“Yes!” Matt screamed into the darkness off the shop. “She did it!” He wrapped his arms around me and spun me in circles, letting me laugh freely. “I’m so proud of you, Becks.” I turned around to face him, and his eyes said the same as mine. We only had one thing on our minds, and it was each other.
Matt’s lips mashed against mine, almost hungrily. He lifted me to his body and my legs were instantly wrapped around him, refusing to let go. He carried me back to the desk and sat me down, never releasing me from his grasp. I pulled his shirt over his head, eyeing his chest as it was my favorite. I gripped and pulled on his muscles as I kissed his neck, making him bite his lip. I loved having this effect on him, it was new for me.
“Becks,” he whispered. I knew what he was going to ask me. It hadn’t happened since the day at the park. Even on our Fridays when we would kiss on his couch, my shirt never came off. But this time I didn’t need him to ask, I was more than ready. I lifted my arms straight over my head and waited for him to take it off. His smile was incredible. He put his hands on the bottom of the shirt, but he stopped.
“Is this my shirt?”
Shit. I had forgotten I put it on after my shower. “No…”
“Did you steal my shirt?” he laughed back at me.
“Maybe…” I tried not to make eye contact, but it wasn’t working.
“You stole my shirt!” He was gripping the fabric tighter, pulling me closer.
“It was a freak accident!”
“Can I have it back?”
I cut off my laughter immediately. “Oh. No, I don’t think so.”
“Please?” He pulled me closer, trying to close the distance between us. “Can I please have my shirt back?” He was whispering on my lips so softly that my legs were tingling. I couldn’t form real words. “Come on, Becks.” He was starting to lift the shirt inch by inch, his tongue slowly caressing my bottom lip. “I need my shirt. I need it. Like now.” I couldn’t take it anymore. I put my hands back up in the air and smashed my lips against his.
He kissed me a few more times before removing our shirt. His fingers walked around my lower back until we were chest to chest. He held me close and kissed me sweetly. I pushed my wrapped legs into his hips, feeling more of him. I couldn’t do anything to stop the moan from escaping my body, but it came out and Matt shuttered with excitement. His hands went higher and higher up my legs as he kissed my neck, touching me over my shorts where all the excitement was originating. I couldn’t stop myself from moaning, even if I wanted to.
“Becks,” Matt whispered on my neck. “I love hearing you moan for me.”
“Just keep doing that,” I told him roughly. “Please.” His fingers continued to touch me as his lips swept against my neck, grazing me with his teeth. Things were getting serious and neither of us was ready to stop. We hadn’t gone this far before, but it felt more than necessary. I needed more. Matt was kissing down my chest when I reached for my bra clasp. I was one hook away when Matt stopped me.
“Wait,” he said out of breath. He put his head down and didn’t look at me. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this…but leave your bra on.”
“Okay. I’m sorry.” I tried to take my hands away, but Matt wouldn’t let me. He knew immediately what was going on in my mind.
“Hey, it’s not like that.” His forehead met mine along with his eyes. “I’m just saying, if you take that off, I’m going to lose my mind.”
I grinned back at him. “So, you want me to take it off?”
“So bad. So fucking bad.” His eyes trailed down my body, over my chest and down to my hips. “You have no idea how sexy it is to see you in my clothes.” His breath was jagged on my face. “And the sounds you make when I touch you.” I turned away, my cheeks flooding with mortification. But Matt wasn’t having it. He grasped onto my chin and turned me back to him. “Don’t ever be embarrassed about it, because I love it.”
“It’s just new for me, you know?”
“I know, and it’s new for me too.”
I furrowed my brows. “No, it’s not. You’ve had sex before.”
“I know, but I mean more like the feeling. Being with you is better than anything has ever felt, and we haven’t even had sex yet. That’s what’s new for me. I didn’t know anything could feel like this.”
“Then why did you stop?” I spoke softly, still nervous.
“Did you not want me to?”
“I don’t know…” I really didn’t know how to answer that. “Maybe.”
Matt wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close once again. “I don’t want you to get caught up in the moment and then regret it later. And the last thing I ever want to do is push you, or make you feel uncomfortable. I would love to be with you, trust me, but I need you to be sure. I already know that when it happens for us, it’s going to be amazing. I just need you to make sure you are completely ready for this, okay?” I had no words, his were too perfect. I just smiled. “Plus, I doubt you envisioned your first time being on the desk of an auto shop.”
I threw my head back and laughed. “Definitely not every girl’s dream.”
“Exactly. So we will wait until it’s perfect.”
I kissed him gently, not trying to awaken anymore sexual feelings. As I gazed at his face, those deep eyes, and that strong jaw, I felt in awe of him. How was this my life? How was I feeling like this?
“This is crazy.”
“What is?”
“This,” I pointed between us. “Everything.”
“What do you mean?” His voice was so soft as he curled my hair behind my ear.
“It’s like…when I’m not with you I wish I was, and when I am, it’s not enough.”
Matt’s smile was brighter than the lamp on the desk. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in. “I hate sleeping at night without you because all I can think about is you lying next to me.”
