I Go Where You Go

by Jaelyn Hardin

  When I got home, Mom read my face immediately. She knew something happened. We sat down outside on the patio and I told her about my locker. She yelled. She stormed around and paced the perimeter of the backyard in anger. There was no consoling at this point, it was a different level of mad.

  “Mom, it’s okay.”

  “Okay?” she hollered. “You think this is okay?”

  “Well obviously no, but what’s done is done.”

  “No.” She shook her head aggressively. “No, this is not done, this has gone too far. This is bullying, Becka! This is more than just Ashleigh being a bitch. This is a group of your peers torturing you!”

  “Mom, stop.”

  “I’m not going to stop. I’m calling that school and getting this taken care of!”

  “And when I get called a narc because I told my mommy on them, then what?”

  She put her hands on her hips and huffed a breath of hot air at me. “Becka, what do you expect me to do? Nothing?”

  “No, but you can’t drive up there and yell at a bunch of stupid people for hurting my feelings.”

  “You are not thinking this through, Becka.” She ran her hands over her face, clearly frustrated.

  “I am.” I couldn’t believe how calm I was being. “Mom, they are stupid and have nothing better to do with their lives. Soon enough they’ll all forget about me and move on to someone else. I just have to wait it out. Please don’t make it more difficult.”

  She paced the yard a few more times before returning next to me on the patio.

  “I’m sorry if you think I’m overreacting, but you are my child, and I will hurt anyone that hurts you.”

  I wrapped my arm around hers and leaned my head on her shoulder, the smell of paint fumes still coming off her. “I get it, but it’s just not worth it. Not like that anyway.”

  I heard her exhale and she enlaced her hand in mine. “When did you become the voice of reason?”

  “I have no freaking idea.”

  I told her about Dani and all of her help. Mom was proud of me for finally trusting someone. When I told her about the sleepover, she couldn’t get me out of the house fast enough. Excitement was an understatement.

  After my run, I put on some ripped jeans, a white tank top with a black cardigan and a fresh face of makeup. I didn’t know what to expect from a sleepover with Dani, but I was excited. Mostly nervous, but there were hints of excitement deep, deep down.

  I squeezed the steering wheel in my hands and took long, concentrated breaths. Nothing was going to go wrong, I just needed to be myself. Finding who that was wasn’t the easiest thing to do, but I wasn’t going to do it in my room.

  I walked up the graveled driveway and made it to the door. I knocked cautiously and once the door flew open, I found Matt.

  “Hey.” He stepped aside and waved me in. “Come on in.”

  “Thanks.” I stepped past him and entered the house. Within an instant, a big, chocolate Lab came running straight for me.

  “Rocky, stop it.” Matt tried to pull the dog away from me, but he wouldn’t budge.

  “It’s okay, I don’t mind.” I bent down and pet the dog. He started kissing my face, making me laugh.

  “He likes you.” Matt rubbed the dog’s back and shyly smiled at me.

  When I made it into the living room, Dani was all spread out on the couch, and James was sitting in a chair scanning through channels.

  “James?”

  He saw me and nodded. “Hey, Becka.” I was confused. I didn’t know he would be there too.

  “Oh! Did I forget to tell you?” Dani jumped up from the couch and came over to me. “On Fridays, we have movie marathons.”

  I felt nervous with more people being there than expected, but it was just James. It wasn’t like I didn’t see him every day anyway. “Cool. What are we watching?”

  “Dani wants to watch all the Scary Movies.” James looked at me with large eyes, begging me not to agree with her.

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “Alright, what are my options?”

  Dani started listing them off. “All the Scary Movies, Scream, Harry Potter, Pirates of the Caribbean, Jaws, Saw, Twilight, Toy Story, Paranormal Activity, Spiderman or Star Wars.”

  “We can’t watch Harry Potter,” Matt chimed in. “It takes way too long.”

  “I’m not doing Toy Story again,” James stated. “You’re cool and all Dani, but I can’t handle a marathon of cartoons again.”

