by Sky Winters
“Thank you,” she said, turning back to the garden, sure that he would be leaving now that they had had a superficial conversation. He had yet to speak to her at any further length and she was sure he had no intention of changing that, based on their conversation on her first day at the ranch.
“May I ask you a question?” he asked, looking hesitant as he spoke.
“Of course,” she replied, a bit shocked that he was interested in continuing their conversation but glad of it. She had been feeling quite lonely since her arrival at the ranch. She was constantly surrounded by the ranch hands, but few besides Hank made much of an effort to get to know her, though they were all polite to her.
“You are very young to be a widow,” he observed, though he words were not a question. Still, she knew exactly where he was planning to go with this conversation. She sighed and braced herself for the painful memories that she knew that she was about to relive.
“Yes I am,” she said, walking towards him and leaning against the fence herself for support.
“Will you tell me about your first marriage?” he requested. The fact that he asked her instead of commanding her to tell him made it easier for her to begin her story. He was, after all, her husband and he would have had the authority to do so, but he did not. Instead he asked her and it gave her a glimpse passed the façade that he so often showed her.
“I see no reason not to. His name was Robert. We grew up in the orphanage together. He was my best friend. When we came of age, we married so that we could have a life beyond the loneliness of what we had known our whole lives. We both worked hard to get enough money to make a down payment on land of our own so that we could live in the peace and quiet of the country and farm. After all the noise and chaos of the orphanage, the Idea seemed like heaven. It was our dream from the time we were very young children. We had to get a loan of the rest but we got it. Things were going well enough. We were never going to be rich but we were covering our loan payment and we were happy. Then Robert fell off his horse and everything changed. He lingered for a few weeks and I used all of our savings to pay the doctors who were trying to save him. In the end, though, his internal injuries were too much. He died and I was alone in the world again. I couldn't keep up with the loan payments or the farm work on my own so I lost it to the bank. That is when I decided to become a mail order bride. I could not be so close to the life that I had. I needed to start fresh,” she concluded, her eyes looking off at the distant horizon. She was not sure how he would react to her tale. Really, she was not even sure how she wanted him to react. He had wanted to know, though, so she had told him.
“I am sorry that you have endured so much at such a young age,” he finally said, without looking directly at her. There was something in the air between them that told her that he knew what it felt like to lose someone that you loved dearly. He did not say more than that, but he made no move to leave her and the garden.
“That is a lovely horse,” she said gently, trying to move the conversation in a different direction. She had shared her story and there was no good that could come from either of them dwelling on past sadness.
“Yes, he is,” he said with a proud smile. He was clearly proud of the stallion. “I’ve had him for years. We have been through quite a lot together,” he added as he patted the horse affectionately.
“I have never ridden one before. I never learned as a child and I never tried once we moved to the farm,” admitted shyly. She did not want him to judge her for it but the words just slipped out as she saw how comfortable he was with the beast.
“Would you like to?” he offered, not at all judgmental of her admission.
“Oh I could never handle such a powerful creature,” she gasped, unable to believe that he actually thought that she could do such a thing.
“You would be surprised. Let me go saddle up another horse and we will go for a ride,” he said, patting her on the shoulder as he spoke. The gesture comforted her and she decided right then to do it. She had chosen this life for a fresh start and she could not be afraid of what her new life had to offer.
“Alright,” she smiled shyly as he wanted off towards the stable. He returned a few moments later leading a pretty little mare beside his own stallion. As he helped up on to her mount, she felt something in their relationship shift.
After that day, he began to take her riding regularly. He told himself that it was because riding was such an important skill for anyone on the ranch to have, but really he just enjoyed spending time with her. Anna enjoyed it too. For the first time since she lost Robert, she felt close to another person. Despite the defenses that he put up, Liam turned out to be as intelligent and kind a man as she had ever known.
Anna tried not to read too much in to it when Liam began taking his meals with her in the kitchen instead of with his men. She knew that she was dangerously close to having feelings for him that neither of them wanted. He did not want a wife who loved him and she did not want to love any man other than Robert.
Chapter 5
It was just past sunset a few nights later as Anna fussed in the kitchen, trying to keep dinner warm. The men were rarely late and she was beginning to worry when she heard a commotion outside. She was getting ready to chastise them all for keeping her waiting when she realized that something was terribly wrong.
Hank and the senior ranch hand, James, were carrying Liam between them as they burst through the door. She smelled the blood before she even saw it. Her eyes locked in on the gaping wound in his shoulder and she felt her heart stop. He was so pale. He looked more dead than alive, not moving or making a sound, despite the intense pain that he must have felt as the men carried him roughly.
“What happened?” she demanded as she ran across the room to them.
“Cattle rustlers,” Hank said, not taking his eyes of Liam. He was clearly just as terrified as she was about the odd color that he had turned. “We came upon them out on the range trying to run off with a dozen head of cattle. They ran when we spooked them but he rode after them like a damn fool. They fired on us. We didn’t think anyone was hit until he slumped in the saddle.”
