by Cora Reilly
After my shower, I still didn’t feel better but at least I’d made up my mind. Aria was sitting on the bed, typing on her phone, when I entered the bedroom.
“Did Luca tell you about Matteo?” I asked immediately, my throat already tightening and panic flooding me. I should have gone with Matteo. Suddenly I couldn’t breathe.
“He’s doing fine. Apparently it’s only a concussion and a few cracked ribs.” She finally looked up and quickly walked over to me. “You look pale.”
I swallowed. Matteo would be fine. Slowly my panic settled down.
“You are really worried about him, aren’t you? Why don’t you admit it? You can trust me, Gianna, you know that.”
“Of course I worry. I’m not made from stone. I don’t want anything to happen to him. I care about him, believe it or not.”
“But not enough to stay?” Aria asked.
I wasn’t sure what to say. All my well-laid plans in the shower seemed to crumble before me again. “I need to lie down for a while, I think. Or do we have to leave soon?”
Aria shook her head. “No, Luca will take Matteo to our penthouse when he wakes, so you won’t cross his path if you stay here. And it’s late anyway. Catch some sleep.”
I grabbed clean clothes and put them on before I lay down on top of the covers. I could hear Aria closing the door and then silence reigned around me.
It was already light out when I woke. I was alone in the bedroom. I quickly scrambled off the bed and left the room, half expecting to find Matteo in the kitchen. He wasn’t.
Aria was there. She tipped something into her phone before handing me a cup of coffee. “How do you feel?”
“Where’s Matteo? Is he okay? Is he still in hospital?”
“He’s fine. He’s in the penthouse, sleeping off his concussion.”
“Oh, right. He’s at your place. That makes sense.”
“Gianna, you don’t have to leave, you realize that, right? It’s okay to stay with Matteo.”
I stared at her. It was okay, wasn’t it? Okay to love a man like him, okay to accept life in the mob.
The elevator stopped with a bling and Luca walked out, his cold gaze settling on me. I had to suppress a shiver. That was what hatred looked like, and I supposed he had every reason to hate me. Sandro was a couple of steps behind him like a good lapdog.
“I hope your bags are packed. I want you out of this apartment as soon as possible.”
“Luca,” Aria hissed. “That’s not fair.”
For once she couldn’t warm his cold heart. “No. That bitch needs to get as far away from my brother as possible. I want her gone. She’s been ruining his life for long enough.”
I glared, but deep down I wondered if he was right. Of course, I’d never admit it. “I know you think Matteo deserves better than me. But let me tell you one thing. Aria deserves better too. She’s too good and pure and kind for you. You aren’t even worth the dirt under her shoes. She’s too loving and nice to see it, but I do. You think I destroyed Matteo’s life, but I never got a choice in the matter. I didn’t want to marry him. You on the other hand chose to marry Aria. You chose to destroy her life with your darkness. So get down from your high horse, you bastard. You don’t deserve her and never will.”
Aria’s knuckles turned white from her grip on Luca’s wrist. He could have shaken her off with ease but he didn’t move. “I know,” he said in a steely voice. “But the difference between you and me is that I’m trying to be a better man for her. But you never tried. You were always content with being a bitch.”
Aria gasped. “Luca, please.”
“No. He’s right. I’m a bitch, and I’m leaving now. Tell Matteo goodbye from me.” Wow, spoken like a true bitch. It was too late to take the words back, and I knew I would be too prideful to do it anyway. I took two of my bags that Aria must have carried down before I’d woken, and headed for Sandro who picked up my other bags and followed me toward the elevator. I stepped inside and faced Aria and Luca, my head held high. Luca’s gaze was unrestrained hate, but Aria was crying. She was pleading me with her eyes and eventually I couldn’t take it anymore and lowered my gaze to the floor. The doors slid shut and the elevator started moving. Sandro didn’t try to make conversation. Every look he gave me spoke of disapproval. I wondered if Luca would have had me killed if it weren’t for Aria.
