“You guess?” I laughed, trying to let my happy tears seep back into my eyes. I don’t know when I became such a sap.
“You know what I mean,” he smiled while looking deep into my eyes. “I guess I’m just trying to say I love you.”
“Just say that next time.” I held his face in my hand and pulled his lips to mine, kissing him passionately. “I love you too,” I whispered on his lips.
“Merry Christmas.”
My heart fluttered again. I slipped the chain over my head and let my new favorite necklace hang over my chest. I was complete. I leaned into him, rubbing my hands through his hair. He met me halfway and kissed me deeply, making me feel it everywhere. I kept my eyes closed for a moment, letting the tingles take over.
“You okay?” he laughed with a whisper.
I nodded. “I just miss you.”
“I’m right here.”
“Not like that…” I didn’t want to say that I missed kissing him and feeling his body against mine, but I couldn’t deny it.
“Oh!” His eyes got bigger, along with his smile. “You miss me miss me,” he slid his hand around my waist and pulled me close, making the tingles better and worse.
“You’re not helping.” I smiled, trying to hide my blushing cheeks.
He leaned in and kissed me again, swiping his tongue across my bottom lip. “I’m trying to help.”
“So not helping.” My breath was already jagged on his. Damn, I missed him.
A knock on the wall caught our attention.
“Keep it PG, guys.” Mom passed by the dining room before giving her announcement. “Dinner’s ready!”
My cheeks flushed again with more embarrassment.
“Later,” Matt whispered before kissing my cheek and going to his seat at the table, leaving me tingling on my own.
Everyone was comatose from the food, sprawled out throughout the living room. Ryan was still watching football, Mom on the couch doing the same. Dani and Rhylie were on the floor playing with presents while Matt and I shared the loveseat. I kept looking over my necklace, so in love with it and the man that gave it to me. I didn’t think he knew how much that spot meant to me. Ever since that day he was there for my sister, that park had a special place in my heart. Matt made that place what it was, and I couldn’t thank him enough.
“Matt?”
Rhylie approached Matt and me on the couch. Her usual happy face was gone, she looked sad.
“What’s up?” Matt asked, just as cheery as ever.
“I’m sorry.” She put her head down and looked to her fuzzy yellow socks on the carpet.
“For what?” Matt leaned into her with confused eyes.
She wouldn’t meet his eyes. “I said something mean and I shouldn’t have.” Her voice was so quiet, almost a whisper.
“Come here.” Matt got up from our spot of comfort and took Rhylie’s tiny hand, walking her over to the staircase. The two of them huddled together and talked for a while. I tried to leave them be, not wanting to hover, but I was dying to know what was happening. I loved the way Matt talked to her. It’s like he was talking with his heart, not to a seven-year-old, but just to someone he adored. He spoke to me the same way and I could feel my heart grow when I caught him doing it to Rhylie.
I was twiddling my thumbs and scrolling through my phone before I heard Rhylie’s tiny feet patter behind me. I looked up to meet Rhylie’s little face. She didn’t look sad anymore, but it wasn’t completely happy either. Matt sat back down next to me but looked only at Rhylie.
“Becka,” she looked back at her socks. “It’s okay if you want to go to the far college.”
“It is?” I never thought I’d hear her say that.
She nodded sheepishly. “I’m just going to miss you so much.” She sniffled her nose up, her cue that she was about to cry.
“Come here.” I let her sit on my lap with a hug. “I’m going to miss you too, you know that right?” She nodded her head against my chest. “I love you, Bug.”
“I love you too.”
Matt nudged her with his elbow. “Hey, why don’t we play one of the games you got for Christmas?”
Her eyes lit up like the tree. “Really?”
He nodded. “Go pick one, we will meet you at the table.”
Rhylie jumped off my lap, the sadness being left behind. Matt took my hand and walked me to the table. I wouldn’t let him sit; I needed a kiss immediately. I pulled at his body and made his lips meet mine. My intensity caught him by surprise, but he clicked in the right direction within seconds, wrapping his arms around me and matching my kiss.
