I Go Where You Go

by Jaelyn Hardin

I got downstairs and Mom was helping Rhylie fit her turtle shell around her dress. The dress was meant for a fairy princess, so we had to take apart the wings to make the shell fit. And then the tiara didn’t match the shell, so we spray painted it. She was now in a green tiara with an emerald green dress, a turtle shell, and knee-high socks with turtles on them paired with green sneakers and, of course, the arm cast. She was the ultimate turtle-princess.

  “How do I look, Becka?” she hollered as I came downstairs.

  “Like the best turtle-princess I have ever seen!” I grabbed a bottle of water and watched her dance around the living room in her costume, completely content with herself. Mom joined me in the kitchen, reveling in her other child.

  “My daughter, the turtle-princess,” she laughed.

  “She makes a good one though, way better than all the others.”

  “That she does,” she nudged me with her elbow and smiled. “You did really well today. I’m proud of you.”

  “Thanks, Mom.” I looked over and she was still staring at me. “What?”

  “What’s going on with Matt? He kissed you and you say nothing!”

  I laughed. “Mom, stop.”

  Her jaw dropped. “You aren’t even going to tell me anything?”

  “There is nothing to tell.”

  “Well, are you guys dating now?”

  I shrugged. “We haven’t talked about it.”

  “What?” She looked super confused.

  “Mom, it’s not complicated. We like each other, but we are keeping it easy. When we are together it’s easy.”

  “So, what? You won’t call him your boyfriend because it might make it complicated?”

  “No, I won’t call him my boyfriend because he isn’t my boyfriend. But do I like him? Yes.”

  “And are you scared to be with him? Yes.”

  “But if we spend time together and just keep it easy, there is nothing to worry about. It’s easy. And we like easy.” I took a sip of my water, hoping she wouldn’t talk about it anymore.

  “Alright, whatever you want. I just like seeing you happy.”

  “I like it too, trust me.”

  When Dani, Matt, and James came through the door, I was confused. Matt was wearing a pink t-shirt with Patrick Star from SpongeBob SquarePants printed on it. James was wearing Mr. Krabs, and Dani was wearing Squidward.

  “Uhm, nice shirts?”

  “Becka Adams,” Dani announced. “We have a question for you.”

  “Okay?” I was scared but was leaning more toward a smile.

  “It has come to our attention that you do not dress up in costume on this very holiday. Is this correct?” Dani spoke very thoroughly and professionally. I looked over at Matt who was trying to hide a guilty smile.

  “Yes, this is correct.”

  Dani enlaced her fingers together and continued. “As sad and disappointing as this is, we, your friends, do not want you to miss out on the joy of this holiday. So, we have one question for you.” James passed a yellow t-shirt he had been hiding behind his back. Dani unfolded it and held it up for me. I was blinded by two giant eyes attached to SpongeBob’s face. “Will you be our SpongeBob?”

  “Oh my gosh,” I put my hand over my mouth to conceal my laughter. “You are ridiculous.”

  “Is that a yes?” Matt asked, looking hopeful.

  I smiled. “That’s a yes.”

  “Woo!” Dani high fived Matt and James and gave me my shirt. “Go change into that and we are ready to go.”

  I went down the hall and into the bathroom. I pulled my new shirt over my chest and looked in the mirror to find SpongeBob’s eyes placed directly over my boobs. I turned off the bathroom light and made my way back to the living room with a smile. “Are you ready, Bug?”

  Rhylie jumped up and down. “I need candy!”

  “Wait!” Dani yelled. “We need pictures.” She grabbed my hand and dragged me next to her.

  “Dani,” I groaned.

  “Just do it!” she ordered. She wrapped her arm next to me and put the guys on the other side of her.

  “No!” Rhylie hollered.

  “What’s wrong, Bug?”

  “SpongeBob has to stand next to Patrick.”

  My cheeks instantly turned red.

  “What, sweetie?” Mom answered, confused.

  “SpongeBob and Patrick are best friends. They have to stand next to each other.” Rhylie came over and made us all switch, so the best friends were in the middle. “Don’t you watch the show?”

