‘Small world, eh?’
‘Staggeringly small.’
It was the evening of the same day and Antonia and Hugh Payne were at home in Hampstead.
‘But perhaps today’s extraordinary events prove we are meant to get involved in the Olga Klimt affair?’
‘They prove no such thing,’ Antonia said. ‘Coincidences are precisely that, coincidences. Besides, there is no affair to speak of.’
‘No, not yet, but there may be. Joan Selwyn has threatened to kill her. She is said to have got over it but what if she hasn’t? What if she is still obsessed with Charlie? Perhaps she was merely trying to pull the wool over Collingwood’s eyes? Aren’t you tempted to weave one of your dauntingly devious plots round this particular group of characters?’
‘I am not. Besides, they are not characters. They are people.’
‘They are too good to be true. They should be in a book,’ Major Payne said firmly. He produced his pipe. ‘The neurotic young heir to a biscuit fortune, the manipulative manservant, the Aconite-addicted mama, the luminous blonde, jilted Joan Selwyn … Then there’s old Collingwood with his scribbling ambitions and peculiar preoccupation with bad blood …’ Payne reached out for his tobacco jar. ‘I have a confession to make. I am haunted by that name. I can’t get it out of my head.’
‘What name?’
‘Olga Klimt. It’s the kind of name one might find among Freud’s gruesome case histories, wouldn’t you say? “The Case of Olga K.” Freud’s case histories are full of frustrated desires, devious thinking and savage urges, perhaps you’ve noticed?’
‘I have noticed.’
‘Same as in detective stories, actually –’
‘Can’t we talk about something else, Hugh? I don’t feel like talking about detective stories. There’s more to life than detective stories.’ Antonia smiled. ‘Eddy was very funny this morning. He kept asking Miss Frayle questions but then decided he didn’t like her. He doesn’t like to be teased. She is very nice, mind, in a reassuringly bluff, no-nonsense kind of way … Are you looking for your matches?’
‘How do you know I am looking for my matches?’
‘What other reason could there be for patting your pockets, with your pipe clenched between your teeth, your features twisted into a ferocious grimace? You are clearly looking for your matches … They’re by your elbow.’
‘Thank you, darling.’
‘See? We can talk about other things as well, like other people.’
‘You know perfectly well we are not like other people. The Mystery of the Luminous Blonde. Sounds like the title of an Ellery Queen story, doesn’t it? I know you don’t care much for Ellery Queen. Um. How about The Killing of Olga Klimt? That’s better, isn’t it? Pleasantly alliterative. It’s got a ring to it, what do you think? For some reason, I seem to think of Olga Klimt as no longer for this world. Odd, isn’t it?’
‘Very odd.’
‘A lot of very beautiful women die young, I can’t help noticing. Jean Harlow, Marilyn Monroe, Princess Diana. All blondes, as it happens. What is it about blondes that makes them so special?’
‘Gentlemen prefer them … Diana wasn’t a real blonde … You only have to look at those early photos.’
‘Did you know Jean Harlow was actually decapitated? Sorry, darling. I seem to be in a peculiarly morbid mood tonight.’
‘You are in a particularly annoying mood tonight. It wasn’t Jean Harlow who was decapitated. It was Jayne Mansfield.’
‘Of course it was. She was also a blonde! Another blonde! Who do you imagine is most likely to kill Olga Klimt?’
‘No one is going to kill her. I find speculations like that tedious and distasteful.’
Payne looked surprised. ‘Since when? It’s the sort of thing we do all the time. You used to relish thinking up scenarios about people we met on planes and cruises and at hotels and so on.’
‘I don’t any longer. I have grown out of it,’ said Antonia.
‘No, you haven’t. Do let’s assume Joan hasn’t got over Charlie. She told Collingwood that she intended to kill Olga, which makes it look a bit too obvious, but maybe proclaiming her murderous intentions to the world is only part of her cleverness? She says she’s going to kill her, she does kill her, but no one believes it because it’s too obvious?’
‘This has been done before.’
‘You are right, it has. In fact this particular plot-line has the crashing predictability of something produced by a Women’s Institute writing circle.’
‘It isn’t as bad as that, actually. It all depends on the approach …’
‘Let’s consider the valet. Bedaux the blackguard. Though why should he want to kill Olga? You saw him. What’s he like?’
