by Tamara White
Sally’s store is apparently doing better than ever, which is great. She had saved all through high school, knowing she wanted to buy her very own bookstore. When she moved here in her senior year, she almost gave up on her dream, but we encouraged her to follow through with her dream. Now her bookstore is the only one in town and is about to undergo an expansion.
Natalie, on the other hand, has been just as unproductive as I have. She usually occupies her time with guys, unless of course I am free. Then we hang out at my place watching movies. There were also times when we were both single and both had a free night that we’d go out and be each other’s wingmen; or would that be wingwomen?
“What about you, Val? Have you had any more blackouts lately?”
Nat watches me from across the table, her eyes filled with concern. I offer her a grim smile, the lie slipping easily from my lips. “Not since that last one a year ago. It’s starting to worry me, though. Either they have finally stopped, or another one is just around the corner.”
Jessica and Sally both frown, but remain silent. They are fully aware of my blackouts and how severe they used to be. It’s actually one of the things that brought us all together. Jessica and Sally were walking together when they saw me step out in front of an oncoming car, completely zoned out by one of my hazes. They ran over and pulled me out of the way. Then they called Nat, whose number is on a metal bracelet I wear all the time.
Nat shakes her head and gets to her feet. “Alright, girls, no more sad topics. We have a party to get to.”
Sally and I groan at the same time, which makes us both laugh. Jessica turns to glare at us. “You two are so horrible. Just have fun; it won’t kill you.”
Ha! Sure. Those are famous last words if I ever heard them.
We leave the coffee shop and Jessica and Sally drive off together, planning to meet up with us at the club. As Nat and I climb into her car, I can’t help the jitters that start to build in my belly, a mix of nerves and excitement. Okay, so maybe I am excited to celebrate my birthday. Maybe I might even meet a guy? Here’s hoping. Work hasn’t exactly given me too many dating opportunities.
Two
“The stars light up the sky as the shadows grow. Darkness is everywhere. It won’t be long until all light is extinguished.”
We arrive at Satine just as the sun is setting. There’s a line around the corner and my heart sinks as I take in the way everyone is dressed. Neon everywhere. Neon clothes, neon hair and neon lights. So much neon.
“Ah, Nat? Why are we going into a club with a neon theme? We’re not even dressed for it!”
She slams her door shut and I climb out of the passenger seat. “It’s not a neon theme, Val. It's Eighties Night, but we have the VIP section booked for tonight so you only have to brave the neon as we walk in and out of the club.”
Nat pulls me along, straight up to the velvet rope. Then she leans forward to whisper in the bouncer’s ear, giving him a flirty smirk. Guys just seem to fall over their feet to be the center of Nat’s or my attention for some reason, something we consider to be both a blessing and a curse.
My jet black hair flows down to my waist, my body is voluptuous and my breasts are a solid E-cup. It’s difficult finding bras that fit since nowhere likes to stock more than one bra option in my size, if they even carry it to begin with.
Then there’s my face; it’s perfectly symmetrical. I have a small button nose and pale pink lips that match my paler-than-normal skin tone, and my eyes are a unique amber color. Not something common like blue or gray. No, I got a rare shade of amber. My parents have green and blue eyes respectively, so I have no idea where the amber comes from, but I love it.
I’ve had doubts over whether they’re real parents because of it, though; I mean, I look nothing like them. Hell, even Nat looks more like them than I do.
Then there’s the fact that while I like being out and about, I’d much rather be at home reading a good book whereas my blond-haired, blue-eyed mother has a love for the spotlight. She plans weekly parties for her rich friends who she uses to keep her status above that of the regular Joe. Not that she actually has any money; she just likes to pretend so she doesn’t lose all her affluent friends.
My father isn’t around anymore, but he used to be just the same. He loved the parties Mom threw because it gained him introductions to law firms he wouldn’t have otherwise had access to. He built his business from the ground up and quickly became a multi-millionaire because of his success with his cases. The truth is, he just made sure never to take on a lost cause, in order to keep his case win rate at one hundred percent.
