He read Dee’s letter again. He heard her melodic voice in the sweet, thoughtful words she’d written. But he didn’t detect an ounce of hope for the future in them. Even reading between the lines. Sweet as it was, it was still, in essence, a Dear John letter.
He folded it carefully, slid it back in the envelope, and tucked it in the desk drawer atop a stack of the children’s drawings and the yellowing newspaper announcements of his and Starr’s engagement.
Chapter 45
Wade threw another log in the wood-burning stove and brushed off his hands. Outside, the first snow of the winter swirled around the house and piled up inside the windowsills.
He went into the dining room and sat down at his desk. He stared at the phone. For three days he’d been trying to get up the courage to call Minneapolis. On the advice of Frank Locke, he had let the holidays go by without making an effort to contact the kids. He agreed with Locke that Darrin Parnell would be more amenable to his call if he first proved that he didn’t intend to be a pest.
To Wade’s surprise, Carma Weist had sent a note to Frank Locke a week after the final hearing, informing him that the children were adjusting well, and asking Locke to pass the news along to Wade. He’d hoped Carma’s note might be the first of many regular updates, but he’d not heard one word since.
The Christmas lights and decorations had gone up on Coyote’s Main Street the week after Thanksgiving. And the tellers at the bank started handing out the candy canes the kids had loved so much. It seemed that everywhere he turned reminders confronted him.
Santa Claus had visited the café one night while Wade shared a cup of coffee with Sophie. Wade watched the eager expressions on the faces of the children who came to sit on Santa’s lap. Oh, how Dani’s eyes would have sparkled at hearing the jolly ho-ho-ho. Even Sophie choked up a little, talking about how excited the kids would have been for Christmas to come to Coyote.
He’d spent a lonely Christmas with Pete and Margie. And an even lonelier New Year’s Eve at home.
He took a deep breath and exhaled a stream of air. He lifted the handset and punched the number into the keypad. The insistent burr sounded on the other end. Once, twice, three times. He’d rehearsed what he wanted to say a dozen times, but he went over it one more time now.
“Parnell residence.”
It was Beau.
Wade’s heart thudded out an uneven staccato, and his throat grew thick. “Beau?”
“Yeah?” His voice was lower than Wade remembered.
“Hey, it’s Wade. How’re you doing, buddy?”
There was a long silence on the other end. He heard Beau’s uneven breathing.
“Wade?”
“Yeah, buddy. It’s me. How are you?” His spirits lifted just hearing the familiar voice.
“Where are you? Are you here?”
“In Minneapolis? No, buddy, I’m home. In Coyote.”
“Oh.” The word dropped on a dull note.
“I just called to see how you and the girls are getting along.”
“When are you coming, Wade? We––the girls are always cryin’ for you.”
Wade’s thoughts immediately flew to Parnell. “Is everything all right?”
More silence.
“Beau?”
“It’s okay, I guess. But when are you comin’?”
“Well…I don’t know, buddy. I’d love to come and see you…soon. So, he’s treating you okay?”
“I guess.”
“Do you get to see Carma quite a bit?”
“What do you mean? She lives here.”
“Oh. I thought they weren’t getting married until next spring.” He’d hoped he might offer to keep the kids while the newlyweds honeymooned.
“Yeah, the wedding is in March or something. Or maybe it’s May. I forget.”
“Oh, I see.” So she’d moved in with him. He wasn’t crazy about the example it set for the kids, but at the same time, it was rather comforting to think of Carma being there as a buffer. Wade grasped for something to say. “Did you get the Christmas presents I sent?”
“No…I don’t think so. Not yet. Is Shadow okay?”
Wade brightened. “Oh yeah! She’s doing great. We have snow here, and she was down by the river chasing snowflakes when I got home from––”
“Hey!”
The shout caused Wade to pull the phone away, but he immediately pressed it to his ear again.
Beau sounded angry. “No, wait! Carma! It’s––”
There was a commotion, then a brusque feminine voice interrupted. “Hello? Who is this?”
