“Not a chance.” Matt gripped his hands around my waist and put me on the table, pulling me close and kissing me greatly. He released from our kiss and was out of breath. “You are something else.”
“And you are quite the guy.” I laughed at him, wiping my lipstick off his lips. “Who looks very good in burgundy.”
“It’s my color, for sure.” He smiled, trying to help me. “Are you okay? I know I saw crying.”
“I’m fine, just happy.”
“I’m happy too.” Matt curled the hair behind my ear as he gazed at my lips, letting his fingers linger on my cheek. “You look very pretty by the way.”
I instantly blushed, still unable to control my emotions when it came to his compliments. He brushed his fingertips on the skin peeking through my top.
“I could say the same to you,” I teased. He was wearing a blue and gray flannel button-up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and dark jeans. Those damn forearms.
He rolled his eyes. “I look alright, but I think you wore that lipstick on purpose.”
“And why would I do that?”
“I’m hoping it’s to try and convince me to ditch everybody early so you can kiss me with it.” He smoothly moved my knees apart and stood between my legs. As soon as he got closer everything began to tingle. The eyes he was giving me were awakening every nerve in my body.
“Later.” I pulled him by the front of his shirt and trailed my lips along his neck, landing on the spot I knew he liked most. When he inhaled rapidly, I knew I hit it.
“Damnit, baby.”
I shook my head. “You can’t call me that. We won’t make it through this party.”
“Let’s just go, before Dani catches us.” He wiggled his eyebrows playfully. “We can just spend the whole night upstairs, away from everyone.” I kissed him one final time, making him breathe in again.
“Later, baby. I promise.”
Matt held my face to his, resting our foreheads lightly against one another.
“How did I go seventeen birthdays without you?”
My smile put the sun to shame.
“Seriously? Where we eat, guys?”
Dani interrupted our moment with her outburst, mortifying both Matt and me. I buried my head in his chest and tried to hide.
“Hilarious.” Matt rolled his eyes at his sister before kissing the top of my head and pulling me off the table.
“I’m just saying, let’s at least be sanitary.”
We followed Dani back into the living room where Nicole was trying to light eighteen tiny candles of a massive cake the size of the coffee table.
“Need help?” I asked.
“Yes, please. I keep burning my fingers on these damn things.” We lit the candles until the whole cake glowed. Happy Birthday was sung exceptionally loud by my little sister, but the room was full of smiles. Nicole snapped a picture of the twins as they blew out their candles just like I imagined their mom would’ve done.
I returned the cake to the kitchen and started cutting pieces for everyone. I thought I was alone, but I looked up and found Michael.
“Hey, Becka.”
“Hi.”
“Do you need any help?” he asked, looking at the floor as he spoke.
“No, I got it. Thank you, though.”
“No problem.” It would have been the perfect moment to exit, but he didn’t move. I looked at him expectantly, just waiting for him to speak. “I, uhm, wanted to apologize to you. Say I’m sorry.”
“For what?” I tried to keep my focus on the cake, not meeting his eyes. It would’ve made it more awkward for both of us.
“For how I acted when we went out to dinner. I was an ass, and I’m sorry.”
I looked over at him and he had genuine sadness in his eyes, I could tell. “I appreciate that. Thank you, Michael.” He smiled, clearly pleased that I accepted his apology. He turned to leave but I stopped him. “Did you apologize to me because you meant it? Or because you think it will make Matt happy?” I stopped cutting the cake and gave him my full attention. This was the answer I really wanted.
He sighed. “Both, I guess.”
“Did you say sorry to him? Or Dani?”
He was caught off guard. I was the last person he expected to ask him these questions. “I tried.”
“Can I be honest with you?” He nodded cautiously. “I think it’s going to take more than being nice to me to make this okay. I think you need to listen to what they are saying. They aren’t upset for no reason.”
We ate our cake and ice cream and then got to the gifts. Rhylie was far too excited to give them her present, so she insisted she go first. Matt and Dani unwrapped their presents at the same time and found matching drawings that included her, Matt, Dani, James, and me all holding hands and wearing our Halloween costumes. Though she was seven, she did a really good job on her drawings, getting our character shirts and everything.
“Rhylie, this is great!” Matt exclaimed, pulling her in for a hug.
“I love it!” Dani ogled the picture.
“I made you both one that way Dani can put hers in her room and Matt can take his to college.”
Both Dani and Matt smiled to themselves, not wanting to show their emotions. But I knew. I was about to cry myself.
“It’s perfect, thank you.” Matt wrapped her in his strong arms and kissed the top of her head. I was melting.
I gave Dani her present next. I had collaged every picture she had taken of us—which was a lot—and put it together in a huge frame. I swear I saw a glisten of a tear in her eye.
“It’s us.” She smiled at it, going over each picture I pieced together.
“I figured this way no matter where I go to school, you can still see my face.”
“It’s perfect.” She gave me another famous Dani hug. “I love you, Becka.”
“Love you too.” There was no way I was going to be able to stop crying.
“So much crying,” Matt laughed.