  “Fine,” she pouted. “Becka, you pick.”

  I didn’t want to make a bad decision or make anyone mad. I wasn’t particularly good at decision making.

  “Pirates?” I asked. “Is that okay with everyone?”

  “I’m down.” James found the movies to stream.

  “I’m so glad you came!” Dani hugged me on the way to the kitchen for snacks.

  “Me too.” And I meant it. “I hope the movie I picked is okay.”

  “It’s great, don’t even stress.” Dani shoved a handful of chips in her mouth as she spoke. I admired her confidence. She was wearing baggy sweatpants, an off the shoulder crop top with wool socks and her dreads were tied up in a bun. She looked completely comfortable in her skin, and that was something I longed for.

  The four of us were spread out, eating chips and popcorn while the movies played. Rocky became obsessed with me, wanting my full attention no matter what. Matt and Dani had both tried to stop him, but nothing worked. I had never had a dog, but Rocky was awesome.

  Halfway through the second movie, James started to fall asleep. Dani spent more time watching his eyelids fall than she did the movie. Each time they closed, she would throw popcorn at his face. I hadn’t laughed that much in a long time. We were about to start the third movie when Matt decided to go to sleep.

  “I’m super tired guys, I think I’m gonna go to bed.” He yawned as he spoke. His t-shirt rose as he stretched, revealing a thin strip of hair.

  “Boo!” Dani threw popcorn at him. “Giving up way too early.”

  He rolled his eyes with a laugh. “Whatever, you guys have fun.” He went for the stairs but waited for Rocky. “Rocky, come on.”

  Rocky scooted closer to me and put his head on my lap, unwilling to move.

  “I think you lost your dog, Matt,” Dani joked with him.

  “Rocky, let’s go,” he called again. Rocky made no effort to leave my side. I couldn’t help but laugh. “Traitor.”

  “Sorry.”

  He waved it off. “Have a good night.”

  We heard the click of a door close upstairs and Dani jumped off the couch and landed in a superhero pose. “Now we can get to work.”

  I was lost. “What does that mean?”

  “How comfortable are you with vandalism?”

  I couldn’t tell if she was being serious or not. “Uhm, what?”

  “Vandalism, possible destruction of property, yes or no?”

  I chuckled nervously. “I’m going to go with no.”

  She shrugged and moved her head back and forth. “Not the best answer, but I’ll go with it. I’ll be right back.” She bolted up the stairs, leaving me lost on the couch. When she came back down, she held two black hoodies and black beanies in her hands. “Here, put this on.”

  “What?” She took off into the kitchen without a word. This girl made no sense. I didn’t want to wake up James, so I followed her. When I found her, she was rifling through her fridge.

  “Dani, what is going on?”

  “Hang on, let me just grab this.”

  When the fridge closed, Dani held four cartons of eggs in her hands and smiled brilliantly, as if it all made sense.

  “I’m going to need you to explain something to me, like now.” I was still holding the hoodie and the hat, but I was lost. Beyond lost.

  “Okay, so here’s the plan. We drive over to that douche’s place, the guy you went out with, and we egg the shit out of his car. Like full on egg the whole damn thing, and then we go to Ashleigh’s and do it to h
ers too.”

  I had no words. Words were floating around in my brain, but I couldn’t make them come out of my mouth.

  “Sound like a plan?” She looked far too excited for what she was proposing.

  “What?” Was I having a stroke? I put the clothes down and sat at the table. “Dani, what are you talking about?”

  She exhaled and sat with me. “These people have been nothing but horrible assholes to you and deserve nothing but at least a nice egging. So, I propose we go and egg the shit out of their cars. Do you understand?”

  “Do you understand how much trouble we can get in?”

  “That’s what the hoodies are for!” She put her hands on my shoulders and stared deep into my eyes, ready to beg. “Becka, these people suck and deserve it. They did horrible things to you. And you know it would feel so good to get revenge on them. We won’t get in any trouble, I promise.”

  “You can’t promise that.”

