by Vicki Green
I hear Sadie’s soft cryin’ and put my arm around her, bringin’ her into my side. I feel her arm move around my waist.
“Let us all say our own goodbyes to this wonderful woman.”
I swallow hard and then step forward, but reach for Sadie’s hand, holdin’ it tight. “Most of you may know that after Ma passed, Mable was there to step in. She knew she couldn’t replace Ma and didn’t try to but she did become a second ma to me. She was always there for me, takin’ care of me when I needed her, fillin’ me and Pa with her home cookin’….” I hear some small laughs behind me. “But mostly, she was there to love me, to guide me, and help to make me a better man. She was one of the kindest, carin’ and lovin’ people I’ve ever….” Words start to get lodged in my throat and I choke. Sadie moves up, releases my hand and puts her arm around me. Tears fall and I can’t visibly see her casket anymore. I take my fingers and press them against my closed eyes. “I’ve ever known. You will be missed, Mable. I know you will still be there for me, listen to me when needed, and still guide me. I love you.” I step back, almost stumblin’ but Sadie tightens her hold, helpin’ me.
Silence pursues, except for sobbing all around behind me. Sadie clears her throat and I look over. “I didn’t know Mable very long. I wish I had. Such a sweet, kind woman, wise beyond her years. I felt so close to her in such a short time. She made you feel that way, so easily. I….” Tears flow down her sweet face, and I put my arm around her shoulders. “She helped me too. Listened when I needed a woman’s ear. I haven’t felt the love of a mother for a long time. She gave that to me not even really knowing me and believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. I’ll never forget you, Mable. I’ll never….” Her body racks with her sobs and I turn to my side, bringing my other arm around her as she buries her face in my chest. I run my hand over the back of her head, down her long hair and hold her close. I can hear the cryin’ and snifflin’ increase around me. I don’t know how long we stand there. Sadie still crying her heart out, until the preacher speaks again.
“We will lay Mable’s body to rest now. I understand there is quite the spread of food in the house. Memphis and Sadie would love for you all to enjoy them and feel each other’s love as you remember Mable in your hearts.”
People start walkin’ away towards the house. When I try to move, Sadie’s hands move up my chest and fist my shirt, her face still pressin’ into me. I lean down, close to her ear. “Darlin’, you take the time you need.” Her head moves against me as she nods. Her cryin’ has slowed but she sniffs. Finally, she steps back and I release my hold but as we start to walk back she slides her soft hand in mine. My fingers immediately thread through hers and squeeze. When walk into the house, I see the kitchen is full, people talkin’, laughin’, and eatin’. I look through the doorway and there’s a ton in the dining room as well. The feeling of my home being full makes my heart swell. I see Tommy and Eli sitting at the kitchen table, stuffin’ their faces and laughin’ with each other. Makes me want a full house, kids runnin’ around cuttin’ up. I look down at Sadie and notice she’s watchin’ them too, a small smile on her face. Suddenly, it dawns on me how much I don’t know her. Does she dream of gettin’ married one day, of havin’ babies? She releases my hand and walks over to the table, pullin’ out a chair and sittin’ with them. I don’t hear what she’s sayin’, too much noise with all the people, but they laugh and talk excitedly to her. She seems to like kids, by what I see. I lean back against the wall and just take it in. Visions of her holdin’ a baby in her arms, me leanin’ down and kissin’ the top of her head as I look at our child.
“Memphis!”
Dale callin’ my name brings me out of my daydream, one I will keep in my heart.
Sadie
“Wow! Really? That’s amazing!”
I sit there and talk to the kids, feeling emotions I haven’t ever felt before. I watch Memphis walk passed me and over to their daddy. Dale puts a hand on Memphis’ shoulder, talks to him with such care and love. I get up, telling the boys to have fun, and walk over to the refrigerator and start taking out dishes that people brought. There’s more food then we can eat in a month. I turn on the oven and start putting some of the dishes in there, and then take out dips, veggies, and other assorted finger foods, placing them on the breakfast bar. By the time I’m done, the counter is loaded with food.
