by Mary Stone
Nick cupped her cheek, shaking his head. “Don’t put that out into the universe.” He gave her a quick squeeze. “You will find her, and she’s going to be alive.”
“I hope you’re right.” Ellie drew in a ragged breath. “I wasn’t going to come tonight, but there’s nothing to be done until we have enough evidence to force him to confess what he did with her.”
“We can go back to your place. You don’t have to go.”
“I need to. As much as I don’t feel like celebrating, this is your big moment, and I’d rather be with you than sitting at home reliving every moment in that hell house, second-guessing everything.”
Nick’s caring eyes met hers. “Ellie, you did what you could. You always do.”
Tears stung her eyes, but she blinked them away. If she started crying in the back of the limo, she would never stop. “She was there, Nick. We followed the evidence, and it led us to her. We just didn’t put things together fast enough.”
“Can’t you interrogate the guy until he tells you where she is?”
“He invoked his fifth amendment rights, and he has a lawyer. We’re working on plea deals in exchange for information, but he could drag this out for so long that she could be dead by the time he gives us more to go on.”
The limo slowed to a stop, and Nick took her face in his hands. “You don’t have to do this, but if you need a distraction, we can go somewhere else. Be alone…”
“I need to be here,” she whispered. For Nick, and also for herself. Ellie didn’t think she could handle her mother on her back over missing the gala on top of the tension of this case.
“I understand.” He tucked her hand inside his elbow as the driver opened the door. “Shall we?”
They emerged from the limo, camera flashes illuminating the red carpet. They walked hand in hand, practiced smiles plastered on their faces.
Moments after they entered the ballroom, Helen Kline swooped in with a brilliant smile, the family heirloom diamonds sparkling around her neck. “You made it. Your father is here, but he’s taking it easy. Work the room, say hello to people. This is Nick’s shining moment, so I don’t want to see you again until it’s time for dinner.” Helen shooed them away, turning to greet an acquaintance before they’d stepped out of earshot.
Ellie stared after her mother. “That was different.”
“Your mother has been worrying about whether you’d come or not. Did you see the relief on her face?”
Ellie nodded, weaving through the crème de la crème of Charleston in their sparkling gowns and penguin suits as they mingled on the edge of the ballroom’s dance floor. “It’s almost like she thinks you can’t do this without me.”
“I can’t.” He tugged on her hand and kissed her knuckles. “I need you to help me break the ice with some of these people. I’m not good with strangers.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “You’re a delight, but all right, let’s start with Dr. Powell. You’ll like him. He’s over there talking to Constance Constantine and looking bored.”
“Constance is bored when she talks to herself.” Nick’s warm breath tickled her ear.
“You’re not wrong.”
As soon as Constance spotted them, she scurried away, giving Ellie a wide berth.
“Are you ever going to tell me what you did to have that effect on her? For informational purposes only.” Nick laughed. “I swear, I’m not planning on using it to save myself from her constant chatter.”
“Sure you aren’t,” Ellie shot back playfully, her expression darkening. “Before anyone knew I was missing that weekend, she spread a rumor that I’d lost my virginity in the bathroom at the party. When everyone found out what had happened to me and called her out on it, she doubled down and swore it happened before I was kidnapped.”
“Wow.”
“That’s one way to put it.”
They reached Dr. Powell, and Ellie forced a smile to her face. She wouldn’t allow Constance to ruin the night.
“It’s good to see you, Detective Kline.” Dr. Powell took her hand and shook it warmly.
“Please, call me Ellie. This is Nick Connors. Nick, this is my colleague, Dr. Powell.”
“It’s a pleasure. Thank you for coming.”
Dr. Powell gave a half nod. “I appreciate the invite. Have you met Dr. Kingsley, Nick?”
At the mention of his name, a man around fifty with a distinguished feathering of gray at the temples of his dark hair turned and smiled.
