“But every Friday?” She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at me. “Can I come with you?”
I shook my head. “No Bug, we watch scary movies and we do it all night.”
“I’ll close my eyes!”
It sucked telling her she couldn’t come with me. I loved spending time with her, but I needed this Friday for myself.
“Rhylie, not tonight.” She knew it was different when I went from Bug to Rhylie. Her face fell, I knew the tears were coming. “But I’ll tell you what, we can have our own movie night, tomorrow. And we can make a fort and everything. What do you think?”
She looked back at me unsure if this would suffice. “Will they come too?”
“Who?”
“Matt and Dani and James. Will they come to the movie night too?”
I knew if I said no her life would be over. “I will ask them, I promise.” I held out my pinky for her, waiting to see if she would reciprocate. She stared at it for a couple of seconds before wrapping her finger around mine. “Thank you, Bug.” I pulled her in for a hug and kissed the top of her head. She meant so much to me, it sucked seeing her upset, but I needed my night.
I opened the door to Matt and Dani’s, and it was like Rocky knew I was coming. He immediately started walking in between my legs, waiting for me to pet him.
“Yes, hello Rocky.” I was trying to balance pizzas and take my snowy boots off all while not tripping over a dog.
“I smell pizza!” Dani sang from the kitchen. She appeared from the hall, wearing a black crop top hoodie showing her belly button, high waisted jeans, and rainbow fuzzy slippers. Her dreads were separated into two French braids and her face was as fresh as always. Even when I didn’t need to, I envied her.
“You would be correct.” I put the hot boxes on the table and took my jacket off, embracing the warmth.
“Damn!” Dani yelped. She grabbed my hand and spun me around, staring at me. “You look hot, dude.”
“Thanks.” I was wearing the black dress with the green flannel over it, just how Matt liked it.
“No, like for real, you look hot.” She turned me half around and blatantly looked at my butt. “Wait a second, is tonight the night?”
Blush crept in before I even had a chance to stop it. I diverted my eyes to my dress and removed fake lint.
“Oh, my gosh! Tonight is the night! You guys are gonna have sex!”
“Dani,” I groaned from pure embarrassment. “Do we have to talk about this?”
She pursed her lips at me. “Of course, we have to talk about this.” She pulled me over to the couch with force. “So, tell me everything?”
“Dani, I’m not going to talk about this. Especially to you. He’s your brother.”
She waved me off with an eye roll. “I don’t care, I can pretend he’s not for five minutes. Plus, this is what best friends do. We talk about each other’s relationships. And you are about to lose your virginity. This is huge!”
I knew there was no getting around it, she was going to force me to talk whether I liked it or not. I exhaled and tried to talk. “Alright, fine. What do you want to know?”
“Does he know tonight is the night?” Her eyes were wide with excitement like a child on Christmas morning.
I nodded. “Yea, we talked about it.”
“How far have you guys gone?” I couldn’t believe how interested she was in this. Best friends or not, this was her brother.
“Dani, this is weird. He’s your brother, doesn’t this weird you out?” It was weirding me out enough for the both of us.
She huffed. “Fine, don’t talk about it. But just one more question.” I waited for her to ask. “Are you happy?”
That’s where my smile came in. That was an easy question. “Happiest I’ve ever been.”
Dani clapped her hands and bounced joyfully on the couch. “That’s all I care about. I guess I technically don’t need to know details, but if you ever need to talk about anything, I’m always here to listen.”
“Thanks, Dani.”
“Seriously though, you look hot.” She rescanned my outfit. “Remember when we first met, and you had hot dog legs?”
I laughed, “it rings a bell.”
“Between the carbs, track and lifting weights, you have curves. And I mean decent, every-girl-wants curves.”
I looked down at myself, trying to see what she saw. “Really?”
“Yes! Becka, you used to be so skinny, now you look…hot.”
