by Tamara White
Jaxson climbs back into the ring, and if I didn’t know any better, I would assume he’d rubbed oil over his abs to distract me. I mean, no one’s skin is that shiny, right? It could be sweat, but we haven’t even started yet.
“Okay, Valerie. I want you to channel all your anger into this moment, right here and now,” he says as he bounces on the balls of his feet.
Huh? What is he talking about? “Jax, I don’t have any anger.”
He stops bouncing around long enough to laugh at me. “You have no anger?” he asks, his voice taking on a mocking tone.
“Your best friend is assumed dead. You were forced to move to a new place with people you don’t even know. You found out you were adopted. Does none of that make you angry?” he taunts with a wicked glint in his eyes.
With each statement, an anger I really didn’t even know I held starts to rise from within me. Then when he’s finally finished, I straighten my back and lunge at him. I have no idea if I’m doing what I’m supposed to, but I no longer care. A haze descends over my vision and the next thing I know, a pair of arms are wrapped around me, hauling me off Jaxson. He’s relatively unharmed, other than the massive boot-shaped bruise on his chest.
I pant heavily, still being held by a pair of arms I don’t recognize. Then Derek speaks from behind me. “You all good now, Valerie?” he asks.
At my nod, he lets go of me and walks over to help Jax to his feet. He looks him over before punching him in the arm jokingly. “Seriously, man. You must have a death wish to piss a woman off that badly.”
Jaxson looks at me smugly. “Is the anger still there, Val?”
I close my eyes, feeling inside me where that feeling of anger came from. Then I open my eyes, feeling surprised. “No, it’s… it’s calm now. I feel... at peace.”
Jaxson comes over and crouches down in front of me, and our eyes meet. Something passes between us and he reaches up to wipe a bead of sweat from my brow. “I’m sorry if I pushed you too far.”
I shake my head, not even slightly upset. “If you had told me before what you had planned, I would have been a bit peeved for sure, but I’m not now. This is the first time in the past few days I haven’t felt like my mind and heart are fighting each other.”
Derek interrupts, holding out a hand for me. “There are showers in the back if you want to use them. I also have some spare clothes you can change into. My wife is around the same size as you, so they should fit.”
I take his offered hand and he shows me the way to the women’s locker room, stopping by his office on the way to grab me a set of his wife’s clothes.
Once I’m showered and dressed, I make my way out of the locker room to find Jax waiting for me. Derek has disappeared, so I just follow Jax out of the gym and to the car. We drive back towards the campus and that’s when I realize we spent the whole day in each other’s company.
When we get out of the car, Jaxson gestures for me to join him on the hood while we wait for the others to finish. “Thank you for today, Jax.”
He shrugs his shoulders, refusing to look at me. My heart deflates and I begin to sink into myself until the horn of a familiar car puts a wide smile on my face. I slide off the hood of the car and hurry over to Justin.
“Hey, Val. You ready to go?”
I stumble surprised. “Go where?”
“You didn’t really think I was going to listen to your dad, did you? I want to get to know you, even if I have to defy his orders to do so.”
My heart picks up speed and I nod, climbing eagerly into the passenger seat. As we leave the parking lot, I look back and see Jax still sitting on the hood of the car, disappointment clear in his expression. I didn’t think he’d mind me going off with Justin, but I guess I was wrong. After a moment, Zane, Cooper and Carter all join Jax at the car and follow his gaze to see me leaving. I wave, but none of them wave back, leaving me to wonder why they don’t like Justin?
Sixteen
Friday. Finally the end of the week. Ever since my mental break on Tuesday, I’ve been doing great. There have been no more nightmares and my days have been better than ever. I hang out with Jax, Cooper, Carter and Zane during classes and at lunch, but then spend the afternoon after school with Justin.
We’ve already become a lot closer in the short time we’ve known each other. On Tuesday, he promised me that, no matter what happened, he would see me every day after classes finished up. I thought he was joking, but so far, he’s kept to his word. Every day, I learned something new about him, just as he’s learned more about me.