Nick stepped forward eagerly and extended his hand in greeting. “Not in person, but we’ve spoken on the phone. Thank you for your generous support, Dr. Kingsley. This night wouldn’t be the same without your donation.”
Dr. Kingsley scoffed good-naturedly. “I have no doubt you would’ve held a gorgeous event with or without my help. I’m just grateful for your activism for mental health. The stigmas surrounding mental illness have held countless people back in life and changing that starts with events like this one.”
Nick gave a half bow. “Honored to further the cause.”
“I met your mother,” Dr. Powell addressed Ellie with a wry smile. “Quite charming woman.”
“I’m sorry if she pressed you for information. She can be very insistent, and she’s been worried ever since I joined the PD.”
“I noticed.” Ellie’s smile slipped when he said it, but Dr. Powell rushed to reassure her. “Don’t worry. She’s not the first parent to pry, and she’ll probably not be the last. Whatever you tell her about your private life is yours and yours alone to disclose.”
“I appreciate that.”
“She’s just worried about you,” Nick said.
They’re probably worried about you.
Ellie’s mouth went dry as the man’s voice echoed in her head.
The room tilted.
Voices grew distant until the chatter surrounding her was nothing but a dull buzz.
She took a breath in through her nose. Held it for a few seconds as she dug her fingernails into her palm, focusing on the pain. Letting the breath out through lips that were barely parted, she desperately tried to calm the panic welling within her.
“In all my years, I’ve never broken confidentiality.” Powell reached out but stopped short of touching her arm. “Ellie, are you all right?”
“I’m fine.” But Ellie’s chest tightened. She grabbed Nick’s arm to steady herself.
“I think she could use some fresh air.” Dr. Kingsley’s voice was distant as he tugged at his collar. “It’s incredibly stuffy in here.”
Nick nodded, leading her out onto the balcony. He closed the balcony doors behind them, the sudden silence a shock after the loud voices inside the massive ballroom.
“Can I do something for you?” Concern was etched all over his face. “Water? Wine? Tequila?”
She laughed, choking on a sob. Closing her eyes, she shook her head and fought to calm her racing heart. “I’ll be all right.” When he opened his arms to her, she held up her hand. “Please, don’t. I’ll lose it if you touch me.”
His jaw tightened. “I’m just trying to help. I can leave you alone if that’s what you want.”
Panic shot through her. “Please don’t. I can’t be alone right now.” She couldn’t explain why she had to fight to even her breaths.
Could she have been more affected than she’d thought by personally walking through Valerie’s virtual prison today? Did some deep part of her identify with Valerie, and twist up what she’d seen?
Nick shoved a hand through his hair, his frustration written all over his face. “I can’t hold you, but you don’t want to be alone. Tell me, Ellie, what do I do? You were like a scared rabbit about to flee in there. What happened?”
“If I knew what triggered a panic attack, I would tell you.” She leaned back against the cold brick. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. I must be overwhelmed.”
“I told you that you didn’t have to come.”
“It’s not that.” She took a deep
breath of the night air.
“What is it?”
“I don’t know. Everything. Nothing. I can’t describe this feeling, Nick. I just feel trapped.”
“Is it me?” He was hurt, but there were no words she could say to fix that.
She shook her head and took a step toward him. “No. Please don’t think that. You’re wonderful and kind and patient.”
“But that’s not enough?”
She looked into his piercing blue eyes, knowing she owed him an explanation. “I’m going through a lot right now. I’ve been having more intense sessions with Dr. Powell, and I think it’s all finally getting to me. I don’t have time to rest between work and my family duties, and my mind has been a mess of half memories and distant voices repeating phrases I can’t quite hear. If I could just figure out what it all means, I would feel better. But I just feel like I’m shattered.”
He stroked the back of his fingers down her cheek, then dropped his hand when she winced. “Distant voices? Maybe if you shared things with me, you wouldn’t have to face all this alone.”
