by Tamara White
Jaxson abruptly dismisses the class, his gaze still fixed on me as he does so. All of the students hurry to pack up their things, before leaving the room. I do the same but a lot more slowly. Then I take my time walking towards the front of the room, worried Jaxson is going to be angry about his brother leaning into me like that.
Carter must sense my change in mood because he wraps an arm around my shoulder comfortingly. “Hey, you okay?”
“Yeah, it’s just Jaxson. I think he’s annoyed I wasn’t paying more attention to him.”
Carter chuckles softly as we approach Jaxson’s desk. “Jaxson isn’t upset with you, Valerie. Are you, Jax?”
Jaxson and I gaze intently into each other’s eyes until a cough from Carter makes me realize we’ve just been standing here staring like a pair of love-sick fools. Which we’re not.
I take a step away, feeling something I don’t want to acknowledge. A connection. No! I can’t make a connection with anyone.
He sighs and I feel his hand caress my cheek, making me look at him. When did he move closer? “Valerie, I’m not angry with you, I’m sorry if I made you feel that I was.”
Zane’s voice echoes into the room. “Yo, guys? You alright in here?”
Thankful for his rescue, I hurriedly step away from Jaxson, relieved for a moment when Zane grabs hold of my hand.
Shit. No, no, no! No attachments! I drop his hand fast and start to back away, when arms grab me and hold me firm. Cooper. I don’t understand how I know it’s him, I just do.
“Please let me go,” I beg, on the verge of a full-blown panic attack.
“Just calm down, Valerie. We’ll give you space, but you need to control your breathing. Deep breath in, and then out. Again,” he coaxes. I follow his lead, slumping against him after a moment. Then he slowly lowers us to the floor and I stay in his lap while the others surround us.
“Sorry,” I say as I look up into the concerned expressions of the other three. Cooper is still holding me, and I fight the instinct telling me to run and not look back. How is it possible to feel myself growing so attached to them in such a short amount of time?
“What happened?” Jaxson asks, concern etched across his face.
I debate whether or not to tell them the truth. I mean, would they even believe me? Screw it, I’d rather be honest and have them think I’m crazy than lie. I’ve been lied to a lot in my life, and it’s not exactly a nice feeling.
“Shit. Okay, I’ll tell you, but try not to judge me too harshly, alright? And if I sound like I’m taking it too seriously, then you can just ignore me.” Nods all around encourage me to continue, but I freeze, nerves weakening my resolve. “When you touched me,” I explain, looking to Jaxson and watching as his face shuts down, “it reminded me of a dream I had. The person in it looked a lot like you, and it was too much for me at that moment. Then when I came out of it, I felt like you were all a part of me. Like you were connected to my very being. I don’t know what you want from me, but I can’t afford to be attracted to any of you or form any kind of attachments. After all, my future isn’t exactly clear right now. I don’t want to come to care for someone if I’m just going to have to leave again.”
I wait for them to pull away, expecting them to be disturbed by how clingy I sounded, but instead they each turn to Jaxson. The look on his face is one of shock, while the others look impressed. I have no idea what the hell they have to be impressed about, though. In the blink of an eye, their expressions all clear, and Carter is the one to speak for them.
“If you want us to back off, then we will. But you should know something about us, Valerie. We’re different. We can’t tell you how, at least not yet, but soon everything will make sense. You just have to be patient.”
I shake my head sadly. “I don’t know, guys. Dad told me this morning more evidence has come to light in the case. He’s actually leaving for a month to sort stuff out and I think by the end of that time, I will be called back home for a trial. The evidence probably won’t be in my favor.”
Jaxson gives a teasing grin. “Don’t let your father hear you say that. He’d be hurt that you think so little of his skills.”
I smile at Jaxson’s attempt to lighten the mood. “Okay, but can someone help me up please?” I hold out my hands and Zane and Jaxson both grab hold of one and pull. I’m almost flung into the air with the force of their strength. “Holy cow, guys. You’re really fucking strong.”
