by Kat Mizera
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
Chapter 17
Tessa rolled over lazily. She had no idea what time it was or how long she’d been asleep, but she didn’t want to move from the warmth of the bed. It had been a stressful few days since leaving Russia and it seemed like she couldn’t get enough sleep, but today she felt good and the soft snoring beside her— She froze. Soft snoring beside her?! She flipped over so fast she dislodged the blankets and startled Toli awake.
“Easy, sweetheart—it’s just me.”
“When did you get home?!” she cried, throwing herself against him. “Why didn’t you wake me? Oh my God, you scared the shit out of me!”
“Shh, I’m sorry.” He wrapped one arm around her and pressed his face into the hollow of her shoulder.
“What happened? Is everything okay? Are you safe? What about Sergei—”
He pressed his lips lightly against hers. “Everything is fine. I don’t want you to worry. I’ll tell you everything after we’ve had a chance to eat something, shower and relax.”
“Okay.” She sat up and yawned just as a wave of dizziness washed over her. “Oh my God!” She jumped from the bed and ran to the bathroom, emptying the contents of her stomach into the toilet.
“Tessa?” Toli followed her, his face etched with concern.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me! This is the third time this has happened!”
“The third time?”
“Yes.” She felt another wave of nausea and turned her head. Toli instinctively held her as she vomited again. He watched worriedly as something clicked.
“Sweetheart?” he looked into her eyes after a slight hesitation. “Are you pregnant?”
“I stopped taking birth control when we stopped sleeping together back in July,” she whispered, looking up at him. “But how could I…it’s only been a few weeks since…” She took a slow, steady breath as reality kicked in.
“Food poisoning?” he joked, searching her face.
She groaned, leaning against his chest. “I didn’t want things to happen this way! I wanted us to have time together, and then when I got pregnant we would take a test and find out…” Her voice trailed off and she started to cry.
“Yes, and I wanted my beautiful bride to have the wedding of a lifetime but that didn’t go according to plan either,” he whispered against her ear. “I wanted us to go on a glorious honeymoon, and instead we went to my miserable life in Russia. I wanted to protect you from the ugliness of my heritage, and I almost lost you because of it. Perhaps we should stop having so many expectations and just love each other every day?”
“I do love you,” she sniffed. “I feel so stupid about everything that happened.”
He closed his eyes, recalling the last few weeks and thinking how close they’d come to losing what they had. “You hurt me,” he admitted. “But I understand now, and I’m mostly to blame.”
“Can we stop blaming each other and move past this?” she whispered. “I just can’t keep doing this. I love you and I know you love me.” She gasped as another wave of nausea had her emptying her stomach yet again.
“Were you this sick last time you were pregnant?” he asked gently, holding her hair.
“No.” She shook her head. “So that means it’s a boy.”
He chuckled. “Is that what they say?”
“I don’t know, but that’s what that man who approached me at the hotel said.” She closed her eyes. “He said all the Petrov babies are boys…Toli, what are we going to do?”
“About what?”
She looked up at him. “We had a huge misunderstanding that almost got us divorced and killed…how can we think about having a baby?”
“Because there is one,” he said quietly, one hand moving over her stomach gently. “You wouldn’t want to get rid of it, would you?”
“No.” She shook her head. “I just don’t want this to be why we stay together.”
“We were already going to stay together,” he admitted. “I was pissed off and hurt, but there was no way in hell I was letting you go!”
“Toli, do you still love me? Really?”
“Of course I do!” He stared at her. “How can you ask me that?”
“This has been so awful—I don’t know how we come back from this.”
He kissed her temple. “We have to work harder so it doesn’t happen again, but sweetheart, everything is the same.”
“Is it?” She looked at him sadly.
“Have your feelings changed for me?”
“No, but—”
“Then we’re done with this conversation.” He made a slashing motion with his hand. “You should probably get something in your stomach. That might help.”
“You’re right.”
Heading downstairs together, the house seemed quiet. They were at Zakk and Tiff’s because Tessa hadn’t wanted to be alone when she got back to Las Vegas and it was more comfortable to be surrounded by friends. Anton and Nikolai were staying with them too, although the house seemed extremely quiet for so many people living there at the moment.
They got to the kitchen and it appeared that they were definitely alone. There was a note on the counter that explained it:
Anton went to work out with Zakk. I took the kids to the park and out to breakfast. There’s fruit in the fridge and bagels in the microwave. Help yourself. Tiff
“She took all of them?” she asked, realizing that Raina and Nikolai were gone too.
“Yes.” He smiled. “Poor Tiff.”
“She’s got it under control,” Tessa smiled. “She’s good that way.”
“Yes.” He poured a cup of coffee and took a grateful sip.
“Do you want to talk about stuff?” she asked as she boiled water for tea for herself.
“I don’t know what to say,” he admitted. “It’s so complicated, and goes back so many years, I don’t want it to consume us.”
“Then let’s table it for a while,” she said slowly. “Like until after you go buy us a pregnancy test.”
He smiled. “Okay, I can do that.”