“Sadie?” I turn my head when a very large pregnant woman walks up to me. “I’m Maggie, Dale’s wife.” I smile, trying not to stare at her very big stomach. She looks around the kitchen and then back to me. “You’ve done quite a job with all the food. I’m so pleased to meet the woman who’s finally captured the heart of our Memphis.”
My brows crease. “Well, I don’t know about that.” I feel a little uncomfortable, not really knowing her and even thinking I have Memphis’ heart.
“Oh, trust me. You have. I’ve known him all my life and I’ve never seen him look at another woman like he looks at you. And, from what I can tell, I think he’s the lucky one.” She smiles and winks.
“You’re too kind,” I respond shyly.
A loud woman’s voice penetrates my ears as it gets closer to the kitchen from the dining room. I watch Maggie’s head turn and then she faces me again, a scowl on her face, her body rigid.
“Shit! I figured she’d show up but I was hoping she wouldn’t. Figures she would come after the service, the witch,” she sneers. I look at her face, which is of pure disgust.
“Who?” I watch the doorway as her voice gets louder. My nerves soar and my body tenses.
“Nikki Garber.” My eyes move back to her and I watch her shiver. “She’s the biggest bitch, thinks she has him wrapped around her finger. Nothin’ but trouble, I tell ya. Thinks she’s God’s gift to the world. You know the type.”
“Oh, my God, Memphis, darlin’. I’m so sorry about your precious Mable. I only heard a short time ago.” I watch as she leans into him, wrapping her arms around his waist but peering over his shoulder at me. The look on her face is of pure evil. His body stiffens in her hold. She moves her mouth up to his ear, whispering something but all the while glaring at me.
Maggie leans next to me, our shoulders pressing against each other’s. “Be careful and watch your back. She is vicious when she goes after somethin’. Down. Right. Vicious.”
Nikki’s words from the night at the party enter my head. ‘He needs a real woman to take care of his needs’. What if I’m not the woman who can take care of his needs, his desires? What if we finally make love and it’s not good enough? What if I’m not good enough? Insecurities overtake me as I watch his body relax and puts his arms around her, leaning forward and whispering in her ear.
I hear my name and turn my head behind me. Colby is holding up an empty bowl, smiling at me, and it also reminds me to check the oven. He helps me get more bowls of food. I feel weird, sad, and overwhelmed. I wish I could to talk to Mable.
“That’s the one I made. I hope it’s tasty.” He smiles as I uncover it. “How are you holdin’ up? Anything I can do?” His voice is full of concern. Seems to be the only one who’s asked me that since we’ve come back.
I look up and smile, not sure how much of a happy one it is. “I’m ok. Thank you for asking. I appreciate it. This looks really great. I still can’t believe you cook and are a pretty good one at that.”
He laughs as he leans against the side of the fridge. “Gee, thanks.” My smile grows. He looks down, acting almost shy, then back up and into my eyes. “I was thinking. Maybe we could go for a ride or a drink sometime. The small coffee house in town is really great. They make a mean cup of coffee but also have a bunch of different varieties. They’re no Starbucks or anythin’.” I laugh. A real laugh that I haven’t felt in a few days. He chuckles, “But they’re still really good.” My smile fades as I think of Memphis and the apple cider he got for me. “Oh, man. I’m sorry. This isn’t really that great of a time to be asking you out. I hope you’ll accept my apology.” I look up at his
tall and muscular frame. His gorgeous eyes filled with sadness.
“No. That’s okay. I’m sure Mable wouldn’t want us to grieve for her for a long time. She’d want us to be happy, enjoy life. I guess it will just be a little hard to do.” He reaches out, putting his hand on my arm. “I’d like to have coffee with you sometime. That would be very nice.” We talk for a bit longer then Dale calls him and I go back to making sure everything is taken care of.
