“They’re peachy, Cassie. Thank you for asking.”
Whoa. I couldn’t remember a time when Will had been so short with me. “Okay, then,” I said. “I won’t pry anymore. But if I knew you were going to be such crappy company today, I wouldn’t have come. It’s Sunday. My day off, remember? I thought this would be kind of fun, but—”
“I’m sorry,” he interrupted. “You’re not having fun? I should work a bit harder so you can have fun. Should I also stop interrupting your conversations with your new fun friends at work?”
He was talking about Matilda. I had asked her not to come by the restaurant so much, but the other day, after our talk about Jesse, Will had made a remark about how I shouldn’t sit with customers when I’m working.
“She’s a regular that I’m getting to know as a friend, is all. What is so wrong with that?”
“A regular customer who buys you jewelry to match her own?” He glanced over at the bracelet resting against my thigh. I loved its hammer finish, its pale gold sheen. It was so pretty, I couldn’t help but wear it once I’d started to collect charms.
“This?” I said, holding up my wrist. “This. I … got it from a friend of hers. A friend of hers who makes them. I admired it and I wanted one too. That’s what girls do, Will.” I hoped I sounded convincing.
“How much did it cost? It looks like eighteen-karat gold.”
“I saved for it. But that’s really none of your business.”
Will sighed and then went silent again.
“Am I not allowed to talk to our customers now, is that it? Because I gotta say, I work hard and that restaurant means a lot to me too. You know that I’d do anything to—”
“I’m sorry.”
“—to—”
“Listen to me, Cassie. I am sorry. For real. I don’t know why I’m so … Things are good with Tracina. But she’s looking for … She wants to take things to the next level, and I’m not sure I’m ready, you know? So yes, I’m a little antsy. I’m a little on edge about things.”
“Are you talking about marriage?” I nearly choked out the word. Why? I had rejected Will. Of course he should marry the girl he loves, right?
“No! God no. I mean like living together … but yeah, eventually marriage is what she wants.”
“Is that what you want, Will?”
It was near high noon. The sun was pouring in through the sunroof, heating the tops of our heads. It was making me a little dizzy.
“Sure it is. I mean, why not, right? Why wouldn’t I want that? She’s a great gal,” he said. He was looking straight ahead at the road. Then he turned to me for a moment, smiling weakly.
“Wow, your passion is blinding,” I said, and we both laughed.
We arrived at the auction parking lot. It was half empty, and that was good—fewer people meant lower prices.
“Let’s go buy some junk,” he said, turning off the engine and almost jumping out of the car.
I had a momentary urge to sit there with him awhile, to comfort him, to touch his hair, to tell him it would be okay, that all he had to do was be honest with himself. But I also felt a pang of jealousy. Tracina had never seemed to mind my friendship with Will, wasn’t the slightest bit suspicious of our time together, which I actually found a little galling. I knew I was no threat to her, and yet there was a part of me that wanted to cause some discomfort, a growing piece of me that wanted to prove I was a force to be reckoned with, even if just a small force.
But I didn’t have a chance to say anything. Will was already halfway to the auction house, so I opened the car door, stepped out and followed him.
Friday came far too slowly. I had laid out a new pair of black yoga pants and a stretchy white T-shirt, which I decided to wear over a tight black tank top. Bad enough that I was wearing workout clothes, but I was careful to keep Dixie away from the pants. I didn’t need to show up at the Mansion covered in furballs like some middle-aged cat lady. Right at the appointed time, I saw the limo pull up in front of my building. I was down and out the door before the driver could reach the buzzer.
“I’m here,” I said, greeting him breathlessly.
With a gloved hand, he directed me to the car and opened the back door for me.
“Thank you,” I said, settling into the plush seat and glancing back at my building. A lace curtain on the main floor parted and dropped. Poor confused Anna.