Half an hour later he sat on the edge of the bed in the guest room as Tessa came out of the bathroom holding the pregnancy test. She sat beside him and put the test off to the side where they couldn’t look at it; they had to wait two long minutes. She rested her head against his arm and he wrapped it around her waist. There was something comforting about sitting there together, quietly, waiting to find out the news.
“I called the doctor while you were out,” she said. “I made an appointment for tomorrow morning because the test might not pick it up if I’m only a few weeks.”
“Can I go with you?” he asked.
“Of course.” She smiled up at him.
“I think we should make an appointment with a marriage counselor,” he said slowly.
Her eyes grew round. “I thought we were okay!”
“We are.” He wound one of his big hands around one of her much smaller ones and looked at her somberly. “We had a huge misunderstanding. An almost marriage-ending misunderstanding…” He paused, his eyes far away. “Whenever Tatiana and I fought, I relied on the fact that she loved me and that we’d made up. I never thought about the residual damage—resentment, fear, insecurity, and in retrospect, I should have. We both should have. This time, I want to make sure everything isn’t just okay, but really good. We’ll go together, and there won’t be any secrets or lies, okay? I love you, and I want to make sure our marriage is strong and healthy because I haven’t been good at that in the past.”
“Okay.” She nodded slowly. “I think it’s a good idea too.” She glanced at the test, sitting far enough away so that she couldn’t see the results. Finally, she looked at him. “It’s been two minutes.”
“I know.” He smiled. “It won’t tell us but I need to know what you want—boy or girl?”
She laughed. “Boy! It’s inevitable and I want to name him Alexei.”
“But we c
an’t give them all “A” names—what will Raina think?”
“If we have a girl, we’ll give her an “R” name. Boys will have “A” names. That way, it’ll even out. And, if we somehow wind up with all boys, then Raina will have a different letter simply because she’s the only girl.”
He glanced at her. “Are you going to look?”
“I’m kinda nervous,” she admitted.
“Why?” He cupped her chin in his hands. “We’re good, right?”
“We are… I just feel like everything was so rushed! Our engagement, wedding, all the drama—now a baby! No wonder this happened! We’re still so new!”
“That’s why I want to go to counseling.”
She looked into his eyes and remembered everything she loved about him, why she’d married him after such a short time, and why she’d dreamt about having his child; a little boy with curly blond hair and big blue eyes. He brushed his lips across hers and she reached behind her to grab the test. His tongue slipped into her mouth and she felt heat spread from her stomach to her thighs and then between her legs. She gripped the test in her hand and brought both up around his neck. He made love to her mouth until she’d almost forgotten what was in her hand, pushing her onto her back and tenderly caressing her face, neck and shoulders.
“Toli…” Her breath was already heated and when he used his fingers to gently stroke her stomach she let out a little moan. Before she was too far gone to think straight, she forced her eyes open and brought the test around so she could look at it.
Toli paused when she froze and twisted around so he could see too. Then a slow smile spread across his face. “We’re going to have a baby,” he whispered, his face close to hers.
“Oh my God.” She blinked away happy tears. “Toli, we’re having a baby!”
“I know.” He hugged her tightly. “I love you, sweetheart.”
“I love you, too.” She kissed him hungrily now that she wasn’t distracted, and she thought about how much less sex they’d had since they’d been married compared to before. Now that she was pregnant, she was terrified it would slow down even more. She’d had no libido at all when she’d been pregnant with Raina, but that might be different with Toli.
“You’re thinking about something bad,” he muttered, pulling away reluctantly.
“Our sex life has been really tame since we got married,” she admitted. “Quantity, not quality!” she added at the look on his face. “And now that I’m pregnant I might not—” She stopped abruptly and sighed.
“You might not feel like it?” He put his hand on her stomach. “It’s temporary,” he shrugged. “We’ll get through it.”
“God, I’ve left you twice already!” she groaned. “And now you might go without sex for months! Why do you still love me?!”
“I just do.” He nuzzled her neck. “Let’s go home and make some noise while you still feel like it.”
“What if Anton’s there!” she protested.
“My son can be bought!” He patted his wallet.
An hour later they were alone in the house and didn’t even get Tessa’s things out of the truck. They made a beeline for the bedroom and Toli shoved the door shut, just in case Anton came home early. They made short work of clothes and shoes, with Toli already sporting a huge erection that made Tessa laugh.
“We haven’t done anything yet!” she grinned, reaching out to run one perfectly manicured nail along the tip.
“I’m thinking about all the things we’re going to do,” he chuckled. “And my dick seems to read my mind.”
“What, exactly, are we going to do that’s got you so excited?” she asked in surprise.
“Remember when you asked me if there was anything I hadn’t already done with someone else?”
She nodded.
“I’ve been trying to think of things that aren’t out of our comfort zone,” he pulled her close and peered into her face. “Although I’m not particularly interested in anal sex, I think there are some things in the realm of ass play that might be very erotic. For both of us.”
“You’ve had anal sex?” She looked mildly intrigued.