“Yes…um…is this Carma?”
A cautious pause. “Who is this, please?”
“Oh, I’m sorry. It’s Wade Sullivan…from Kansas?”
“Oh. Did he call you?”
“Beau? No…no, I called there and he answered the phone.”
“Well, the kids aren’t supposed to use the telephone without permission.”
“No, I don’t think you understand. He didn’t call me.”
Silence.
“I…I was just calling to ask about the children. I wonder if I might speak to the girls? Just for a minute. Are they there?”
“The children are fine. They’re doing very well…adjusting quite well. I…we sent a note to your attorney.”
“Yes, I got the message.”
More silence.
“Would it be okay if I talk to the girls?” he asked again, trying to keep his frustration at bay.
“Um…Let me talk to Darrin. Hold on just a moment, please.”
Wade heard the drone of a television and muffled voices in the background.
A long minute passed before a deep voice barked in his ear. “Sullivan?”
“Yes. Darrin? I was telling Carma that I just wanted to see how the kids were––”
“The kids are fine.”
“Could we…find a time I could come up and visit for a couple days? I thought it might be easier if I traveled up there. I was thinking maybe the kids could come here while you two honeymoon…”
“Oh, we’ve got those arrangements all worked out.”
“Well, another time, then? Over their spring break?”
“I don’t think so. Maybe after they get adjusted a little better. It’s too soon now.”
“But Carma said they were adjusting well. Is everything okay?”
“I told you, they’re fine. We’ll talk about this in a few months. I’ll give you a call.”
His heart sank. “Well, then, could I talk to the girls? Just for a few––”
The dial tone buzzed in his ear.
A cauldron of anger simmered inside him. He jabbed at the redial key. But before the number finished dialing, he hung up the phone. It would be foolish to try to reason with Darrin Parnell in this frame of mind. No use making the man angry and risk having him turn it on the children.
He pushed back his chair and paced the floor. At least Beau had sounded okay. But he’d said the girls were crying for him.
Why did that image break his heart and warm it at the same time?
Wade climbed out of the pickup, zipped up his insulated coveralls, and pulled his stocking cap down over his ears. He looked up at the roof where Pete was perched high on the rafters. He had the radio cranked up as loud as it would go, and Wade heard him singing along to Gary Allan’s raspy vocals.
It was cold, but the freezing rain had finally quit. The February sun had warmed things enough that they could work outside again.
He started up the ladder, tools in hand. “Yo, Pete!”
His partner looked up and, seeing him, reached around to turn down the volume on the CD player balanced precariously on a beam. “Hey.”
“How’s it going?”
“Goin’ good. Nice to have the sun out for a change.”
“You got that right.” Wade straddled a rafter and set to work. They’d gutted this old house and were remodeling it from the ground floor up for a group of investors that planned
to open a bed-and-breakfast here. As he’d watched the project take shape, Wade gave thanks for a job in which he found such satisfaction. It had kept him sane over the months since he’d lost the kids. Since he’d lost Dee.
As though his partner had read his mind, Pet slammed home another nail and glanced over at him. “So, what are you doing Saturday night?’
“The usual,” Wade said, instantly suspicious. “Hot date.”
“Yeah, right.” Pete rolled his eyes and chuckled. “When was the last time you had a date?”
Wade held his hammer aloft. “Don’t even go there, buddy. Just change the subject right now.”
“No, I’m serious, man. Margie met this new teacher at the elementary school. I’ve seen her a couple of times. She’s a real looker. And sweet as she is cute, Margie says. Margie can’t wait for you to meet her. We were wondering if you wanted to come over for supper Saturday night. Amber’s spending the night with a friend, and we thought the four of us could play cards or something…maybe rent a movie?”
“I appreciate the thought, Pete, but I don’t think so.”
“Come on, man. What have you got to lose? It’s not like a date. Just a chance to meet a new friend, that’s all.”
