“You weren’t what?”
He had to tell her. They couldn’t move forward if he didn’t. “I wasn’t the man who killed a little girl.”
She gasped. He stared at his feet, he couldn’t take the condemnation in her eyes. The shame that was reflected back at him in the mirror since that day.
After a long silence, she covered his hand. “What happened?”
He rattled the story off with medical efficiency. “Bad car accident. Drunk driver broadsided another car. Mother, father, and a six-year-old girl. The parents only had minor injuries, but the car hit the back door broadside. The girl had multiple internal injuries.”
He ran his hands through his hair. The sound of the keening moans of the mother filled his ears. He looked to Carla, expecting to find the horror that filled his own gut, but instead there was sympathy and softness in her eyes.
“The ER was really busy that night. I got caught up tending to another patient. If only… if…” He cleared this throat. “We tried everything… but we couldn’t stop the bleeding. Maybe if I could have worked faster, gotten there sooner, she would still be alive.”
“It sounds like you did everything you could to save her life.”
“I keep seeing her face, her sweet little face, eyes closed, laying on the table. We worked for a long time to revive her, but she was gone before we even started. And when I had to tell her parents…you’ve never heard anything like the painful wail of a mother who lost her only child. It killed me.”
“But she died because of the drunk driver, not you.”
He shook his head, tears welling in his eyes. “Her mother screamed at me. Pounded on my chest. Blamed me for letting her little girl die.”
“Oh, Butch, that was her grief talking.”
He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. She was right. I was arrogant.”
Carla covered his hand. “Not arrogant. Confident. And I would hope my doctor was confident when I needed him to be.”
“But that wasn’t all. After the dust settled, they accused me of negligence. I had to go in front of the hospital board.”
“Were you… negligent?” Carla stroked his arm. Her hands should be soothing on his skin but right now, each stroke was like a sharp-toothed saw, grating against him and digging in. Just the thought of his life’s work being question had his stomach tied in knots. “The inquiry found me not negligent, but I was responsible. She was my patient… and she died.”
“Did you do everything you could?”
“Yes.”
“Did you ignore her needs or stand by and let her die?”
“No. But maybe I could have—”
“No buts. What was her name?”
He rubbed his chest. He would never forget her name, her face, her little eyes closed in death. “Emily Rose Newman.”
Carla covered his hand, their two hands over his heart and the permanent reminder of his failure. “The tattoo.”
He nodded, drawing strength from her touch.
“This has been eating you up for a while?”
“Yeah. Not long after her death, after the board cleared me, I took a leave of absence from the hospital, climbed onto my bike, and drove away. They may have said I wasn’t negligent, but that didn’t change the results. A little girl was still dead, and her parents were left to mourn her. I questioned everything about my life to that point. I didn’t know if I’d ever come back, if I’d ever practice medicine again. But a few months away cleared my head. I thought I was ready to come back.” And then he’d met Carla, and she made him question everything about his solitary life.
“It sounds like your time away did you good. The stories of the pictures you took, the people you met, they moved me. Touched my heart. I’m sure you made a difference in their lives, just as they did in yours.”
“I don’t know. I came back a different person. Detached. Uninvolved. I couldn’t let myself get invested in patients again. I didn’t have the strength to fight any more demons. Especially once I met you.”
“You didn’t want me to know you lost a patient? Is that why you didn’t tell me?” That, but so much more than that. He didn’t tell her because he couldn’t bear the disappointment in her eyes.
“You make it sound so simple.”
“I know it’s not. You feel things deeply, I can tell. I’m sure that girl’s death affected you more than you expected. That’s probably what makes you a good doctor, your ability to empathize with your patients.”
“But if I want to be their doctor, I can’t get too involved. I need to stay detached.”
“I don’t believe that. Your caring makes you a better doctor.”
He scoffed. Detachment helped him make the best medical decision. Feelings just made everything messy. “I had another little girl yesterday. My first one since I’d come back. I couldn’t stop my hands from shaking. I nearly passed out.”
“But you didn’t, did you? You stepped into that room and did your job.”
Yeah, Sally had been fine. But what about the next critical patient. At some point, he would fail again. “She reminded me of you.”
“Who, the girl?”
“Yeah, she had this curly blonde hair,” he fingered her curls, letting the soft strands fall over his fingers, “and these big, wide eyes. She looked at me like I could make everything better.”
“And did you?”
“She had a concussion and a broken arm, but other than that, she appeared okay.” He’d made a call to the house earlier today, just to make sure. Sally’s happy giggles in the background soothed his wounded soul. But he’d never find the peace he once had.
She stroked his arm. Her warm touch soothed him, calmed him. Made him wish for things he shouldn’t.
“Once I knew she was going to be okay, something changed in me. I didn’t like fighting the demons anymore. I wanted something more with you.” He held her hands and forced her to look him in the eye. “As soon as I climbed onto my bike, I regretted leaving you that way. I should have come back, talked to you, left you a note, something. I knew you might not want to talk to me, but I had to take that chance. I called J.J.’s because I didn’t have your number. I left a message.”
