“Who were they referring to?” Cara asks as she scribbles across her paper.
“Tacito Renato,” River states. He leans forward, clasping his hands together and sighs. “He was the leader, but not the mastermind.”
“Please continue,” she says without looking at any of us. McCoy clears his throat and takes over from where River left off.
“We had to move deeper into the jungle, but that put a limit on River’s ability to call for a new extraction point. We weren’t supposed to be there, so it’s not like we could walk into the nearest village and use their open airspace. It was weeks until River could get a valid signal and extraction was on the way. Except it wasn’t. When the helo landed, O’Keefe told us that the girl had been kidnapped for a child sex ring and that there were American children from the database living there and we needed to get them,” McCoy pauses and looks around. “I don’t know about everyone here, but I know I speak for Archer, River and Rask when I say that we weren’t leaving those kids behind and we didn’t.”
Ryley’s ankle wraps around mine in a show of love or support, either way I’ll take it. Having her support means everything to me. I never wanted to miss a single day with her, she knows that and missing EJ’s birth was never on my list of things to do. I know that, had I not been on deployment, the Navy would’ve done everything to make sure I was there or at least on the phone with her.
Carole clears her throat at the same time Cara starts to speak. My eyes go from one woman to the other, waiting to see who will speak first. Carole nods, giving Cara the green light.
“I want to make sure I’ve heard you guys correctly. You say that you were sent to Cuba to retrieve Abigail Chesley, daughter of former Vice President Christina Charlotte?”
“What do you mean former?” River asks.
“I don’t think we knew that she was even elected,” I add.
This time it’s Carole who speaks. “She was elected and died in a car crash about five weeks ago.”
“When did you return?” Cara asks Nate.
“My team left six weeks ago, paving the way for SEAL Team 3 to return without any question,” Nate replies, effectively giving us all something to think about.
LISTENING TO THE GUYS recount their mission, knowing that they shouldn’t be doing so, I can’t help but feel thankful that they are giving more credence to my statement that something is up. Once the girl was back in our custody they should’ve been out of there. Evan would’ve been home a week later and planning his and Ryley’s wedding. He would’ve been home the day Ryley went into labor and inside the delivery room with her, holding her hand. I still would’ve been pacing because my nephew was being born, but she would’ve had him by her side where he belongs.
And now I’m questioning whether I belong with her or not.
Logic says that Evan called Cara and brought her here to come between Ryley and me, but I know that’s not possible. If I didn’t know how to get ahold of her, neither did he, but I can’t help the fact that it was my first thought. Bringing her here falls in line with his promise of fighting dirty to win.
I never thought I’d be happy to see Cara again. It sounds bad, but the way things ended between us wasn’t something I want to remember. Seeing her standing in the doorway brought back a lot of memories. I met her when she was still in college at a small coffee shop near base. She was here on spring break from Harvard, a poli-sci major hoping to get a job with the CIA. I asked her why she was here in San Diego and not Florida and she said she needed peace and calm from the long winters in Boston, not bikinis and booze.
When I met her I didn’t fumble over my words, in fact I didn’t really say much at all. She approached me as I sat in the corner reading the newspaper asking me if I was military and that if I was, if she could interview me for her term paper. Here she was, on vacation and doing homework. Cara sounded just like me and was everything I was looking for but didn’t know it.
We saw each other every day for a week until she left. Our relationship wasn’t romantic at that point, but it was a definite friendship. She was easy to talk to and she made me laugh. When I deployed, she sent packages once a month and wrote me every day, telling me about school, her day and asking if I’d be back in time for summer vacation. I wasn’t going to be but that didn’t stop us from talking all the time. I called her when I could because hearing her voice gave me comfort. Most of my calls went to voicemail in the beginning. She was busy. I knew that. Cara comes from money and was one of those high society girls at Harvard, attending social events all the time. Coupled with her busy caseload, a phone conversation with her was just about impossible.
It was her letters that made me fall in love with her and two years after we met, when I had an R&R, I flew to Boston and told her how I felt. It was something that had to be done in person and not on voicemail or in a letter. I had her class schedule memorized and I waited outside the Knafel building for her to come out. I sat there with roses in my hand, dressed in my dress whites and smiling like a crazy fool in love.
Telling her was risky. I wasn’t sure how she felt since we never ventured into that territory, but I knew how I felt. I thought about her every day and couldn’t wait for my tour to be over so we could spend some quality time together.
When she walked out of the building, she froze. Her girlfriends giggled and told her that if she didn’t say yes, that they’d be more than willing to marry me. I wasn’t even thinking about marriage, I just wanted to tell her that I loved her and hoped she wanted to get coffee with me.
She did and after graduation moved to San Diego, getting a job with Navy Intelligence. It wasn’t what she wanted, but we talked about her future being in Virginia and when I re-enlisted we’d ask for transfers to the east coast. Being in Intelligence allowed her to hone her craft.
Then Evan died and everything changed.