“That’s just it, Nick. I can’t share it with you because there’s nothing to share. I’ve remembered maybe ten minutes of the night I disappeared. It’s terrifying, but not enough to mean anything.”
“You can still tell me.” His voice was quiet. She’d always liked that she could put on heels and be nearly eye to eye with him, but the defeated way he was looking at her now made her want to take a step back. “You don’t have to have something monumental to say for me to care. Ellie, you could tell me something small every day, and I would never get tired of hearing you share your day. Your thoughts. Your pain. Let me stand beside you while you fight this demon.”
She pressed her palm over his heart. “You are beside me.”
“Then tell me what I can do. I’m begging you.” He ran one hand through his hair, flinging his arm out to his side in clear frustration. “Because I can’t stand feeling so helpless. It’s like reliving that night all over again, and I regret for the millionth time not stepping in when I saw you at that party and taking you straight home.”
His confession shocked her. “It wasn’t your fault. And I wouldn’t have listened to you anyway.”
“That’s why I didn’t bother. But I should have tried, and I regret not listening to my gut.” He touched her cheek, and this time, she didn’t pull away. “Ellie, look at you. You were fine in there, and the next moment you were ready to run.” His eyes shone, his breath shuddering as he dragged air into his lungs. “I did some research on hypnotherapy when you told me you were considering doing it with Dr. Powell’s guidance. It’s effective at recovering lost memories, but Ellie, this won’t be an easy journey. There will be days when you feel fine one moment, and the next, you’re overwhelmed by memories and fragmented feelings while your mind sorts everything out. You need to take care of yourself first, no matter what anyone else wants.”
“What are you saying?”
“You need to go home, Ellie.” He brushed his thumb over her lips and followed with a kiss. “You’re emotionally exhausted, and you’ve done more than you should’ve. You made an appearance, and that’s all I asked for. If you need to leave, go home. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I don’t want to let you down.”
“Ellie, listen to me.” He wiped away the single tear that slid down her cheek. “You are not letting me down. I’ll text the driver and have him meet you at the back door. No one will know a thing.”
“Are you sure?”
He nodded, never taking his gaze from her face.
“Thank you,” she whispered, kissing him soundly and hugging him around the neck. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“I love you, Ellie Kline.”
Another tear fell. “I love you too.”
“I’ve never doubted that.” He brushed his lips across hers one last time before he let her go. “Not even for a minute.”
His words stuck with her as she rode alone in the back of the limo, back to the peace and safety of her apartment. While her world was crumbling beneath her feet and long-buried memories made her feel like a ticking time bomb, knowing that Nick trusted the depth of her love for him was almost as special as knowing he loved her.
She held on to that feeling as she climbed into bed and drifted off to a sleep that was anything but restful, fragmented with a voice her memory struggled to place.
16
Frantic knocking on her tiny one-bedroom apartment door jarred Jillian out of sleep early Monday morning. She sat up and froze, reaching out into the darkness to find Sam on the bed beside her, still snoring away peacefully. “What a guard dog you are.”
The pounding started again, and this time, Sam lifted her head. As Jillian threw back the covers and slipped on her robe, the dog dutifully followed Jillian from the bedroom to the living room.
Jillian padded to the front door and spoke through it. “Who is it?”
“Can you open the door?” The impatient voice on the other side belonged to her landlord.
Jillian sighed and crossed her arms, staring at the locked door, grateful the security chain was engaged. “It’s four o’clock in the morning. Is there an emergency?”
“I’ve gotten three calls about your dog barking all night.”
Jillian shook her head. “That’s not possible. She’s been in bed with me all night. She didn’t even bark when you started pounding on the door.”
He huffed in disgust on the other side. “Dogs don’t belong in beds.”
“It’s my furniture. Why do you care?” She was sick of this and wondered if he would ever leave her alone.
“Your dog is a nuisance.”
Jillian’s hands shook with rage as she tightened the belt on her robe. “She was not barking. I don’t know what you heard, but it wasn’t her. She’s been with me all weekend, and she hasn’t uttered a sound.”