“Is he…” she began to ask but she could not finish the question. She could not ask aloud if he was already dead. She was not sure she could stand it if he was and she knew that she needed to be strong for the men.
“He is not dead. He has lost a lot of blood though,” Hank explained as they looked about for a place to put Liam.
“Get him upstairs to his own bed,” she said to Hank and James. “Bring be all the medical supplies you can find around here plus all the whiskey and clean bed sheets you can track down,” she said to the others who were gathered around to see how their employer faired.
“Yes mam,” they all murmured in unison before rushing off to their respective tasks.
She worked for hours trying to get all of the pellets from the shotgun blast out of his shoulder. At first, the men had to hold him down. He was delirious, but he was strong and he lashed out against the pain that she was causing him. Soon enough, though, he passed out from pain and her work became easier. It was some time later when she felt confident that she had gotten each piece of lead out of him. Then, she did her best to clean and bandage the wound before setting in to a chair beside his bed.
She knew that she should go and try to get some sleep. She was exhausted and he was going to require much more care, but she could not bring herself to leave his side and she could not relax enough for sleep to find her. All the while, the men remained gathered in the hallway outside, waiting for any news of Liam’s condition.
“Oh Liam, why did you have to try and be a hero?” she whispered in to the darkness as she watched his breathing, labored but steady.
All she could do was watch silently as she waited for him to wake up. It was hours and hours later, nearly dawn, before he did just that. Slowly, his eyes opened. He was so quiet about it that she did not even realize that he was awake. Her eyes were locked on his hand, h
eld tightly in her own.
“Anna,” he whispered weakly.
“Oh, thank God you are awake,” she cried as she felt tears of joy well in her eyes.
“I feel like hell,” he grumbled as he tried to sit up. The groan on pain that followed told her just how terrible he really felt.
“Well, people usually do after they are shot,” she smirked, putting a hand on his chest to keep him from struggling to sit up.
“You took care of me,” he said, still groggy from his blood loss.
“Yes. Losing one husband was quite enough,” she said honestly, taking her hand and brushing the hair from his forehead.
“You pulled all the buckshot out of my shoulder,” continued, looking simultaneously shocked and like a scared little boy.
“Yes, but I'm afraid we are not out of the woods yet. We have to keep it clean and dressed so you do not get any kind of infection. I should go make another batch,” she said, worried about keeping his wound from getting the kind of infection that could kill a man so quickly.
“No, not right now. Stay with me a moment longer,” he said, reaching out and taking her hand in his.
“Alright,” she said, placing her hand gently on his cheek. The feeling of his warm skin beneath it reassured her that he was indeed alive and there with her. The thought of losing him had terrified her and is still did not feel entirely real to her that he was there and healing.
“You told me about your past but I never told you about mine,” he said, his voice so low that she could barely hear him. To make it easier for him to speak, she rose from her chair and moved to sit on the bed beside him.
“No, I suppose you have not,” she said with a gentle smile. She had known, of course, that there was something in his past that forced him to stay distant from her, she just had no idea what it was. He braced himself for a new kind of pain and launched in to his story. He did not meet her eyes though. He locked his gaze on the ceiling above him.
“I built this place five years ago for myself and my fiancé. She was a beautiful woman, too beautiful as it turned out. I was so damn in love with her and she was in love with the idea of the money and position she would gain as my wife. I know that you have never even thought of that. You work as hard as any of my hands but she had plans to be the lady of the estate. The problem with a relationship like at, of course, is that temptation is strong when new opportunity arises. While I was building this place for her, a banker from Cheyenne was coming to call on her. Two weeks before we were to be married, she left me for him. She left me alone, here on the ranch with this house that I built for her,” he said, still not turning to meet her eyes.
“You do not need to talk about this now. You need to rest and heal,” she said, knowing that it must have been very painful for him to relive the story of her benefit.
“No, I need you to understand why I am the way I am. I loved her so much. I was a blind fool,” he said, turning then to face her. The anger and hurt on his face told her all that she needed to know. He had allowed himself to love once before and his heart had been broken. He would never allow himself to be vulnerable again. He would never allow himself to love her.
“Shhh. I understand. Just rest,” she said, forcing herself to stay positive for him. She stood then to hide her own emotion and gathered an extra blanket for him.
“Alright. Thank you for taking care of me,” he said as she tucked the blanket around him.
“Of course, my husband,” she said, unable to keep herself from bending down and kissing him lightly on top of the head.
As he drifted back to sleep, she felt her heart shift. She knew in that moment that it was not just respect and friendship that she felt for him. It was love. She knew what love felt like. She had known her entire life what it felt like because of Robert. She had thought she would never feel that way again, but she could not deny that she felt it when she looked at Liam. The real question, of course, was what to do about it.