For example, I know that he likes cars. He likes to tinker with them, new and old alike. He explained that he has a fascination with pulling them apart and putting them back together. And he knows I like to draw and one day dream of creating my own series of graphic novels.
He admitted the other day he likes to watch romantic movies. He says the idea of two people being able to overcome anything is something he likes to hope for. I thought at first that was just some kind of line, but the more I get to know him, the more I hope it’s true.
I even admitted to him that I’m adopted. It was something I was a little hesitant to tell him, but I figured that in order to really get to know someone, you need to be willing to open up about the hard things.
“Valerie?”
“Huh?” I look up to see Cooper staring at me. The others had classes to get to, so Cooper volunteered to hang out with me in the library. Jaxson was supposed to be with me all week, but apparently, he had some appointment with the dean today.
“I asked if you were alright.” he repeats from my side.
I turn to him with a distracted smile. “Yeah, Coop. I’m fine. Just thinking about what to do this weekend.”
“Oh, well we actually wanted to see if you wanted to hang with us. We usually have a barbecue and watch movies in the pool house, but seeing as you’ve taken up residence there, we thought we’d see if you were up for it first.”
“Who else is coming?” I ask absentmindedly as I place all the books into a neat pile. The librarian she asked earlier that we stack the books for her to make it easier for her to put them away.
Cooper puts his hand over mine, preventing me from moving the next book. “Valerie, it’s something we do together. Just us. And now we’re inviting you.”
Oh. That’s actually kind of sweet. “Thanks, Coop. I’d love to be involved.”
He grins at me, before letting go of my hand. I feel its loss a little more than I care to admit. Since coming here, I’ve grown close with each of my new stepbrothers. Carter and I seem to connect the most, though; his love of making everything fun always brightens my day.
Cooper, while more reserved than his twin, is a gentle guy at heart. He doesn’t like to get too involved in Carter’s joking, preferring to remain more serious, but I like that about him. Sometimes, it’s nice to take a break from all the fun and games.
Things with Zane are still a bit strained after he ratted me out to my father for going off with Justin. Our conversations are mostly non-existent, or filled with tension.
As for Jaxson, he and I don’t really speak when we hang out. Usually, we just sit together outside and do our own thing. It's comfortable. Occasionally we’ll talk, but for the most part we just write and draw in silence. At one point, he told me he was working on a novel, something I very much look forward to reading when he is finished.
Cooper hands me my bag and then we head out to lunch. I thought I’d have a more intense schedule than I do now, but it’s actually a lot lighter than I expected. I have one class in the morning, followed by an hour break and then three classes after lunch. Sometimes, the teachers have us leave class early, but for the most part, college life has been interesting.
When we get into the cafeteria, we choose a table at the back. Cooper goes to grab us lunch while I make myself comfortable. Zane is the first to enter the cafeteria and comes to sit at our table. As usual, the silence between us is tense. A minute later, I feel someo
ne sit down beside me. I turn with a smile, expecting to see Carter, who usually claims the seat on my right, but I am surprised to see someone else entirely.
Joy beams at me, the smile so fake I have to fight not to call her out on it. “Hello, Valerie, Zane. Hope you don’t mind; I thought I would join you guys for lunch today.”
“No, that’s fine. Go right ahead,” I respond, my gaze drawn to Zane, who looks a little uneasy. He doesn’t object, though, so I have to assume it’s okay.
When Cooper returns, he sits down on my other side, placing a tray down in front of me and another in front of Zane. Their guys have been sharing their lunches with me since I still don’t have my meal plan set up yet.
Cooper completely ignores Joy, acting as if she doesn’t exist. Then when Jaxson and Carter arrive at the table, trays in hand, the tension skyrockets. They both notice Joy immediately and I feel bad because it’s obvious they don’t want her here.
