by Raine, Alice
‘Oh my God. Did you see that?’ I squawked, gripping Nathan’s arm.
‘No, what?’
‘Rewind, I’ll show you.’
Nathan played the scene again and I leaned over him to pause the footage while Mr Jackson was still standing. I pointed at the carpet on the screen. There on the floor was a small, round rattle; it was one of William’s favourites. Nathan pressed play again and we watched as Mr Jackson stood on the rattle. It sent him flying and the small toy skittered under the armchair.
It had been an accident, after all.
Nathan watched the scene with a grim look on his face, his eyes narrowed and jaw tense as he nodded. Standing up, he dug both hands into his hair and let out a low breath.
He was clearly struggling with all of this, and who could blame him? This was a seriously large quantity of information to process. Not only had his father returned, hurt Rebecca, and threatened Will, his nanny, and me with a gun, but his mother – the woman who had allowed his childhood abuse to go undetected for years – had just laid some exceptionally heavy emotional baggage on him. My brain was struggling to comprehend it all, so God only knows how Nathan was feeling.
I wanted to offer my support, but Nathan wasn’t the most emotionally open of men when he was stressed, so I wasn’t sure he’d want it at the moment. Deciding to risk it, I carefully stepped in front of him and slid my arms around his waist. To my surprise, he immediately caged me with his embrace, his grip almost tight enough to affect my breathing. ‘What a day,’ I whispered softly, at a loss for anything more useful to say.
Burying his head in my neck, he drew in several deep breaths then let out a heavy sigh. ‘After all those years where I begged my mother to help Nicholas … I … can’t believe she was going to stab my dad. I could see the intent in her eyes, I really think she was going to do it.’ He leaned back and looked into my eyes, his gaze wide and unsure. ‘She was finally going to step up and protect us.’
From what Nathan had told me about the abuse he’d suffered at his father’s hands, it hadn’t just been Nicholas who had needed saving. His mother’s intervention was about 16 years late in my view, but then I suppose none of us could ever really understand what it must have been like for her, living with a man like Don Jackson.
Nathan swooped down and placed a long, lingering kiss on my lips, but unlike his usual advances, there was nothing sexual in this kiss. It was a possessive, drugging kiss, but one that spoke more of relief and love than lust. It was just what I needed, giving me contact and reassurance, but instead of continuing it, I focused on what was most important right now. My best friends. ‘Let’s get back out there and check on Rebecca and Kenny.’
‘And speak to the police. They must be here by now,’ Nathan added grimly.
Chapter Sixteen – Nicholas
As the paramedics lifted Rebecca onto the trolley I saw her leggings on the floor. They had been cut away during her examination and now lay there as a blood-soaked reminder of this hellish afternoon. The sight made me sick to my core, and I had to hurriedly turn away as a dry heave ripped from my stomach. Swallowing down the acidic bile that had risen in my throat, I wiped at my mouth and turned back to Rebecca, hoping she couldn’t see how fucked up I currently was.
Fuck. I couldn’t believe this was all happening.
Rubbing my hands over my face, I tried to calm myself down, but only ended up getting more and more worked up as I thought about what so much blood loss would mean for both Rebecca and our baby. She had to be OK. I couldn’t go on without Becky. Pulling in a ragged breath, I realised I was crying, tears streaming down my cheeks and dripping from my jaw. My whole body shook as I watched the woman I loved being covered in a blanket and tended to by the medics.
‘Nicholas. You need to pull yourself together, brother.’ Nathan’s deep, low tone sounded beside me, but it was his hand landing on my shoulder that finally pulled me away from my panic and drew my gaze to his.
‘I know this is all really fucked up, but this is when Rebecca is going to need you to be the strong one. Get a grip of yourself, for Becky.’