I laughed, trying to find comfort in my uncomfortableness. “It’s funny cause I don’t see myself like that, you know. But I walked in here and immediately got jealous of what you were wearing.” She smacked my upper arm with the back of her hand. “Ow!” I held my upcoming bruise. “What?”
“That was a very old-Becka thing to say.” She gave me the same look my mom did when she knew she was right.
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I get it.”
“You have no reason to be jealous of anyone. You have confidence, use it. And this?” She held out her cut off sweater. “You could pull this off in a heartbeat! Old-Becka, maybe not. Old-Becka didn’t have an ass.” I snorted with laughter, loving her honesty.
“Alright, I hear you.”
“Come on, get your shit together. Your man is about to come home.” She picked up the pizzas and trotted into the kitchen. I laughed but I knew she was right. There wasn’t a need to be jealous of anyone, even Dani. I was me and that was good enough.
James showed up not long after that, bringing liters and liters of soda.
“Dani left me in charge of drinks,” he explained when I opened the door for him. “I didn’t want her to yell, so I got everything.”
“I see that.” I took one of the overfilled bags and helped him to the kitchen. Everything was set up in the kitchen when my phone went off on the counter.
Matt: I should be home in about 20 minutes. Any chance you’ll be there too?
The butterflies were back with a vengeance.
Me: I’ll have to check my schedule…
Matt: LOL Don’t make me be needy!
Me: 20 minutes? I’ll see what I can do :)
The three of us waited in the living room for Matt’s arrival. Dani and James were scanning channels, whereas I couldn’t take my eyes off the door. My legs were bouncing up and down. Trying to stay calm wasn’t working.
“Dude, it was three days,” James joked, laughing at me.
“Shut up,” I rolled my eyes. “You know I missed him.”
“You guys are gonna have so much sex tonight,” Dani blurted out, shaking her head.
“Dani!” I yelled, covered in embarrassment. James threw his head back and cackled. “You guys are so embarrassing.”
“I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it,” she held up her hands surrendering. “I’m just saying.”
Humiliation was flooding my body to the brim, but it was ripped away by the sound of Matt’s engine pulling into the driveway. There was nothing I could do to keep myself on that couch any longer.
“You’re not even going to let him get in the house first?” James called to me, but I didn’t bother to respond. My man was home.
I opened the front door and the cold winter air crashed into my body, but nothing was keeping me from him. I stepped outside and made eyes with the clean-shaven man coming out of a sleek black car. Just seeing his eyes and that smile again made my heart dance inside my chest.
“Hi,” I smiled.
“Get over here, now.” He slammed his car door shut and ran over to me, not giving me enough time to get down the front steps. He met me in the middle, letting me jump in his arms, wrapping my legs around him and practically enveloping his body into mine. The weather was nothing compared to the way Matt made my body feel.
We gripped each other’s bodies for a good minute, just getting the feeling of being one again. I couldn’t stop smiling. I leaned back from the hug to see his face and holy crap; I didn’t realize how much I m
issed it.
“Hi,” I whispered on his lips, already wanting to kiss him so bad. He crashed our lips together and set off a fire. The feeling of his lips on mine sent heat to every nerve I had. A moan transferred from my throat to his, making him thrust a hand into my hair. I was losing my breath, wanting to take his clothes off right there in the snow. Matt must have been thinking the same thing. He pulled his face from mine and we shared the same heavy breathing, our eyes meeting.
“I missed you so much,” he spoke with uneven breath.
My smile grew bigger. “I missed you too.” I held his face in my hands and rememorized every piece of it. From his dark eyes to his sharp jawline, it was my favorite.
“Please tell me no one is home,” he asked jaggedly on my lips.
I really wished I could say yes. “No, Dani and James are inside.”
He exhaled his frustration, shutting his eyes tightly. “Okay.”
“I’m sorry,” I stroked my thumb on his cheek softly.
“Don’t be.” He kissed me again. “I’m just happy to see you.”