  “Sorry Rhylie, I totally forgot.” Matt appeased her with an apology. I was still embarrassed. Our favorite turtle-princess stood in front of Matt and me and gave her best cheesy grin. As embarrassing as she was, I wouldn’t trade her for anything.

  “Everybody say cheese!”

  Matt slid his arm around my waist and squeezed me close. I had every reason to smile, I didn’t need direction.

  Rhylie’s bucket was overflowing with candy, we had already dumped it into my backpack twice. She would get average pieces, and then someone would ask her what she was supposed to be, and that doubled the candy. Old people found her to be the cutest, and the moms were eating her up.

  “Hey, you.” Dani bumped me with her side.

  “Hey, yourself,” I said. “Thanks for doing this with me.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Becka, you and Rhylie are family. Stop saying it like she is a burden.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  She nodded. “I know, but now you have us.” She wrapped her arm around mine and we walked together. The guys were taking Rhylie to the houses, so we stayed behind and watched.

  “So…” she dragged.

  “What?” I knew she wanted to talk about Matt, but I wasn’t going to make it that easy for her.

  “So, you kissed my brother,” she said in the same tone as Mom.

  “That I did,” I smiled, remembering the moment.

  “It’s about time!”

  “Dani, that wasn’t the first time. It was just the first time in front of you.”

  “What?” Her mouth fell open. “You’ve been holding out on me!” She smacked my arm. “When did this happen?”

  “A couple of days ago, and it was perfect.” I watched him hold hands with my little sister and a herd of butterflies took off in my stomach.

  “You like him,” she sang in my ear.

  “Yes. Yes, I do.”

  “How’s the trust thing going?”

  I shrugged. “It’s a work in progress, but I think it’s getting better.”

  “I’d say so. A few weeks ago, you wouldn’t even acknowledge Matt as a guy, now look at you. Progress is progress.”

  We made our rounds to the rest of the neighborhood until Rhylie’s feet were aching so badly, she couldn’t make it to another house. We turned back, Rhylie falling asleep in Matt’s arms. When we got back to the house, Mom was sitting in the living room watching TV.

  “Hey,” she got up to see us. “How did it go?”

  “She’s done,” I said, rubbing her back as Matt held her. “I’ll take her to bed.” I went to take her from Matt, but he wouldn’t let me.

  “I got it. Show me where?” I nodded toward the stairs and followed him up. I opened the door to her room and let him in. I peeled off her tiara and her turtle shell and she didn’t flinch. Matt laid her down and covered her with a blanket. He pushed her crazy hair away from her face and smiled down at her, but I couldn’t stop smiling at him.

  “What?” He whispered when he caught me.

  “You are so good with her.”

  “I like kids,” he said, “and she’s a great one.”

  I watched my turtle-princess breathe deeply as she slept, and I felt all the love for her. “Yeah, she is.”

  We headed back downstairs, and James was texting in the living room while Dani and Mom were talking in the kitchen.

  “Is she out?” Mom asked.

  “Like a light.” I handed her the backpack that was filled with
candy. “This is all hers. People love a turtle-princess.”

  “As well they should,” she laughed as she dumped out the backpack on the table. “What are you guys doing tonight?”

  “We are going to a Halloween party at the clearing,” Dani told her.

  “Sounds fun. Are you coming home after?”

  “No,” Dani answered for me. “She’s staying at our house.”

  I smiled. “I guess I’m staying at their house.”

  I went to my room and a realization hit me. I was sleeping at Dani’s. Which meant I was sleeping at Matt’s. I stood in front of my dresser nearly frozen. What was I supposed to sleep in? This was different than our average movie nights. This was the first sleepover since I’d kissed Matt. This was serious. I couldn’t stop my hands from sweating, nerves filling my body to the brim. What if I wore something that made me look fat? Or what if I wore something too revealing? Would he think I was trying to sleep with him? Would he think I was a slut? My breathing was shallow. I needed the sky.

