Where's My Son?

by John C. Dalglish

  He looked down at Katie, whose eyes were closed, and tried to imagine what she was thinking. Probably the same thing he was.

  Let him be all right. Let him be all right. Let him be all right.

  He knew that Katie could no more handle losing a third pregnancy than he could. And he couldn't imagine the despair they would feel.

  In just a few minutes, their baby boy was delivered through an incision in Katie's stomach. Dr. Phelps held him up so both Wade and Katie could see him. Before they could smile or ask to hold him, he was handed to the neonatal team.

  Wade noticed immediately that his son was blue.

  Dr. Phelps began stitching Katie back up as the neonatal doctors worked on their baby boy in the corner of the room. Wade realized he hadn’t heard his son cry. When he was done, Dr. Phelps came over and shook Wade's hand. No words were spoken.

  The neo-natal team had stabilized their baby enough to move him to the neo-natal intensive care unit and they had wheeled his tiny incubator out of the room.

  Wade opted to stay with Katie and for a long time, he just stood there. Dr. Phelps was gone, and the only noise in the room was the hushed conversations and shuffling around of the medical team as they cleaned up. A few minutes later, an orderly came in to wheel Katie to recovery. He kissed her and watched as she left but his own feet wouldn't move. It was as if staying there would protect him from what he had to face outside the room.

  Eventually, the nurses had finished their work and one came over to Wade, gently touching his arm.

  “Mr. Duncan?”

  Wade looked at her with a glazed stare.

  “Mr. Duncan, you can take the gown off. I'll take you to the see the baby.”

  Wade started removing the gown without acknowledging her. The nurse took the gown and, with a hand on his back, led him towards the door.

  *

  Wade rode the small elevator that led up to the NICU. He was let out into a hallway that had several long sinks and a shelf with gowns and masks in various sizes laid on it. He was met by a nurse who instructed him to wash his hands well and then put a mask and gown on.

  When Wade was ready, he was led through two sets of doors, into the NICU ward. There were two long rows of incubators against opposite walls. A group of 4 or 5 nurses surrounded a bed at the far end of the room. The nurse leading Wade took him down towards the group huddling over his son.

  As he reached the bed side, the group parted to let him come up next to the incubator. Wade began to cry. His tiny boy had tubes and wires coming from every spot on his body. Lights blinked and needles moved, but his son was very still.

  “Can I touch him?”

  The nurse nodded and lifted the canopy. Wade reached out with one finger and brushed his forehead. There was no response.

  An alarm started beeping and Wade was pushed back. The nurse that brought him in, took his arm and led him back out through the double doors.

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Duncan, but you’ll have to go to the waiting room. Your son needs immediate treatment.”

  “For what? What was the beeping?”

  “I’m sorry. The doctor will come see you soon.”

  Then she was gone. For the second time in less than an hour, Wade was left standing in a gown and mask. This time he took them off without help and went to the waiting room.

  *

  Shirley was there when he got to the waiting room and seeing his face told her something was terribly wrong.

  “Wade, what is it? Are Katie and the baby all right?”

  Wade just stood and looked at her with a vacant stare.

  “Wade...Wade?”

  Finally he focused on her, and tears started streaming down his face. She took him by the elbow and led him to a chair. When he sat down, he let out a long moan.

  “Kate is in recovery...” He paused.

  “…and the baby?” she asked, searching his face.

  “They rushed him out of the room to the neonatal ICU.” He looked at her. “I never heard him cry. When I went in to see him, he didn’t move. He is so tiny. I had to leave because some kind of an alarm started going off.”

  She gasped. She, too, had mourned the loss of her first two grandchildren, and the thought of losing a third was something she had not let herself think about. She got up and went to the desk.

  “I need information on my daughter and her baby. Katie Duncan.”

  “I'm sorry, ma’am, but you have to wait for your doctor. I don't have any news.”

  She turned and went back to Wade. He was staring blankly at the TV. He had stopped crying but his eyes were still bright red. Shirley was doing her best to keep it together.

  “The nurse said we have to wait for the doctor.”

  Wade just nodded. Shirley sat down next to her son-in-law, put an arm around him, and tried not to give up hope. She had no idea what she would do if the baby didn't make it. And she couldn't fathom the pain Katie and Wade would suffer. She closed her eyes and tried to steel herself.

  *

  Wade and Shirley were alone in the waiting room when Dr. Phelps came in. Shirley remained seated as Wade stood up to meet him.

  “How's Katie?” he asked.

  “She's fine. She'll be in recovery room six. You can see her in about an hour.”

  “And my son?”

  The half-smile that Larry Phelps had been wearing disappeared

  “I'm sorry. The baby didn't make it.”

  Wade slumped back into the chair and buried his face in his hands. Sobbing seemed to flow out from every pore of his body.

  “What happened?” Shirley asked, looking down at her son-in-law.

  “The baby had been too long without sufficient oxygen...I'm sorry.”

  “Thank you, doctor.”

  Shirley sat down next to Wade. The unthinkable had happened. She could find no words; there were no words. She wrapped her arms around him and their sobbing filled the empty room.