They smirk at each other, both keeping hold of my hands as we make our way out of the room. I know I should be bothered, but oddly, I’m happy about it. It feels good to have them on either side of me.
Somewhere in the back of my mind is the thought that I shouldn’t let myself get attached, but for the first time since I found out Nat was killed, I feel like I’m where I’m meant to be.
The dark voice inside me whispers that this isn’t home, though, that I don’t belong here. But I find a power within myself I’ve never had before, and ignore that voice.
“So, where to next?” I ask, new energy and resolve bursting through me.
“Lunch,” Carter groans pitifully from behind me. I look back and, sure enough, he’s clutching at his stomach as if he hasn’t eaten in weeks.
I laugh at him. “Seriously? You can’t possibly still be hungry after that breakfast we had.”
“What? I burn a lot of energy keeping this package looking good.” He gestures down his body with a cocky grin.
I just shake my head and turn to face the hall, watching as people just seamlessly step aside when they see the guys coming. It’s as if they don’t want to get in their way.
A few curious glances are cast my way, and the cold stares from others have me glaring right back. It’s not like I chose to be here. But now that I am, I just want to make the best of the hand that life dealt me.
I dislodge my hands from the guys’. Zane stops with a questioning look aimed my way.
“I just need to go to the restroom,” I explain, before walking towards the clearly labelled doors on the opposite end of the hallway.
“Alright, we’ll find a table and grab some food.” With that, he walks away, and the others following after, although Jaxson’s gaze continues to linger on me.
It takes effort to tear my eyes away and I have to shake myself out of this weird stupor he’s left me in. What is it with these guys and their strange effect on me? Why am I feeling this way? Is it just my way of mourning Natalie? To put all my focus on something else? Or is this something else entirely?
I push the bathroom door open, glad to see it empty, and immediately go to the sink to splash cool water on my face.
As I’m smoothing out my clothes, something I tend to do whenever my anxiety begins to rise, I hear the door open and voices drift in. I don’t know why, but I decide to hide in one of the stalls. I lock the door and try to calm my racing heart, waiting for them to leave. But when they speak, I freeze.
“Can you believe it? They’re protecting her! She doesn’t even belong here!”
I recognize the voice as Joy’s, the chick who shoulder checked me earlier. I don’t know why she has such a problem with me. I haven’t done anything but exist. If I had to hazard a guess, I’d assume she’s just jealous, but surely someone wouldn’t act this childishly out of petty jealousy?
But maybe she’s still in love with Jaxson. It must have been hard for her to fall for him and then get engaged, only for him to break it all off. I don’t get why that’s my fault, though. Jaxson is the one she should be angry with if that’s the case.
An unfamiliar catty voice answers Joy, and I cringe at the high-pitched tone. “I wonder why they even care. It’s not like they could be her guardians. She’s human, for goodness sake, and a murderer as well if the rumors are true.”
“A murderer?! Are you serious? They let a murderer on campus?!” Joy screeches, but her friend shushes her.
“No one really knows all the details, but I heard she just got out of prison and had no place to
go, so her father had to take her in. My grandmother said she killed someone.” Her voice lowers, so I have to press my ear to the stall door to hear the last part. “Ripped them to pieces with her bare hands. How gross is that?”
I stagger back, and a buzzing begins to fill my ears. How could they know that?
The floor starts shaking, and the girls scream in fear. I don’t panic, though, instead embracing the feeling of power that’s coursing through me. My fear is chased away by a new sense of strength. I am no longer a meek girl hiding in a bathroom stall. I am now War!
Power flows off me in waves and the stall door disintegrates as I step through it, causing the girls on the other side to gasp in fright. I can sense it, the moment they catch sight of me. My hair whips around and behind me as the building shakes with my power. I will teach them not to disrespect me.
But before I can do anything, the bathroom door slams open. A man fills the doorway, his dark hair glinting in the fluorescent light. “Get. Out!” he demands in a harsh voice. Both girls rush to obey, scrambling past him and out the door he came in. Me, however, I’m just pissed! He just let my prey leave!