I rolled my eyes. “Here.” I handed him his first present, a brand-new pair of running shoes that we both knew he needed but refused to purchase. His eyes went wide.
“Becks,” he sighed. “I told you not to get me anything.”
“Well I did, no returns.”
He took a shoe from the box and peered down at it, clearly happy with what I chose. “They’re great. Thank you.” He leaned over and kissed me quickly, not wanting to get booed.
Michael stood up and handed presents to both Matt and Dani. They opened it slowly, feeling awkward I imagined. Underneath the tissue paper, they both found computer tablets.
“Wow,” Dani’s eyes went wide. “Tablets?”
Michael nodded. “I figured that it will be helpful when you guys go to school, you can video chat with each other and whatnot.”
“Thanks, Dad.” Dani’s smile was genuine, very happy with her dad’s effort. She got up from the couch and hugged him. The smile on his face was more of relief.
“Yeah, thanks.” Matt nodded to him quickly, not getting up to show affection. I couldn’t blame him, he was skeptical. But the effort was noticed.
James got them both gift cards. Nothing fancy, but a gesture for James.
“Alright, last but not least.” Nicole stood up and handed both Dani and Matt envelopes. They looked confused but took them willingly. They each peeled the envelope and opened a card. I couldn’t tell what they were reading, but it looked like a check.
“What is this for?” Matt asked, holding the check between his fingers. He looked over at Dani who was just as lost.
“Read the memo line,” she instructed. Two sets of eyes went straight back to their checks.
“Seriously?” Dani grinned from ear to ear. She hopped off the couch and tackled Aunt Nicole, making them both laugh. “Thank you!”
“Of course, sweetie.”
I looked over at Matt, trying to get some clarity.
“She’s paying for us to get tattoos.” He nodded back at Nicole with a s
mile. “Dani and I always said that as soon as we turned eighteen, we would get tattoos for Mom.”
“You’ve got the money, now all you have to do is go.” She smiled, coming over to hug Matt too.
“It isn’t going to cost this much,” Matt laughed, looking at the number on the check.
She shrugged. “Just in case.” They hugged greatly, making everyone smile. Well, everyone except Michael. I don’t know why but I looked at him immediately. He just looked uncomfortable, his hands rung together like a rag, staring out the window. I wished it wasn’t like this for him, I couldn’t imagine his pain.
We all hung out for a while, watching a movie and relaxing. Mom and Nicole had settled in the kitchen with cups of coffee. Dani and Rhylie were scrolling through Dani’s new tablet, downloading games to play together. James cut out early. I guess he had a date to get to. Matt and I were on the couch, his head in my lap so I could play with his hair. Michael was still quiet, sitting stiffly in a chair. I imagined he wanted a drink, especially being around his late wife’s sister, but he didn’t drink the entire evening.
“So, tell me about this tattoo,” I spoke up.
Matt smiled. “After Mom died, we went through all this stuff that she saved for us, things we thought were long gone. Like she knew we were going to need it someday.” He smiled to himself, thinking over the memory. “In this box of stuff was every card she had given us. Ten years’ worth of birthday cards and just random cards she had gotten for both Dani and me. She wrote little messages in all of them, but the ending was always the same. Love you always, Mom. Dani and I reread them for years, just trying to have a piece of her. And eventually, we had the idea to get that tattooed on us in her handwriting. That way she is always with us.”
I had to stop playing with his hair so I could wipe away my tears.
“Will you stop crying?” Matt laughed. “I swear you cry more than anyone I know.”
“I know, I’m sorry,” I laughed. “That’s just…its really beautiful.”
“I think she would’ve liked it.” He took my hand and kissed my palm. “Thank you for being here today.”
“Where else would I be?” I leaned down and kissed his forehead gently. “Happy Birthday.”
The night slowed, and Rhylie was coming down from her sugar high, falling asleep on Dani’s shoulder. Mom and Nicole finished their coffee and were ready to call it a night.
“I’m assuming you are staying here?” Mom asked as she picked up our sleeping little girl.
Blush crept through my cheeks. “Yea.”
“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow.” She kissed my cheek quickly before saying her goodbyes and heading out.
“I’m gonna call it a night,” Nicole made her exit. “I’ve got a long drive tomorrow.”
“You sure you can’t stay longer?” Dani begged.
“I’ve left Andrew with the kids for one day, he’s probably ready to pull his hair out.” I could only imagine one man with three kids on his own. But I thought about Matt and him wanting five kids and I tried to stifle my laughter. “But I’m so happy I got to see you guys. I love you so, so much.”
“Love you too,” Matt smiled.
“Goodnight guys, I’ll see you in the morning.” And off to the guest room she went.
“I think I’m gonna head to bed too,” Michael stood up, looking back at us. “Happy birthday, guys.”
“Thanks, Dad.” Dani smiled.
“Goodnight,” Matt mumbled. Michael looked disappointed, but he trotted up the stairs to his room. I didn’t know how long it was going to take Matt to talk to his dad and let him in again, but I knew it was going to be a long time.
“I’m just gonna hang out and play with this tablet. You guys are free to go upstairs and get it on.”