  I sat in my window seat, watching the stars peak their way out from the clouds. It took me a few minutes to calm down, but once I had, I recalled who I was dealing with. This was Matt, not Aiden. Matt had seen me without makeup. Matt had gotten to know me on his own without the agenda of trying to sleep with me. Matt was different. Matt wanted to know me, not what was underneath the clothes. I packed a pair of black joggers and white razorback tank, putting my trust in Matt before he even realized it.

  We got to the clearing and it was packed. My initial reaction was anxious, but I recognized so many people either from my classes or from track, the vibe was totally different than what I was used to. There was a huge bonfire and groups of people set up everywhere with camping chairs and blankets wearing every costume I could think of. I could tell it was going to be a good time.

  I entered the party slowly, just trying to get my bearings, but of course, Dani took my hand in hers and dragged me over to a large cooler, pulling out two bottles of something and taking my cap off within seconds.

  “To you demolishing your track meet, and to your first real party!” She clanked our beers together, not leaving me room to object. But it didn’t matter because I wouldn’t of if I had the chance. I took a nice long swig of my beer and exhaled. It was going to be a good night.

  Matt came up behind me and put his arm around my waist.

  “You okay?” he asked in my ear.

  I nodded with a smile. “I’m great.” I turned my body to face him so we were chest to chest.

  “I hope you don’t mind that I told them you don’t do Halloween,” he said clearly, feeling nervous I assumed. “I didn’t want to force you to dress up, but I didn’t want you to miss out either.”

  I looked down at our shirts and smiled. “This is my favorite Halloween, but I think I made SpongeBob a little more sexual then he needed to be,” I laughed, looking down at the giant cartoon eyed boobs.

  “You look great,” he finally said once he finished laughing. “Definitely making me see SpongeBob in a whole new way.” He leaned into my ear and spoke softly. “But for real, I don’t want you to miss out on things because of your past. I want everything moving forward to be great, not a bad memory.”

  He was amazing. “Are you using that magic on me again?”

  He smiled sexily. “Is it working?”

  I leaned my head back and laughed. “Maybe.”

  “Then yes.”

  I smiled at him sweetly. “But seriously, thank you for caring about this. And for caring about me.”

  “You say that like it’s difficult,” he joked. “This is easy, remember?”

  “I could never forget.”

  The party was awesome. Dani spread out a blanket and the four of us hung out and joked with each other for a good amount of time. Some of the guys from the track team met up with us and welcomed me too. Never at any point did I feel awkward, unwanted, or like a joke. I felt like I was where I belonged.

  I was digging through one of the many coolers looking for something besides beer when I felt a body next to me. It was Alexis.

  “Hey Becka,” she said with a smile.

  “Hey,” I said back. “How are you?”

  “I’m great,” she said. “Do you have a second? I’d like to talk to you.”

  “Sure,” I grabbed the next bottle my hand touched and followed Alexis to a far end of the clearing. “What’s up?”

  She combed back her hair with her fingers. I had never seen it down before. It was always back in a slick ponytail at practice. But here it was down and wavy, and she looked really pretty.

  “I wanted to apologize,” she started.

  “For what?”

  “I didn’t give you a chance when you joined the team. I judged you and your reasons for being there, and I shouldn’t have done that.”

  “Alexis, it’s fine. I’m not mad about it. You had your reasons. You all had your reasons. I did the same thing to you when I was friends with Ashleigh.”

  “But that’s my point. If I do the same thing to you that Ashleigh did to me, I’m no better. We need to be better than that. So, for that, I’m sorry.” She looked at me so sincerely, it was heartwarming.

  “I’m sorry too, Alexis. But thank you, because if it weren’t for you, Lauren and Emma would probably still hate me. You got them to see me, not Ashleigh’s pet.”

  “And you proved it today, and each day at practice,” she complimented me. “You are part of this team now, don’t ever think differently.” She opened her arms to hug me and I did the same. Clearing the air with her was entirely what I needed.

  The rest of the party was chill. I sat back on our blanket and watched the evening unfold. I wasn’t worried about what other people thought of me, and it was peaceful.