“That’s what I mean! This is crazy! It hasn’t even been a month!”
“Maybe for you, but for me it’s been a lot longer than that.”
I inserted my crease. “What do you mean?”
“You cut your hair in September.”
“So?”
“I knew I liked you before that, but it was when you cut your hair that I knew for sure that I liked you, and only you. We may not have been official, but it didn’t get much more official for me. I was just waiting for you to like me back.” Now it was my smile that was putting the lamp to shame. “And now here I am, still waiting for you to catch up.”
“What does that mean? You know how much I like you.”
“Yea, I know.” He leaned in slowly like he was going to kiss me, but just before his lips met mine, he whispered faintly, “but now I more than like you.”
He kissed me momentously, even though I couldn’t contain my smile. I grabbed onto his prickly chin and kissed him back with everything I had.
We spent a long time laying on the hood of Matt’s car, holding hands and staring up at the stars. The day had been a lot to handle, but it ended better than expected.
“I wanted to run something by you,” Matt spoke clearly.
“What’s up?”
“I was thinking about going up to see my aunt and uncle for Thanksgiving. Leave tomorrow after school and come back Friday night. I haven’t seen them in a while, thought it’d be nice to spend the holiday with them and my cousins.”
“This is your mom’s sister?”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
“Very cool, I’m excited for you.” I smiled, happy he got a chance to see family.
He looked back at me nervously. “Are you sure?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” I didn’t get it. “Matt, are you asking me if you can go see your family?”
He shrugged. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay with it. And that you’ll be okay if I go.”
I lifted his hand and kissed his knuckles. “Yes, I’ll be fine. I’m not as needy as you are.”
“Hilarious.”
He rolled his eyes and smiled.
“I’m going to miss you, though,” I assured him.
“I’m going to miss you too.”
“I should probably head home,” I said.
“Yeah, I should go too.” Neither of us made any attempt to move. “Or…”
“Or?”
“Or you could tell your mom you are sleeping at Dani’s…” he dropped the hint.
I chuckled. “Not a chance.”
“You don’t think she’d go for it?”
“I think it would be sketchy.”
“True, but when then?”
“The night you get back?”
“Friday?”
“Friday.” I smiled. “You’ll leave tomorrow, see your family. And then when you get back, we can stay together.”
“I can work with that.”
“But I have a favor to ask.” My heart rose quickly in my chest. I couldn’t believe what I was about to ask, but it was something I wanted for a while.
“What’s that?” He looked curious.
“This time,” I stroked the large veins of his hand, trying to build up my courage. “Can we sleep in your room?”
My whisper hit his ears and his eyebrows about touched his hairline he was so surprised. “Really?” I nodded slowly, unable to meet his eyes. “Whatever you want, Becks.”
I reached for his bristly chin and brought his lips to mine. He was such an amazing person; I couldn’t believe I got to call him my boyfriend.
When I got home, I was all smiles, intoxicated with Matt’s affection. Mom and Ryan were in the living room watching television, but when I came in, their smiles matched mine.
“How’s Matt?” Mom sang. I had told her I was going to see him; I just didn’t say what for.
“He’s good. We mailed out my paper and application. Now we wait.” I began to climb the stairs, but Mom stopped me.
“Becka? Weren’t you wearing a blue shirt?”
My heart dropped into my stomach. I looked down and my shirt was now white.
“Uhm…” I had no words.
“Goodnight, Becka.” She laughed as she flipped through the channels. Ryan had to cover his face with a pillow to stop cackling. I hauled ass to my room, trying to stifle my own laughter.
Me: I probably could’ve just asked to sleepover.
Matt: Why?
Me: I left in a blue shirt and now it’s white…
Matt: LOL! :) :) :) :) THAT IS HILARIOUS!
Me: How did we not notice we switched shirts???
Matt: That’s what happens when you steal my clothes!
Me: I thought we could share…
Matt: On one condition.
Me: What’s that?
Matt: If you put it on, I get to take it off.
Me: I think I could do that.
Matt: Friday?
Me: Friday :)
Matt: Damnit Becks. I really don’t know how I’m going to sleep tonight. I really wish you were here.
Me: So do I. Sleep is better when I’m with you.
Matt: Everything is better with you. Including my clothes. My shirt smells like you
Me: Is that a good thing?
Matt: Right now it’s the best thing :)
Fifteen
Sleep didn’t last long, and before I knew it, I had to say goodbye to Matt. I was happy Matt was able to see his family and escape for a little bit, I just wished the escape didn’t involve me. I tried to stay as positive around him as I could. It was only a few days, and we were still going to talk, I just wouldn’t see him, which wasn’t that bad. I was being a baby, I knew it, but I was also okay with it.
The last bell for the day rang and I gathered my things at my locker, trying to prepare myself. I wasn’t necessarily sad that he was going to be away, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t going to miss him.
“There’s my girl.” Matt appeared out of nowhere next to my locker. He grabbed onto my hips and pulled me into him, kissing me deeply.
“You can’t do that,” I whined, keeping our foreheads close.
“Do what?” he smiled, kissing me again.