“I heard her with my own ears.”
Liar! “Sam. Wasn’t. Barking.”
“I won’t stand for this.” He twisted the doorknob once and pounded on the door again.
Jillian placed her hand on Sam’s head as the dog’s chest rumbled with a low growl. Sam chuffed but didn’t bark. She stood her ground at the door, tail rigid, her usual goofy expression gone. Her lips curled back, but she remained absolutely silent.
“The other residents deserve to live in peace.”
“Is that why you’re pounding on my door at four in the morning and standing in the hallway shouting about a dog that isn’t barking? How is that peaceful for anyone?”
He went silent, and Jillian waited for the sound of his retreating footsteps, but after a few moments went by, he tried the knob again. One turn, another, then he twisted it rapidly back and forth.
“I’m not opening it, and if you try to come in right now, I will call the police. There are laws about when and how you can enter a residence.”
“An emergency supersedes those rules.”
“What emergency? The madman in the hallway shrieking like an enraged toddler about imaginary barking?” Jillian’s heart was pounding. She ran a shaking hand over her face, realizing her cheeks were drenched with angry tears.
“I want that dog out of here.”
“She’s in my lease. You can’t break the terms just because you hate dogs.”
“I don’t hate dogs.” His voice was petulant, making a chill creep up Jillian’s spine.
Sam grumbled, and Jillian scratched behind the dog’s ears as they both glared at the door. “You have my phone number. You could’ve called. There’s no reason for you to do this. Sam wasn’t barking, and I’m not going to let you in so you can try to intimidate me.”
“Is there a fire?” The sleepy, panicked voice was Judy Hudson from across the hall.
“No, Mrs. Hudson.” The landlord’s tone changed completely. “Just a barking dog.”
Jillian pressed her palm against the door and fought the urge to open it so she could throttle the m
an.
“I didn’t hear anything but you pounding on the door like a maniac. Maybe you were having a bad dream.” Jillian covered her mouth, stifling a giggle, and stood on her tiptoes so she was level with the peephole. Mrs. Hudson was defiant in her flowered house dress and curlers, and she wasn’t finished yet. “I pay good money to live here in peace, but here you are, throwing a damn fit in the hallway like a spoiled child in the middle of the night. No one heard any barking. Never do. Leave the girl alone.”
“That dog is a vicious nuisance.”
Mrs. Hudson planted her hands on her hips. “The only vicious dog I see is you.”
Jillian’s mouth dropped open, and she held her breath as she waited for his response.
The landlord turned to the door and glared at the peephole.
Jillian didn’t give him the satisfaction of moving away.
“I’ll deal with you later.” His jaw was tight, face mottled with red splotches. He glared at her closed door for a moment longer and turned to the neighbor, who was still standing in the hallway, watching him. “Good day, Mrs. Hudson.”
“Get a life and leave the girl alone.”
The landlord stormed down the hall, muttering to himself.
Mrs. Hudson waved at Jillian through the peephole, turned, and went back into her apartment, locking the door behind her.
Jillian stood there for a long time with her palm still flat on the wood, chest tight. Finally, she turned and pressed her back against the wall. Sliding down to the floor, her face crumpled as she lost her tenuous hold on composure. Sobs wracked her body as she held her knees tight to her chest and buried her face in her arms.
Sam pressed against Jillian’s hip, her big head resting on her master’s arms. The dog snuffled her nose against Jillian’s ear, sharing her pain.
When the tears finally stopped, Jillian turned to Sam. “We’re in trouble.”
Sam whimpered as if she understood every word, and nudged Jillian as if to say it would be all right.
Jillian scratched the top of the dog’s head, sighing heavily. “We’ll figure something out, Sam. I don’t know what, but I know that we’re not going to stay here any longer than we have to.” She checked the clock and shook her head. “It’s almost time to get up, so we might as well grab some breakfast and head to work.”