It didn’t take long for the pizza to get demolished and the soda to disappear. We all sat together at the table and talked, just like normal. It had only been three days, but it felt like forever since we had all been together. Even Rocky noticed, unable to leave Matt’s side since he came in the door. With every laugh, I couldn’t help but turn to Matt, desperate to see his smile one more time. It made my heart flutter.
I was finally sitting in my usual spot on the couch, one of the many Batman movies flashing before my eyes and I could breathe again. Matt had his arms wrapped around me, holding me close to his body, sneaking kisses in the crook of my neck. James was in the chair and Dani was sprawled out on the floor enjoying the film. I was calm, and I was happy.
It took until the middle of the second movie for James to fall asleep. I wanted to spend time with them, but holy crap did I want them to pass out already. The sooner they fell out, the sooner I got to go upstairs, and that was where all my focused lied.
The second movie ended, and Dani got up. I thought she was going to put in the next movie, but she caught us both by surprise.
“I’m gonna head to bed.” She stretched her arms over her head, exaggerating her yawn. “I’m beat.”
“Really?” Matt looked at her suspiciously.
“Yeah, I worked out really hard today. Think I’ll just call it a night.”
I couldn’t meet her eyes. I knew what she was doing, and my straight face was nearly cracking.
“Okay?” Matt still looked suspicious, but he accepted it. “See you in the morning.”
“Have a good night,” she sang her way up the stairs, making my cheeks redden automatically.
“That was weird,” Matt said. “She never just goes to bed on movie nights.” I shrugged, now unable to meet his eyes. But he caught on right away. “What’s going on?”
I sighed. “She’s giving us time alone.”
A lightbulb clicked in his brain. “She knows, doesn’t she?”
“She’s a smart one, your sister.”
He rolled his eyes with a smile. “How’d she figure it out?”
“The dress gave it away.”
His eyes rolled down the curves of my body, bringing a sexy smile to his face. “I love this dress.”
“I know,” I curled closer to his body and kissed him softly, letting the warmth take over. Matt slowly slid his hand down my side, over my hip, and down my thigh. He kissed the side of my neck again, I had to bite my lip to keep from moaning. He was driving me crazy.
“Matt,” I whispered out gently. “Will you take me upstairs?”
The blanket that covered us slowly disappeared and Matt unraveled himself from my body. He asked for my hand and pulled me from the couch. His eyes met mine and I was melting in my spot. Between his eyes and his lips, I was no longer able to move. He combed my hair back from my face and watched me with his gaze, the corners of his mouth going up and making everything tingle. He leaned down carefully and closed the distance between us, kissing me so softly I wasn’t sure I was feeling it or dreaming. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into me, deepening our kiss. In one swift motion, I was draping my legs around his body, my butt in his hands. We traveled around the couch, up the stairs, down the hallway, and through the door, our lips crashing together continuously. Matt kicked the door shut behind him and continued with his mission.
Matt pushed my body against the back of the door, still holding me in his arms. Between being held up by a door and being pinned by the front of his jeans, I was losing my mind. I reached for the bottom of his shirt and removed it completely. He kissed his way down my neck and to the top of my chest, sliding my flannel off and revealing my shoulders.
“I love it when you wear this dress,” he whispered on my lips.
“I want you to take it off,” I whispered back, rubbing his bottom lip with my thumb.
He ran his fingers down the front of my dress, over my breasts and my stomach and down the side of my leg until he reached the end of it. “Are you sure?”
I nodded assertively. “Yes.” He reached for the bottom of the dress and slowly pulled it away, letting the fabric fall to the floor. His eyes wandered down my body, over my chest, across my stomach, eyeing the lace of my bottoms and traveling down to my toes. I felt very conspicuous, almost nervous, but he took all my feelings away.
“You are beautiful, Becka. Absolutely beautiful.”