In the limo, there was a bucket with champagne and water on ice. I grabbed a water bottle; I did not want to arrive half-drunk. It was 7 p.m. and traffic was light, so we were in front of the S.E.C.R.E.T. headquarters in no time. Normally I took the gate off the street to the coach house, which was walled off from the main estate. This time the double gates leading directly to the Mansion opened automatically to allow the limo. Driving past the coach house, I could see over the wall of vines that all four dormer lights were on. I wondered what kind of work was being done in the coach house on a Friday night, what kinds of scenarios were being plotted for me and perhaps for other women who might also be going through the steps right now. Is there more than one? Am I the only one? So many questions I knew Matilda would never answer unless I became a S.E.C.R.E.T. member.
If the courtyard surrounding the coach house was a tangle of vines and bushes, the grounds of the Mansion beyond were trimmed and pristine, giving off an unearthly bright green glow that made the short grass look almost fake. There was a thick smell of roses in the air, roses that climbed halfway up the sides of the Mansion and looked like a giant crinoline in pink, yellow and white. The building had an Italianate facade typical of some of the grander homes in the neighborhood, with wide white columns that shaded the cool porch and supported a rounded balcony above. But it was grand in a way that the other houses in the area weren’t. And though beautiful, it felt standoffish, a little too perfect. The whole building was covered in pale gray stucco with white cornices, and the porch wrapped around the top and bottom. Ornate Juliet balconies framed small doorways on the second and third floors. The whole place was lit from within by a warm, dusky glow that was inviting but also strange. We pulled up at the side entrance, but the cobblestone driveway continued over a rolling hill that led to a garage in the backyard. It looked like a place you’d never want to leave, but that you could never really live in either.
A woman dressed in a black-and-white uniform appeared from the side door. She waved. I lowered the limo’s back window.
“You must be Cassie,” she said. “My name is Claudette.”
I’d become accustomed to waiting for the driver to get out of the car and open my door. When I stepped out, I noticed a few bodyguard types wandering the grounds, all wearing tailored suits and dark sunglasses, one of them speaking into an earpiece.
Claudette said, “He’s waiting for you in the kitchen. He doesn’t have very long, but he’s quite excited to meet you.”
“Who’s he?” I asked, following her. And what did she mean by he doesn’t have very long? Wasn’t this supposed to be my fantasy? “You’ll see,” she said, keeping a reassuring hand on my back as she ushered me in through the door.
The side entrance had a marble floor in a black-and-white houndstooth design that carried down the hallway. A small fountain framed by two cherubs spilled water from vases into a shallow pool. Peonies poked out of giant vases. I caught a glimpse of a spectacular foyer to my right. Another bodyguard was sitting on a chair at the base of the stairs, reading a newspaper.
“Why don’t you wait outside,” Claudette said to him.
The big man hesitated before abandoning the seat.
We made our way down a long hall, following the sound of loud hip-hop or rap music; I didn’t really know the difference. My heart was pounding. I felt terribly underdressed for this place and wondered why they had me in such a plain, everyday outfit. The bodyguards, the tight schedule, the music—all was very confusing. We headed for what seemed to be the back of the house, passing a number of small plush chairs that lined a wide hallway, the mu
sic getting louder as we appraoched a set of double oak doors. I noticed the round inlaid windows were covered in black tissue paper. What was going on?
Claudette swung open a door and I was hit with the sound of music and the smell of warm soup, seafood, tomatoes, maybe, and spices. I turned to ask her where I was going and who I was going to meet, but she was gone, the door swinging quietly behind her. I looked around the large kitchen, decorated like an old-fashioned scullery, the shiny lacquer walls white to halfway up, then black. Dozens of stained copper pots were strung high over the kitchen island. The appliances were as big as small cars, but they were modern, only decked out to look old. The Sub-Zero fridge was like the one we had at work, except much newer and spotless. The stove was black iron, with eight burners, nothing like the one in the Café’s kitchen. This was the kind of kitchen you’d find in a castle.