“You know better than that. Margie’s probably already got the wedding invitations picked out.” He was kidding, giving his partner a hard time. But he wasn’t going. It didn’t matter how hard Pete pushed. He’d been blessed to have two precious women in his life. He would be content with that. That, and the whisper of a hope he didn’t dare to voice.
As he sought the Scriptures early each morning, one truth had begun to sink deep into his spirit: This life was only a whisper of a breath to eternity. God was far more interested in making him ready for the life to come than he was in seeing that Wade was happy on this finite planet.
This constant ache of loneliness was only for a season on earth. And in spite of it––perhaps because of it––he had become ever more aware of an overwhelming sense of peace in his life––a peace undergirded by something he could only describe as joy.
The Wal-Mart parking lot was jam-packed on a Saturday afternoon. Wade hadn’t realized Easter weekend would be such a big shopping day. He parked the pickup in the closest spot he could find––half the length of a football field away––and jogged to the front entry.
A jovial, six-foot-tall Easter Bunny met him at the door with a basket of foil-wrapped chocolates and coupons for Easter egg dye. Lacey and Dani would have been in hog heaven over the encounter.
Wade wondered how the kids were celebrating this Easter. It startled him to realize it would be their second without their mother. Last Easter had gone uncelebrated, so close on the heels of Starr’s death. The year before, Starr had spent a small fortune putting together colorful treat-filled baskets for each of the kids. The girls got new dresses for Easter Sunday, and Beau got his first bow tie. The girls made corny jokes about Beau wearing a bow. Much to Starr’s chagrin, Beau had retaliated by ripping off the tie and refusing to put it back on. How oblivious they’d all been then to what lay ahead.
Taking the shopping cart the elderly greeter offered, he headed toward the automotive department. He planned to change the oil in the truck this weekend, and he needed windshield wiper blades and brake fluid.
He pulled a case of oil from the bottom shelf. When he straightened and turned to put the box in the cart, he found himself looking into Dee Thackery’s eyes. He had to remind himself to breathe. “Dee…”
She put a hand to her throat. “Wade. Hi.” She fidgeted with the strap of her purse. “How are you?”
He lowered the case of oil into the cart and stood with his hands gripping the handle. The cart formed a barrier between him and Dee––one he was grateful for, since he found himself desperately wanting to give her a hug.
“I’m doing good,” he told her, trying not to stare. She looked beautiful. Her hair was longer, and she’d done something to the color––highlights, he thought they were called. She was wearing jeans and a pale yellow sweatshirt, and she had a fresh, girl-next-door look about her.
“How are the kids?” A note of compassion crept into her voice. “Do you get to see them often?”
He bit his lip. “I haven’t seen them since…since they moved to Minneapolis.”
Her forehead furrowed and she leaned toward him. “Oh, Wade. I’m so sorry. Have you at least gotten to talk to them?”
“I called there and got to talk to Beau for a little bit. It’s hard to tell over the phone, but he sounded like they were doing okay. Carma’s written Frank Locke twice, asking him to let me know the kids were okay.”
“That’s good,” Dee said.
“Yeah, I guess. I talked to her for a few minutes the night I called Beau.” He paused, remembering the frustration of that night. “But then she put Parnell on the phone, and that was the end of it. She’d moved in with him. I think they were supposed to get married this spring.”
Dee shook her head and clucked sympathetically. “I’m so sorry it hasn’t worked out differently for you, Wade.”
“Yeah. It…it’s been kind of rough.” He forced a smile. “So how are you? Still working at St. Joe’s?”
“Oh yes.”
“And it’s going well?”
“Very well. I enjoy my work.”
He dipped his head. “Well, you’re good at it.”
A flush bloomed on her cheeks. “Thank you. Are…are you still living out west of town?”
“Still there. Me and Shadow.”
“Oh yes, good ol’ Shadow.” She grinned. “ The dog that gave me my first mud bath.”
