I had no idea what I was walking into. A piece of me wanted to stay glued to the floor, but I knew that wasn’t the right way to heal.
I blew my nose with the toilet paper and tried to calm myself down, ready to unveil myself. I opened the door to find my consoler and to my surprise, I knew her.
My eyes found the girl with the dreadlocks. She looked a lot different up close. Her skin was flawless, the kind I washed my face daily just hoping for. She wore a lot of eyeliner, and her dreads were a lot more to take in than I thought. She wore them half up and half down with two dreads framing her face. She had a hoop in the middle of her nose, and what looked like every possible spot in her ears.
“Woah.” Her eyes were wide with surprise.
“What?” I asked, thinking I had snot across my face.
“It’s you,” she said strangely. “I didn’t expect that.”
I was lost. “What do you mean it’s me?”
“You’re the other half.”
“The what?”
“The other half of Ashleigh Simmons.”
“That’s what you call me?” I asked in a whisper.
“Sorry, don’t think of it as a negative.” This made me laugh.
“Would you think of it as a positive?” We both started laughing, thinking the same thing.
“Alright, I see your point. Sorry.”
I started washing my hands. I blotted my face with a paper towel, trying to salvage what was left of my makeup. “My name is Becka, actually.”
She clapped her hands together. “I knew that! I think I knew that. Becka. Got it. I’m Dani.” She smiled back at me. Her smile made me feel good again. It wasn’t fake like Ashleigh’s.
“Nice to meet you.” I didn’t know what else to say. “And thanks for talking to me,” I pointed at the stall. “Pretty embarrassing.” The more I thought about why I was here in the first place made me want to cry all over again. And I think she noticed.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked. “It’s not my business, but you might feel better if you get it out.”
I shook my head no, but the tears were falling out again. Half because of Aiden and Ashleigh, and half because a stranger was so nice to me.
“You know what,” Dani shook her head no, “don’t even worry about it. You don’t have to tell me. Just come eat with me and my people. It will make you feel better.” She put her hand on my shoulder. It wasn’t awkward, it was nice. “What do you say?”
The hurt part of me wanted to get my keys and go home. But this stranger didn’t care about why I was crying and wanted to hang out with me. This had to be a sign.
“Sure.” I made sure the rest of my face was cleaned up before leaving. I was about to go back out there and with someone I barely knew. I needed to look brave, even if I didn’t feel it.
“Awesome!” She turned toward the door but stopped short. “Do me a favor?”
“Okay?”
“Don’t mention Shawn Mendes.” She turned back around and left the bathroom as if it was a normal thing to say. I didn’t know why, but I followed her anyway to a table where two other guys sat.
“Hey guys, this is Becka. Becka, this is James, and my brother, Matt.” James had short black hair covered with a flat-brimmed hat. His skin was dark chocolate and I couldn’t help but think about how smooth it looked. He wore a red hoodie and was leaned over the table texting. But it was when her brother looked back at me that I knew what she meant. The boy sitting across from me was the spitting image of Shawn Mendes. From the hair to the eyes and the jawline, he was the ultimate doppelganger. He was bent over a textbook reading and taking notes.
I looked back and forth between Dani and Matt, trying to find the similarities. They were clearly the same age. Twins? They looked enough alike but different at the same time. “Nice to meet you guys.”
“Wait,” James put his phone down and looked at me. “Aren’t you the other half?”
“So I’ve heard.” I wasn’t sure about my new nickname, but it was better than 3B.
“Why would you tell her that?” Matt chimed in. His voice was a lot deeper than I expected it to be. He looked back at me and his eyes were almost chillingly dark.
“She caught me off guard, it just kind of popped out,” Dani admitted before sipping her drink.
“It’s fine. But it’s just Becka.”
Matt nodded in understanding. “Becka. Got it.” He shyly smiled at me before going back to his textbook.
“So, what brings you to our neck of the woods, Becka?” James asked while looking at me curiously.
“I found her in the bathroom,” Dani chimed in. My face flooded with embarrassment.
“That’s a good way to meet people, I guess.” James was confused but he went with it.
“I’d say it’s fate,” Dani said. Both the guys choked out a laugh and then rolled their eyes at her. “I’m serious! What if it was destiny for her to end up here with us?”
“I think your head might be dreaded too tight, dude,” James laughed at her. He looked over at Matt. “What is up with your sister?” They laughed together. I was enjoying taking it all in.
“Glad you think this is funny,” she blew them off. She looped her arm through mine and leaned her head on my shoulder. “We bonded.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. She really was funny. “Yes, you could say that.”
“Bonding in a bathroom,” Matt nodded his head, trying to understand. “Sounds like fate to me.”