  *

  As soon as Wade felt strong enough to face Katie, he was let in to the recovery room. He walked up to the bed and took her hand.

  “I love you.”

  She smiled weakly.

  “I love you, too.”

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Tired, drugged, sore.” She paused. “How's our baby?”

  He realized that no one had told her. Tears welled up in his eyes, as he slowly shook his head.

  The doors opened at the far end of the room and a nurse wheeled in an incubator. She stopped several feet from the bed and looked at Katie.

  “Would you like to say goodbye?”

  Katie nodded her head and the nurse brought the tiny blue body, wrapped in a small blanket, over to her. Wade and Katie each took a turn holding their son. They kissed his forehead and told him they loved him.

  After a little while, Katie nodded to the nurse and she came and took the tiny bundle back, put him in the incubator, and wheeled him out.

  Katie closed her eyes and Wade watched as her body was wracked with sobs. He knew what she was feeling. A physical pain in the stomach that made you want to throw up, an emotional agony that made you long to curl up and die. He crawled up next to her on the bed and held her. They clung to each other and tried to let the pain flow out through their tears

  Chapter 2

  The small white box lay on top of a green rug, suspended over an equally small hole in the ground. Next to the tiny coffin was a shade canopy covering rows of chairs. The sun was out and conflicted with the sense of sadness that hung over the proceedings.

  Wade and Katie were in the front row, both in black, her in a dress and Wade in a suit. Shirley sat next to them, also in black, holding a Kleenex box that she and Katie plucked from occasionally. Behind them were several rows of family and friends.

  Standing opposite them was the pastor who was just finishing the service with a prayer.

  “....and in Jesus’s name we pray, amen”

  There was a low chorus of amens from the onlookers.
People slowly began to make their way to where Wade and Katie sat. Each person said how sorry they were, and to call if they needed anything. Wade nodded and thanked them as Katie sat quietly, seemingly unaware of what was going on around her.

  Wade took his wife's hand.

  “You all right, Kate?”

  After a moment, Katie looked up and nodded. The last of the people had said goodbye and headed to the long line of cars parked along the road.

  Wade turned to his mother-in-law.

  “Can you take Katie to the car? I want to speak to the pastor.”

  “Sure. Come on, dear, let’s go.”

  Wade watched as Katie stood at her mother’s urging. She stepped towards the tiny white casket and laid her hand on it ever so softly before walking away. It broke Wade's heart to see her in such pain. He could deal with his own suffering, but watching his wife's anguish was torture. He turned towards the pastor.

  After a brief conversation, he walked towards the road. There were only two cars left: his and a long, black Continental. He assumed it was the pastor's until he saw a very large redheaded man get out. He headed directly for Wade. Wade couldn’t remember ever meeting the man. Wade thought for a minute that he might have been mistaken, that the man was going to speak to the pastor, but when he got close; the man stopped and extended his hand.

  “Mr. Duncan, my name is Zebulin Johnson. I wanted to tell you how very sorry I am for your loss.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Johnson.” Wade shook his hand and went to walk by the stranger, but Mr. Johnson slipped sideways into his path. Wade was instantly annoyed.

  “Do I know you?”

  “No, sir, we have not met before.”

  “Well, Mr...Johnson, is it? This is not a good time.”

  “I know, and I apologize, but I was given your name by St. Luke's Hospital. They felt that I might be able to help you and your wife.”

  “How so?”

  Zeb took out a card and handed it to Wade. It said that he was a lawyer.

  “We don't need any legal representation, Mr. Johnson.”

  “Mr. Duncan, I assure you that I am not here in an effort to gain you as a client. In fact, I am here on behalf of another client. They wish to make an offer to you and your wife.”

  “What kind of offer?”

  Wade was now both annoyed and impatient. He didn't try to hide it.

  “I fear that this is neither the time nor the place to go into the details.”

  Wade certainly agreed with that.

  “However, when you and your wife have the time, I would very much like to come by and discuss the offer with both of you.”

  Wade stared at the card for a long moment.

  Johnson & Carr, Attorneys At Law.

  “I'll talk with my wife and we'll let you know if we're interested.”

  “That's fine. Just call my office and let me know if we can meet.”

  Zeb stretched out his hand once again. Wade shook it, mumbled a goodbye, and headed for the car. When he got in, Shirley was waiting with questions.

  “Who was that man?”

  Wade looked back at the spot where they had met, but the lawyer was already gone.

  “He's some lawyer. Said the hospital referred him to us.”

  Wade could see that Shirley shared his annoyance.

  “Kind of bad timing, isn't it?”

  Wade nodded. Katie still seemed to be in her own world.

  “Did you tell him you don't want to sue anybody?”

  “I told him that, but he said that's not what he was here for. Apparently he has an offer for us from one of his clients.”

  Wade looked back again, trying to remember the details of the odd meeting.

  Shirley was suspicious and not done asking questions.

  “What kind of offer?”