His lips kissed me softly, not trying to rush anything. I appreciated his patience so much. He had never forced me into anything, and even moments before it was about to happen, he still wasn’t in a hurry.
His fingers danced along my collar bone, trailing lightly against my bra strap. He slowly pushed it down over my shoulder, letting gravity take it the rest of the way. When I didn’t stop him, he did the same thing with the other strap. All that was left was the clasp.
“Are you sure?” he whispered; his eyes so soft against mine.
I nodded slowly, unable to form real words. The feeling of his skin against mine was electric. Normal me would have been upset that he knew right away how to unhook a bra, but in that moment I was grateful. It popped open immediately and Matt guided the rest of it off my body, taking in the sights. He grabbed me by my lower back and drew me closer to him, allowing us to finally be chest to chest. He kissed me deeply and wandered his hands, making everything feel like a dream.
But when a crash erupted in the hallway, I froze.
“Fuck.”
Matt moved at lightning speed, opening the door and rushing out. I grabbed Matt’s shirt from the floor and threw it on. When I peeked down the hall, I found Michael’s limp body dragging next to Matt. Michael’s arm was draped over Matt’s shoulders, but Matt was doing all the work. Michael was nearly passed out. Dani ran out of her room, saw what I saw and went to help Matt. I went into the hallway and met them at the stairs.
“Do you need help?” I whispered.
“No. Just go back in the room.”
I had never heard Matt be short with me. It was unexpected, but I went along with it. I turned back around and went into his room, sitting on the end of the bed highly confused.
It was a few minutes before Matt returned. When he came back in, he wasn’t himself. It was clear that Michael was drunk, but why was it such a big deal? Matt’s whole demeanor changed. He wasn’t impassioned like he was before, but he wasn’t cold either. He sat on the bed with me, but the distance was clear.
“Are you okay?” I asked, unsure of what else to say.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
Silence. Matt put his elbows to his knees and stared back at the floor, leaving me to wonder what was going on.
“I don’t think I can do this tonight.”
I didn’t think that was what he was going to say, but I didn’t fight it. “Okay.” I was trying to be supportive, but I just really wanted him to talk to me. A wave of doubt and shame went
over me. I was just naked and then he wanted me to leave. I tried to put the thought away, but once I thought it, it was hard to unthink.
“I can stay if you want me too.” I don’t know why I said it, it was more hope than reality. “We don’t have to do anything. I could just stay. If you want.” I didn’t want to be upset but I didn’t want him to be either.
He ran his hands over his face and through his hair. “I think we should just call it a night.”
“Okay.” I needed to leave before my sadness took over and he noticed. I quickly pulled my dress back on and laid his shirt on the bed.
“I’m sorry, Becks.” He was still sitting on the bed, almost unable to move. I knew something was wrong, I couldn’t make it about me. I just needed to give him time. “I’m really sorry.”
I hushed him. I laid my arms around his neck and pulled him into me. “It’s okay. Just get some sleep.” I kissed the top of his head. “You had a long drive and it’s been a long night. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” I went to let go of his body, but he wrapped his arms around me so tightly, it scared me at first. His grip was so severe like he would never let me go.
Minutes passed, and his grip never let up. Our breathing was matched, his face smashed against my stomach. I didn’t know what to do. He was always strong for me. He held me when I was upset and always knew what to say. It was my turn and I was at a loss.
“Will you stay?” he whispered after a while. “Please?”
His sadness was killing me. I just wanted to take it away. “Of course.”
I changed out of my dress and back into his shirt, scooting as close to his body as he wanted me to be. We laid chest to chest; his arms wrapped tightly around me. I had never seen him like this before and I really didn’t know what to make of it. But it was in that moment that I realized I would do whatever he needed to feel better for as long as it took. I had never been in love, but I was starting to realize this might be it.
Fingertips were caressing my face when I woke up. I opened my eyes to meet Matt’s. His eyes were stern, like they are when he studies.
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