My power continues to build within me, and I feel my magic trying to pull the girls back to me. But then the man moves to stand in front of me, drawing my gaze and distracting me from my goal. “Valerie? Do you know who I am?”
I cock my head in confusion. Do I know him? Those eyes, they call to me, beseeching me to remember.
“Jaxson?” I finally ask, feeling uncertain. Then I drop to my knees, a warm feeling filling my chest. “What’s happening?”
He bends down in front of me and reaches out to cradle one of my cheeks with his hand. “Shhh, it’ll be over in a minute. You let yourself get worked up and your powers took over in order to help you. We’re going to have to teach you how to control that.” Then he smiles at me and his eyes captivate me. I have eyes like that too, I think to myself, a split second before power explodes out of me and into Jaxson. He doesn’t try to escape, though. He just holds us there until the power dies out and the ground finally stops its rumbling.
Jaxson slowly strokes his thumb over my cheek and I feel slightly calmer. “I need you to take deep breaths for me, Val. That’s it. In and out.” His words encourage me to relax further, and he smiles at me in relief.
“Why did you help me?” I ask.
He watches me a moment before murmuring, “I’m your guardian. I will always protect you.”
My eyes close, unsure if I heard correctly. Am I dreaming again?
The room shifts around me and I open my eyes, feeling dazed. What just happened? Why am I on the bathroom floor?
I look around me, trying to figure out why I’m here. In the doorway, I see Cooper and Carter staring down at me, looking completely stunned.
“What happened?” I ask, still trying to remember. I can’t remember anything after walking into the bathroom. Did I even pee? It’s all a big blur. I must have passed out or something.
Carter shakes himself out of his daze a moment later. “We don’t know. The girls that were in here ran out and told us they heard a loud bang. We came in and you were passed out on the floor. Are you okay?”
I look down at myself, happy to find no obvious injuries. Usually after a blackout, I’ll have a scrape or bruise of some kind at the very least, but thankfully, I seem to have come out of it unharmed this time.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I don’t know what got into me. I don’t usually have blackouts unless I’m extremely stressed.” It’s just so strange, I muse, trying to figure out why I was triggered.
The two of them exchange a glance before offering to help me up and I curse inwardly. They probably think I’m not worth all this trouble. I mean, who else has blackouts? Mostly just sick people, or someone touched in the head.
I hope they’ll leave the matter alone, but no such luck. Carter waits until we’re out in the hall before asking, “You have blackouts? How long has this been going on? Are they bad? Do we need to call a doctor or something?”
I debate on how much to tell them, not sure how they’ll react. I look behind us and see Jaxson just standing there, staring at me as we walk away, his face as stoic as ever. That is, until he winks, which makes me stumble in surprise. But when I meet his eyes, there’s no trace of expression, leaving me to wonder if I imagined him winking at me. Then he starts following after us.
Focusing back on Carter, I decide to answer his questions as we walk. “I’m fine. There are just blocks of time I don’t remember. Generally, they seem to happen in high-stress situations. I don’t typically hurt myself, but I have woken up to find myself with scrapes or bruises. I imagine that’s mainly from walking through bushes or the forest back home, though.”
We walk into the crowded cafeteria and a few people stop to observe our entrance. But they quickly go back to their food and conversations when Jax levels a glare at them. The guys lead me to a table where Zane is already seated, along with four trays piled high with food. I almost moan in anticipation. I’m ravenous all of a sudden, which is odd, considering I had no appetite earlier.
“They are usually harmless. My therapist used to think my strange dreams might have been re-tellings of the events that happened during my blackouts. That is, until I told her in the dreams, I had control of magic and could do pretty unbelievable things. She was quick to realize after that we couldn’t rely on my dreams to give an accurate retelling since they were pure fantasy. We needed another way to determine what was happening when I blacked out. We tried so many methods when I was growing up to figure out what the hell happened during my blackouts, but none of them worked. To this day, I still have them. Even the night… it happened,” I say, subtly reminding them of why I’m here. “I remember none of it. It’s all just a blank.”