Blinking several times, I tried to absorb some of the composure that Nathan was radiating. He was right. Rebecca was remarkably calm now, talking to the paramedics and asking all the questions that I had been thinking. I should be dealing with all of this for Rebecca, taking away some of the pressure that she was no doubt feeling, not standing here sobbing like an idiot. Glancing at Nathan again, I gave him a sharp nod. I hastily wiped away my tears and went to Becky’s side now that the paramedics had moved out of the way. Taking her hand in mine, I gave it a firm squeeze and began to rub circles on her palm to help soothe her as she was wheeled from the room.
We’d left Nathan to deal with the police and were now in a small private room within the Royal London Hospital. Any number of doctors and nurses flitted around Becky, including Karen, our amazing private midwife, who had rushed across London to be here after I’d called her.
The air was full of the beeps of machines, the clattering of instruments being shifted around trays, and an almost non-stop clamour of urgent conversation as the specialists discussed God knows what.
The small space in the room felt too full for me, too busy. All I wanted was to be alone with Becky, but I knew everyone needed to be there.
The worry about Rebecca had relieved me of my usual pickiness over specific doctors, because the three we’d had today had all been different levels of seniority and were all fantastic. I didn’t care who treated her any more; I just wanted to make sure she was going to be OK.
I felt so useless it was almost unbearable. The only things keeping me grounded were the feel of Rebecca’s fingers gripping at mine, and Nathan’s parting words to me as we’d left the house. ‘Be strong, Nicholas, for Rebecca. For your family. I know you can do it, brother.’
So I was.
For my family.
Finally, the majority of people in the room cleared, leaving just Becky, me, and the head sonographer – the ultrasound specialist – who was still running the probe over Becky’s stomach and looking intently at the ever-changing images on the small screen before him.
‘I’ve lost it, haven’t I?’ Becky finally croaked. The sight of her sad expression and red eyes was unbearable to me and I felt the enormity of her words settle directly over my heart like a crushing weight.
‘Actually … no.’ The sonographer turned to us with a smile and I think my mouth dropped open.
No? ‘But there was so much blood …’ I murmured, thrilled by his words, but not able to allow myself to believe them.
‘There was.’ He continued, addressing Becky directly. ‘You sustained a tear in your placenta, presumably from the blow you received, which is the cause of the blood loss, but it’s very small and definitely nothing to worry about.’
‘Do I need to do anything differently while it heals?’ Rebecca asked, practical as ever, when I was still struggling to comprehend the fact that the baby was OK.
‘Just take it easy. I’d advise no sex for the next four to six weeks, and we’ll get you scanned more regularly just to keep an eye on it, but other than that, you’ll be fine.’
I hadn’t realised my expression was so sceptical till he gave me a reassuring nod. ‘Honestly, three of us have checked this, and we’re all specialists in our field. The tear is tiny. Blood spreads and often looks worse than it is. I’m sure today has been incredibly stressful for you, but at least there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, eh?’ His attempt at lightening the mood fell on deaf ears, because both Rebecca and I just sat there, still gawking at him in shock. Clearing his throat, he looked back to the screen and nodded. ‘I can see you’re both still worried, but I can assure you, Rebecca, that both you, and your babies are OK.’
Relief seemed to fill my lungs faster than the air could escape and I almost felt as if I was going to burst from the enormity of his words. Not only was Becky OK, but, miraculously, our baby had also survived. ‘Di
d you hear that, Becky? You’re both OK, you and the baby.’
Rebecca stared at me for a second, blinked several times, and looked at the sonographer in confusion. ‘Babies?’
It was only when my girl repeated the sonographer’s words that they sunk in. You and your babies are OK. Babies. Plural. I whipped my head around to look at the monitor so quickly that I think I nearly gave myself whiplash.
‘Babies?’ I demanded, leaping to my feet and unable to keep my voice at a low volume.
‘Yes, did you not know?’ He replied with a smile, moving the sonar probe over Rebecca’s belly again and then pointing at the grainy image on the screen. ‘You’re having twins. We might have missed it at your first few scans because they can sometimes line up and trick us, but there are definitely two heartbeats. Look.’
I couldn’t see anything other than some swirly grey and black blobs, but I nodded my head anyway as I tried to comprehend this incredible piece of news. I was going to be a dad to not one baby, but two.