Unlike either of them, I’d rather be curled up on a lounge chair somewhere reading a good book with a nice hot coffee. But instead, I’m constantly being dragged out to all kinds of things for my mother’s benefit. Since my father divorced her, she’s become very demanding in regards to what she thinks my life should be like. Pretty dresses, flashy jewelry, things I’m not remotely interested in.
“Valerie? Are you even listening to me?!” Nat’s voice penetrates my thoughts, and I focus back on the here and now, feeling guilty for ignoring her. She’s trying to do something nice for me, and I really do appreciate it.
I plaster a smile on my face. “Um, if I say no, are you going to make me go home?”
She grins in response and then starts pulling me through the throng of people already gathered on the dance floor. Bodies press against me from every side, and the heat is stifling. A few guys grind against me and I feel the club mentality from the people around me; the need to be free, let loose all your worries and just dance the night away.
Nat leads us off the dance floor and then to the back corner of the club, near the stairs leading up to the VIP room. She pauses, leaning in to whisper-shout in my ear. “Val, you don’t have to do this if you really don’t want to. I just wanted to get you out of the house, so we could have some fun and celebrate your birthday.”
I sigh and pull her in, hugging her tight as the music blasts around us. “Let’s go party, Nat. There’s no place I’d rather be than here with you. But if I drink too much, you are responsible for getting me home.” I pull back and wink at her.
She laughs at me, then starts pulling me up the steps. “Okay, but no promises. We may end up taking care of each other. That, or we’ll wake up hungover at some guy’s house like on your eighteenth.”
I shudder at the memory. We both got extremely hammered on homemade alcohol on my eighteenth birthday. Sally, Jess, Nat and I woke up wearing only our underwear, all cuddled up in the same bed with no idea what had happened the night before. It turned out we’d just drunk a little too much and crashed in a bed together, but still. That’s not how you want to wake up, especially in a complete stranger’s house.
As we walk into the VIP lounge, I marvel at how fancy it looks for a small town club. There’s a massive window that looks out over the dance floor and I stare out through it as the club starts to fill. Red velvet chairs make the area feel all the more exclusive. I notice that Sally and Jessica are already here, talking to a cute waiter who sets down a tray of drinks.
And then my eyes land on my parents. Yes, both of them. I honestly never thought my father would show up. He called to wish me a happy birthday and didn’t mention he would be here, otherwise I would have advised against it.
I can see that he and my mother are in the midst of a heated discussion at the moment. It’s the first time I think I’ve ever seen my dad truly annoyed. If my mother wanted to yell at him or belittle him, he would usually just stand there and take whatever verbal insults she had to sling out.
My mother has tried to make me believe that I was the reason my dad left her. I know that it’s the stroke that makes her lash out like that, but sometimes it’s hard not to feel like they both would have been better off not having me.
I decide to ignore my parents, instead heading straight over to my friends. Jessica notices me first and her hazel eyes light up. “You’re finally here!
Now I can give you your present.”
“Aw that’s sweet, Jess, but you didn’t have to get me anything.”
She pouts at me. “Yes, I did. Now quick, open it!”
The giddiness in her voice has me excited and curious about what she might have gotten me. I rip the package open and my jaw drops open in shock, quickly trying to roll the gift into a ball before anyone sees.
“Jess! Wha… wh… what the hell?!” I stammer, still trying to hide the lingerie while Natalie and Sally both chuckle.
“What? I thought you’d love it,” she says with a frown.
“It’s not that I don’t like it, but jeez, my parents are sitting right over there!” I gesture in their general vicinity to prove my point.
She takes the red and black lingerie outfit from my hand and sighs. “Fine, I’ll keep it in my car until the parents aren’t around. I don’t see what the big deal is, though. I mean, surely they know you like to have sex.”