“What was that for?” Matt huskily whispered on my lips, making every part of me heat up.
“Thank you for being you.”
He crinkled his eyebrows with a smile. “You’re welcome?”
“You just make everything so easy.” I rubbed the back of his neck with my fingers, gripping probably tighter than I should, but I was feeling some type of way.
“So easy it’s perfect.” He kissed me again, softer this time. “And for the record, I miss you too.” His warm breath whispered in my ear and just about made me melt. “Like miss you miss you.”
The tingles were back. “Can I help you with that?”
He nodded slowly, staring at my lips the whole time. “I hope so.”
“I got Candyland guys!”
Rhylie interrupted the sex bubble Matt and I were trying to envelop ourselves in. Matt’s hands disappeared in a flash and we were separated, standing alone but still heated.
“Sounds good, Rhylie.” Matt sat down and started setting up the box with Rhylie like nothing ever happened. Doing that was not as easy for me. I went to the fridge and “searched” for a bottle of water when I just needed a second to breathe.
“You all good?” Dani snuck up behind me, stealing the water bottle from the fridge.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I tried to act as normal as I could, but I don’t think I pulled it off very well.
“You sure? You look flushed. Did my brother get you all hot and steamy?”
I nearly choked on air. “Dani!” I whisper yelled to her.
“What?” she laughed. “We can all see you.”
“Doesn’t mean you have to comment on it,” I tried to drink my water and stifle my embarrassment.
Dani rolled her eyes and smiled. “I’m just glad to see you happy. Come on, let’s go play Candyland.” Dani made a spot for herself at the table and I stared upon the group. This time last year I only had my family to count on and look to for love and happiness. I felt like the grinch. My heart had managed to grow.
Winter break was going by too quickly. I wanted to spend more time away from school, but it was flying. It was already New Year’s Eve and I stood in front of my closet, trying to find something to wear to this party Matt and Dani insisted we go to. I knew it would be fun, I just still hadn’t gotten used to normal parties.
“Hello!” Dani came singing through my door, a pile of clothes slung over her shoulder.
“I’m in here,” I hollered from my closet, still staring at the same shirts.
“What are you doing?” Dani bustled in the small closet.
“I don’t know what to wear.” I stared at my options blankly. “What are you going to wear?” She stood in front of me wearing sweatpants, an oversized sweatshirt that was probably Matt’s or James’s, and her dreads were in a huge pineapple-shaped bun.
“I haven’t decided yet either.” She turned on my Bluetooth speaker and we attacked.
It felt like hours had passed by the time we were ready. Dani wore her dreads in a half up half down look with a few locks framing her face. She wore a black long sleeve bodysuit that had crisscross straps in the back. She paired it with teared up jeans. Her makeup was dark, but she wore a red lip. She looked incredible.
I wore black leather leggings with a gold sequined, low cut tank and a black lace bandeau. I paired it with black boots and the necklace Matt had given me. Dani had
straightened my hair and I did my makeup as best I could, wearing the burgundy on my lips again, hoping Matt noticed.
“We look great,” Dani gloated as we stood in the mirror. “Like for real, we look hot.”
“Stop it.” I grabbed my leather jacket off the bed and headed for the door. “Are you ready?”
“Actually, not quite.” She put her hands on my shoulders and forced me down on the bed. “You stay here, I’ll be right back.”
“Why? What’s up?”
“Just stay.” She left me on the bed and went barreling down the stairs. I couldn’t tell if she was joking or not, and yet there I was, sitting alone on my bed.
It wasn’t long before I heard footsteps back on the staircase. They weren’t light like Dani’s or quick like Rhylie’s, they were slower.
“Woah.”
