Tyla, the Lyrat warrior with whom she had forged an invisible bond. But she could not accept any help from him. This was not his fight.
But even that was a lie, or at best a partial truth. If she accepted his aid, she would have to open herself to him and reveal the depth of her guilt, and her appetite for the intoxicating magic.
So, she opened her eyes and allowed herself to see. Where were the trees? Her feet dragged through mud and sediment and it added to her disorientation.
Where was she?
She could feel the form beside her, helping her walk. It was Sevika, the strange Intoli; her captor. Aviti shook herself loose of the Intoli's grip, issuing a grunt to indicate she was capable of bearing her own weight. It may not be true yet, but she would try to make it so.
Where were the trees? She had seen nothing but trees since being washed up on this land; before Wist had sunk the ships.
Had she been moved west? When she had looked out over the river at the Giants' army, she had seen bare hills and mountains. But that could not be right. Tyla was moving into the west and he grew more distant with each moment.
Then she recognised the mountain. It loomed in the night's sky before them, but it was enormous. It was much too large, and where was the lake?
She looked at her feet. They were covered in thick mud and bathed in moonlight. All that remained of the beautiful body of water was a flat basin with puddles and the stench of ruin. She had done this. She had brought destruction to this place of peace. It had been mutilated and left for dead. How had she become more wicked and ruinous than she could have ever imagined?
But her crimes did not end there. The men and women, Giants and Intoli washed away by her torrents, they too must be added to her account, and all because she could not find another way.
Sevika dragged her by the shoulder and she stumbled onwards, but never fell. Together they headed north, ploughing through the sludge of the lake's bed until at dawn they reached the steep banks that had marked the northern bank of the lake. And then the tears came, but they could not wash away the venom in her soul.
-*-
Aviti opened her eyes after another dreamless night and looked at the mountain looming over her. She saw black rock peeking out from beneath the layer of snow on its peak. The wind rolled around the mountain, bringing the nip of winter with it.
She sat up and shivered. Sevika sat beside her there, of course, and she rolled the brass bar that controlled Aviti's future in her hands. The Intoli stared at Aviti, and she returned her look. The Intoli's face was so passive compared to humans or even Cerni.
She missed the stolid Cerni. His words were often of no comfort, but she had only ever had truth from him. She could use him now; him and his hammer.
'Dreaming.' said Sevika.
'No, I... I don't dream... not anymore, ' said Aviti.
'You spoke during the night, whilst you slept,' said Sevika.
Aviti tried to refute the words, but the Intoli ignored her.
'For hours you spoke of the deserts of Mashesh. Whilst the Kalsurja poured its malevolence upon the land, you gave me a tale of a beautiful land. A land where life can thrive despite the ravages inflicted upon it.'
Aviti gaped at the Intoli. What else had she revealed?
'But there was nothing in what you told me that could absolve you of your guilt, or make me change my path.'
Although her head still swam from the chaos of the previous day, she wondered why she remembered nothing. 'We are north of the lake,' said Aviti, trying to change the subject. 'Why?'
Something flashed across Sevika's mien, and then the veneer was restored. 'You destroyed the valley to ensure we could not cross. You murdered Raktata. You slaughtered my kin. You killed the Giants. You have slain your own kind. I wonder if you are the shadow that has altered the balance of the Intoli.'
She could have smiled at the confirmation of Raktata's demise, but maybe Sevika was right. Aviti knew that darkness lived in her heart. Could she not also be the darkness in the world?
'I would be a convenient excuse would I not?' Aviti retorted despite herself. 'What of the infallible Intoli? You know everything. You overpower obstacles, enforce your will and yet you cannot comprehend that you might be wrong. I am aware of what I have done. I have yet to understand the full price of what I have done, but I will pay it. If I am able, I will pay it. But who pay the Intoli's price?'
'I have told you before,' said the Intoli, 'we do what we must, or their will be no world to pay any price.'
