“We think she put her arm across your daughter to save her.” I let the words sink in. Carole saved her daughter. The thoughts filtering through my mind right now are not good. I have visions of Ryley hitting the windshield and flying through it. It’s like I’m there, at the accident, even though I wasn’t. I can’t help but picture what could’ve been if they had been anywhere else and not in front of the base.
“Can I go in now?” I ask, but the doctor ignores me. Jensen looks at him, but he shakes his head.
“Only family is allowed until she’s moved.”
“Fuck that, I am her family,” I say as I move past him and through the double doors. He says something about security but I don’t give a shit. I need to see Ryley. I need to touch her, feel her skin against mine and hear her voice. I have to see for myself that every part of her is okay.
I look in every room, seeing things that I can’t erase from my mind. In one room, a wife is sobbing over who I’m assuming is her husband. It didn’t look so good for him. In another, there is a child with only a nurse in there. We make eye contact, and she looks sad and despondent. Where are her parents? Short of yelling out her name and drawing attention to myself, this is all I can do. Each room is either occupied or empty; sadly there are more occupants than I expected.
Finally I find her with a bandage on her forehead and her red hair tucked behind her ears. She looks pale and for her that’s not a good thing. Her casted arm rests on her stomach and her eyes are closed. I try to be quiet as I walk in, but to no avail. When her eyes spring open, a small, sad smile appears on her flawless face. It changes though when she sees the bear I’m carrying.
I hold him up in front of my face and move him from side to side like he’s dancing as I walk toward her. “You float my boat, Ryley Clarke.” She laughs, and it’s instantly like everything is okay. I know she hasn’t chosen me, but that doesn’t stop me from stealing a kiss from her. And as happy as I am to give her this bear, he’s cramping my style because he’s wedged in between us.
“I don’t know, babe, I saw this guy and thought he looked like me with his sailor hat and his life buoy, but right now he’s just in the way.”
“I love him,” she says as she pulls him into her chest with her good arm. “It’s worse than it looks, Archer, I promise you.” She knows that calling me Archer will soothe just about anything because for some reason hearing her call me by my last name is freaking hot.
“You scared me.”
She nods as tears prick her eyes. “I was scared, but someone pulled me out of the car before… I just don’t know what’s going on and why people want to hurt us.”
I try to hug her, but considering the bed and her arm, it’s really a half-assed attempt. Her hand clutches the back of my shirt as she sobs. I want to tell her that it’s going to be okay, but I don’t believe those words myself and I’m not going to lie to her.
“We’re uncovering the truth and someone wants that truth to stay hidden.”
“Did you kill someone over there, someone powerful?” she asks as she pulls away.
“I did, but I don’t know how he’s connected to what’s going on here. None of it makes sense, but I swear to you, Ry, I am going to find out.”
I LIKE TO PRIDE myself on being a man’s man. The type that isn’t afraid to open doors for women, pull out their chairs or help someone across the street. Being that type of man, I’ve always been the one to drive, but Cara won’t let me and I’m having a hard time sitting still. It’s not that she’s a bad driver, I’m just used to being in control.
And right now, I’m not in control of anything.
It’s been almost two weeks since Carole turned the mysterious cell phone over and the car accident happened. I never wanted to hand the phone over to NCIS but Cara and Carole thought it would be best, especially since it was found in the home of a serviceman. I thought with Cara being here she could look into it, but she reminded me that she’s investigating Lawson and it would be best to follow Carole’s lead.
The witnesses from the car accident couldn’t provide many details. A black SUV-type vehicle was the only consistent evidence. Some saw a license plate, others said there wasn’t one. A few said the sun was shining too brightly and they couldn’t see anything other than the SUV speeding away. This is a police matter and because Ryley and Carole escaped, the police are slow moving. If I were them I’d be overturning every auto body shop possible from here to Mexico.