Matt appeared in my doorway looking as handsome as ever. He had skinny khakis on with a very nice long-sleeved black button-up. The sleeves were rolled to his elbows, showing off his large and fantastic forearms. He swooped his hair back nicely and greeted me with that cleanly shaven bone structure.
“What are you doing here?” I leaped from the bed and wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him close.
“I dropped Dani off to get ready and I figured I’d just stay and wait for you.” He held me at arm’s length, looking over my body with lust in his eyes. “You look stunning.”
“Thank you.” I didn’t intend to blush, but I couldn’t help it. “You look so handsome.” I cupped his face in my hands, feeling his jawline on my fingers.
“Thank you.” He took my hand from his face and kissed my palm gently, just the way I liked. “Any chance you will be staying with me tonight?” I nodded my head quickly. “Happy New Year to me.” He wrapped his hands around my waist and pulled me close again, kissing me sweetly. I was ready to ring in the new year with the man I loved.
The party was a lot of fun if I had to be honest. There were a lot of people and a full bar. Dani was drinking heavily from the moment we got there. I had a couple of mixed drinks, feeling light and airy for the most part. Matt stuck with a few beers. I always wanted to see what he would be like if he got drunk, but something told me that because of his dad I never would.
James had met us at the party, bringing a date. I didn’t know her, I guessed she went to a different school, but holy crap was she pretty. Her skin was dark like James’s, wearing a little black dress. Her hair was sleek like chocolate and her eyes were a light brown. It was nice to put a face to who I could only imagine was the person he was always texting.
Dani was having so much fun, a drink in her hand and nearly always dancing. It was fun to watch her. Matt and I stood against a wall, my hips on top of his with his face in the crook of my neck. The alcohol made my body more tingly than normal and I think Matt noticed.
“I can’t get over how beautiful you look,” he whispered in my ear while kissing my earlobe.
“Stop it,” I joked, lost in the feeling of his body against mine.
He smiled sexily. “Not a chance, baby.”
I had officially melted. “Baby?”
He shrugged. “I thought I’d try it, see how it sounded.”
“You can try it again…if you want,” I whispered softly, tickling his lips.
He found his way back in the crook of my neck, tracing a trail with his tongue from my neck up to my ear. He bit my earlobe sharply, already making me moan. “You look so sexy tonight, baby. I can’t wait to take these clothes off you.”
I pressed my body against his, chest to chest, against the wall. “You can’t say stuff like that.”
“Why not?” He smiled at me again, making everything ache.
I took my turn whispering in his ear. “Cause’ you are making me want to do things to you that I can’t do in public.”
I heard a low grumble form in the back of his throat. He put both hands on my waist and thrust our hips together, making me yelp with excitement.
“You have no idea how bad I want to take you home right now.”
“I think I do,” I pushed our hips together again, clearly able to feel his excitement through his pants.
“Oh my God, guys, get a room.” Dani interrupted.
“Trust me, I’m trying.”
Both Matt and Dani looked at me with shock.
“Did that really just come from her?” Dani’s eyes were wide with shock.
“Alcohol changes you,” Matt laughed. “But I like it.” He kissed me intensely, making my back arch in his hands.
“Alright, alright. Enough.” Dani pulled us apart. “Let’s go get drinks, it’s almost midnight.”
Dani poured me another glass of whatever it was I was drinking. It was fruity and the raw feeling it had when it went down my throat was disappearing as I had more of them. Matt grabbed himself another beer and we toasted, ready to start our countdown. Everyone at the party crowded together, facing the TV to watch the ball drop.
“Hey, you.” Matt smiled, pulling our bodies into one again. My warm and fuzzies were back in action. “Are you ready for the New Year?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I’m excited. Are you?”
“Of course. This year means college and me and you. I’m very excited.” He kissed my cheek quickly.
“I think this past year has been my best one yet.”
“Really? How’s that?”
“I figured out who I am, I found my people, and I found you.”
“God, I love you.” He kissed me again.
“Guys, enough,” Dani scolded.