'And what of the world that will be left should you succeed?' Aviti's heart pounded; it made the bar throb in her body and it ached with each beat. 'A world enslaved to the Intoli. I would rather be with my mother and father. '
The Intoli raised an eyebrow. After a moment, Sevika pointed north. 'We go to Sanvraga. We shall go to Krura, our Sakti.' Krura; Sevika had mentioned her before as had Ravan. A queen, of sorts... And Sakti was the title Sevika had used before.
Sevika signalled for Aviti to rise; the brass bar clenched in the Intoli's white fist. The sliver of pain that shot through Aviti's body left her in no doubt of Sevika's determination. After she stood up, Aviti rubbed her shoulder again.
They made their way across the mountain's primary slopes and headed due north, which meant a steep climb. Loose pebbles and shale made their progress faltering at best. Aviti watched as Sevika slipped once. She held her breath, praying that the Intoli would lose her grip on the brass bar that controlled her fate, or knock herself out as she fell, but the Intoli rolled as she went down, distributing the impact and allowing Sevika to recover. She had seen her brother Cairn do the same thing under instruction from her father.
There was no escape from this nightmare for Aviti, but, just as she was trapped, so was Sevika. She looked at Sevika's cloak and Aviti saw the marks the earth left upon it, as if the land refuted the Intoli's claim upon it, and made its own claim upon the soul of the Intoli.
After a few hours, they reached the top of the slope. Exhausted to her core, Aviti collapsed onto the ground, ignoring the discomfort the small stones gave her and gasped. She did not care if Sevika tried to force her to her feet, she needed to stop.
Once she could manage it, Aviti sat and bowed her head between her knees, trying to slow her breathing. The bar pulsed once more and her blood cried out for the relief of magic, but she found she could temper her need. She spat on the ground and lifted her head. The vista that greeted her was an abomination. Past the ruined lake and over the forest, the swollen river engulfed the lower land. Where it had risen in its first throes of power, the land was ravaged. Savage gashes marked the earth. Trees lay thrown on the ground, as if a leviathan, summoned from the deep with the sole purpose of harm, had feasted here.
Aviti should have wept then. For all the damage she had done; for the lives stolen. But most of all, she should have wept for the future; for those that survived this horror. But she held her tears inside and used them to quench her own needs
-*-
The descent down the northern side of the mountain was worse than the ascent. Aviti fell so many times that her legs were covered in scratches and tears. None of them were bad enough to convince Sevika to stop though. They reached the bottom of the slope as the Kalsurja started its descent, chasing the Sun to the horizon. The ground under Aviti's feet writhed when the black orb sat right above them, turning the descent into a nightmare.
Then mist began to blow in from the east. It crept in at first, riding the breeze that ran along the northern face of the mountain. The trees were abundant here, and they covered the land, but as the mist thickened, they disappeared into the growing darkness.
Aviti fell again and Sevika left her there, but Aviti did not care. Her vision swam with black motes, and they multiplied as she fought to bring her breathing under control, until all was grey and black.
She tried to force her eyes to focus on anything, but even when the pulsating of her heart had calmed and the black spots faded f
rom her vision, she could not see. Then shapes appeared in the fog. At first, she saw simple shapes, lines and patterns; light and dark grey patches combining to give her the impression of structures. Then faces began to leer out of the gloom. Some of them were similar to her own desert-born face, whilst others looked more like the Intoli. She could not recognise any of the faces, but they all had the same desperate expression. Then the faces burst into tiny dancing points of light that swayed to the unsung melody of the lost. Then they fled as a figure emerged through the swirling fog, carrying a bundle of sticks.
Sevika dumped her burden at Aviti's feet and threw something on top of the prostrate Masheshi girl: a blanket. Aviti sat up, wrapped it around herself and trembled beneath. She was soaked through.
With the damned Intoli holding her leash, she pulled a little magic through herself and into the wood. In seconds, the fire caught hold. Then the Intoli took a look at Aviti and then departed again, leaving Aviti to huddle as close to the blaze as she could get.