Then he popped up, in front of the stove, his shirtless back facing me. He had been bent over, adjusting a flame, and now he stirred something cooking in a big pot, all the while talking loudly into a phone receiver cradled in his neck. His back had the muscles of a natural athlete, not a bodybuilder; his brown skin was flawless. His baggy jeans were slung low but not too low, just enough to show off a ridiculously lean waist. He was talking and stirring at the same time.
“Excuse me?” I said, over the loud music, but not loud enough for him to turn around.
“I’m not saying I don’t like the whole track,” he was saying, “just that bridge. Listen.” He waited for a beat to hit and held the phone into the air. “Hear that? I don’t think it’s the right sample. Did you ask him if I could hire Hep to pull it out for me? I know he’s using him on his album, but this would be a personal favor.”
He turned to face me, jumping a little at the fact that I’d been standing there and he hadn’t known. He looked me over from head to toe, placing his free hand on his hip. His abs clenched. I tried not to stare, but it was difficult. This was perfection, this man. I glanced over my shoulder at the double oak doors. Still listening to the conversation on the phone, he gave me a smile that only people born with charisma to burn know how to give. It literally changed the temperature in the room. Then he held up a finger to signal one more minute. He looked familiar, that wide smile, those sleepy brown eyes.
“Tell him I’ll pay him double to cut the single with me,” he continued, the phone back at his neck, but now his eyes were on me, making me self-conscious all over again. Though not a big guy, he carried himself like he was a giant, almost as if he were famous or something, which of course he couldn’t be. “We’ll put him up at the Ritz. Has to be France. That’s where we’re cutting the album.”
He covered the receiver and whispered, “Sorry. One minute. Make yourself comfortable, Cassie.”
He knew my name! Then he continued, “I don’t know. Maybe two days. I gotta see my granny in N.O. Then we go to New York, then France. The tour is in eight weeks, but I want to lay tracks for two singles. Release them while we’re still on tour. I don’t care. Tell him there’s more where they came from. We’re still doing that album.”
Remembering to stir his pot again, he turned his back to me and tasted a little of the simmering dish. He seemed completely comfortable here, knowing exactly what drawer housed which utensil. With every pinch and stir, the muscles in his upper back and along his arms rippled and revealed themselves. The beat of the music was hypnotic, and every once in a while I’d see him get caught up in it, like it was taking him over and moving him from within. Still cradling the phone between his shoulder and his ear, he turned and stepped towards me, this time holding a spoonful of the soup, his other hand cupping beneath it.
“Just tasting my gran’s recipe. Yeah. I’ll bring you some. Now I’m gonna be busy for the next hour,” he said, blowing on the spoon, then bringing it closer to my mouth.
I took a careful, hot bite. Gumbo. Oh God, better than Dell’s, in fact, better than any I’d ever tasted.
“Make that two hours. I’ll call you when I’m back at the hotel. Yup. Bye.”
He dropped the spoon, hung up and turned to me. And he stood there like that, not saying a word, for at least ten seconds. He seemed totally confident, just standing like that, wordlessly, eyeing me up and down, the music still pumping. This man was someone. That was for sure. I decided to break the ice.
“I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything important,” I said over the music. He took a remote and aimed it over my head, lowering the volume. He didn’t reply. I asked, “Who are you?”
He was about to say something, but just laughed and shook his head. “I’m whoever you want me to be, baby.”
“But … those bodyguards out there. They’re for you, right?”
And there it was again, that shake of the head, that shy boyish smile.
“No comment,” he said. “We’re not here to talk about me. We’re here to talk about … what you got on. Tell me a little something about what it is you’re wearing,” he said, crossing his arms across his chest, then resting a thumb on his lips. He stepped out from behind the island and stood ten feet from me, assessing me like I was auditioning for something. My knees weakened at the sight of his belt buckle resting low in front. I tried not to stare, but this was a powerfully seductive man. I felt silly and old in my dumb yoga pants.
“Um, they asked me to wear this,” I said, looking down at my idiotic sneakers.
“Nice. When I told them ‘soccer mom,’ I wasn’t being literal. But I gotta say, this is pretty much what I had in mind. Just that the clothes are wrapped around a sexier package than I imagined.”