I just shake my head as she walks away, leaving me with Sally and Nat. Sally is extremely attractive and also extremely shy. She offers a timid smile before handing me an envelope. Inside is a card filled with well wishes from everyone at the coffee house I work at. Down on the bottom, she has left a small note.
Valerie, I know you don’t like too much fuss on your birthday and while I did chip in on the gift Natalie and Jessica got you, my real gift to you is this. Your next night off we will do a girls’ night with movies and donuts.
Lots of love,
Sally
My eyes begin to tear up, and I can’t help but pull Sally in for a hug. “Thank you,” I whisper. She blushes and looks away without a word. Anyone else might get offended, but I know that’s just how Sally is.
Jessica comes back a minute later, her eyes alight with mischief. “Your present is in the car. Now let’s go get some drinks.”
“Uh, I think Val’s parents want to talk to her, so why don’t we go check on everything first?” Nat suggests, before leading Sally and Jessica away.
After my friends are gone, my parents approach. They each hold small gifts in their hands and fake smiles on their faces. I can always tell when things aren’t right between them, even if I hadn’t seen proof of it firsthand earlier.
As my mother reaches me, she stumbles a little. I hold out my hands to steady her, only to have her swat them away. “I’m fine, Valerie. I don’t need your help!”
I sigh and drop my hands, glad that she at least seems to be doing relatively okay. I don’t think she’s left the house other than for her socialite parties since the stroke. I guess I should be glad she’s here, but I can’t help but feel like she’s not really here for me.
“Happy birthday, darling. I hope you like it.” She shoves a small box in my hands, and I have to hold back a grimace. If it’s anything like the last five years, it will be jewelry of some kind. She’s become obsessed with having me wear pretty trinkets, but I just don’t get it. Why wear something so expensive when you could just lose it? Maybe just once, she could actually ask what I want instead of getting something I’ll never use or wear.
Inside is a pair of diamond earrings. Earrings I know she can’t afford. I wonder what she pawned away now? That’s the only way she would be able to afford something so flashy. Don’t get me wrong, they are absolutely breathtaking, but I would rather she buy me a good book or chip in towards my college fund. Even so, I smile and give her a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks, Mom, they’re beautiful.”
Her whole face lights up in delight, and I swear she’s seconds away from making me put them on right here and now. Thankfully, though, Dad chooses that moment to step up and get my attention.
He hands me a wrapped package and the smile on my face is genuine this time. Based on the shape, it’s obviously a book of some kind which just shows how well he actually knows me.
I wanted to go with him when he left, but I was only fourteen at the time. My mom and Nat both wanted me to stay, so that’s what I ended up doing. It was good for the first year after he left. Mom let me do what I wanted, that is until the blackouts came back. Then she became strict, demanding I stay home rather than go hang out with my friends.
But that all changed after the accident; then it was like I no longer mattered to her at all. That night, she had come to get me from Nat’s house because I had snuck out. We were on our way home when the car skidded on the wet road and we smashed into a tree.
When I woke up, I was in the hospital and it was a week after the accident. Dad was there by my side and he told me everything that had happened, including how I died briefly on the operating table. They were able to fix the nicked artery, though. I lost a lot of blood, yet still I survived. I still have nasty scars, but that’s it.
My mother, however, suffered a stroke. When we got home, instead of taking my dad up on his offer to move in with him and his new wife, I opted to stay and take care of my mother. Some days, I regret that decision. I often wonder how different my life would be if I had left back then. But there’s no point dwelling on ‘what if’s.’
My dad speaks, drawing me from my memories. “I wanted to get you something for college, but since you still refuse to go, I thought this might do.” He gives me a pointed look and I avert my gaze. I know how much he wishes I were at college, but the reality of the situation is that I can’t go.
I rip away the wrapping paper, eager to see what book it is. But before I even get a chance, my mother snatches it from my hands, leaving me bereft. “Mom, what the hell?” I exclaim, shocked she’d just take my present from me like that.