Cara knew I wouldn’t leave San Diego with Ryley and my brother’s unborn child here. She never asked. What she did ask was for me to be done. To not re-enlist... to not leave her like Evan left Ryley but I couldn’t do that. I tried. I tried, but hated it. I missed being out there with my Team, my brothers. I yearned to protect my country. Ryley encouraged me to go back, against everyone’s wishes, and I did so knowing that Cara would leave me. The warrior in me thought she’d stay and when she couldn’t, I let her go. She moved to Washington DC, landing her dream job with the CIA and I refused to be the one to hold her back.
Now I’m sitting across from her and all I can think about is how everything in my life became so fucked up that she came back to help, except she didn’t because she’s just doing her job. To her, we’re nothing more than an assignment.
Cara speaks with poise and confidence, showing that her education has paid off. I was always afraid I was holding her back from her true potential. That she was here to appease me because of my career. She was right to leave me. Being a SEAL’s wife is no way to live when you have your own dreams and aspirations.
As the facts as we know them are laid out in front of us, I’m one hundred percent positive that the training mission my team was just on was all for show. It was to keep us, or more specifically me, away so that Evan could return to Ryley. Some sick bastard is playing with our lives and I want to know who it is and why.
“My team left six weeks ago, paving the way for fire team from SEAL Team 3 to return without any question,” I say, adding in my own theory. “We were on a training mission in the desert, the Mojave Desert, I believe. We weren’t that far from base. O’Keefe went with us, which I thought odd, but with the recent cuts by the President I didn’t think too much of it until now. O’Keefe told us we were preparing for deployment, that when we came back we’d have a week or two to get our affairs in order and say goodbye.
“The first half of the month we sat in a room staring at maps of the Middle East and going over strategies. It was our last day there, but I didn’t know it and we were out in the field, lying in the sand waiting for the training m
ission to start. We’d been out there for two days, waiting. The call came in that the exercise was over. A yellow flag went up, but no one would listen. The Team was just excited to get back home, get their business taken care of and prepare for deployment. When we got back to base, I should’ve trusted my instincts when I said something was up.
“Someone was giving commands, but I don’t know who. They came through to Tex. He relayed the information. The first was that we were breaking down and heading back to camp. The second came in that there was no debriefing. No one questioned it but me. The other guys didn’t seem to care. I have one guy going through a divorce and another who is trying to figure out if he’s going to be a dad. One can say these guys were just eager to get home and get shit settled before we left – I can’t say that. Sitting here, listening to everything and after doing my own research, I have no doubt that someone set SEAL Team 3 up, and I want to know why.”
“That’s why we’re here, Nate.” My name rolls off her tongue like it used to when she wanted something. I used to be able to tell by the way she said it what she wanted. Short and high-pitched, she had good news. Short and firm, I was in trouble or she was about to tell me something serious. Soft and drawn out, she wants something and something could be anything.
And right now I want to know what that anything is. Is she only interested in this case because of who it involves? Or was she assigned this case? I want to know. I should be angry with her, but I’m not. She walked out on our life together because she couldn’t deal with my job. Yet, here I sit across from her and wonder how much I missed. Was staying here worth it? Looking at Evan and Ryley sitting by each other, they look at one another trying not to cause suspicion, but to an outsider they look like two people having an affair. You can see the pull they have between them. If electricity had a visual, then they would be it. I know Ryley won’t do that to me, but what am I doing to her? Have I been a constant reminder of what she lost? Did I put my life on hold because I was afraid to let my brother go, hanging on to the last piece of him?
My life with Cara was fun, exciting and worth the heartache. I sought solace in Ryley because she was an easy transition. The door was always open and I was always welcomed. It was Ryley who lent me her shoulder to cry on when I needed it. I tried not to let the fact that Cara left get to me, but it hurt. I failed her when I promised that I’d always be there for her.
And now she’s here for me when I didn’t ask her to be. I don’t care if this is her job or not. My first love has walked back into my life when it’s in complete turmoil and, for the time being, I want to be done talking about this mission so I can take her aside and ask her how she’s been. I want to know what she’s been up to and all that she’s accomplished. And in some strange, perverse way, I want to know if she’s single. Has she found someone to love her the way she deserves to be loved?
The conversation continues around us and I watch Cara in action. She has papers spread out in front of us, pictures of faces that I don’t know. Her words are muffled, and it’s as if my head is under the water and she’s standing above me talking. She tried that once when we were in Hawaii. I let her push me under and she stood above me, laughing.
When we took the trip to Hawaii, I was planning on asking her to marry me. The ring was in our hotel room and the dinner had been planned. Then the phone call came in about Evan and it was over. I put my anger and hurt before her and shouldn’t have. Cara should’ve been the most important person in my life at that point. She was. I just didn’t know how to show her.
“Nate, are you listening?”
“I’m sorry, swee… Cara. What did you say?” I catch myself before I call her sweetie, the nickname I had for her when we were together. I swallow hard as she smiles before turning away. I don’t know if I should read into anything, but I think I finally know what Ryley is going through with being torn between the two of us.
“WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE animal today?” I ask EJ, as I tuck him in. He asked me to read him a bedtime story after he had his bath and I was more than happy to take on the task. I can’t imagine what he’s thinking with this whole “Dad” business, especially as Nate was here last night and I’m here tonight. If I’m confused, he must be as well.
“The edapants,” he says, turning over to face me. I’m over six feet tall, laying in a twin bed and EJ laughs at me because my feet hang over the edge, but I don’t care. I’ve never felt more comfortable than I do now. He’ll never know what this means to me. These moments with him are slowly starting to fill the holes in my heart. I can understand why Nate is so unwilling to let him go.
EJ shows me his bear. He holds it up, pretending it’s talking to me as he tells me about the zoo. He doesn’t know this, or maybe he does, but he sleeps with my teddy bear. I never understood why my mom held on to certain toys, but I’m thankful this particular one ended up with my son. The poor bear is ratty looking, but Ryley says he doesn’t go to bed without it.
“I like the elephants too,” I tell him. “Did you know they bring good luck?”
“That’s silly.”
“I know, but it’s true. I think that maybe we should buy one and put it in your backyard because we can all use some good luck.”
EJ laughs and it’s the most magical sound I’ve ever heard. “Mommy would be so mad when he poops in the backyard.”
Now it’s my turn to laugh right along with him. “Yeah, I think she would. Do you think she’d make me clean it up?”
He nods animatedly. “I can help if we get one.”
What I wouldn’t give to bring home an elephant for my son, just so I can see the look in his eyes. “I’ll see what I can do.”
“Goodnight, Eban.”
“Goodnight, EJ.”
EJ snuggles into his pillow with his arm wrapped tightly around my bear and closes his eyes. I don’t want to leave, but spending time with Ryley is just as important. I don’t know if I’m coming or going with her right now. My mind is telling me to run. To run fast and far without looking back because looking back holds too much pain, and I’m so tired of feeling broken. But my heart is telling me that she deserves another chance and that her mistake in telling EJ that I was his dad without me there was done out of stress and nerves. My heart is telling me to fight for her, show her that she is still my one and only even if she already knows it.
A light caress startles me awake. As my eyes focus, I see EJ is sound asleep, but feel her behind me. I know it’s her by the smell of her perfume. Looking at her over my shoulder, the soft glow from EJ’s night-light casts her in a shroud of gold.
“Hey,” she says quietly, stepping away from the bed as I move to sit up. “I thought I’d wake you in case you wanted to go to bed.”
“With you?” I ask, knowing I don’t deserve or even expect an answer. I’m a smartass. I get it. I follow her out of EJ’s room and down the stairs. The lights are off, but the TV is illuminating the room. It’s a peaceful calm that I haven’t felt in a long time. “Where’s Livvie?”
“She went with Nate. She said she hadn’t spent much time with him since he came back.” Ryley sits down on the couch, pulling a blanket over her legs. I know I have a few options here: I can go upstairs and try to sleep, knowing I won’t be able to. I can sit down next to her and try and soak up as much Ryley as possible. Or, my favorite option, I can carry her off to her room and make love to her.
While option three is what I truly want to do, I know she won’t allow us to be that way and I respect that even if it’s killing me. Option two is going to win out because I need her like my body needs water. I’m a fool to think I can walk away from her. I’m a stupid man if I think I can live without her in my life. I told myself in the beginning that I was going to fight dirty and I’m going to start by reminding her how much she loves me.
Rubbing my hand over my chest, I laugh when Ryley’s eyes go wide. It’s nice to know I still have an effect on her. Lord knows she sends me into a tailspin each time I think about her or she w
alks into the room. I keep my eyes on her as I move toward her. Her tongue wets her lips, telling me that everything that I’ve questioned about how she feels about me is wrong. She wants me, she’s just torn, and I’m going to help put her back together.
I pull my shirt over my head and toss it onto the couch. Her eyes roam from my face to my body. Seeing her pull her lower lip in between her teeth is all the encouragement I need. My steps are calculated as I walk toward her. I flick the top button of my shorts, earning an inhale from her. Watching her react to me is such an ego boost. She has no idea what she does to me.
When I reach her, I pull the blanket away from her bare legs. I need to feel her skin against mine. I want the burn, the ache that she brings when she touches me. My thumb caresses her lower lip and I lean in, brushing my lips across hers. I lost track of when I got to kiss her last and right now it feels like the first time. I can taste the raspberry and chocolate ice cream that coats her mouth and feel the familiar spark when my warm tongue meets her ice cold one.
Ryley Clarke was made for me, there’s no doubt about it.
Her hands hold my face to hers with her fingers adding the right amount pressure to my jaw. She’s pulling me down on top of her and I’m not one to deny her what she wants. Everything moves in slow motion until her back touches the couch and she wraps her legs around me. My mind races at the thought of what I could do to her in this position if only she’d choose me. If only she’d tell me that I’m the one she wants for the rest of her life. If only she’d let me remind her of our connection and how much I love her.
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