The day is long. Very long. Nikki sticks around and hangs on every word Memphis says, following him around. That’s not all she hangs on to. I never get to leave the kitchen, making sure there is always enough food and drinks on the counter and tending to make sure everyone has what they’d like. Finally, I manage to slip out the back door, the cool air chilling me instantly, making me wish I’d remembered to grab my hoodie. I guess at some point I may need to ask Memphis to take me into town and buy a winter coat. I walk down the steps of the deck then towards his family’s graves. I look around at the beautiful day, the sun shining, and the glorious snow peaked mountains outlining the area. I reach the gate, and it creaks as I open it. Mable’s grave has been covered with new sod, flowers adorn it from those that came today. I kneel in front of it, sitting back on my legs. A breeze hits me and I cross my arms around me. I sit here for a long time, the sun beginning to set. The only noises are from the trees blowing, birds singing their songs, and the sounds of the horses and cattle from their pastures.
“God. I miss you already, Mable. So much,” I whisper. A tear falls from my wet eye, slowly trickling down my cold face. “I wish you were here to talk to me. I also wish you were here so I could tell you how much you’ve meant to me in such a short time.” I stop, swallowing against the large lump of emotion in my throat. “You gave me such good motherly advice. I don’t know what to do. I feel so lost and insecure, so small. I can’t be the woman he wants me to be, Mable. I don’t know how. I do know he needs a woman who can give him love, tenderness, and take care of what he longs for. I’m not sure that’s me, Mable. At times, I still feel like a child around him. I’m not sure I can get over that feeling. But, the times we’ve shared in each other’s arms, talking, kissing, and just enjoying each other’s company, I think maybe I can be, maybe he does think of me that way. Then, there’s Colby. I don’t know him very well, yet, but he makes me feel like a woman. Maybe because there’s no history between us. I don’t want to hurt Memphis either. ” I look down, tightening my hold around myself as the coolness turns into coldness. “I’m so confused. I wish you could tell me what to do.”
“Sadie. There you are, darlin’.”
My head snaps around and I see Memphis walking towards the gate. I notice he’s got a heavy coat on. He opens the gate and walks through. I stand up, my legs a little off balance from sitting on them for so long. “Here.” He takes off his coat, putting it over my shoulders. I slide my arms through the too big sleeves.
“But you’ll get cold.” I smile, shivering. My body feels numb. His arm moves around me and we start walking back to the house.
“You’re more important. How long have you been out here? I’ve been looking for you for a while. Everyone’s left. Maggie was cleaning up but I stopped her. I don’t want her poppin’ that kid out in the kitchen putting away leftovers,” he chuckles and I can’t help but laugh.
“I guess I’ve been gone for longer than I thought. I was just spending some time with Mable. Sounds silly, doesn’t it?”
He looks down at me, his face scrunching. “No, doesn’t sound silly. Sounds like you needed to spend some time with her. I’m glad you did.”
“I didn’t mean for you all to have to clean up. I’ll finish when we get inside.”
His hand pulls on my arm, stopping me then he grasps my other arm and turns me until I face him. “Hey, I didn’t mean you had to do it. It’s not your job. You’re upset the same as everyone else. She was your friend too, Sadie. I’m sorry I got so wrapped up with everyone there that I didn’t get a chance to be there for you.”
My heart starts beating wildly at his words. So caring, so thoughtful. How can I not help loving this man? What? No, I’m sure that’s not it. Couldn’t be. I shake my head, willing myself not to think about it and smile. “Thank you and no need to apologize. They were here for Mable too and for you. I didn’t know her that long, not like you and probably most of them. I’m fine, really.”
I start to walk, his arms releasing me but he puts his arm around my waist. “Doesn’t matter how long you know someone.” He’s looking straight ahead. “What matters is how you feel about them.” I nod even though he doesn’t see me.
We walk up the deck steps and I turn to him. “Would you trust me enough to take your truck into town tomorrow? I know you probably have chores to do and I promise I’ll help when I get back but I’d really like to get a winter coat.”
His brows raise and then he seems to get angry. “I should be taking better care of you. I’m sorry. Sure I trust you, Sadie. You don’t have to ask. I think that’s a wonderful idea. Don’t worry about chores tomorrow, take the day and spend as long as you need in town. Just put it and anything else you need on my tab. Can you get there okay alone?”