“You can’t kiss me like that and then leave for three days.”
“I know, I’m sorry.” He wiped my hair away from my face and looked at me lovingly. “I’m just going to miss you.”
“Come on, I’ll walk you to your car.”
We walked hand in hand to the parking lot. I could tell he was excited, and I didn’t want to sour his mood with my own.
“How many cousins are you going to see while you are down there?”
“My Aunt Nicole and Uncle Andrew have three kids. Sierra is eight, and Dylan and Emily, the twins, they are three.”
“Sounds like fun,” I smiled confidently, trying not to let him see how much I was going to miss him.
We got to his car, but he leaned against the door and pulled me close, holding my hips in his hands. “I’m excited to see my aunt again and spend time with family, but don’t think for a second that I’m not going to miss you.”
His words helped me breathe. “Really?” I whispered.
“Are you serious?” His eyes were wide. “How could you even ask that?” I exhaled. I was doing exactly what I didn’t want to do. “Your crease is back, Becka.” He leaned in and kissed the spot that told all my secrets. “Talk to me.”
I shook my head. “I’m fine, I just want you to have a good break with your family.”
“You really think I’d be able to do that if you aren’t okay?” He rubbed his thumb on my cheek so softly I was melting. “Talk to me, Becks.”
I knew I was going to have to talk to him, I was horrible at hiding things, especially from him.
“I’m just going to miss you more than I thought I was. It’s only three days, but holy shit am I going to miss you.”
He smiled greatly. “I am going to miss you, so much. I wish I could take you with me so you could meet this other side of my family. But I will be back on Friday, and I already can’t wait to see you.” He pulled my face to his and kissed me so deep it took my breath away.
“Look at the happy couple.”
Aiden and Austin came strutting from the school, sick smiles plastered on their faces. My stomach dropped. Just the sight of Aiden made me sick.
“Do you need something?” Matt asked with a less than enthused tone.
Aiden shook his head, “Nah bro, just came to offer my congratulations. You’re officially on the list of people who tried to bang the porker. Let us know if it actually works.”
Like a crack of thunder, Matt’s fist connected with Aiden’s face and Aiden went down flat. I shot my hands over my mouth in disbelief.
“What the hell, bro?” Austin stepped up to Matt.
“Don’t worry, I’ll hit you too.” Matt and Austin were chest to chest. The situation was out of control. I stepped in between the two of them and tried to catch Matt’s eye. He didn’t want to look at me, but when I held onto his face, he had no choice.
“Stop it.” The look in his eye was telling me he absolutely did not want to listen to me. “Matt.” I didn’t want him to do anything else. This was already bad enough.
“You better watch out, bro,” Aiden chimed in when he finally got off the ground, his lip cracked and bleeding.
I couldn’t take it anymore. “Nobody fucking cares, Aiden. Go away.” I couldn’t turn my attention away from Matt, he was the only one who mattered. Matt watched them carefully as they walked away.
“Are you okay?” he asked quietly once they were out of sight.
“Am I okay?” I grabbed his hand and looked at his red knuckles. “Matt, you can’t do stuff like that.”
“I know.”
“That could have gone so much worse. What if he hadn’t fallen? Would you have kept hitting him? Or Austin? That could have been so bad, what were you thinking?”
“Becka,” he said sternly. “I know.” He didn’t need a lecture from me.
I held onto his hand and l
ightly stroked his knuckles with my fingers. The veins running through his hand were the largest I had seen yet. I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t mad at him, but it was stupid. He could get in a lot of trouble. We were both trying to get out of here and go to college, he didn’t need to fight people. Especially Aiden and Austin who weren’t worth it.
Matt leaned against the car and looked at the ground, still letting me hold his hand. I knew his mind was racing, but he wasn’t saying anything or moving.
“Matt,” I whispered. No response. I put my hand on his chest and tried to coax him to look at me. “Matt, talk to me, please.”
When I finally saw his eyes, my Matt was gone. This Matt looked so upset, it scared me.
“When my mom died, I got really angry all the time. The slightest thing would happen, and I would hit things, it got bad.” I think I lost my breath I was so surprised. This was not my Matt. “I started working at the shop with my dad, so I would stay out of trouble and I worked out everything I felt from my mom and it went away. I haven’t hit anything in years. I promise.”
“Then what happened?”
“I can’t let people hurt you, Becks.” His head went back toward the ground. “I hate what all those people have done to you. Especially Aiden. I’ve wanted to hit him for a long time.”
“I know, but it is my fight, my past.”
“But it is our present and our future. I can’t stop what people did back then, but I can make sure it doesn’t happen now.”
“Can we do it the right way?” I asked. “Can we get the hell out of this town and start over? Can we get away from our pasts and just start fresh?” I lifted his head up and made him look at me.
“I can’t wait to do those things,” he whispered back.
“Then be here with me, not with them trying to fight back. Just be here. Be with me.”
He nodded his head, “always.”
“Come here.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into me. He squeezed his arms so tight around my body I couldn’t breathe, but I knew he needed it, and so did I.
I Go Where You Go Page 30