It took an eternity for the heat of the fire to reach her, but eventually it warmed her through.
Aviti jumped when she felt the hand upon her shoulder. Again, she could not remember falling asleep. The smell from the roasting meat on the fire brought saliva to her parched mouth. It was night again, but the fog still lingered.
'Who was N'tini?' asked Sevika as she thrust a half-burned rabbit into Aviti's hand.
'He was my hero,' answered Aviti after a moment's hesitation. She did not want to say more, so she tore at the meat with her teeth. 'Why?' she asked when she had regained her composure.
Sevika did not reply. Instead, she slipped away from the fire and back into the darkness, leaving Aviti with her thoughts for company. So, she sat by the fire which still blazed and ate the food she was given. She looked at the fire as it burned, watching the damp wood crack and split, sending billows of smoke into the fog-dampened night.
Why had Sevika asked her about her father? She had been talking in her sleep again, she assumed.
How many days had passed since arriving on this land? She looked up, trying to catch a glimpse of the stars, but they were obscured by fog and smoke. So, she finished her food and lay down, covering herself with the blanket that Sevika had provided.
She thought of her father, wishing that he could be here. Aviti loved and missed her mother and her brother too, but it was her father that she wanted. Like Nikka's, his words were never what she wanted to hear, nor were they ever straight forward, but they contained gems of insight that could help to light her way.
Right now, she felt lost in the dark – torn between two masters. Find a point of balance, her father had said to her many times. But where was the balance to be found between an alien race that forced her to kill and a lust for the thing that enabled her to perform atrocities?
A pair of feet appeared between her and the fire. Aviti lay and let the Intoli assume that she was asleep. The Intoli placed more branches upon the fire. As she moved around the fire, Sevika began to sing.
Preborn and unrivalled at the dawn,
The soul-numb in half the world you saw in all,
We speak in words,
but sing your praises till we cave the world,
No-one, no-one will ever stop,
Aviti watched the Intoli move away from her, losing Sevika in the glare of the fire, but she could still make out her words.
We blind their eyes unto the passing of their bitter lives,
We try with all we are to break the cycle of the night,
We sew their eyes unto the passing of their barren lives,
We try with all we have to bide my time till I am,
The timbre of the song changed with the last two words. There was unashamed passion in the words; an unbridled love or hatred.
Reborn, I return,
Because I cannot breathe without,
Reborn, I return,
...with this darkness inside our souls I found,
Reborn, I return,
I cannot see a thing without,
Reborn, I return,
through this chasm in my eyes.
The light from the fire tore into the sky as if it rose in sympathy with Sevika's song, although now it was less a song and more a rhythmic chant. And the bar in Aviti's shoulder beat in time to it. Then the Intoli came around the fire and stopped.
Kalsurja rose again today,
My soul burns to ashes unbecoming me,
All I am, a shadow of what we used to be,
You see me undone, the light uncoiling,
Standing with the fire behind her, the shadow Sevika cast fell over Aviti. The fire had settled now, but the Intoli's position made it hard to make out her face. Throughout the final part of the impassioned song, when Aviti had heard words that had been screamed into her ears, Sevika's lips had not moved. And the bar in Aviti's shoulder continued to beat.
For a heartbeat, she thought about asking Sevika about the song, but she held back. So, they both sat and watched the fire for a time until Aviti could not keep herself upright and succumbed to her need for sleep.
Sevika's hand on her woke her. The expression on Intoli's face was unreadable. Aviti's shoulder burned with a pain she had not felt since the moment the bar had been forced into her flesh. A bow lay at the Intoli's feet, broken in two.
The fog thinned, but the sun remained obscured. As they passed into the gloom of the forest once more, Sevika said, 'You spoke again last night.'
They walked on for a while in silence, but then the Intoli spoke again. 'What you said, it cannot be. It cannot... But,'
Dizziness; from lack of sleep, from the abuse her body had taken, from the immitigable guilt that she bore, clung to Aviti. What the Intoli said made no sense. What could she have said that might unsettle Sevika this way?