***
Sandro drove me to a hotel where I would stay until I’d found an apartment. I wasn’t even sure if I would stay in New York. Returning to Chicago was definitely out of the question. I’d be dead within a week.
“Here. That’s five thousand dollars. Luca will contact you with more details soon,” Sandro said as he parked in front of the hotel. A doorman opened my door. Sandro didn’t follow me as I got out of the car, only gave the doorman information about the reservation. The moment the doorman had lifted my luggage out of the trunk, Sandro drove off, leaving me alone. I stared after the car. Nobody was watching me. I was free.
Then why did freedom feel like my new prison?
Matteo
“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Luca muttered as he followed me into my apartment.
“This is my home. I’m not an invalid. I won’t have another sleepover at your place,” I said. I was still feeling fucking dizzy but I wasn’t going to admit it to Luca. I walked into my bedroom, Luca close behind me. If he didn’t stop it soon, I’d kick his ass.
I stopped in the middle of the room. The drawers were ajar. I didn’t have to look into them to know they were empty.
“She moved out this morning,” Luca said.
“I know.”
I could feel Luca’s eyes on me. “You should stay with Aria and me. It’s almost Christmas. Do you want to spend the holidays sulking?”
“I don’t care about Christmas. And I’m not sulking. I’m supposed to rest, remember?” I pointed at my head, then walked over to the bed and lied down. “And I don’t want you to watch me while I sleep.”
“You will have dinner with Aria and me tonight. I don’t care if I have to drag you into my penthouse, but you will be there.”
I nodded. “Let me sleep.”
He finally left. Of course there was no way I could sleep. My eyes darted toward the dressing room with its empty shelves. Gianna was really gone, and this time I wasn’T going to hunt her.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Gianna
I stared out of the window of my hotel room. It was dinner time but I wasn’t hungry. I hadn’t left the room since I’d checked in this morning. Did freedom always feel this lonely?
My phone beeped with a message. It was from Aria.
Matteo broke down again. He’s unconscious.
I called her immediately, my heart hammering in my chest. She picked up after the first ring. “Where is he?” I asked.
“At our place. He’s in the guest bedroom. The doc says he needs to stay in bed. He overexerted himself too soon after the crash.”
“I’m coming over.”
“You are?” Aria asked in a hopeful voice.
“Yes. Tell Luca he should get used to my presence again.”
I could practically hear Aria smiling. “I knew it.” She paused. “I’ll send Sandro over.”
“No, I’m taking a cab. I’ll be there soon.”
When I arrived in the apartment, Luca barred my way. “What is she doing here?”
“I want to see Matteo,” I said. And I didn’t care if I had to knock out Luca to do it.
Luca glared. “Get the fuck away.”
“Luca, please,” Aria whispered.
I tried to walk past Luca but he didn’t let me. “Let me see my husband.”
“Matteo can’t use the emotional stress right now. You leaving and then returning won’t help with his recovery,” Luca growled. I had a feeling his words would have been much worse if Aria weren’t standing beside him. “If you stay now, you’ll stay for good. I’m done with your games.”
“I’m not leaving again
.”
Luca sent me a doubtful look but he stepped back. I didn’t hesitate. I rushed toward the guest bedroom and stormed inside. Matteo was asleep. I lay down beside him, determined to keep watch over him until he opened his eyes.
Matteo
A soft hand held onto mine. I opened my eyes, blinking a few times to clear my vision. I felt like a total wimp for having passed out. Fuck. I’d been shot and stabbed and even burnt before, and a stupid hit to the head brought me down to my knees. It was a disgrace. I turned my head. Gianna was curled up beside me, her hand clutching mine. Her clothes were wrinkly and her hair a complete mess as if she’d been at my side for a while.
