I snuggle in next to him. “Thank you for today. It was wonderful. It was a normal date with no drug dealers or boogey men. I didn’t look over my shoulder once. I can’t tell you how much I needed that.”
He looks down and away. “Well, not exactly. You did meet my hook up.”
No way! There’s no way Gavin’s a junkie! I’d have seen the signs. “What?” I spit.
“My Chelsea unwinder connection. Hugh? You met him.”
I scoot to the other side of the cab. “What the hell is that? Some new kind of designer drug? I can’t believe you! You let me fly across the ocean –”
He tips his head back and laughs. “Cinnamon buns, luv. Hugh’s the baker that makes those fabulous buns. You ate three of them whilst we were strolling the market. Don’t get heated up, I was just having a laugh. Too soon for junkie jokes?”
“Bastard,” I say as I poke him in the ribs. “Yes, it’s too damn soon.”
He kisses behind my ear. “I’m sure you can find a way to forgive me.”
His lips brush the spot on my collarbone that makes my whole body melt. “Yeah, I guess I’ll find a way.”
My muscles relax into him. “Other than your silly joke, it was the perfect day.”
“So you’ve figured it out then?” he asks, threading my fingers through his.
“What?”
He brings my hand to his lips, and looks at me over my knuckles with those hypnotic eyes. With a voice as smooth as melted chocolate he says, “Everything’s better in London.”
I lean my head against his shoulder and smile “Shut it, Oxford.”
Chapter Four
Jet lag and excessive snacking knock me out until the next morning. After my night terror the night before, I’m thrilled I’m able to sleep through the night.
In the morning, my foot crosses the barrier, searching for Gavin’s warmth, but the sheets are cold. I open my eyes to an empty bedroom. I call out to Gavin, but he doesn’t respond. Reluctantly, I climb out of bed to search for him. The layout of his apartment is a bit confusing. Random sets of stairs go up or down a half flight to various rooms. Eventually I make it to the kitchen, which I find empty. No note.
I haven’t seen my cell phone since before I was kidnapped, or the “incident” as I’m calling it. I have no idea where it is. It could be in my condo, or in pieces on the sidewalk on Q Street where I fought with Charlie. I’ve searched the house and Gavin doesn’t seem to have a landline. Even if he did, I have no idea what his cell number is. With no way to track down Gavin, I head for the shower. I set the shower to the rainfall function with steam, and I’m transported to heaven.
While I’m in here, I don’t have to think. I don’t need a plan. There are no expectations. Just hot water beating down on my aching muscles. It’s been over a week since my run-in with Charlie, but the cuts and bruises remain. One touch on the wrong spot transports me back to the barn. I need my wounds to heal so that the portal to those memories can be sealed forever. I turn the water temperature up, hoping it will scald the thoughts away. By the time the air in the shower is so thick with steam I can barely see, the tension in my body and soul finally starts to break down, disappearing down the drain with the water.
The steam clears, and I feel cold hands on my stomach and hot, soft kisses on my shoulder. Gavin’s arms envelope me, drawing me into his body. The backs of my thighs stick to his drenched track pants. His fingers dig into my hips, pulling me closer, so that his growing excitement nestles into the crack of my ass. Gavin’s kisses on my neck are no longer tender, but rather a passionate assault, intense and almost painful from his desire-fueled aggression. Typically Gavin’s all about slow seduction, but today his exploration is deliciously raw, teetering on the fine line between pleasure and pain. He molds my body against his with a powerful command that makes my knees weak. He pushes me against the cold marble wall, positioning my hips just where he wants them. And then… nothing but cold air. Goosebumps spread across my skin from the absence of his body pressed against mine. I turn and see the shower door is open, allowing all the hot air to escape, leaving me shivering, confused, and painfully disappointed.
After wrapping myself in a towel, I follow the trail of wet sneaker prints on the hardwood floor. I find him in his study, dripping wet and drinking scotch. If I weren’t freezing and feeling rejected, I’d find the dark brooding look on his face as he sips his scotch sexy.
“You’re ruining your lovely leather couch,” I say.