‘These are some legs here … and these bits here are arms. Look, she’s got her hand up by her face as if she’s waving.’
‘She? We’re having a girl?’
Nodding, the sonographer peered closer to the screen. ‘It’s still quite difficult to tell for sure, but I’d say I’m 80 per cent positive that this one in front is a girl.’
As he looked up at me the smile on his face suddenly faded. ‘Oops. Did you not want to know the sexes?’ He appeared panicked and apologetic as he winced. ‘I’m so sorry, I just assumed that you knew …’ Seeing his worried expression I quickly shook my head in reassurance.
‘No, it’s fine. To be honest, I’m just so relieved they’re both OK. Can you see what the other one is?’
He bent close to the screen and manoeuvred the wand some more before shaking his head. ‘Not really, they’re lying one in front of the other at the moment.’ He flicked through some paperwork and nodded. ‘But the notes from the previous scan say they thought it might have been a boy, so I’d say the chances are that you are having one of each. We’ll probably be able to confirm for sure at your next scan.’
One of each. A girl and a boy.
Looking at the sonographer with the most serious expression I could muster, I frowned and then prepared to try to lighten the mood a little. ‘Are you sure there aren’t three in there? Because we did three pregnancy tests and they were all positive …’
‘Nicholas!’ Becky exclaimed in embarrassment, just as I burst out laughing and held my hands up in surrender.
‘I was kidding!’
The sonographer laughed along with us, then left us alone for a moment, giving me the perfect opportunity to lean down and kiss Rebecca. She let out a small chuckle. ‘Twins, eh? Looks like we’ve got double trouble coming our way.’
Absorbing the sight of her beautiful smile, I let out a breath of relief and cupped her face. ‘It’s so good to see you smiling again, baby. God, I was so worried about you.’
‘Well it would seem I’m OK, but I’m still worried about you,’ she chastised softly. ‘You need to go and get these cuts seen to.’ Rebecca ran her finger gently over my torn shirt and I looked down with a grimace at the blood-soaked material. In truth, I was quite shredded up, but in the panic over Becky and the pregnancy I had barely felt any pain.
When we’d arrived at the hospital some junior nurse had seen the blood on my shirt and attempted to take me away for treatment. I’d nearly ended up punching him in the face in my desperation to stay with Rebecca. Luckily, after I’d growled at him he’d backed off and no one had dared come near me after that.
‘There’s a couple of deep ones, but they aren’t serious. Honestly, they look worse than they are,’ I said, glancing down at my side and wincing. Seeing the firm look Rebecca was now firing at me I smiled, glad to have her back on her usual form and trying to keep me in line. Holding up my hands in surrender, I stood up. ‘OK, OK, I’ll go and get them taken care of now. But I’m coming straight back afterwards.’
Chapter Seventeen – Nathan
As there had been a death in our house I’d expected the police interviews to take far longer than they had. But once I showed them the CCTV footage which clearly showed my father slipping of his own accord, the detective in charge said that though they’d have to carry out a thorough forensic examination, it looked to be a fairly cut-and-dried case. He didn’t seem to be particularly shocked when I explained that the man threatening us with a gun was my father, but I guess in his line of work he’d probably seen it all before, and worse.
Thankfully, after a quick phone call, Stella’s parents had driven across and taken William for the night so we could try to sort things out with the police. We were all taken to the local station for questioning, but mercifully the interviews weren’t as gruelling as I’d imagined. They seemed more like a formality.
I was second to be processed, and as I walked back out to the reception area I found Stella and my mother waiting for me. My spine tensed at the sight of my mother still here. Given where they were sitting, I’d have to walk right past her to get out, so a brief interaction couldn’t really be avoided.
They both stood up as I came nearer, but Mum immediately moved to my side, which caused me to recoil and bump into a doorframe. ‘My darling boy,’ she whispered, before lifting a shaking hand and trying to cup my cheek. I was so stunned by her perseverance that she succeeded, but only for a split second before I flinched away from her touch and sidestepped towards Stella. Jesus. I was shifting so much it was as though I was doing some terribly uncoordinated dance.