They nod as I explain everything, absorbing the information for later, I’m sure.
“So, you’re definitely sure you don’t need to see the nurse or anything like that? We could call our mom and I’m sure she could get you an appointment at the medical center right now if you needed one,” Cooper offers.
“Nah, I’m good, but thank you. I just want to eat. I always feel better after a blackout if I eat my weight in food,” I laugh and begin piling a few BLT sandwiches on my plate.
After that, we all sit in companionable silence, enjoying our food as people around us continue chatting. It feels nice to be able to relax, but I have a feeling it won’t last long.
Thirteen
“The heart is not as easily deceived as the mind. Trust your heart to guide you.”
I sit with my legs crossed, looking up at the woman in a black dress. “But what if it tells you to love more than one person? What do you do then?”
“Trust that your heart is right.”
The rest of the day goes by uneventfully, but it begins to feel stifling to have at least one of the guys in each of my classes. At first it was comforting and made me feel… protected. But now, it’s becoming more of a hindrance than anything. I haven’t had many chances to introduce myself to anyone else because they would always seem to interrupt at just the right moment.
Finally, though, my last class is over and we can get the hell out of here. I’m looking forward to holing myself up in my room for the rest of the day so as not to feel so smothered. Not to mention taking time to Google the hell out of my classes, because most of them made no sense to me whatsoever. It seemed like they were all based around the myths and legends of the gods that once inhabited this place, which is not at all what I imagined a college would teach.
Jaxson, who was in my last class, leads me out to the parking lot. We’re on our way over to the car when a horn blares from behind me. I turn to see Justin waving from the driver’s seat of a deep blue convertible. I don’t know cars, so don’t even ask what type it is. All I know is that it’s pretty.
“Hey, Valerie! Come here,” Justin calls out, gathering the attention of pretty much everyone in the lot. Jaxson glares in his
direction and I hesitate for a moment, before shrugging my shoulders and making my way over.
“Hey, Justin,” I greet, smiling at his enthusiasm.
“Get in,” he says with a wicked smirk.
I meet his eyes in surprise. “What?”
His grin widens. “Come for a ride with me, Val. I promise I’ll drop you back home when we’re done. I just thought you might like to see the rest of the island since you had to leave early last night.”
I’m debating what to do when Zane joins me at my side. “She doesn’t want to go anywhere with you,” he spits out.
Justin glares at Zane. “How about you let her decide? She’s not some pet you can boss around. Maybe she wants to come with me? Did you ever think about that?”
Both of them turn to look at me, waiting for me to make a decision. To make matters worse, I can feel the gazes of Carter, Cooper and Jax burning into the back of my head.
“Look I don’t want to make anyone upset, but… I would like to go explore a bit. Just tell my dad I’ll be back before dinner, okay?”
I walk around to the other side of Justin’s car and throw my bag in the backseat before climbing in.
Justin grins broadly at me before turning to glare at Zane, who goes to step in front of the car to stop us from leaving. “Move before I run you down,” he warns.
Jaxson calls out to Zane and thankfully, he walks away. As soon as he’s gone, Justin speeds out of the parking lot.
As we drive, my hair flies about in the wind, which makes me laugh. Justin smiles over at me and I can’t help but ask something. “I thought there was some rivalry between ours schools, one you seemed to strongly agree with the last time we talked. Why did you come to Light Shadows and ask me to come with you today?”
He sighs, but keeps his gaze on the road, driving us along the main road towards his school, in order to give me a proper look at it. “I like you, Valerie. There’s something about you that draws me in. I don’t know if you feel the same way, but I’m not willing to let some old feud get in the way of us being friends. Besides, I could always transfer. Who knows, maybe I’ll come to Light Shadows?” He turns to wink at me before focusing back on the road.