Since that day at the beach, Ryley has reminded me each and every day to tell Cara how I feel. At first, I wanted to tell Ryley that she was wrong, that she’s the one I love, but words failed me. I do love Ryley, but we would’ve never been together had this shit with Evan not happened. I’d like to think that Cara and I would be married by now. She was happy in our life before and it makes me wonder if I can make her happy again.
I’m not hiding the fact that I’m staring at her while she drives us to the NCIS office and by the devilish little smile that she has on her face, I can tell she knows it. Does she know what I’m thinking? Do I even know what I’m thinking? As I look at her, I see the same beautiful, smart, sexy and vivacious woman that I fell in love with years ago. Her brown hair is shorter, but with the same blonde highlights that she used to fret over when we were together. Her make-up is still subtle and you only know she’s wearing it if you look hard enough. Her lips are still painted in the soft muted pink that she used all the time. She’d always buy multiple tubes for fear she would run out and the store wouldn’t have it. I used to call her “cotton candy” because her lips were always pink and they tasted so sweet.
The only notable difference in her now, aside from the poise in which she carries herself, is the gun on her hip. And call me stupid, but I find that incredibly sexy. There’s something enticing about taking a woman to a gun range and firing off a few rounds.
I’m not sure if what I’m feeling now is anticipation or anxiousness, but sitting here thinking about her isn’t helping. I should be thinking about Ryley. Weeks ago she was my fiancée and now she’s not. I know for a fact she’s single and hasn’t told Evan because she wasn’t sure if jumping back in with two feet was the smartest thing to do. Over breakfast this morning, she told me she feels like her heart has been ripped out of her chest one too many times and while she loves Evan, she wonders if it’s enough to make them work. Six years of thinking the one you love is dead when he really wasn’t is a hard pill to swallow. I told her she has to do what’s right for her and that Evan would understand. I know he would, but he may not like it.
Ryley’s words are on automatic replay, “I’m telling you to choose Cara.” To me, Ryley is a selfless woman, giving up what could be her happiness for another woman that she calls a friend. I should heed the words from Ryley, but I’m not sure Cara is in the same mind frame and even if she were, the logistics of our lives would be the forefront of our relationship. I have to ask myself if Cara is worth giving it all up. Is the love I feel… felt… is it worth leaving Coronado and starting over in Virginia?
The car comes to a halt and I glance quickly to see that we’re stopped on the highway. Traffic is the bane of existence in the State of California.
“Your staring is starting to creep me out.” She looks over at me, raising her eyebrow.
“Do you remember what it feels like?”
“What what feels like?”
“What it feels like when I kiss you?” I ask, not giving her time to respond as I reach over and cup her face with my hands. We crash into each other with hungry, eager lips. It’s sloppy and hard as our tongues battle for dominance, intertwining in an intense dance. Fingernails dig into my skin as she clutches the front of my shirt, pulling me toward her. Our seatbelts strain as we fight to get closer. I always thought that Ryley and I had chemistry, but I was wrong. In this moment, I’m certain I am meant to be with Cara.
Our kisses turn soft, less eager, but with more passion. Her hands move from my chest and onto my neck as her fin
gertips play with my earlobes. Horns honk in the background causing her to pull away, but not before I get another taste of her lips. I don’t know about her, but I’m having a hard time catching my breath and when she pulls away, the pink flush of her cheeks tells me she felt something too.
Cara smiles as she faces forward and starts moving with the flow of traffic. It dawns on me that her car wasn’t in park and we just made out in the middle of a traffic jam on the highway. I’m back to staring at her because I can’t get enough of her. After one kiss, I already want more.
Maybe I never stopped wanting more.
“Stop staring,” she says with a hint of laughter in her voice.
“I can’t help it,” I tell her honestly. “You’re still the most beautiful girl in the world to me. I don’t think that will ever change.”
She looks at me briefly before turning back to the road.
“Do you have any regrets?” she asks causing me to turn away. I’m a man with many regrets, but they don’t define me. I know I have to tell her the truth.