She reached her uninjured hand into her pocket and pulled out a slip of paper. “I got your message. I’d been staring at the numbers since Joey handed it to me. I hadn’t decided if I was going to call you back or not.”
He held his breath and waited for her to kick him out. “And now?”
“Why did you tell me your name was Butch?”
“It is. That’s what my friends have called me my entire life.”
“What’s your real name?”
He smiled and leaned close. “You don’t remember? I whispered my name in your ear, right before I left the other night. It’s John, but I had a nickname growing up.” Leave it to his southern-born parents to give him a name everyone teased him about. He couldn’t really blame them, with a last name like Daniels.
She stared at him a minute until realization dawned in her eyes. “Your mother named you Jack Daniels.”
He laughed. “Yeah. Why do you think I go by Butch?”
She ran her hand up his cheek, her fingers brushing his beard. Her touch sent a jolt of warmth straight to his heart. How could he have left her the other night? How could he let his demons drive him away? She was the best thing to happen to him, maybe ever, and he didn’t want to jeopardize this chance with her.
He placed his hand over hers and smiled.
Her gaze dropped to his lips and she licked hers. If only he could kiss her, take her in his arms and show her what she meant to him, but she needed to take this step herself. To decide for herself that she’d forgiven him for the way he left her.
She studied him, her teeth worrying her lower lip. Finally, she closed the distance and kissed him.
Chapter Ten
BUTCH’S SOFT, GENTLE lips devoured hers. His beard scratched deliciously against her cheeks. So much for liking her men
clean-shaven. There was something about Butch. He may not admit it, he may not even realize it, but he hid behind that beard.
She nibbled at the corner of his mouth, swallowing each of his gasps. His hands settled in his lap, fists clenched, as she peppered kisses along his mouth and cheek. She’d never had this kind of power of a man before. She kissed and teased with her tongue until he groaned and cupped her cheeks, slamming his lips on hers. His tongue invaded her mouth, sweeping in and around. Each swipe of his tongue sent jolts through her body, settling deep in her core.
She held onto his arms. Her head swam and her heart raced. Her body craved his touch, and her mind craved the sound of his voice, the gentleness of his words.
He stroked her breasts, caressing and squeezing and teasing her nipples into hard peaks.
She tipped her head back. His tongue and his lips sucked and licked as he trailed kisses down her cheek.
“Does this mean I’m forgiven,” he whispered in her ear.
Forgiven for what? As soon as he kissed her, she couldn’t think. She shook her head. “I don’t know. I may need a little more convincing.”
He smiled against her mouth before he kissed her again. She snaked her arms around his neck and slid down the couch, pulling him onto her.
“No.” He shoved her away and rubbed his hand over his chin.
She heaved ragged breaths. What did she do wrong? “What’s wrong?”
“This is what happened the other night. I didn’t come up here planning to make love to you. But we started talking and…”
“… one thing led to another.” But that wasn’t all his fault. Not by a long shot. Every rule she’s set for herself, to protect her heart, had flown out the window the minute he came into J.J.’s.
“Right. I’m not here to make love to you. I owe you an apology. And I want to get to know you better before we fall into bed again.”
She couldn’t look at him. She’d thrown herself at him and he’d rejected her. “So you don’t want to—“
He pressed his erection against her hip. “Don’t even finish that sentence.”
So, his body was turned on. But if she couldn’t have all of him, his mind and his soul, then he was right to stop them. She refused to be with him again, to expose her very soul, if he was just going to leave like he did last time.
“I want you with every fiber of my being. But a roll in the hay isn’t good enough anymore. I want to know you, the real you, deep down. I want to know what you like and don’t like, what makes you tick. I want to…” He threw his hands in the air. “I want to know everything.”
She was shocked. No one had ever taken the time to get to know her. The real her, and not the one she showed to the rest of the world. She’d spent most of her early adult years playing fast and loose with her love life. Getting involved with men completely wrong for her, who wanted her for nothing more than a good time. Men she could leave before they left her because they meant nothing to her. But here sat a man who asked for more than she had to give.
He ran his fingers along her arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps in his wake.“Tell me something about you growing up.”
She rarely talked about her childhood to anyone. But Butch was reaching out, taking the first step. If he didn’t run screaming from her life afterwards, maybe they had a chance. “I was raised by my mother. My father left before I was born. Mom did the best she could, I guess. She sometimes worked two jobs to make ends meet. I was alone a lot. She also had a string of not-nice boyfriends that either neglected or abused her, or would cuss me out on a daily basis. Thank God none of them stuck. She just didn’t have a lot of time for me growing up.”
“That’s a shame. I’m sure she tried her best to keep a roof over your head and food on the table.”
Carla pacified herself with similar excuses growing up. “That didn’t matter to the lonely little girl who sat at home alone. I didn’t have a lot of friends.” Because like her mother, Carla couldn’t keep people in her life. Everyone who mattered in her life left her. That’s why she worked her way through a string of boyfriends and never stuck with one very long... and the reason Butch should run far away from her. His caring heart deserved so much better than her.