He laughed with her. “I’d kind of forgotten about that.” Not true. He’d relived every moment with her a hundred times. “I bet that made a good first impression.”
“I’ve had better,” she said, a teasing glint coming to her eyes. “You redeemed yourself, though.”
An awkward silence grew between them, and Wade shuffled his feet on the shiny tile floor. Should he take those words at more than face value? Had the feelings she’d once had for him remained strong, as his had for her?
“Oh, hey,” she said, snapping her fingers and looking into his shopping cart. “You’re buying oil. Maybe you can help me.”
He tipped his head. “Depends. What’s the question?”
“My neighbor’s going to change my oil for me this weekend, but I have no clue what kind to get.”
“Oh, well, you probably want petroleum-based––conventional––not synthetic. It’s cheaper. Probably 10W30.”
She shrugged and smiled sheepishly. “You’re speaking a foreign language. Sorry.”
“Here––” He found the right grade and stooped to pick up a case. “This should work.”
“Oh…I guess I should have brought a cart.” She wrinkled her nose. “Does it take that much?”
“Well, no. You could buy individual quarts. I’m just used to buying it by the case because it’s cheaper that way.”
“Oh, okay.”
He set the case into his cart. “I’ll take it to the checkout for you. Were you done shopping?”
“I’m done. Thank you. I…I’m glad I ran into you.”
He wheeled the cart around in the narrow aisle, and they headed toward the checkout, walking in silence. She went through the checkout first, then waited for him at the end of the counter while he paid for his purchases.
He loaded her case of oil back into the shopping cart. “Show me where you’re parked, ma’am.” He flashed a grin. “Here at Wal-Mart, we aim to please.”
She laughed and led the way past the Easter Bunny and out to the parking lot. “Sorry…I’m parked way down at the end.”
“Hey, you couldn’t be any farther away than I am. Isn’t this a madhouse?”
She nodded, suddenly seeming distracted and distant. She stepped ahead of him and unlocked the trunk of her car.
He hefted the oil and set it inside, scooting the box around until he was sur
e it wouldn’t shift while she drove. He slammed the trunk lid, painfully aware that it was time for him to make a graceful exit.
Turning to her, he breathed her name. “Dee.”
She looked up, expectancy in her eyes.
“I…I never answered your letter, but…thanks. I appreciated it.”
“I thought maybe it made you mad,” she said, glancing away. “Since I never heard back.”
He paused, not quite sure how to respond. “Well, not mad exactly. It just sounded pretty…final.”
Now she studied him, shaking her head slowly. “It had to be, Wade. It’s not what I wanted.”
He cocked his head. “I don’t suppose the rules have changed by now?”
She hesitated. “Rules?”
“You know, the two-year thing.” For one awful moment he was afraid he’d totally misread her. Maybe he was assuming far too much. Maybe she hadn’t given him another thought since she mailed the letter. What if there was even somebody else? He took in a short breath at the thought and voiced it before he could chicken out. “Is there someone… Are you seeing someone else?”
“Oh…” She seemed thrown by the question. “No, there’s no one.”
“Good.”
She looked at him askance. “Good?”
“I haven’t given up hope, Dee.” He stared at the asphalt, afraid of what he might see in her eyes.
“Oh, Wade. It’s…such a long time.”
“Seven months down, seventeen to go.”
“You’re crazy,” she said. “That’s forever.” But Wade liked the flash of anticipation he saw in her soft smile, the lilt in her voice when she said it.
“I told you, I’m a patient man.”
The look of near panic he’d seen in her eyes that day at his house flitted there again. But there was something else there now, too. Something that gave him hope.
“I have to go,” she said. “Before I do something I’ll regret.” She rummaged in her purse for the car keys. When she looked up, tears brimmed in her eyes. “Thank you, Wade…for helping me…with the oil.” She backed toward the driver’s side door, her gaze holding his.
He tipped an imaginary hat. “My pleasure, ma’am.”
A Nest of Sparrows Page 32