  She smiled. “Dude, I egg people all the time, never gotten caught. Trust me. We can do this.”

  This girl was insane.

  Dani held open a carton of eggs under my nose, like the glorious smell would coax me in. It wasn’t the smell; it was her want for revenge. Or my want rather.

  “I can’t believe I’m about to say this.”

  “I’ll take that as a yes!” She took her dreads out of their bun and pulled on the beanie. She grabbed a few cartons, leaving the rest for me. “You will not regret this.”

  Lord, I hoped not.

  I drove my car around the neighborhood where the party was the weekend of my first date with Aiden. It looked like there was another party in the same house. Cars were parked up and down the street, it was hard to tell them apart.

  “I don’t even know if they are at this party,” I explained to Dani.

  “It’s a party on a Friday night, he’s a footballer and she is dating a footballer, they will be here.”

  She had a point. I kept patrolling the street until I spotted his stupid car parked on the corner. “There’s Aiden’s.”

  “Park on the street over, we’ll walk.”

  “I doubt Ashleigh’s car is here. If she is here with Austin, her car is still at her house.”

  Once I parked the car, we started walking. You could hear the music from the party a block over. I just needed to make sure no one saw us do whatever it was we were about to do.

  Dani pulled out a carton of eggs from her plastic bag. “We are getting revenge on this asshole. Come on.” She opened the eggs and offered me one.

  I looked around, scared we were going to get caught.

  “Becka,” Dani sighed. “What he did was cruel, he deserves this.” She shoved the eggs closer to me. “I promise; this will make you feel better. We will do it together.”

  I couldn’t argue with her anymore. She was right. My confidence as of late had plummeted and Aiden played a huge part in that. A couple of eggs wouldn’t hurt him like he hurt me.

  Dani counted down. “On three. One…two…three!”

  I chucked the egg at his windshield and watched the yolk fly across the glass. It was amazing. Dani’s smacked the driver’s side door and made the car look a mess. I immediately grabbed another egg and hurled it, relieving all the anger I had for this boy. Dani put the carton on the ground and grabbed a handful of eggs. We both ran around the car and went wild.

  Once our eggs were all used up, we stood in the road looking at our masterpiece.

  “That was awesome,” I said, running out of breath from laughing so hard.

  “Selfie!” Dani took her phone out and leaned into me for a picture with our work of art in the background.

  “Thank you so much, Dani.” I looked back at Aiden’s car and smiled. “I needed that.”

  “I know, but we aren’t done yet.” We took off running toward my car down the block. I felt exhilarated.

  It took ten minutes to get to Ashleigh’s house, and just like I suspected, her car was still in the driveway. I stopped my car right outside her house, no need to make a long run for it. The neighborhood was silent in the night.

  I stood outside her car, a carton in one hand and a cold egg in the other. My blood was hot, my chest rising quicker than I expected it too. All this anger I had built up inside me over the years was ready to be released.

  “You okay, Becka?” Dani whispered.

  “I hate her. I hate her so much.” A tear escaped from my eye, but I quickly wiped it away. “She has done so much shit to me, Dani. I hate her.”

  Dani didn’t respond to my rant. She did, however, nudge the egg in my hand, telling me what I needed to do. I clenched the egg and slammed it against her windshield. I took out another and I did it again and again and again and again until I was out of eggs and her car was nothing but yolks and shells.

  I went back to Dani with my empty carton.

  “Feel better?”

  “Best I’ve felt in a long time.”

  We changed into comfy clothes, got some beers from the fridge, and curled up in Dani’s bed. Our crime spree was over, it was time to relax.

  “Being a hooligan is hard.”

  I choked with laughter. “How do villains stay so active?”

  “We definitely need to train harder.” Dani sipped her beer with a smile. “So, tell me something, tell me anything.”

  I felt on the spot and I wasn’t sure how to respond. “What do you want to know?”

  “Anything! What do you like to do? Hobbies, movies, music, tell me anything. We need to bond.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. She was making it easy to relax. “Uhm…. I like to run.”