‘I don’t know. I saw him only briefly. Inscrutable. The type that preserves the impassivity of a Madame Tussaud waxwork.’
‘Collingwood’s got his knife into him. Says the fellow’s a scoundrel who deserves to be drawn and quartered, some such thing. Well, Bedaux may be regarding the future Mrs Eresby as a threat, couldn’t he? Wives often take exception to their husbands’ valets and have them sacked. Bedaux may also be a bit in love with his master, so there may be a green-eyed-monster element to his motive as well.’
‘Bedaux may actually be in love with Olga,’ Antonia said.
‘Indeed he may. It was he who introduced her to Charlie, so he’s known her for some time. Jealousy again! Charles Eresby himself should not be excluded from the list of suspects. OK, he is in love with Olga, but what if she has been double-crossing him? A femme fatale like Olga is bound to have an extensive circle of admirers … Incidentally, Vilnius is the capital of Lithuania, isn’t it? Not Riga?’
‘No, not Riga. It’s Vilnius. They have the coldest winters out there. I wonder what it’s like to skate out in the open,’ Antonia said dreamily.
‘Lady Collingwood may also have a motive. She may be strongly opposed to her son marrying a foreign adventuress. She doesn’t seem to mind but that may be a front. Or we could have Joan Selwyn and Lady Collingwood locked in a murderous partnership. It would be a most unlikely pairing. I know you have a penchant for unlikely pairings. I don’t think there have been many murders committed by female tandems. I mean in books … Have there?’
Antonia thought. ‘No, not that many. There are the two women in Ruth Rendell’s A Judgement in Stone … Genet’s The Maids is also a possibility, though that’s not exactly a detective story … What about Lord Collingwood? Could he have a motive?’
‘He’s been thinking of calling on Olga and he may kill her in the course of his visit.’
‘I thought he was fascinated by her.’
‘Oh he is. Very much so. He is dazzled by the very idea of her. That may be his undoing.’ Payne nodded portentously. ‘This is how it happens. He goes to the house in Fulham. All he wants is to take a look at Olga, to see how his mental image of her compares to the reality. He introduces himself as her boyfriend’s stepfather and she lets him in. Collingwood finds her impossible to resist and makes a pass at her but is rebuffed. He attempts to ravish her – she fights back – he flies into a rage and hits her – she falls down, bangs her head on the fender and is instantly killed.’
‘That would be a sordid case of manslaughter … Why do they call that kind of story “witty, civilised and amusing”, I simply can’t imagine. It is nothing of the sort,’ Antonia said with an exasperated sigh.
9
TRUE LIES
‘I used to be terribly fond of Rupert, perhaps I still am,’ Lady Collingwood said wistfully, ‘but I have decided to face the facts. Rupert imagines things which are not there. He has constructed an image of me, for example, which he is only too eager to present to the world – but that image, to put it bluntly, is more or less counterfeit.’
Joan Selwyn frowned. ‘Counterfeit?’
‘Yes! Rupert takes pleasure in attributing to me opinions which I have never given voice to – stances I have never taken – attitudes I have never a
ssumed. I usually learn about it when some well-meaning soul reports it back to me. I have no idea what exactly he hopes to achieve. It is not as though we are going through divorce proceedings or anything like that. I believe opinions are largely a matter of temperament, don’t you?’
‘I suppose they are.’ Joan hadn’t the foggiest what Deirdre meant.
Lady Collingwood raised her glass of gin fizz. She might have been about to propose a toast but all she said was that sooner or later everything came back to her. There was always someone eager to spill the beans. ‘Rupert discusses me with you, doesn’t he my dear?’
‘He doesn’t.’ There were times Joan fervently wished she’d never got involved with the Collingwoods.
‘Oh how I wish I could trust you! No, don’t worry, I won’t ask you to repeat what he said. I am sorry. I shouldn’t be doing this. So terribly second rate, inquisitions like this.’ Lady Collingwood waved a scornful hand. ‘But I do know for a fact that you are his little confidante. He sees you quite often, doesn’t he?’
‘Not that often. I am no longer his secretary,’ Joan reminded her.