“I regret letting you leave, Cara,” I respond without hesitation. After that, words fail me. I want to ask her to stay here, to test us out and see if we have a future, but that would be unfair to her.
Cara looks off into the distance, avoiding eye contact. Her hands fidget, moving over the steering wheel. “You and Ryley –” I stop her before she can continue. I need to take a page out of Evan’s book and play dirty here.
“Cara, what Ryley and I had was different from what I shared with you. Ryley was there when everything happened and EJ was my link to Evan. I planned to marry her because I felt it gave her and EJ what they were missing. I love her, but not like I love you. Seeing you the other day, every letter we wrote, every kiss we shared, it was like it was yesterday. I want that again, if you do. I want the chance to show you that we’re not a mistake that we’re meant to be together. I want to continue what we started and create the kind of life we talked about having.”
“I want that too,” she says as she looks at me quickly. With those four words I know I’m on the path to my future.
Cara sits while I pace. Never in my life did I expect to find myself in the NCIS office. As a sailor, it’s a place that you never want to visit. If you’re here it’s because you either saw something, or did something. I’ve worked my ass off to always do right by the code in which I live. Except I feel like I’ve failed my brother. I should’ve known that he was alive, but I masked those feelings with EJ. I used my son… nephew… to fill in the gap that wasn’t missing, but broken. I trusted the code that I live by to be truthful and it failed me.
The door opens and Cara stands up. She’s dressed just like you’d see on a television crime show: Black slacks, white button down shirt with a glock resting on her hip. I have no doubt she could kick my ass, but I’d let her win anyway just so she’d have to nurse me back to health.
I step back, realizing that I’m having thoughts of the two of us in compromising situations when I’m not sure I should be. I tried to fight to keep Ryley, but in the end she let me go. I should feel comfortable moving on and maybe I am, but I’m afraid of what might happen if Cara rejects me. Kissing is one thing, but a commitment is another.
“I’m Special Agent Jeffrey Blaine, please call me Blaine.”
“I’m SA Cara Hughes with the FBI and this is Senior Chief Petty Officer Nate Archer,” she says shaking his hand. I do the same and stand to the side of her. “Thank you for seeing us in Commander Clarke’s absence, she’s not mobile at the moment.”
“No problem,” he says, motioning for us to follow him. “I have to tell you that I really shouldn’t be talking with you, but Carole asked me to do her this favor.” He sits down at a table and we sit opposite him. On the table there are multiple folders and four of them have my brother’s team members’ pictures, including his. “I’ve known Carole for a long time and we’ve worked together before, but never have I been handed a smoking gun like that Blackberry.”
Blaine slides one of the folders toward himself and opens it. “As you can see we started a file, one for each of the SEAL Team 3 members who had gone to Cuba. Through our investigation and with the help of the cell phone, we’ve uncovered a high powered cover-up.”
“High powered?” I ask.
Blaine chuckles and shows me a picture. “Do you know who this man is?” I nod, knowing full well that it’s Commander Ingram. “What about this man?” I shake my head, but Cara speaks up.
“That’s Lawson. I’ve been following him for about a year. He’s involved in child pedophilia, but I haven’t been able to nail him on it yet. When he showed up here I dug a little more, but everything was cold until Evan told me Ingram is Lawson’s father.”
“But what do they have to do with the Blackberry?” I ask as I become more confused.
“I know this is a sensitive matter and that your family has been through a lot. I wish we had this case years ago, but we understand why we didn’t. This is a folder of all the emails that we retrieved from the phone. I’m going to give you both a few minutes to look them over. We’ll be making an arrest in the morning. Carole has asked that you inform your brother of what’s going on so he knows about the parties involved.” Blaine pushes the manila folder to the middle of the table and stands. Before he leaves the room he says, “Hughes, you were right to suspect Lawson. He admits to kidnapping Abigail Chesley, the same child SEAL Team 3 went to Cuba for.”