  Her face turned to disgust. “Why would you ever do that?”

  I shrugged. “It relaxes me and gets me exercise.”

  “I am all down for exercising, but running?” She shook her head vigorously. “I despise running. It is way too hard. And boring.”

  I choked out a laugh. “It’s not so bad, it does a lot for me. Gets me out of my head”

  “Whatever works. What else?”

  “I like to read… I like to write…” I couldn’t think of anything else.

  “Is that it?” Dani looked interested.

  I felt a need to be honest with her. I got the feeling that I could. “No one has ever asked me that before, I don’t really know what to say.”

  Her eyebrows furrowed together. “What do you mean? What did you do with Ashleigh?”

  “Whatever Ashleigh wanted.” It was weird admitting that out loud.

  “Sounds super shitty.”

  “Super shitty.” I chugged about half my beer. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Go for it.”

  “Why did you call me the other half?” I had been thinking about this all week and whether or not I should ask her. I was nervous for the truth, but I really wanted to know what she thought of me before she knew me.

  She raised her eyebrows and looked away, surprised by my question. “I knew that was going to come back and bite me in the ass.” She sighed heavily, peeling the label of her beer with her fingernails. “Uhm…I called you that because it was like wherever Ashleigh went, you went. It’s not like I knew you, so I didn’t have a lot to go off of, but from what it looked like, you just seemed to do whatever she told you to do. You didn’t seem like your own person, you were—”

  “The other half of Ashleigh Simmons,” I finished for her, finally understanding.

  “I’m really sorry,” she exclaimed. “I know it wasn’t fair to judge you like that, especially without knowing you.”

  I shook my head. “Don’t worry about it. I get it.” I really wasn’t upset with her. I was upset, but not because of what she thought about me, only because what she thought was true.

  “Now, can I ask you something?” Dani interrupted my thoughts with her question. I nodded, trying to be more open. “What does 3B mean?”

  I wasn’t ready for that. “What?”

  “You told me what Aiden said, and about t
he sign on your locker, and it’s horrible, but I just don’t get it. What does it mean?”

  I didn’t know how to begin to explain this. “Did you know who I was before you called me the other half?”

  She shook her head. “I don’t think so. Should I have?”

  This was unbelievable. I had found someone who didn’t know me as 3B. Hell was officially frozen. “I guess not.”

  “I’m super confused.”

  “Sorry, I, uhm, I used to be fat.” I kept my eye contact with my beer, picking at my label, obviously embarrassed.

  “For real?” I nodded, not wanting to talk about it anymore. “Wow. I never would’ve guessed. You are so skinny.”

  I raised my eyebrows in sarcasm. “Definitely wasn’t always like this, but they gave me the stupid nickname from when I was fat, and they don’t like to leave me alone about it. Makes it feel like I’m still as fat as I once was.”

  “Have you seen you? You are like every model’s dream! Any guy would die to throw you around, and I mean that purely in a sexual manner, not abusively.”

  I threw my head back and laughed. She was so random and said whatever came to her mind. “Thank you?”

  “But for real, that is what he said to you? What a dick!”

  “It’s whatever. I’m just trying to move on from the whole thing.”

  “Is that why you’ve been spending all your time alone?” I made eye contact with my beer again, trying to find an answer to her question. “I couldn’t help but notice.”

  I nodded. “I spent all my time with Ashleigh. I’m not really sure what to do now.”

  “So, you’re lost.” She didn’t ask, she already knew.

  “Yeah, I guess I am.” It wasn’t a bad way of putting it.

  “I’ve been lost before.”

  “How’d you get back?”

  “I took control of things I had control over.” She put her hand on the dreaded bun on her head. “I dreaded my hair, I pierced my face and decided what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be.”

  “It’s just that easy?” She made it sound so much simpler than I was making it out to be.

  “I mean it took a lot of work and a lot of support, but I figured it out. I realized that it’s my life and I should live it the way I want to.”