The dynamic between the three of them was something I hadn’t seen before. James and Matt were really good friends, but James and Dani were cool too. It wasn’t like a “my friend’s sister” relationship, it was different. James and Dani would gang up on Matt just like the boys would do to Dani. They didn’t care about who was wearing what. They didn’t seem to focus on anything like that, they just spent time with each other. I learned that Matt and Dani were in fact fraternal twins. I told them about my brother and sister and the art that my mom made. Dani was extremely interested in my family and I was happy to talk about it. Honestly, I was happy to talk about anything besides Aiden, sex, football, my weight, or my clothes. It was freeing.
The bell went off for us to head to our next class and I was reluctant to leave. I had had a real conversation with people who wanted to talk about real things. It was something I hadn’t realized I missed so much.
“So, see you around, Becka?” James asked as we packed up our stuff to leave.
“Yeah, I guess so.” I wasn’t sure how to answer. I barely knew these people, but I got the feeling that I wanted them to become my people.
“Oh, for sure! You are going to be hanging out with us a lot, I can already tell.” Dani seemed to be extremely confident about everything. “This is the start of a beautiful friendship.” She wrapped her arms around me so tightly I lost the air in my lungs.
“She’s a hugger.” Matt and James spoke simultaneously. I wa
sn’t much of a hugger, but I didn’t mind. She saved me from the bathroom when I needed it most. She wasn’t the dread girl anymore, she was Dani.
“I’ll see you around, guys.”
I walked back to my locker feeling better than I had all day. Things were far from perfect, but at least they were better. Maybe it wouldn’t be so difficult to move on. I didn’t know if I would ever trust someone again, but at least I was able to smile.
“The dread girl? Really Becka?”
Of course, Ashleigh had snuck up behind me.
“You were mad at me, so you picked from the bottom of the barrel?” Her laugh was drenched with evil; it was sickening.
“I think we have different ideas of who is at the bottom of the barrel.” I glared back, angry that she was judging Dani without knowing her. “And who cares? What has she done to you?”
“She’s disgusting.” Ashleigh spat out like it was obvious. “It’s concerning that you can’t see that.”
“You don’t even know her.” Granted neither did I, but I knew more than she did. “Just stay away from me.”
“You still on that kick? You’ll get over it soon. Let me know when you are done being a baby.” She stormed off and all I heard were the clicks of her heels. She tried to shake me, but it didn’t work, and that was a win for me.
The remainder of my week went pretty much the same. I spent first period in my car each morning. I didn’t want my mom to know I wasn’t going into the school for an hour, not trying to worry her. So I sat in my car, hiding from people. People laughed at me, some people made jokes about the bet, it was common. I just tried to get by without crying. The best part of each day was lunch. I wasn’t sure if my invitation was extended throughout the week, but Dani made it very clear that it was. On the second day of my new life, I was dragging my feet to the cafeteria once again until Dani swooped me away and took me to her table. By Thursday, I embraced my new friends on my own, and I felt accepted.
Friday morning, I sat in my car for first period, following my new routine. It honestly wasn’t too bad. I was able to spend some time on my own away from all the noise. I enjoyed it. I was writing in my journal and listening to music when there was a tapping on my window. I jolted out of my seat when I found Dani’s brother.
“Hi,” I said as calmly as I could as I powered down my window.
“Hi.” Matt nodded toward the journal. “What are you doing out here?”
I closed it quickly and tried to find words. He caught me off-guard, it made me nervous. “Just hanging out before class.”
“Do you have first period free?” I nodded. “So do I. I usually study in the library.”
“Oh, I didn’t know that.”
He nodded. “You could do your hanging out in there if you wanted to. They don’t have music nearly as cool as this,” he looked back, hesitating a smile, unsure if I got the joke, “but it’s not so bad.”
I smiled, realizing my 90’s boy-band music was playing. “Not a bad idea.”
“Keep it in mind.” He readjusted his backpack and went on his way.
Matt was interesting, quieter than both Dani and James. He kept to himself, so I didn’t know much, but I was trying to be the same way.
I decided to stay in the car with my journal. I had adjusted to my alone time in the morning, preparing myself for the storm of second period chaos. I appreciated the offer, but if he knew why, I don’t think he or anyone would blame me for being a tad apprehensive.
Talk of the bet had died down little by little. The usual people still made their comments, Derrick still managed to find me no matter how hard I tried to hide, but I didn’t feel like priority number one anymore. It was a relief to not be laughed at all the time. I still hated pretty much everyone, especially Ashleigh, but it was slowly getting better.
I had tried to carry as much of my schoolwork with me throughout the day to avoid my locker. My backpack was stretched to its full capacity and my back was aching by fourth period, but I hated my locker. Ashleigh and Madison were like sharks circling it, just waiting to bite. The thought of dealing with them caused me so much anxiety, I tried to avoid it altogether. An aching back was worth the chest pain for a little while. But I did stop after school to drop off what I didn’t need for the weekend, and it was a mistake. My locker was plastered with one-dollar bills. A paper was taped to it as well, reading Place your bets for 3B!