The two women were sitting at a table at the Criterion. They were having aperitifs while waiting to be served lunch. It was Lady Collingwood who had issued the invitation.
‘I believe you and he have some cosy little arrangement. You talk to him about Charlie and he talks to you about me. That’s correct, isn’t it? I don’t suppose Rupert ever talks about me in a sympathetic way? No, you needn’t answer. I am being a bore. I know it’s silly of me, but I can’t help feeling the tiniest bit jealous.’
‘You needn’t be. There is absolutely nothing between me and Lord Collingwood. And I don’t talk to him about Charlie any more.’
‘Rupert thinks the world of you, my dear. He keeps singing your praises. Says you were the best private secretary he ever had. He’s been having dreadful problems with his current secretary. I believe he’s thinking of sacking the poor wretch, perhaps he’s sacked him already.’
‘Lord Collingwood is extremely interested in heredity, isn’t he?’ Joan said.
‘Well, yes. He is.’ Lady Collingwood’s hand went up to her forehead. ‘I am sorry but I find sudden changes of subject a little disorientating. You are a very determined kind of person, aren’t you, Joan? But you are right. Rupert is particularly exercised on the subject of “tainted blood”. He has expressed some very radical – some may say dangerous – opinions on the subject, not dissimilar, in fact, to those entertained by the Nazi elite during the last war.’
Joan said that Lord Collingwood had struck her as a little preoccupied when they had last met.
‘When was that? No, you needn’t answer. You mustn’t think I try to pounce on you each time Rupert’s name gets a mention. I am not the least bit interested, I assure you. I don’t know why we keep talking about Rupert. I do find his latest obsession a trifle puzzling. He says his family tree is “all wrong”. What does he mean exactly? And he has started writing memos to himself. Or is that something people do? Doesn’t that suggest some kind of split personality?’
‘Not necessarily.’
‘Last week Rupert ordered two pocketless suits. He says that’s symbolic. Symbolic of what? He never explains what he means.’ Lady Collingwood sighed. ‘It seemed such a good prospect when I first married him, you know. Rupert was what we used to call a “good catch” – military-minded, Bellona’s bridegroom, uncompromisingly Christian, descended from Scottish kings, his mother a former lady-in-waiting to the Countess of Athlone. There was also the sheer grandiose splendour of Collingwood Castle. I allowed myself to be won over. Not that I struggled much, mind!’ She smiled. ‘Have you ever been to Collingwood?’
‘Once, as a little girl. With my mother.’
‘Ah, your mother … Of course …’ Lady Collingwood reached out for Joan’s hand and held it in hers. ‘You have been very brave, my dear. Very brave. I know what you have been through. I mean that whole unfortunate business of the phantom engagement.’
‘If you mean Charlie and me, it wasn’t a phantom engagement. It was a proper engagement, only Charlie left me soon after.’
‘Unfortunately these things do happen. All break-ups are horrid. You took it rather badly, I understand?’
‘I am OK now. So kind of you to ask me to lunch, Deirdre.’
‘No, no, my dear, the pleasure is entirely mine! I always felt we should be friends. I must say this new colour is quite unusual. If you don’t mind my saying so, it doesn’t quite express your personality. It makes you look a bit frivolous, which you are not. I hardly recognised you. Did you do it because of Charlie? In the hope of getting him back? Did you attempt to bring about un retour de flamme?’
‘No, it has nothing to do with Charlie. I have got over Charlie,’ Joan said in a slightly louder voice.
‘Are you sure, my dear? Rupert is not entirely convinced. He is a bit worried about you, you know.’
‘He needn’t be. I was upset and for a while I found it hard to cope but I managed to get over it. That’s all there is to it. As a matter of fact I’m seeing someone else. So it is not as bad as you seem to imagine.’
‘Sometimes, sadly, things are as bad as we imagine them. And sometimes they are worse.’
‘His name is Billy Selkirk.’
‘A young man? You are seeing a young man called Billy Selkirk? How marvellous. This calls for a celebration! But why did Rupert paint such a pessimistic picture of the situation then? He believes you are still pining for Charlie. Maybe because you don’t smile enough? You should smile more, you know.’
‘I am not pining for Charlie.’