Her face was mostly covered by her unruly hair. I felt the irresistible urge to see her expression. Slowly, carefully I sat up and brushed a few strands away with my free hand. Gianna looked like a fucking angel in sleep. Too beautiful to be real. Her thick lashes rested on her pale skin. I trailed a fingertip over her high cheekbone, enjoying the softness of her skin. Her eyes fluttered beneath her lids and then they peeled open. She blinked sleepily until her gaze finally focused on me.
I waited for her to let go of my hand and jump off the bed like it had caught fire. At the very least I expected some ridiculous excuse for why she was here, holding my hand. I doubted Luca had dragged her back. He knew I didn’t want him to.
She didn’t do any of those things however. Instead she sat up slowly, blinking away sleep and rubbing her eyes with the hand that wasn’t holding mine. She searched the room for something. “What time is it?”
I had no fucking clue. I wasn’t even sure what day it was. “You are asking me?”
She laughed once, then her expression tightened. “You scared me.”
“I did? I suppose I’m a scary guy.”
Gianna didn’t smile. She was looking at me with an expression I’d never seen on her face, vulnerable and open. “I should have never agreed to Luca’s offer. I was being stubborn. I didn’t want to admit my feelings to myself. But when Aria called to tell me you’d broken down again, I was terrified that I’d lose you.” She paused, her fingers on my hand tightening. I didn’t say anything, wasn’t sure what to say. My general solution in emotional situations was humor but it felt wrong to make a joke and I didn’t want to stop Gianna from saying whatever else she had to say.
She stared off toward the window, guilt marring her beautiful face. “All I could think about when I wasn’t at your side after you’d broken down was ‘what if you die and all I’ve ever done was treat you badly and push you away’. I’ve been acting like a major bitch. I’m sorry.”
I touched her cheek and moved closer. “You don’t need to apologize for anything, Gianna. I actually enjoyed most of our arguments. They added entertainment to my days.” I grinned and this time I got a smile in return.
“You should be pissed, Matteo. You know what Luca offered me in exchange for saving your life and that I agreed. Why aren’t you sending me away? I would deserve it.”
I shrugged. I didn’t like the idea that Gianna had eagerly accepted Luca’s offer, but she was here now. It had taken a while but eventually I’d realized that Gianna had to come to me on her own. Gianna would never let anyone force her to admit her feelings. I touched the back of her head and pulled her toward me. She didn’t resist and when her mouth touched mine, she wrapped her arms around my neck and deepened our kiss. My hand found its way under her shirt, feeling the soft skin of her stomach and moving higher.
Gianna stopped my hand’s exploration. “You need to rest. You passed out yesterday. I won’t let you overexert yourself again.”
I chuckled. “Come on. If you ride me, I won’t have to exert myself at all. You’ll do all the work.”
“Yeah, right,” she said. “No way am I going to risk your recovery. Luca would be so pissed if I did something stupid. He hates me anyway. I don’t want to give him another reason to keep me away from you.”
“Luca wouldn’t stop you from seeing me.”
She raised her eyebrows. “He tried to stop me from coming here yesterday.”
“Why the fuck did he do that?” Annoyance shot through me. Luca always had to play the Capo and order people around.
“I suppose he was worried about you,” Gianna admitted grudgingly. There was no love lost between my brother and her, so I was surprised by her admittance. “He didn’t want me to play with you. He thought it was better if there was a clean cut between us and I left your life for good.”
“So what made him change his mind?” I asked.
“Aria, I suppose.”
“Of course,” I said, though I’d hoped for another reason. I leaned back against the headboard, ignoring the slight twinge in my head at the movement. I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to look fucking relaxed when I was anything but. “I’m fine now. I won’t die. You could leave now without feeling guilty.”
Gianna looked at me for a long time without saying anything. “I don’t want to leave.”
“You agreed to Luca’s offer, you said it yourself.”
“I did, because Luca took me by surprise with it. You were dying right in front of me. We’d barely survived a crash and the crazy Russians, and suddenly I was offered something I’d thought I wanted. I didn’t even really think before I said yes.”
I nodded, but didn’t say anything. I was tired of making the first move, of always pursuing Gianna. This time I wanted to hear something from her.