“Move, Joy. You’re in my seat,” Carter demands.
Joy pouts at him but gets up and sits back down next to Jaxson, who took the seat across from me. She smirks triumphantly, as if she got what she wanted all along.
We all sit in uncomfortable silence, picking at our food until Carter finally snaps. “Why are you here, Joy? You’re making us all uncomfortable.”
She smiles and I see her shift almost imperceptibly closer to Jaxson. “I just wanted spend some time with Jax. We haven’t hung out in ages. I hardly see any of you anymore,” she pouts.
“That’s because we have responsibilities and any free time we do have, we’d rather spend with people we actually enjoy being around,” Cooper says without looking up from the tray in front of him.
Joy’s face sours. “Oh, that’s right. Getting to know your new sister and helping her acclimate to our community. How is that working out for you guys? I imagine it must be weird.”
“No, Joy, it’s not weird. We’re friends,” Carter shoots daggers her way. I notice both Jaxson and Zane have their fists clenched and I move my hands under the table, no longer interested in eating.
Cooper sees my movement and immediately reaches under the table, intertwining our hands.
Joy just keeps talking. “No, but seriously. Imagine if one of you started to like her. You’d have to hide those feelings for the rest of your life because you’re related now. I mean, you could never tell her how you really felt. She’d get grossed out.” She smirks over at me.
I grip Cooper’s hand tighter under the table, needing the strength to refrain from slapping her smug face. Instead, I speak carefully so she understands that I mean every word. “Joy, please stop trying to stir up shit. If, and that’s a big if, one of the guys had feelings for me, then there would be nothing wrong with that. Yes, we’re technically family but there are many different types of family. We’re tied together simply because our parents are married, making us family legally, but not by blood. If people judge that, then shame on them, but I will choose who I love regardless of how others might feel about it. Either way, though I fail to see how that is any of your business.”
I feel a hand on my knee and Carter winks at me before giving it a squeeze.
Joy’s smirk fades, but she quickly recovers. “Or maybe there’s just something wrong with you. Even the thought of you being with your stepbrothers makes me sick.”
Zane slaps his hands on the table, drawing the attention of people walking past. “You don’t belong here,” he spits out. I rear back when his gaze lands on me.
Startled, I let go of Cooper’s hand and push Carter’s hand off my knee, before rising to my feet. My heart hurts from his dismissal and I make a beeline out of there, leaving my bag behind.
My heart constricts at the thought of Zane being so cruel to me. How could he? I know things were tense between us, but for him to be so hostile? I just need a moment. And what better place to escape than the library? It’s empty most of the day and will give me the space I need to think, to calm down.
I hurry in that direction and by the time I make it through the doors, I’m panting from exertion. And why do I feel like my insides are being ripped apart? It shouldn’t be like this.
“Valerie?” I feel Zane’s hand on my shoulder but shrug it away creating some distance between us.
Tears begin to fall down my cheeks and I make no move to wipe them away. “Just go away, Zane. If I don’t belong here, then I’ll make it easier on you by steering clear. But I expect you to do the same.”
“Please, Valerie, just let me explain. I wasn’t referring to you back there. I meant Joy. She keeps hanging around and I finally just snapped.”
I turn to look at him, seeing the guilt in his eyes. He reaches out and grabs my hand, taking a step closer until we’re mere inches apart. “There’s nothing I want more than for you to be here with us. Please don’t ever think differently.”
He reaches up to cup my cheek, brushing my cheekbone with his thumb. “The guys are going to kill me for this,” he mutters under his breath.
Then he pulls me closer, pressing his lips against mine. My brain shuts down the moment our lips meet. I moan into his lips and Zane takes that as an invitation to deepen the kiss. He walks me backwards until I’m pressed against the wall.
“Ahem.”
We break apart in shock to find the librarian looking at us with a sly twinkle in her eyes. “Maybe the two of you could move your kiss to somewhere that isn’t my library?” she suggests, pushing her glasses up her nose.