He downs the rest of his drink but doesn’t say a word.
I lean against the wall, not caring that my sopping wet hair is leaving a mark on his beautifully textured wall. “A bit early for scotch, don’t you think?”
“Could you go get dressed please?” he says, looking into his empty glass.
Feeling naked, I tighten the towel around me, then cross my arms over my chest. “Wow. Really? That’s all I get? There isn’t anything else you want to say to me?”
He stands, walks to the bar, and pours another drink.
“Gavin! What the hell?”
Gavin turns his back to me, now facing the window.
“Lily. Go. Get. Dressed.”
I’ve never seen him this way, and it makes my blood boil. I want to strangle him, but instead, I throw at him the only thing I have—my towel.
“Fine. Fuck you and your bad mood!”
I storm down the stairs. As I stomp back down the hallway, I hear a crash and glass shattering. I’m preparing myself for how loudly I’m going to slam the bedroom door when I’m scooped off the floor. His wide frame completely envelopes me as he carries me to the bed.
When he places me down gently, he kisses me. He tastes of scotch, which does not mix well with my freshly brushed teeth, but I’m not complaining. The voice in my head nags me to stop and find out what is going on, but I’m not in the mood to listen. I attempt to deepen the kiss, but he pulls back. He sighs, kisses my forehead, and covers me with a sheet.
Despite the fact that he’s covered me, I feel naked. Being turned away twice in a matter of minutes, I feel exposed, vulnerable, and rejected. “You want to tell me what the hell is going on?” I try to sound angry, but I know all that’s coming through is the hurt.
He hangs his head. “I woke up this morning… and I went for a run. When I came back, you were in the shower. No matter how much I knew I should leave you alone, I just couldn’t. I had to see you. Touch you. I know you can’t be put in that position, and I endangered you because I let my todger take over. I was completely out of line and out of control. I’m so sorry, luv.”
A deep sigh of relief escapes as I run my fingers through my still tangled hair. “Jesus, Gavin! You had me really worried. Do you seriously think you’re the only one having trouble controlling themselves? You think you have the market cornered on that pity party? I’ve gone just as long without getting any as you have. I want nothing more than to be swept up into your arms and feel connected with you. I’m just as frustrated as you are.”
He drops his head on my shoulder. “I’m furious with myself for being so careless.”
“You have nothing to be upset about. But if you’re going to beat yourself up, leave me out of it. Really, emotional stress is far harder on the heart than a little bit of sexual tension.”
“I know,” he says softly, avoiding my gaze. “I promise, it won’t happen again.”
“I sure hope the whole shower thing happens again,” I say, stroking his cheek and trying to get him to look me in the eye. “Only with a better ending. I’m not going to be on the DL forever.”
“DL?”
I roll my eyes. “There’s no DL in cricket?” He shakes his head. “DL is the disabled list in baseball,” I explain. “Speaking of which, we need to find a cardiologist.”
“I have just the man. Alexander Baker. We were at Oxford together, and he did a tour with me in Afghanistan. He’s become a brilliant cardiologist. I can’t think of anyone I would trust more.”
I
pat his leg. “Set it up! The sooner we get this whole heart problem signed off, the happier we’ll both be,” I say.
He walks to the bathroom and grabs a towel. When he returns to the bed, he gently dries my hair. “I just want you healthy and safe. I don’t care about anything else. I’d be celibate for eternity if it meant you were safe.”
I look at him as if he has twelve heads. “Bite your tongue! Let’s hope no one has to be celibate! I really feel fine. I’m sure all of this worry is over nothing.”
He gives me a chaste kiss. “I hope you’re right, luv. Now, really. Please get dressed before my libido takes over again. I’m going to go clean up the mess I made.”
“Oh, Gavin?” I call out to him before he leaves the room.
He stops and looks over his shoulder. “Yes, luv?”
“No more drinking before nine in the morning. Unless I’m a part of it, okay?”
“I needed something to calm me down. That’s just the effect you have on me,” he says as he leaves the room.
I throw on a sweater and yoga pants, and my stomach growls. I skip hair and makeup to head down to the kitchen. Gavin’s still cleaning up his mess.