“May I?” I asked, pointing to a stool at the island. I was shaking so much, if I didn’t sit, I’d collapse.
“Sure. You like gumbo?” He grabbed his spoon and turned to the oven to give the pot another stir.
“I love it. It’s … it’s really delicious. Um … Are you going to cook for me? I’m just not sure I ever said anything about a fantasy involving cooking.”
“I am going to cook for you. And you’re going to do something for me,” he said, pointing his spoon at me.
“I am?”
“You are.”
“I thought this was my fantasy?”
“Are we gonna have a problem?” he asked, with a kind of cocksuredness that made me a little weak. He didn’t seem like a man used to hearing the word no.
“Are you going to tell me your name?” I asked, feeling bolder.
“I use a different name for my work, but my real name is Shawn.”
He turned the heat off and came around the kitchen island to stand beside me, towering over my little red stool. His hair was shorn close to his head. His right wrist held a riot of leather bracelets, rubber bands, and a gold chain that was thicker and shinier than mine. No charms. I caught a hint of musk off his skin, something that came from an expensive bottle.
I clenched my jaw. His boldness seemed to bring out something in me, something new and fierce. “Are you going to tell me who you are?”
“That’s for you to figure out. Later. Right now, what I am to you is your sex-with-someone-famous fantasy. But this is S.E.C.R.E.T., remember? These things tend to work both ways, as I’m sure you’re discovering. So, do you accept the Step?”
“Do you mean my fantasy is actually yours somehow too?”
“Yup.”
“And I have to take it on your word that you’re famous?”
“That’s right.” He placed one strong arm on the bar stool where I was sitting, right between my yoga-clad legs.
“Okay. I get that. But how on earth could I possibly be your fantasy.”
As he spoke, he ran a firm finger up and down my thigh. Shivers darted right through me. “Cassie,” he said, meeting my eyes, “when you’re famous, everyone wants a piece of you, and only because you’re famous. You asked for a fantasy with a famous person, but you didn’t say they had to be famous to you. I said I’d do it if it was with someone who didn’t know who the hell I was, like
some anonymous soccer mom type, I said. Someone too busy shuffling her kids around to bother wearing anything but yoga pants and T-shirts. ’Cause I’m sick of show ponies. Know what I’m saying?”
“Soccer mom. So that’s what I’m supposed to be?” I started to laugh then, and so did he. “Have you done this before? With S.E.C.R.E.T.?”
He ignored the question, making his way back to the oven range behind me to check on something baking inside. “Looking good. Corn bread.”
He shut the door. A moment later, he was behind me, inches away. He placed his hands on my shoulders and moved them slowly down my arms. I felt my pulse quicken as he gently gathered my hands behind my back and held my wrists together with one hand. I could feel his breath on my ear.
“Will you accept the Step, my little soccer mom?” he asked, reaching a hand up to my ponytail, sliding out the band holding back my hair, his mouth breathing into it as it cascaded down my shoulders.
“Yes,” I managed to say, giggling. Soccer mom is a fantasy? Who knew?
“Good.”
Then he moved his mouth closer to my ear. “Wanna know who I am?”
I nodded. He whispered his name, his work name, his “stage” name. I was glad that he wasn’t facing me because my eyes bugged out. I wasn’t into hip-hop music, but even I knew this stage name. And now, Shawn was sliding his hands up my T-shirt. He lifted it off as though it was made of gossamer. He reached around and touched my breasts through my tight Lycra top.
“This has to go too. Arms up!”
He stretched my yoga top over my head, and flung it across the kitchen. Then he grabbed my stool and spun me around to face him. He pulled me close to him so my knees were between his spread thighs, his right hand tilting my head up to face him, his left fingering my nipple. He tentatively slipped a thumb into my mouth and I instinctively sucked the lingering spices from the soup off it, which made him close his eyes. I liked how that seemed to make him go weak with want, made him sway a little. I sucked a little more forcefully.
S.E.C.R.E.T.: An Erotic Novel Page 10