“Dani,” I groaned. Why did she have to be so embarrassing?
“Dude, not necessary,” Matt argued with her.
“I’m just saying,” she held her hands up in protest. “I’m gonna play with this thing and then just go to bed. Go, continue your night. I know you have plans.”
She wasn’t wrong, but I didn’t want to ditch her.
“Dani, we can all hang out, it’s not a big deal,” Matt insisted. I knew he wanted to go upstairs, but we were on the same page. Ditching Dani didn’t seem right.
She sighed. “I will not be the reason you two don’t get to celebrate. We can hang out tomorrow. Seriously. Go.”
Matt and I exchanged a look, unsure of what we were supposed to do.
Dani slammed her tablet on the pillow on her lap. “Do you need me to drag you up there myself? I’d rather not force my brother and my best friend to have sex, but if that’s how you want to do it.” She got up from her spot and came for us.
“Alright, alright! We’ll go!” Matt yelled before she could get her hands on him. “We just want to make sure you’re okay.”
She rolled her eyes and sat back down. “I’m not a baby in a hot car. Go.”
I pushed Matt down on his bed, making him laugh. He tried to drag me toward him, but I resisted.
“Presents first.” I grabbed the second box from his nightstand and placed it on his lap.
“You outdid yourself. You know I wasn’t expecting any gifts.”
“You do nice things for me all the time, it’s my turn. Now, open it.”
He sighed loudly but unwrapped the box. He opened it up and lit up like Christmas. Inside was a mini projector to watch movies on the ceiling, a few of his favorite movies, his favorite snacks, bags of popcorn, and a homemade coupon for one large pizza from me. His smile was like a little boy, picking out everything from the box.
“Becka, this is awesome. Is this a projector?”
I nodded. “We can watch movies in bed.”
He wiggled his eyebrows with a smirk. “That’s what I’m talking about.” He picked up the pizza coupon and grinned. “You really do know the way to my heart.”
I laughed. “I do what I can.”
“Come here.” He put the box down on the bed and pulled me in. This time I accepted, straddling his lap firmly. He kissed me profoundly, letting me know what was really on his mind.
“You really like it?” I asked. “Both the movie box and the shoes?”
He nodded slowly, staring at my lips. “I love it all, Becks. Thank you so much.”
The tingles were back. “There’s one more.”
“What’s next?”
I was nervous, but I had to do it. “I have a song for you.”
He rested his forehead against mine with a smile. “I can’t tell you how long I’ve waited to hear you say that.”
“It’s kind of sappy, but it makes me think of you and everything that our future could be. But if you don’t like it, I’ll just find another one and—”
“Becks. Stop it. I know how much songs mean to you, and that’s why I want to hear what you have for me. I don’t care if I like the type of music. I want to hear it because you picked it. Okay?”
I took a deep breath, trying to stop myself from spiraling out of control.
“Okay.” I stood up and took my phone from my pocket. I found the song quickly, my fingers fidgeting, almost unable to press play. Matt turned me around and pulled me onto the bed, hugging me from behind with his face buried in the crook of my neck. The feeling of his arms wrapped around me gave me the strength I needed. The music began, and our bodies lightly began to sway back and forth.
We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January
This is our place, we make the rules
And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear
Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?
I was trying to stay calm about my vulnerability, and within a moment, Matt made everything better. When the chorus began, he sang so softly in my ear it brought tears to my eyes right on cue.
Can I go where you go?
Can we always be this close forever and ever?
And ah, take me out,
and take me home
You're my, my, my, my lover
Matt’s lips landed on my cheek as we sat together on his bed, taking away any ounce of fear I ever had about sharing this part with him. This was better than expected.
Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand?
With every guitar string scar on my hand
I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover
My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue
All's well that ends well to end up with you
Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover
And you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me
And at every table, I'll save you a seat, lover
Can I go where you go?
Can we always be this close forever and ever?
And ah, take me out, and take me home (forever and ever)
You're my, my, my, my
Oh, you're my, my, my, my
Darling, you're my, my, my, my lover
The song faded away and Matt pulled me on top of him, holding my body so close as if we were one. I stared into this man’s eyes so many times I thought I could draw them from memory. But here in this moment, as they glistened with tears, they looked completely different. Greater than happy.
“This is the best birthday I’ve ever had.”
Twenty-One
I woke up to the sound of a slam from downstairs. I sat up in bed, the room still dark from the night. The alarm clock read 3:15, too late and too early to be awake. I scooted closer to Matt, but his side was empty. Once my eyes adjusted, I found him sitting on the floor next to his door. It was open just a crack.
“Matt?”
He shushed me with his finger before waving me over. I threw on his button-up from the night before and joined him on the carpet, trying to listen closely.
“You can’t keep doing this, Michael.” The voice was Nicole.
“I’m not doing anything.” Michael’s gruff voice carried through the hall.
“You are up in the middle of the night chugging liquor alone in the kitchen. This isn’t nothing.”
“Just stay out of it!” he yelled louder. “It has nothing to do with you!”
I Go Where You Go Page 45