Everyone trying to leave the school stopped to gawk at the spectacle. Phones came out and selfies were taken. A crowd had formed quicker than I could have imagined. I couldn’t breathe.
I backed up as fast as I could, knocking people sideways with my oversized backpack. They shot angry glances my way, but every time a new selfie was taken, they forgot about me and taped up another dollar. There was no air in my lungs. I needed to get out of there.
“3B, come check out your locker!”
I couldn’t make myself turn around to see who was calling me. The tears started streaming down my face as I picked up my feet and ran.
I ran through the halls and out to the parking lot, not stopping until I reached my car and only because I couldn’t find my keys. I frantically dug through my bag until I scraped my knuckles on my house key at the very bottom.
“Becka!”
Dani’s voice echoed from across the lot. I didn’t want to be rude, but she couldn’t see me like this, not again.
“Becka, wait up!” She was getting closer and I was no closer to leaving. Damnit. I unlocked my car and threw my stuff inside, trying to look like I was finding something in my bag so she couldn’t see my face. “Hey, Dani, what’s up?”
The second she got close enough she noticed. There was no way she didn’t.
“What’s wrong?” She didn’t say it with sympathy, it was more like fear.
“Nothing, I’m fine.” I kept digging around, refusing to give her eye contact. “What’s up?”
“Becka, what happened?”
“I’m just trying to find my phone.”
“Becka.” She cut her voice short with a lot of demand. I had no strength left. I looked back at my friend with a face covered in tears.
“I can’t do this anymore,” I whispered, letting the tears take over.
Without hesitation, Dani smashed her body into mine and wrapped her arms around me, enveloping me with probably the best hug I had ever experienced. It was like she was squeezing love inside of me through my skin. When she let go, she kept her arms on my shoulders and looked back at me so strongly, I knew I would tell her anything and everything. It was more than a gut feeling, it was trust.
I nodded over to my car and she understood, running over to the passenger side and hopping in. She didn’t rush me, we sat for a moment or two. I caught my breath and I told her my story.
“I had been seeing a guy on the football team. Things were good, he was nice, said he liked me. We went out on a date and it was great. I liked him.” I kept my eyes on the sky the entire time. The clouds were moving quickly above, almost giving me something to concentrate on instead of my words, making it easier for me to tell Dani everything. “We went out again last weekend. He tried to have sex with me, I said no. He got mad; said he was going to lose.” I had to force myself to take a breath, otherwise, I knew I wasn’t going to make it through this again. “He told me he bet a guy on the team that he could have sex with me.”
“What?” Dani screamed. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
I shook my head no, tears rolling again. “He only did it for a bet. And Ashleigh was trying to help him win.”
“That fucking bitch!” Dani screamed again, her hands flying in the air in anger.
I saw a flood of people leaving the school with smiles on their faces and my emotions took off. It was like splash mountain exploded and was escaping through my eyes and nostrils. “I went to my locker… and I found…dollar bills…all over it…with…with a thing that…that…that said place your bets for 3B!” I threw my face in my hands and went full-on hys
terical. These people were ruining my sanity.
Dani wrapped her arms around me again and pulled me into her, holding me tightly while I exploded. “I’m so sorry.”
“They just keep doing this to me, and I can’t take it anymore.”
“And you shouldn’t have to! These people are assholes! Nothing but horrible, entitled assholes!”
I released from her hug and tried to wipe my face off with my sweater. No one ever saw me like this, I wasn’t sure how to feel. I finally let my emotions go and I was covered in snot for it. This wasn’t normal for me.
“I just need to go home. I can’t be around these people anymore.” I tried to recover and show her I was okay. “Thank you for listening to me.”
“Becka, you don’t have to thank me for that. I’m sorry this is happening to you. You don’t deserve this.”
“I just got dealt a shitty hand, I guess.” I watched everyone scatter to their cars and I felt numb.
“Do you want to sleep over tonight?”
I looked back at her confused. “What?”
Dani’s smile was back. “Do you want to sleep over tonight? We need to have a sleepover.”
“Uhm…” She caught me off guard.
“Look, you just went through a lot. You’ve been through a lot. And I’m thinking, and this is just a guess, that you are going to go home and be alone. And there is nothing wrong with being alone, but in a time like this, you need to be around people you can trust and people that will make you better.”
“And that’s you?” I joked, hoping she would get that.
She did indeed laugh. “Absolutely that’s me! Plus, I think trust wise, you don’t have it with a lot of people. But you let me get in the car, and that’s a step.” She was smart, like wicked smart. “So, will you have a sleepover with me tonight?”
There was no doubt in my mind that she was right. “Yes, oh wise one, I will.”
We exchanged numbers (finally) and Dani gifted me with yet another life-changing hug. “I’ll see you later. Don’t freak out and change your mind, this is going to be great!” She broke out of the car and ran off down the lot. I prayed she was right.
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