  “That's what I wanted to know, but he said that it would have to wait until he could meet with both Katie and I, at a suitable time.”

  “Well, this surely isn't a suitable time.”

  Wade started the car.

  “Indeed.”

  *

  Stan Turnbull called his sister as he headed out of the cemetery.

  “Hi, it's me. I made contact with the couple you suggested. They have the card, so watch for their number on your caller ID.”

  “Did they seem interested?”

  “Hard to say, but I'm going to call my Texas contact anyway.”

  “Okay, I will let you know as soon as I hear.” She hung up.

  Stan wheeled his car into traffic and punched Benny's number in. It rang several times before he finally picked up.

  “Hello?”

  “Benny, this is Zeb.”

  “Hey, I got the package you sent last month.”

  Stan narrowly missed a moped on the side of the road and swore into the phone.

  “Zeb, you there?”

  “Yeah...yeah, I'm here. It's time to start the scouting. You understand the drill?”

  “Yea, got it.”

  “Good, It will probably month’s rather than weeks but I'll be in touch.”

  Stan hung up without waiting for Benny to respond. If his instincts were right, this couple would eventually call.

  *

  It was three months later when Susan finally saw the number she'd been waiting for pop up on her caller ID. She quickly stepped into one of the empty hospital rooms and closed the door.

  “Johnson and Carr, may I help you?” she drawled in her best southern voice. It had been months but she didn't want to risk Wade Duncan recognizing her voice.

  “Yes, is Zebulin Johnson in?”

  “May I ask who is calling?”

  “Wade Duncan.”

  “Very well, Mr. Duncan,” she drawled. “Let me see if he's free. Please hold.”

  Susan covered the phone and waited an appropriate amount of time before coming back on the line.

  “Mr. Duncan?”

  “Yes.”

  “Mr. Johnson is in a meeting, but said he should be done shortly. Do you have a number where you can be reached in the next half hour?”

  Wade said the lawyer could call his cell phone and gave her the number. As soon as she hung up, Susan called her brother.

  “Stan?”

  “Yeah, what’s up?”

  “Duncan just called. I told him you were in a meeting and got his cell phone number.”

  She gave him the number and hung up.

  *

  Wade picked up on the second ring.

  “Hello?”

  “Mr. Duncan, this is Zebulin Johnson, returning your call.”

  “Yes, Mr. Johnson. Do you remember giving me your card at the cemetery in March?”

  “Of course.”

  “Well, you mentioned you had an offer for my wife and I. Can you elaborate further on it?”

  “I'd really rather not over the phone. Is there a time I could come by and meet with the two of you?”

  Wade cupped his hand over the phone and looked at Katie.

  “He wants to come over.”

  Katie just shrugged and said tonight or tomorrow night would be okay.

  “Tonight or tomorrow night would be fine,” he repeated back into the phone.

  “Okay, say… seven tonight?”

  “Sure, see you then.”

  Wade hung up and looked at his wife. Curiosity had gotten the best of them, and they needed a distraction anyway.

  “Mom will be here, so she can listen in, too.”

  “Yea, I don't imagine that it will matter if she's here.”

  *

  At seven o’clock sharp, there was a knock at the door. Wade opened it to find the same large man from the cemetery, only this time he was carrying a brief case. Wade invited him in and they went into the living room, where Katie and Shirley were waiting. After making introductions and getting a cup of coffee for Zeb, there was a pause. Wade brought the conversation around to the purpose of the meeting.

  “Mr. Johnson, you said you had an o
ffer for us. What sort of offer are we talking about?

  “Actually, I'll get to the offer in a minute, but first, let me say again how terribly sorry I am for your loss.”

  Katie looked uncomfortable, but managed not to break into tears.

  “Thank you.”

  “Also, what I am about to tell you is highly confidential and, regardless of the outcome, must not be shared with anyone outside of this room.”

  He looked at each of them as they nodded their heads.

  “I have a couple—my clients—who have suffered a loss similar to yours.”

  “Oh, I'm sorry,” Katie and her mom said at the same time.

  Zeb nodded. “I'm sure they would appreciate that. And, like you, their loss took place in childbirth.”

  Katie looked stricken. Wade was immediately worried for his wife.

  “Please get to the point, Mr. Johnson.”

  “Of course. They lost their daughter during the birth of a grandchild; however, the child survived. A little boy.”

  For a moment there was silence in the room. Katie appeared to be holding her breath. Was this man about to say what she was thinking? The tension in the room bore down on Katie as she stared at the lawyer. She felt it would crush her.

  The lawyer finally continued.

  “My clients are looking for a home for the child.”

  Suddenly, everyone was talking at once, Wade to Katie, Shirley to Katie, Katie to Wade and Wade to Shirley. Only the lawyer was silent.

  Finally, just as quickly as they had started, they stopped. Everyone was now looking at Zeb. He waited a moment and then continued like the outburst had never happened.

  “My clients are older, their daughter was 29 when she died, and they feel unable to take care of the child. They have tasked me with finding a suitable home.”

  There were several minutes of silence. Each appeared lost in their own thoughts.