I jump when the door slams, but Cara doesn’t as she digs right into the folder. I’m either in shock or completely stunned at what Blaine said before he left. My brother’s life was ruined because a Senator had a child kidnapped, but why?
“Why what?” Cara asks as she flips through the mound of emails.
“Huh?”
“You asked why?” Apparently I was speaking out loud and didn’t realize it.
“I don’t know,” I say. “I think it was just a reaction to what I heard.”
“Hmm… look at this. Lawson was having an affair with Vice President Charlotte, but why would he kidnap her daughter?” Her brows furrow as she reads over the emails. I take a stack and start looking through them. None of the names I see mean anything to me and the email addresses are just gibberish.
“Oh god,” Cara slumps back in her chair. “Blaine must’ve told Carole what he found and that’s why she wants you to tell Evan.” Cara hands me a piece of paper, it’s written correspondence that tells us exactly who’s involved. I read and then reread the names, words and actions of people we trusted and can hardly believe the words I’m seeing on the page. Names I recognize... of people I know…of people I trusted. My stomach turns at the thought of everything my brother has lost at the hands of a friend.
“I need to go see him.”
I HAVE NEVER SEEN someone so independent, especially with only one arm, as Ryley is. I thought I could help out by being here, but I was sorely mistaken. Everything that it takes me two hands to do, she can do with one and do it ten times better. All that she’s done is reaffirm what I’ve always said about her; she’s a warrior.
My warrior.
Being at Ryley’s… in our home that we bought together… is exactly where I want to be, except I want to be with her. I’m at the point where I don’t know if I’m moving a step forward with her or three steps back. This morning she met Nate for breakfast and I’m trying not to act jealous, but I am. He has a hold on her that I can’t break through. I know the honorable thing to do is to step away. To let them be together and build a life even if it’s not what I want or deserve. I would understand if I had broken up with her, but I didn’t. I never wanted to leave her in the first place. I just wanted to do my job and protect our country so Americans don’t have to lock their doors at night.
EJ and I have been spending some quality time together. We do everything from watching cartoons in the morning, playing outside, walking Deefur, helping Ryley make dinner, and then me tucking him in at night. Right now th
at’s about my favorite thing to do and it usually takes Ryley waking me to get me out of his bed. He’s the best of Ryley and me and I hate that I wasn’t here when he was born.
The house is quiet when I return from dropping EJ off at Carole and Jensen’s. I remember when I was his age that going to my grandparents’ house was the highlight of my life. No rules, tons of junk food and my grandfather had the best train collection. Just thinking about those trains brings a smile to my face and reminds me that I need to ask my mom about them. I know we had them after he passed away and maybe she kept them. I think setting them up with EJ would be good father and son bonding.
Bonding that could lead to him calling me “Daddy”. I still hold out hope.
I follow the sound of soft music coming from upstairs. If this were any other time I’d hope she was in the shower and I could join her but even if she is, at best I’ll sit on her bed and wait for her to come out. It’s hard to accept that the one person you’re in love with loves you, but can’t be with you. It’s even worse knowing it’s your own brother standing in the way.
I find her in her bedroom dressed in one of those skimpy tank tops and boxer shorts and surrounded by papers. She’s really not leaving much to the imagination and lord knows mine is flying at mock speed to the danger zone. I listen to the music, recognizing the songs I haven’t heard in a long time but know just the same. It’s our playlist. She’s playing songs I put on cd’s for times when we had to drown out certain noises, and music that I gave her to listen to before I left.
“What’s going on in here?” I ask, pointing to the box and papers all over the floor. She looks up at me with tears streaming down her face. I immediately go to her, dropping to my knees and cupping her face. My thumbs do their best job at wiping away the tears, but the sadness in her eyes is still there.
“Babe, talk to me,” I plead. When she shakes her head I sit down next to her and pick up one of the sheets of paper.
Choose Me Page 17