'A cold world; a dead world, a world with the light extinguished. Those were your words. And you laid the blame at the feet of Intoli. For their extravagant pride.' Sevika shook as she spoke. The reflected light from the thin sheen of perspiration on the Intoli's porcelain brow quavered.
'Even when I used this,' Sevika said thrusting out her clenched fist, 'I could not make you stop.' Aviti reached for her shoulder, and for the first time, she recognised shame in the Intoli's expression. 'The world will pay our price. The humans, the animals, the Intoli… all will perish and the dark shall prevail. You told me of things that you could not know. Of the fall of Prasad.'
'How could I know...?' said Aviti. 'I was dreaming. You said I spoke in my sleep before.'
'It was not you,' said the Intoli.
Aviti shook her head. 'You said I spoke in my sleep, last night or the night before, you said I was talking.'
'I…I thought that it was an act. I thought you were trying to fool me; a ploy to escape. May Krura extinguish my light if I am wrong, but if I am right, if the voice inside you was right...?'
There was a rustle to their left and a rabbit shot out of the undergrowth. A second later, there was a blur of russet and brown. The rabbit paid them no heed and flew into the darkness of the trees, but the fox stopped before them. It was caught between the pull of the chase, the scent of its prey and the threat of the newcomers in its territory. The delay was enough for the rabbit to make its escape. The fox stared at the Intoli. It showed no fear or apprehension. It assessed the trespasser and then, with a disdainful flick of its tail, it was gone, leaving them alone.
'Wait,' said Aviti as the thoughts in her head began to coalesce 'You said that I talked to you.' She waited for Sevika to nod and then continued. 'But you also said the voice inside of me. What voice? My voice?'
Sevika shook again and took a minute to steady her grip. 'At first I thought so.'
'At first? And now?'
'I believe that I spoke to your progenitor, through you.'
'My progenitor?'
'Your Father,' said the Intoli.
Aviti sat down in stunned silence, but Sevika pulled her to her feet and pushed her forwar
d, forcing her to walk.
'My Father? He has been dead for months. You taunt me now do you Intoli? Not satisfied with violating my flesh, and trying to break my will, must you also try to break my mind?' She was shouting now, but she did not care.
'N'tini,' Sevika said, 'he gave me a message for you.'
Aviti stopped dead and stared at the Intoli.
'He said that you must save the Intoli for they are lost. And he said that you must save the Giants for they too wander in the darkness. Without you, and without Wist, we all shall never regain the light and once more the Source shall be bereft of its children.'
13 - Getting Smaller
Wist had walked for hours in the partial light of the Giants' torches when word passed up the line for them to stop. Once more, Tyla unrolled their bed-rolls, sat down and started eating. He passed some food to Wist and, before long, the leader of the band Oinoir joined them.
'How is Brathoir?' asked Wist.
'Still drunk probably,' replied the Giant, but the humour of his words was absent from his face. Tyla looked up from the half-finished meal and caught the eye of the Giant. Oinoir held Tyla's gaze for a moment, but then dropped his eyes to his own food.
'Where is he?' demanded Wist. The walls of this immense cavern pressed in on him.
Oinoir waved back up the stone path. 'At the back of the line, with the priests and the supplies.' The Giant refused to look up now.
'Are you ashamed of him?' said Wist. 'Does his infirmity shame your pride?'
'And what would you know of shame and pride, Dionach? It is to the shame of all of us that I now have command. It is to the shame of every one of us that we let our Glaine fall.'
'And pride? Who can feel pride in a land so devastated by those who call it home? Pride and shame, Dionach, Pride and shame; it will be the death of all of us.'
Wist stood up and walked in the direction that Oinoir had indicated. Tyla rose and joined him. When Wist tried to tell him to stay, the Lyrat ignored him and followed, so the two of them walked in the gloom, going from one group of Giants to another, using the light from them to guide their way.
The Redemption of Wist Boxed Set: Books 1 - 3: The complete collection Page 44