‘You must hate me,’ my mother said. ‘I understand, I hate myself, too. I just wanted to explain a little, if I may?’
Drawing in a calming breath, I did a quick countdown in my head, took Stella’s hand for support, and nodded sharply at my mother.
‘Thank you. I just wanted you to know that when you were younger I tried to leave him, Nathan, I really did. The bags were packed and everything was set for me to take you boys with me … but he found out and beat me so badly that I ended up in hospital.’ She wiped away an errant tear and sniffed loudly. ‘When I was released from hospital I came home and found you had been beaten black and blue. He told me next time I tried to leave he’d kill you both.’
Her words were so horrifying that I felt an icy sensation slithering through my veins as I tried to take it all in. If what she said was true, then this was a side to my childhood that I had no recollection of at all. I remembered the beatings, of course I did, but they varied in severity and I often had bruises from them, so what she was saying could be right. However, I’d had no idea that my mother had been blackmailed into staying with my father. She’d always seemed so distant with us, so cold, as if she hadn’t really wanted Nicholas and me.
‘But you never cared …’ My voice was so scratchy that I had to pause to clear my throat. As I did, Stella gave my fingers a supportive squeeze. ‘Whenever me or Nicholas were hurt you never even helped to clean us up, or soothe us.’
‘I wasn’t allowed to! Nathan, you have to believe me. I wanted to, I did. More than you’ll ever know. But he had rules for me, and I knew he’d hurt you more if I broke them. He wanted you to hate me, and respect him.’ A sob tore up her throat, and I suddenly had the oddest urge to hug her. This woman might be my mother, but she was a virtual stranger to me. Still, there was a strange, clawing sensation in my gut as I witnessed her obvious distress, and eventually I found myself giving her shoulder a brief, reassuring touch before shoving my free hand into my trouser pocket again.
All these years I’d hated her, and she had been just as trapped as Nicholas and me. If only we’d known, we could all have tried to escape together – not that our father had ever really left us alone for long, but still. Fuck, this shed so much light on the earlier years of my life that it was a hell of a lot to take in.
‘You remember the day Nicholas tried to take his own life and you drove him to the hospital?’ My
mother paused and looked me straight in the eye, which felt beyond strange seeing as neither of us had been allowed to make eye contact when I was a kid. ‘I’ve never felt such relief in my entire life as the moment I knew Nicholas was OK. The truth was out and my boys were finally free of him. I know it must have been tough getting over that day, and bringing Nicholas up on your own, but you’ve done such a wonderful job, Nathan.’
God. My throat was so tight that I actually felt as if I was going to burst out crying like a small child might. ‘You went to prison …’
‘I deserved to. Just because he had me emotionally trapped didn’t make me any less guilty of letting him hurt you for all that time.’ She lowered her gaze and latched her hands together, wringing them in distress.
Fuck. This was so much to try to get my head around. Just as I was trying to think which question to ask first, a female officer appeared behind us.
‘Mrs Jackson, if we could have you for your interview now, please.’
My mother gave me another long look and I felt the need to say something, anything. ‘Will you be all right getting home?’
Nodding, she smiled at me. Her expression was still filled with so much sadness that it almost crippled me. ‘Thank you, but I’ll be fine. I only live around the corner. You two get going.’
That was news to me. ‘You live in London now? I thought you moved to America?’
‘I was living in the States, but not any more. I have a small place in Highgate.’ Maybe she could see my confusion because she smiled softly again. ‘Nicholas mustn’t have told you … I came to the UK after your car accident last year. I was hoping to try and explain … maybe build some bridges, but he wouldn’t let me visit you. I understood why, but it still hurt. After that, I decided to relocate back here to be closer to you both.’ Turning to Stella, my mum pulled in a deep breath. ‘Take care of my boy for me, won’t you?’