He walks into the kitchen to see me inhaling some of the fruit we bought yesterday. “Oh, I brought you breakfast.”
“You did?” I ask with my mouth full.
“Yes, but when I got side-tracked, I completely forgot about it.” He grabs a paper bag on the counter and hands it to me. “I ran down to Muffinski’s and grabbed a bunch of muffins. I know how much you love blueberry. Would you like some juice?
“Yes, please,” I reply as I walk to the cabinet to look for plates. Gavin and I start on opposite ends of the kitchen looking for plates and glasses. After opening and closing a few, I find the glasses and he finds the plates. The kitchen is organized in the worst way, but I suppose that’s what happens when someone else sets up the house. Things aren’t always in the most practical places. I kiss him on the cheek and hand him a plate as I sit at the table.
The most heavenly scent hits me when I open the bag. The muffins are still a little warm when I place one on each of our plates. “Now that is so much sweeter than sexually tormenting me and then giving me the cold shoulder. Next time, open with that.”
He places our juice glasses on the table. “Lil, I’ve apologized. It won’t happen again. Call it temporary insanity. Can you please let it go?”
“I’m relentless. It’s why you love me.” I take a bite of my muffin. “Oh. My. God. This is amazing.” This muffin may be worth the cranky Gavin I endured, but I won’t tell him that. I tilt my head back and moan as I savor the blueberry explosion going on in my mouth.
Gavin storms out of the room.
My bliss interrupted, I swallow. “What?” I call after him.
“I’m leaving until you finish your foodgasm.”
“Okay, okay. I’ll stop moaning. Come back!” I plead.
He comes back after I’ve finished. He collects my plate and glass and takes it to the sink. “Word’s gotten around that I’m back in town. Liam, my best mate, texted this morning to see if we wanted to meet up later.”
“What do you mean ‘word has gotten around’?” I shout over the running water.
He places the rinsed plates in the dishwasher. “My friends find it hilarious to subscribe to those celebrity stalker apps that tell you where people have been spotted.”
Not wanting to make him do all the clean-up, I wipe the crumbs off the table and into a napkin. “Trash can?” I ask.
He points to a cabinet at the end of the center island. “The bin is over there.”
I roll my eyes. “So you were saying? You’ve already been spotted?”
He closes the dishwasher and looks at me. “Luv, I was spotted the second we got off the plane.”
I let out a whimper. Gavin’s pseudo-celebrity status is my least favorite part about being with him.
He gently rubs my shoulders. “I know. It takes some getting used to. I’m sorry.”
“It’s part of your package, I know…”
His brows furrow. “What?”
I lean against the center island. “That’s what Max told me. That the three-ring circus is part of your package. If I want you, that’s what I am signing up for. I either love the whole thing or walk away.”
“I guess I’m lucky you didn’t walk away!” he says. “Remind me to strangle Max for giving you such a lovely ultimatum.”
“You should thank him. I’m here, aren’t I? I would love to meet your friends, but before then, can we run to the store? I need to get some toiletries. I love it when I have your smell on me, but it isn’t quite the same when I use your shampoo. Now I just smell like a guy.”
He chuckles. “Yes, I much prefer it when you smell like you.”
After we eat, we head out to shop for a bit. The weather isn’t too chilly, so we decide to walk. Gavin takes me to a beauty and bath store that’s every woman’s dream. Lotions, shower gels and bath salts in decadent scents. A small square of soap costs more than my beauty budget for three months, but the smells are so heavenly I give in and let him spoil me. I’m stubborn, but even I have my limits.
On our walk, I see a coffee shop that looks familiar. I can’t figure out why I would recognize a coffee shop in London until we get closer and see a standing tribute to Brooke Livingston. It’s Monmouth Coffee, frequent hang out of Brooke’s character on Covent Gardens. A picture of her hangs in the window with the tag line Gone But Not Forgotten. I get chills seeing her picture.
“Sorry. I usually know better than to come this way,” he says after we’re a safe distance away. “I try to avoid going by there.”