“Yes. It’s a different feeling, much tighter than usual, but it’s…” He hesitated, trying to decide how best to describe it to someone who’d obviously never thought about it before. “It was good for me, and Tatiana didn’t complain, but let’s just say she couldn’t go to the bathroom for a few days afterwards. After that, the idea of something that gets me off but is potentially troublesome for you makes me uncomfortable.”
Tessa’s eyes widened. “She wanted to do that?”
“We were young and we experimented but my size down there is problematic.”
She laughed. “Not for me!”
He snickered. “Yes, but I haven’t put it in your ass, either.”
She met his eyes. “Is that what you’re going to do?”
“Even if you want to experiment with that, not today. You have to work up to it, use fingers and toys smaller than my dick before you get to that point, or it would hurt, and I’m definitely not interested in hurting you. And anyway, I’ve done that. What I have in mind is something neither of us have done. Something we can try together.”
“Okay, so what?”
“Do you trust me?”
“Of course.”
“I’m not going to tell you what I want to do,” he said. “What fun would that be? But I need to know you’ll be open to what I have in mind, taking for granted that I won’t do anything that hurts you or could hurt the baby.”
She nodded. “I trust you,” she whispered after a moment. “After all I’ve done to show you that I don’t, I really do. I’m going to try really hard in the future to make sure I never doubt you again.”
“And I hope I never give you reason to doubt me again.” He bent his head and found her lips with his. For a moment, all thoughts of sex were gone; he just wanted to touch her, kiss her, and let her know how much she meant to him. He didn’t do a good job of that with Tatiana, and he’d dropped the ball with Tessa in Russia.
Her mouth opened for him sweetly like it always did, and he dug his fingers in her hair, unable to resist. Pulling on her hair while he fucked her was amazing, especially since she seemed to like it. Just as he didn’t mind when she bit into his shoulder every time she came. He loved listening to her let go, and he was going to make sure she did it as often as possible from now on.
“I’ll be right back,” he said after a while, when the soft gentle kisses grew hotter and wetter and they were both panting.
She watched his glorious naked behind as he disappeared into the closet and came out again. He had what looked like one of her silk scarves and she cocked her head.
“I think it will add to the excitement if I blindfold you,” he said roughly, crawling onto the bed and looming over her. “But only if you agree?”
“Yes.” She licked her swollen lips, nervous and excited as he tied the scarf loosely around her eyes. It would come off easily if she rubbed her head on the bed, and that made her relax.
“Sweetheart, do you want me to fuck you or make love to you?” he asked as he began a slow tease with his fingers down her torso.
“Both?” she asked breathlessly. “First one, then the other?”
He chuckled, using his tongue to lick one of her pert, raspberry-colored nipples. “I can do that.” Without hesitation, he took her nipple into his mouth as far as it would go, sucking until he heard her gasp. Her breasts were already sensitive and he had a feeling pregnancy would make them more so, but he didn’t want to let up just yet. He slid one finger between her legs and the amount of creamy nectar dripping there told him everything he needed to know. Moving to the other breast, he used his teeth to nip at the nipple, followed by his tongue and then his lips. She whimpered and arched her hips as sensations ripped through her; being apart had left her desperate for him.
He kissed her roughly, claiming her mouth with his, the way he would claim all of her today. H
e’d never been as possessive of someone as he was of her, and the idea that she hadn’t trusted in his love made him crazy. Hearing her say that she trusted him now aroused him the way nothing else had, and he had a million things he wanted to do to her. She was so ready for him, he wondered if she’d last through what he had in mind, so he slowly backed off.
“Toli?” Her voice shook a little when he moved away from her.
“I’m right here. I’m not going to bind your hands, so if you need to take off the blindfold, you can.”
“Okay.”
“Nervousness adds to the excitement,” he whispered, running his tongue down the middle of her stomach. “I don’t want fear—I never want to see you look at me the way you did that night in Moscow.”
“I’m not afraid of you,” she whispered. “I wasn’t truly afraid then either—I felt betrayed. It’s different.”
“I understand,” he whispered back, pausing for a moment to let himself remember how that had felt, her fear and distrust, and vowing he would never let it happen again.
“Are you the one who’s thinking now?” she asked, noting the hesitation in his movements.
“The way you looked at me that night is not erotic,” he admitted. “Although you were wrong, the pain in your eyes was real and nothing could have hurt me more than that look on your face, knowing I was the reason for it.”
“Do you want to have this conversation now?” she asked softly, sensing that there might be something else on his mind.
“We can talk first.” He reached out to pull the blindfold up and look into her eyes. “I have to admit that what I’m doing tonight has two purposes.”
“Two?” She met his gaze.
“The first is that you’ve always complained that we’ve never done anything in bed that I’ve never done before, and I hate that you feel that way.”
“Toli, it’s one of those possessive, jealous girlfriend things—it’s not indicative of how much you love me. It’s a silly thing girls say when they’re thinking with their hearts and not their brains. You’re older and a lot more experienced so it makes sense that you’ve done a lot more than I have.”