The room around us erupted in the countdown, ready to let the new year begin. Matt wrapped his arms around my body, holding me close. It was exactly how I wanted to end the current year and begin the next.
“5…4…3…2…1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!”
The entire party cheered loudly, holding their drinks in the air and toasting to the new year. But I didn’t see much of that. I was already with Matt, our lips locked firmly. He began kissing me when everyone was still at three seconds, and he still hadn’t stopped. I wasn’t complaining, I knew exactly what he was doing. He wanted to end the year and begin the next one the same way. With me.
Dani got obliterated, worse off than the last party we were at. I was still drinking but not as frequently as Dani. She was going shot for shot and I was just hanging in there. Plus, the more I drank the more I wanted to put my hands all over my man. And he wasn’t disagreeing.
Matt and I were back at our spot on the wall, partially dancing, partially kissing. Even though we had already had sex, it felt like this was as sexual we had been with each other. It was all a tease leading up to the moment. We’d teased before, but not like this, and not with nearly as much alcohol.
Matt bent down to kiss my neck some more, and when I looked up, a girl I didn’t recognize was staring at me. I couldn’t tell if it was just the alcohol playing tricks on me, so I closed my eyes and tried to shake it off. But when I reopened them, she was still there.
“Matt?” I tapped his arm, trying to get his attention.
“Yea, baby?” he whispered sexually. It took a lot of willpower not to reciprocate.
“There’s a girl over there staring at us.”
“Who cares?” He smiled and kissed me again, trying to take back my attention.
I rolled my eyes, ignoring him. “For real, do you know her? Cause’ she won’t stop staring.”
He turned around and eyed the girl quickly. When I met his face again, it wasn’t the same. Something was wrong. He ran a hand through his hair, another bad sign. “Damnit,” he mumbled under his breath.
“What?”
His eyes met mine and he sighed deeply. “That’s Bella.”
“Bella?” I didn’t know why I was supposed to know that name.
He nodded again. “My ex.”
My eyebrows flew to my hairline. He had never mentioned names of his ex’s, giving me no idea who they were or what they looked like. But this girl was pretty.
Like really pretty.
“Hey,” he cupped my face softly and brought me back to earth. “Stay with me.”
“I’m sorry, she’s just… real.” I caught another glimpse of her, and her eyes were still on me. “Did you know she was going to be here?”
He shook his head rapidly. “No, I had no idea. I haven’t seen her in like a year.” He was trying to read my crease. I couldn’t help it. The insecurities were winning.
“She’s really pretty.”
He shook his head aggressively. “She’s nothing compared to you, Becks.” He clutched both sides of my face and kissed me with everything he had. When he released and let me breathe, he put his forehead on mine. “Get out of your head, okay? She’s not important. It was a long time ago and it was nothing like me and you, not even close.”
I took a deep breath and let his words sink over me. He was right. I knew he was right. I had just never seen the other girls he had been with. And being so close to someone that he once shared something with was intimidating. But I couldn’t let it bother me. It was a long time ago. I didn’t even know him when they dated, and it wasn’t like he was still in contact with her. He was spending the night with me.
“Okay.”
“Okay.” He smiled and leaned in to kiss me, just as sweet as always.
“Hey, Matt.”
We both turned to see Bella now less than a foot away.
“Hi?” Matt was confused, I could see it on his face. I looked over and took her in. Long brown hair, all the way down to her ribs. She was tall, with very nice legs. She wore an all-black short romper with a simple jean jacket over it. What I couldn’t get over was the black, floppy, wool fedora she wore. It didn’t look odd, it looked just like it was supposed to. Her complexion was clear, with a little mole above the right side of her lip. Man, she was pretty.
“How are you?” she asked again, looking back at him with sadness almost.
“I’m fine.” Matt was still confused by her appearance. I wasn’t sure what to do. “Did you need something?” Matt asked. He wasn’t rude about it; he was just stern.
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