  “Hey, you.” Dani crashed next to me, lying on her stomach. “What are you doing?” Her boobs were about to slide out of her top.

  “Making sure you don’t flash the whole world,” I shook my head and yanked the top of her shirt higher.

  “Thank you!” she sang loudly. “But for real, are you having fun?” Her words were a little sloshy, but she meant well.

  I nodded quickly, enjoying my light buzz. “Yeah, I really am.”

  “I’m glad!” she yelled again, taking another chug from her cup. I don’t know what she was drinking but it was stronger than my beer. She quickly sat up next to me, leaning her head on my shoulder. “It’s about time you let loose and had fun.”

  “I have fun when we hang out.”

  She rolled her eyes. “That’s fun but not this kind of fun. Tonight, you need to have fun!”

  I chuckled at her drunkenness. She was a lot, but I loved her.

  Out of nowhere, she gasped so loudly I thought she was hurt. The contents of her drink sloshed around in her cup as her body shook.

  “You should ask out Matt!” There was no sense of quiet or volume control in her voice. It was pure drunken excitement.

  “Yeah, okay. Let’s take a break from the drinks, Dani.” I tried to reach for her cup, but she held it above her head. I could’ve reached it if I wanted to, but I didn’t want her to spill it on me or herself.

  “I’m serious! You need to stop being scared and just go for it!” She looked out toward the party and spotted him across the field. “See! There he is! Go tell him!”

  “Dani, we are good where we are at.”

  “But wouldn’t you be so much happier if he was yours? Yours to tell everyone about?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t want to be with him for anyone else, just me.”

  Her alcohol-induced brain was not comprehending my words. Dani from a few hours ago might, but present Dani was somewhere else mentally. She threw her head back and groaned very loudly, attracting unwanted attention.

  “Becka! Please!” She started to whine. “Just do it!”

  “Alright!” I gave in just so she would stop whining like a dog. “I will talk to him. But stop. Please.”

&n
bsp; “Woo!” Like the flip of a switch she went from upset to ecstatic, but the volume remained the same. She jumped to her feet and started yelling. “This is awesome! You are going out with my brother!”

  I grabbed her hand and yanked her back down to the blanket as quickly as I could. “But we need to be quiet about it, okay?” The only way to reason with her was to match her level of excitement. I played the drunk game without being drunk. “It’s like a secret, okay?”

  Dani’s eyes got wide with excitement. “Okay!” She yelled out a whisper and put a finger to her lips. “I won’t tell!”

  “Tell what?”

  Matt appeared in front of us, looking amused at Dani.

  She waved him off. “Like you don’t already know,” Dani winked at him very noticeably. “But it’s okay, I won’t tell.” She hushed herself again before getting off the blanket and dancing away.

  Matt was confused. “What is she talking about?”

  “I think Dani is drunk.”

  He nodded in agreement. “We should probably get her back before she gets out of hand.”

  “Dani has always been out of hand.”

  He took her seat on the blanket, scooting close to me. “So, I heard a rumor that you are staying at my house tonight.”

  A rush of heat went up my legs. “Is that okay with you?”

  Matt draped his arm over my shoulder and pulled me into his chest. “That is more than okay with me.”

  He was making my heart race. I wanted to kiss him and touch him more than I had ever before. The feeling scared me, but it excited me too.

  “I have an idea,” Matt whispered to me.

  “What’s that?”

  He shook his head no with that devious smile I already loved. “I can’t tell you, but I am going to need you to trust me.”

  I didn’t have a clue as to what he was talking about. I could feel my crease forming across my face. “Okay?”

  “Okay you can trust me?” His smile never left his face, making the heat from my legs rise higher and try to clear away my confusion.

  I nodded my head slowly, in a trance from his smell.

  “Awesome.” He leaned into me and kissed me slowly. I could taste the beer on his lips and I strangely found it sexy. “Let’s get the hell out of here.” He grabbed onto my hand and pulled me up, ready to take me on my next adventure.