Zane and I nod in embarrassment before walking away from the library as fast as we can. We run into the others in the hallway before my next class and then Zane walks off without a word. I’m so confused right now. I’m not sure if the kiss was an ‘in the moment’ type thing or if he really meant it.
The rest of the day goes by faster than expected and I barely notice what’s going on around me, my mind still focused on the kiss. But when I see Justin waiting for me after school, I leap at the chance to go with him. I need to get away so I can figure out what the hell I’m doing.
As we leave the parking lot, my heart starts to beat faster. Did my stepbrother really just kiss me? And did I kiss him back? Holy shit, I did. Life is only going to get more complicated now, isn’t it?
Seventeen
“Mom? What are you doing here?”
She smiles cruelly and takes a step towards me, placing a hand over my heart. “I’m here for what is rightfully mine!”
“What do you want to do today? Would you like to come hang out with a few friends of mine? We’re having a little get together,” Justin offers as we turn onto his street.
It seems like everyone here still lives with their parents, despite being in their twenties and going to college. Something about that just confuses me. Sure, I lived with my mother because of her health, but surely that wasn’t the case for everyone here. He showed me where he lived yesterday, but we didn’t stop. He had said he didn’t want me to meet his parents yet, so we went to the river instead.
Justin did, however, tell me that if I ever needed him and couldn’t call him, I now knew where he lived.
“Sure, why not?” I smile, excited to meet his friends and get a little more insight into who he is as a person. Zane may have kissed me, but Justin has shown up every single day, just as he promised. He lets me talk, and he actually listens, helping me work through things I didn’t know I needed to vent. His presence alone makes me think more clearly.
We park out the front of his home, the stained wood standing out from the rest of the concrete gray homes on the block. People are already milling about on the patio outside his house and I raise an eyebrow in question.
“Okay, so the party started a few hours ago, but it’s the thought that counts, right?” He smirks as he climbs out of the car.
He doesn’t open my door, a small thing I’ve noticed that separates his behavior from the way Cooper, Carter, Zane and Jax act. They all make a point of opening doors for me, whether it be car or classro
om.
Ugh, why am I comparing Justin to them? I shake my head and follow after him. When I catch up, he grabs hold of my hand. I know he means for it to be comforting, but it just feels… off somehow.
Justin leads me inside and through the house, pushing through a throng of hot, sweat-soaked bodies dancing in the living room. The music is so loud inside the house that I cringe as we wade through the throng of people. Thankfully further away from the main living area we get, the quieter and more tolerable the music gets. Then Justin guides me outside through a double set of glass doors and over to a keg set up on the back patio.
People are everywhere. This isn’t a small gathering of friends; it’s a full-blown party.
Justin lets go of my hand to embrace the person in charge of the keg, a guy roughly the same height I am. His face is covered by a beard, so I can’t be sure how old he is. Most guys with beards look older to me.
Justin doesn’t bother introducing me to his friend, so I continue my perusal of our surroundings. After a moment, my gaze falls on the pool, where it lingers. It’s not as pretty as the one at home but even so, it’s still remarkable.
Pale blue tiles decorating the bottom of the pool make the water look like a hidden oasis. A built-in hot tub is at the deep end of the pool and people are taking turns diving from the little overflow into the pool, which is bound to lead to someone getting hurt.
An arm wraps around my shoulder and I look up into Justin’s gray eyes. He smiles down at me before placing a cup in my hand. I look down at the frothy beer, not sure if I should drink it. Weird things seem to happen whenever I drink. I think the alcohol triggers my blackouts.
“Come on, Val. Live a little. I swear I’ll look out for you,” he reassures.
With a shrug, I bring the cup to my mouth, taking a tentative sip.
He grins, seeming pleased. “See? Nothing happened. Come on, I’ll introduce you to a few of my friends.”