She glares at my father for a moment, before a calm settles over her. “You know what, Troy? I don’t want to fight in front of our little girl. Especially not on her big day.” Then she turns to me, an odd glint in her eyes.
“Daddy’s so sorry, sweetie. This wasn’t meant to be given to you yet. I’m sorry that he messed this up for you. Troy, take me home now.”
She turns on her heel with the book clutched tightly in her hands and strides to the exit. My dad gives me a sad smile. “Sorry, sweetie. I’ll take her home and see you tomorrow, okay? We can go out for some pancakes and ice cream if you want? Unless my little girl is too old for that?” he asks with a grin.
“I’m never too old for ice cream, Dad. Go, I’ll call you in the morning.”
He gives me a quick hug before hurrying to catch up with my mother. Sally chooses that moment to come back into the VIP lounge, holding a shot.
“Thought you might need this,” she murmurs, handing it over to me. I knock it back in one go and take a few deep breaths to work through the burn.
“Thanks, Sally.”
“It’s fine. I figured you’d probably need it after the family drama. Now come on, Nat is waiting for us down at the bar. She’s demanding we do more shots and find a guy to go home with, but if it’s alright with you, I think I’m going to sneak home soon.”
“Sure, I don’t blame you. But let’s have some fun before you go, okay?”
We spend the next hour dancing and hammering down shot after shot at Nat’s insistence. My guess is because she volunteered to be the designated driver, she wants to live vicariously through us. Besides, Nat is always high on life so alcohol isn’t really needed for her.
Eventually, we all tire from dancing, so Jessica and Sally decide to take their leave. We all say goodbye with hugs and then I watch them climb into a cab. Nat and I head back into the club for another hour, dancing with each other until the crowd starts thinning out.
When the bouncers finally kick us out, Nat helps me out to her car, which is good because my vision swimming.
“You know, I can walk right?” I slur, even as the ground sways underneath me.
“Oh, sure you can. Just let me get you home.” She chuckles as she puts me into the passenger seat, then runs around to the driver’s side.
Nat doesn’t say a word as she drives us home; I guess she can sense how exhausted I am. We’re almost home when she suddenl
y slams on the brakes, pulling me out of my reverie.
“What’s going on?” I glance over at Nat, quickly sobering from the rush of adrenaline. Her gaze remains fixed on the road in front of us. I turn to see what she’s staring at, and my mouth drops open in shock.
My mom is standing in the middle of the road, with the wind whipping her hair around her. She looks crazed.
I get out of the car, ignoring Nat who tries to call me back.
“Mom, are you okay? What are you doing out here?” I ask in confusion. I remember Dad left earlier to drop her off, but why did she come back out? And where is her car? Did she walk all the way from our house?
Nat gets out of the car, slamming her door shut and walking around to stand in front of the vehicle. She turns to look back at me, her eyes glowing in the moonlight. “Val, get in the car.”
“What? Why?”
Perplexed as to what is going on, I go to move towards her, but then a crow appears from nowhere, sending me scrambling back.
What the fuck? Why is a crow attacking me? Then I realize it’s not actually attacking me. It’s now sitting on the hood of Nat’s car, watching me.
Maybe I fell asleep and I’m having a weird ass dream because none of this shit makes any sense to me.
Natalie walks away from the car, and from me, her eyes showing fear but also determination. What on earth is going on?
“Natalie, this is your only chance. Turn around and leave. This has nothing to do with you; it’s between me and Valerie.” My mother’s voice sounds different; stronger and more intimidating than usual. The wind picks up around her, almost as if it were coming from within her.
Nat stares at my mother with a look of determination before glancing back at me. “If I survive this, Val, I’ll explain everything. But if I don’t, I love you, babe.”
Three
CAW! The crow swoops over me and I duck my head, feeling frightened, but not of the bird. Something else lingers here and it plans to hurt me. Don’t ask me how I know that, I just do.