She sighed, her blue eyes tired. “You think I would have let you die if Luca hadn’t offered me a ticket to freedom, don’t you? That’s what everyone thinks, probably even Aria.”
I kept my expression neutral. “Isn’t it the truth?”
She glared. “No, it’s not the truth. When Luca mentioned his stupid offer, I had already started chest compressions. I didn’t know what I was doing and probably made every mistake possible, but I wasn’t just letting you die. I was doing everything I could even before Luca offered me freedom for your life. I would have never let you die, never. I know you don’t have to believe me. There’s no reason why you should. I could be lying for all you know.”
But I did believe her. I knew how to read people and Gianna wasn’t lying. I could tell how upset she was, more upset than I’d seen her in a long time. “I don’t think you do.”
Gianna didn’t even seem to hear me. She was scowling in the direction of the window, her cheeks flushed with emotions. “I knew the moment I saw you lying in your own blood that I didn’t want to lose you. I knew it, but I still didn’t want to admit it to anyone. I was so stupid and stubborn. I was being bitchy Gianna like usual. And once I’d agreed to Luca’s offer, I was too proud to tell him that I didn’t even want his stupid freedom. I didn’t want to leave you, didn’t want another life. I probably would have been miserable alone but too proud to admit it if you hadn’t broken down. It felt like I was giving up, like I was admitting defeat, which is so idiotic. How can love ever be a defeat?” She fell silent, eyes widening.
I had become very still, like a hunter who didn’t want to startle its prey.
She licked her lips nervously. I wished I knew what she was thinking, but I had a feeling I knew. She was probably regretting ever bringing up the ‘L-word’ and everything else that had bubbled out of her. That was who she was. Maybe she was waiting for me to say something first, to tell her I loved her, but I wasn’t going to open my fucking heart to her and risk her stomping on it. I knew what I was feeling, had known it for a long time but I’d never said it to her. I’d never said it to anyone. Admitting something like that made you vulnerable and so far Gianna had given me little reason to risk that. I’d hunted her long enough. Now was her turn. I wouldn’t push her in either direction. Everything from this point on would have to come from her.
“Luca’s offer still stands. You are a free woman. You can walk out of this building and nobody will stop you.”
“No,” she said firmly. “I’ve run from my emotions for too long.” She brace
d herself on her palms and leaned forward. “I want to be with you, Matteo. By God, I know I shouldn’t want it, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m sick of ignoring my heart. I love you.”
She kissed me almost desperately, her hands finding their way into my hair. My head was still tender but I’d have rather cut my own throat than told Gianna to be careful. I wanted to feel her lips, her fingers, her body. I wanted all of her. “You sure you mean it?” I asked in a teasing voice when she pulled back.
She nodded. “Yes. There’s no fucking doubt in my mind. I love you, Matteo. I don’t care what that makes me. I don’t care what other people think about me, about us. I don’t even care what Aria and Luca think. All I care about is us.”
I kissed her again. I’d never get enough of tasting her. “I love you, Gianna. I’ve fucking loved you for a long time.”
Gianna
Hearing Matteo say that he loved me set my heart aflame. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so happy. I’d thought admitting my feelings to anyone would give that person more power over me, but instead I felt freer than I had in a long time. I’d fought my emotions for so long, had held myself back for no good reason. Now that I’d said everything that needed to be said I felt relieved. Maybe all this had started as something that had been forced upon me, but today, this life, Matteo, my marriage, were my choices, and I said yes to all of them.
Matteo’s kiss was demanding. There was no restraint, no sign that not too long ago he’d been unconscious. I knew it was stupid, but I wanted to feel him, wanted to show him with more than just words that I loved him. I pulled back and let my eyes wander down Matteo’s body. He was dressed in only a tight white shirt and boxershorts that did little to hide his erection. When I looked back up into his face, his gaze was transparent with lust. I’d never listened to other people’s advice, so why should I start now?