He stroked her hand like he was unaware of the battle waging in her mind. “You have some good friends at the bar. I saw that the other night and again just now.”
“I have made some good friends here. But for how long? My mother couldn’t get anyone to stay. My father left before I was born. None of my boyfriends lasted very long, I mean, look at Harry. He brought me to town and then shoved me out.”
“And that’s what you thought when I left the other morning? That I was just someone else who left?”
She bit her lip and nodded. When she woke up alone the next morning, his absence just confirmed what she already knew. Everyone she cared about left her.
He nudged her chin and lifted her head. “I’m so sorry I left you. You have to know my leaving had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. I didn’t want you caught up in my ugliness.”
“I understand that here.” She pointed to her head. “But I’m having trouble here.” She moved her hand to her heart.
“Well, I’m here now. And I’m not going anywhere.”
She stared at him. Was he for real? Had she finally met a man that found her worthy enough to stay?
She reached out to pull him to her when her stomach grumbled.
He laughed. “When was the last time you ate?”
“Oh gosh, I don’t know. I lost track of time.”
He leapt from the couch and looked toward her kitchen. “You need to eat to keep up your strength. I should have gotten you food as soon as I brought you home. I could at least make you something to eat. Or head downstairs and get something from the restaurant.”
“Why don’t we both head downstairs and grab a couple of burgers.” She stood up and her head swam and her knees collapsed. She thrust her hand out and dropped onto the couch.
Butch rushed back to her side. “Carla?”
She laid her head back. “It’s nothing. I got up too fast.”
“You’ve probably overdone it. I should have just brought you home and left. I didn’t need to dump all my crap on you. You need your rest. How about I go down and get you a burger and then I’ll get out of your hair and let you rest?”
Oh, no, he didn’t. Not now that she finally had him here again, he was not leaving. “I’ll let you get me a burger on one condition.”
“What’s that.”
“Make it two burgers, and you stay and eat dinner with me.”
His lips flattened. An entire battle was waged on his face as he considered her words.
What else could she say to get him to stay? She tilted her head, stuck her bottom lip out in a pout and held up her injured thumb. “You said I can’t get my stitches wet. With my thumb all taped up like this, I can’t do very much. I might need help.”
He smirked. She didn’t really need help, but if that got him to stay... “Oh, you might need help, huh. I’m really good at helping people.”
She smiled at him and used her good hand to pull him down for another kiss.
He laughed and backed away. “Okay. You’ve convinced me. How about you lay back and rest while I go downstairs and get us some dinner?”
He lifted her feet onto the couch and wrapped the blanket around her legs. When was the last time anyone had taken care of her? Her less than “parental” mother had never tucked her in. And here, she had this man she barely knew… oh, she knew him alright, on a biblical level tucking the covers around her.
He leaned over and gently kissed her, one that promised things to come. After he trailed his finger down her cheek, he stood and headed down the stairs.
Chapter Eleven
BUTCH LEANED AGAINST the wall at the bottom of the stairs, his breathing ragged. When he woke up this morning, he was alone. Now, he’d talked to Carla and she hadn’t kicked him out. She
was giving him another chance and he wasn’t going to blow it.
“So, how’s she doing, doc?”
Butch jumped. Joey stood in a doorway down the hall, his gaze fixed on Butch.
“She’s doing okay. Her medication will probably wear off soon and she’s going to be in some pain. I came down to get a couple of burgers for us—it’s been a while since she ate.”
“Follow me.” Joey gestured toward the front of the building. Joey ordered two burgers and fries from the cook and motioned for Butch to head into the restaurant.
Butch slid onto a stool and Joey stepped behind the bar. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“A soda would be great.” A beer would probably better calm his nerves, but nothing was going to make his head fuzzy tonight.
Joey poured Butch a soda and a beer for himself.
Joey motioned to the man sitting a few stools down. “Have you met my brother, Lucas? Lucas, this is Butch Daniels.”
Butch studied the familiar-looking man. “You brought Carla in today?”
“That’s right.” He extended his hand. “We haven’t been formally introduced. Lucas Bennett.”
Butch shook Lucas’s hand. “Butch Daniels.”
“So, Doc, this is where I ask what your intentions are where Carla is concerned.” Joey drank his beer like he’d just asked about the weather.
Butch sipped his drink. He glanced over to Lucas, whose arms were crossed over his chest, and then back to Joey who sported a similar look.
Butch raised his eyebrows. “You’re serious?”
Joey leaned closer. “She’s like family to us. And family looks out for each other.”
Butch took another drink. Had Carla filled them in them about his early morning escape? He wasn’t going to share that piece of information if she hadn’t. He wouldn’t betray that trust. “What did she tell you?”
“Is there something to tell?”
“You won’t hear anything from me. As far as Carla is concerned, I like her. I want to get to know her.”
“She’s had a rough time.”
“I know.” The little bit of her childhood she’d shared had broken his heart. Butch had a normal childhood, two parents who loved and supported him. Carla had none of that, yet she’d made a good life for herself.
Last Call_A Small-Town Romance Page 7