‘Oh well. Misunderstandings happen all the time. Only a couple of days ago one of my dearest and oldest friends thought that by “Foot Lady” I meant the racehorse of that name whereas what I had in mind was my chiropodist! As a result my friend lost an awful lot of money and now she refuses to speak to me … Did I say we moved Charlie to a private clinic?’
‘You did say, yes. What was it exactly that made him so ill?’
‘Charlie had sunstroke, poor lamb, or heatstroke, but now he is much better, I am glad to report. Really, the way the sun insists on shining! London is turning into a Luanda. It’s Bedaux who keeps me informed about Charlie,’ Lady Collingwood went on. ‘Bedaux is my eyes and ears. I have no idea how we’d have coped without him. Rupert seems to disapprove of him, but then Rupert disapproves of most people. He even disapproves of himself! I don’t think you have ever met Bedaux, have you?’
‘I have.’
‘Bedaux is one of the very few truly extraordinary people I know, my dear. Rupert says we mustn’t fraternise with flunkeys, which is such an antediluvian point of view.’ Lady Collingwood laughed. ‘Us and them, really! One might be excused for thinking Jane Eyre had never been written! Rupert should go back and live in the early twentieth century, say I. The Edwardian age would suit him perfectly!’
‘Our oysters are coming.’
‘Did we order oysters? I can’t help having mixed feelings about oysters. No, no, my dear, you mustn’t think I doubt your word! I am famished. You know of course that oysters are to be swallowed, not chewed? Little things like that do matter.’
‘I do know.’
‘When I rang Charlie last night, he said he was expecting a visitor this afternoon. I have an idea it might be the very same girl who caused the rift between you. Olga? He sounded enormously excited. Sorry, my dear. Tactless of me. Perhaps I shouldn’t have mentioned it.’
At three o’clock in the afternoon I arrive at Dr Bishop’s clinic. I find Olga in Mr Eresby’s room. She is sitting beside Mr Eresby, on his bed. They are holding hands.
Mr Eresby’s face is very pale and drawn, but it is clear that he has forgiven her completely. His cheeks and upper lip bear traces of Olga’s bright-red lipstick.
I endeavour not to scowl or purse my lips.
They seem glad to see me, but their smiles strike me as somewhat strained and unnatur
al. There is a conspiratorial air about them.
Mr Eresby greets me amiably enough. Olga, on the other hand, avoids looking me in the eye. Her mascara is a little smudged. Has she been crying? Why has she been crying? Well, it was no doubt part of her act. Even though I remind myself she’s had to play the repentant lover I am filled with misgivings.
‘Another fine day, Bedaux! I wish they didn’t keep me in conditions more suitable for tropical plants. In case you are wondering, I am feeling much better. Everything is, as they say, back to normal.’ Mr Eresby’s manner is exceedingly cheerful.
‘Most gratifying, sir.’
‘That nurse who ushered you in is the spitting image of Nanny Everett. Gave me quite a turn when I first clapped eyes on her. I don’t suppose you remember Nanny Everett?’
‘No, sir.’
‘No, of course not. Before your time. Long before your time. I threw my Pierrot at her once. It – he? – hit her on the nose. Do toys have gender, Bedaux?’
‘I imagine they do, sir.’ I resent the silly whimsicality of Mr Eresby’s conversation. It’s the kind of silliness people employ when they want to hide something. I did say I could read Mr Eresby’s mind, didn’t I? I think Mr Eresby has decided he no longer requires my services. I think it is only a question of time before he gives me the sack. Am I being paranoid?
‘You will be interested to hear that the coffee here is nearly as good as the coffee you make back home.’ Mr Eresby turns towards Olga. ‘Bedaux makes excellent coffee.’
‘I don’t like coffee. Coffee – what do you say? – puts stains on my teeth!’ She tosses her head and pouts. She bends over the bowl of roses that stands on the bedside table and pretends to smell them.
She is as nervous as a cat.
‘I believe the coffee has made me uncommonly talkative, Bedaux. At least, I think it’s the coffee’s fault, if “fault” indeed is the right word. Now I am talking like you!’ Mr Eresby laughs, then he strokes Olga’s fair hair. ‘Can coffee have faults, Olga?’
‘I don’t know,’ she says. ‘Why do you ask such foolish questions?’
The Killing of Olga Klimt Page 6