Chapter 6
Weeks passed and Liam healed. Anna stayed close to him, watching his wounds and helping him to get around as he healed. Each day, though, he needed her less and less. Soon enough, he was walking about the ranch and giving orders to his men as if nothing had happened. Each day he pulled further and further from her, returning more to the way things had been when she first arrived at the ranch. As she watched him heal, she also watched for any signs that he had changed his heart; any sign that he might let another person in, but she saw no signs. All she saw was a man who was working hard to put the walls around his heart securely back up.
At first, she thought that she could continue on as they had been. She had resigned herself to that life when she arrived and she thought that she could continue but each day it grew harder and harder to be so near the man that she loved while knowing that he would never allow himself to feel anything for her. It was then that she realized that she needed to leave him. Staying with him and never having his love would be just as painful as it would have been if she had stayed in West Virginia, surrounded by the ghost of the life that she had had with Robert before he was taken from her. At least her memories of Robert were filled with love, both hers for him and his for her.
She could not leave, though, until she knew that he was entirely healed. On the day that she saw him mount his horse and ride out with the men for the first time, she knew that the time had come. She packed only a small bag that she could carry herself. It was not hard no decide which few items to bring with her. She would not need much where she was going.
She knew, of course, that Liam would take her leaving badly. He had been left once before by a woman and it might cause him pain, though more to his pride than his heart. She knew, though, if she had to face him and tell him that she was leaving she would lose her nerve and stay, only to be miserable for the rest of her days. She had promised Robert on his death bed that she would lead a happy life and she could not allow herself to break her last promise to him.
All that was left to do was write a note for him. He would, of course, come looking for her when he arrived home to find that dinner had not been prepared. She kept is simple, saying only:
Liam,
Thank you for providing me with a home here. I have enjoyed each day more than the last. Circumstances have changed, making it impossible for me to stay. Know that I will think kindly of you all the days of my life and that I will remain your loyal wife until my dying day.
Sincerely,
Anna
She could not help but leave a note for Hank too. She knew that he would be hurt by her leaving. He had seemed to have hope that she and Liam could come to have a true marriage and he would be so disappointed that she was running away, taking that possibility with her. She wrote to him:
Hank,
Thank you for your kindness during my time here. You have been the one true friend that I have had during my time at Vista Roja. Look after Liam for me. I made enough dressing for the wound to last two months. It is in the pantry.
Anna
She placed both sealed notes on the table and made her way on foot back towards the train stop. She had thought of taking the mare that Liam had used to teach her to ride, but there would be no way of making sure that the creature was returned to him and she did not want to take anything from him or the ranch that did not belong to her.
It was many hours later, when the men returned from work that they found the notes on the table in place of the meal that they were expecting. As soon as Liam finished reading the note, he threw it to the ground and grabbed the closest thing to him, a small statue of a horse, and smashed it to pieces on the ground.
“Sir, what is the meaning of this?” Hank asked Liam.
“She is gone. She has left. ‘Circumstances have made it impossible’ for her to stay. What the hell does that even mean?” he asked, his rage and hurt apparent. “What did her note to you say?” he asked suddenly, realizing that he was not the only one she had left a message for.
�
�It asks that I take care of you for her. She left instructions for keeping you wound dressed,” Hank answered, looking as though he was baffled by what was happening.
“What does she care if the wound turns sour? She did not care enough to stay,” Liam said bitterly.
“Are you going to just let her go?” Hank demanded.
“What choice do I have? She is gone. If she does not want to stay, I will not force her to,” he snapped as he rose to go to her room, confirming that she was truly gone. Liam was shocked to see that almost all of her belongings were still in place. All that was gone were a few personal trinkets and the two dresses she wore most often when doing the most difficult work around the ranch.
Hank followed him and could not keep himself from saying, “The foolish girl left with nothing but the cloths on her back.”
“She took a few things,” Liam said, running his hands over the brown dress that they had married in, left hanging in her wardrobe.
“She took only what she could carry. She did not leave here on a horse. It is a full day’s walk to the train station. You could catch up with her,” Hank urged.
“And what, find her there meeting her lover as they ride off to a new life? No, I will not track an unfaithful woman across the country. I will not search for her only to find that she does not love me. I will not,” he said stubbornly.
“You love her, don’t you?” Hank asked in amazement.
“I do not see how that matters,” Liam said dismissively.
“It matters because that woman did not leave her because she does not love you. If I had to wager, she left here because she thinks that you do not and cannot love her. She is a tender hearted thing and she had been through so much in her life. Maybe she just decided that she did not want to damn herself to a life of loving a man who will not let her in to his heart,” Hank answered, nearly yelling at his employer.
“How could you know that?” Liam asked, staring out the window in the direction of the train station, wondering how many hours poor Anna had been walking just to get away from him.