I don’t say anything, but my mind races. Does he not want to be reminded of her? Is it too painful? Of course it would be painful. She was his wife! If it didn’t bother him, he wouldn’t be the caring, sensitive guy I’ve fallen for. It’s such a shame that for me to get the wonderful man he is, I’ll have to share part of him with her ghost.
By the time we get back to Gavin’s, I’m drowning in insecurity. Gavin says he needs to check in at work, and I’m relieved. We have about an hour before we need to leave to meet Gavin’s friends, which is just enough time for me to lie down and try to get my head straight.
As excited as I was to meet them, I suddenly just want to crawl back into bed. Searching through my luggage, I find I have nothing appropriate to wear. Gavin will be dressed impeccably as always, and everything I have is just so pedestrian. Desperate, I call Em.
“How could you not pack me anything cute?” I ask before she even has a chance to say hello.
“Um, I packed you perfectly. Why don’t you tell me why you’re throwing a hissy fit?”
“We’re going to meet some of Gavin’s friends, and I don’t have anything to wear. Not one damn thing.”
“Why are you worried about what you’re wearing to meet his friends? All guys love you. Even Ash’s friends liked you better than him.”
I hold up a pink sweater and look at myself in the mirror before throwing it in the discard pile. “That isn’t saying much,” I retort.
“You were practically an honorary member of his fraternity. You become everyone’s little sister. Personally, I couldn’t stand it if guys treated me that way, but you thrive on it. So why are you worried? This is your bailiwick, kid.”
“Maybe not anymore. Things are different.”
Em is quiet for a minute, while I sift through my reject pile again. “Ahhhhh. I know what this is about.”
“What?”
“It’s the ghost, right? You’re worried about the ghost.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lie.
“Drop the act. We both know you’re intimidated by Brooke,” she says.
I sit down with a pair of jeans in my hand. “Can you blame me?”
“One, I hated that show. I never saw what everybody was so nuts about. Two, you’re a fucking rock star. If his friends can’t se
e it, then fuck ’em. I didn’t know the chick, but I do know that she died because she was a cracked out junkie. Maybe she was great once, but my guess is she had a long fall from grace. You’re not in competition with her. She’s dead, and her role in his life has nothing to do with you. So put on your big girl panties and suck it up.”
I fiddle with my cross necklace while I process what she’s said. I know she’s right, but my insecurities are screaming louder than she is.
“I take your silence to mean you’re letting that soak in. Now, tell me where you’re going.”
“A bar,” I say. “I’m guessing it’ll be casual. But you know how Gavin dresses. Dating a super model sucks!”
“Yeah, boo-hoo. He isn’t a super model, he just looks like one.”
“Help me, Em!”
“I am, I am. Okay, wear the skinny faded jeans, the white V-neck top, and that red vest that I got from that Goop event I went to.”
I find the vest at the bottom of the suitcase. “Oh, I like that.”
“Hence why I gave it to you. Like I would wear a down vest. I don’t do rugged casual. But you, my dear, you pull it off well. Wear those tall brown boots, and you’ll be golden.”
“Have I told you how much I love you?” I say as I find the boots.
“Not nearly often enough.”
As I hang up with Em, Gavin walks in looking surprised. I look around and see the entire contents of my suitcases thrown all over the room. I hadn’t realized how frantically I’d been searching for something to wear.
He clears off a space on the bed and sits. “You okay?” he asks. “You’ve been quiet since our walk.”
Embarrassed by the mess I’ve made of his room, I pick up my clothes. “I’m okay. I was a bit off earlier, but Em helped.”
“I meant what I said. I’m sorry we walked that way. I’m sure it’s weird for you. I know it’s weird for me.”
Not wanting to look at him, I focus on folding the clothes in front of me. “I’m not going to lie. I get a bit intimidated by her. She’s not just anyone, she’s Brooke freaking Livingston! She was the face of the lipstick that I wear, for crying out loud. Well, used to wear anyway.” Note to self, throw away Wanted Red lipstick. The last thing I need is to think about how much better she looked in the shade than I do.
When Fate Isn't Enough Page 4