Realization hits me that his anger was directed at himself. “Thanks, Memphis. I appreciate it and for the record, I think you’re taking very good care of me. I’ll at least try to keep the cooking up for everyone, since Mable…. Well, I would be happy to do that. I think I remember how to get there okay.”
We walk to the door, a smile back on his face. He opens it and I walk inside. Warmth hits me but I shiver anyway and then sneeze.
I actually have a really good time sitting around with Memphis and his friends in the living room. They’re really nice, friendly, and I can tell they love him. Their boys are so cute and well behaved. Makes me really want to have kids someday.
A while after the kids are in bed, Maggie and Dale say their goodnights. I walk upstairs with Memphis but stop at my room. He keeps walking until he notices I’m not beside him anymore. He turns and gives me a confused look then walks back to me.
“Are you okay?” His strong hands grasp my arms.
“Yes. I’m fine. I just think it’s weird with your friends here.” I lean up on my toes and kiss his mouth. “I hope you understand.”
His eyes search mine, like maybe he’s trying to figure out if that’s the real reason or something else. “Okay. I guess I can understand that. Goodnight, Sadie. Sweet dreams.”
“Night, Memphis.”
I turn and walk into the room, closing the door behind me. I decide to take a hot bath to warm up even more. I keep sneezing and hope I’m not coming down with a cold. I’ll have to get some vitamin C and cold pills while I’m in town, just in case. I lay in the tub, the hot water feeling so wonderful, and think about tomorrow. I take a deep breath and have such a great feeling inside that he trusts me enough to drive his truck. Maybe I’ll have to check out that coffee shop that Colby told me about while I’m there. Once I feel like the skin on my entire body has pruned, I get out and brush my teeth, get on my jammies and climb into bed. Sleep doesn’t come quick as I lay there thinking about Mable, Memphis and Colby.
I tell Maggie, Dale and the kid’s goodbye then Memphis kisses me, telling me to be safe as I walk out the door. I had made a huge breakfast of pancakes, sausage, bacon, biscuits and gravy. The boys scarfed down the pancakes and said they were better than their moms. I looked at Maggie, apologetically, but she smiled and shrugged, telling me they really were. It feels kind of weird as I start up Memphis’ truck, then driving down the driveway and onto the dirt road. It’s so much higher than what I’m used to but it feels good to get out by myself and makes me feel great that he trusts me this much with his precious Betsy. I smile at the memory.
Farm houses are so spread out, but the beauty of the land, the mountains, capture my heart. I could see living here, looking at all this every day. I can’t stop my smile looking at the trees with leaves of beau
tiful fall colors as I pass by. It’s not hard to find the town, just takes a while to get there. It’s small, but I kind of like that. I pull into a parking space in front of the store I’ve been in before then walk down the sidewalk, guys tipping their cowboy hats, women smiling. Such a friendly place. I spot the coffee shop a few doors down and pick up my step. I had a cup back at the house but I miss having a mocha coffee so badly.
I walk inside and am instantly bowled over with the luscious aroma. No one else but an older woman sitting on one side of the room is here. I walk up to the counter but no one is behind it. I look around, back and forth, but don’t see anyone. “Oh! Sorry, I didn’t see you come in.” I look at my right and the woman stands up quickly and walks behind the counter. “Sorry, what can I get ya?”
“That’s okay. I just got here.” I smile. “May I have a large mocha, please?”
“Sure thing.”
She makes my drink and I look around. Very quaint. It feels like a place I could get lost in a good romance book, drinking my mocha. “Here ya go. That’ll be three-fifty.” Wow! What a deal!
“I’ll get that.”
My head snaps around and see Colby reaching over my shoulder handing her money.
“Colby. You don’t need to do that.”
He smiles and my heart beats a little faster. “I insist.”
I smile back and turn back around, taking my mocha from the counter. “Would you, uh, like to sit down with me,” I ask as I turn to walk to a table.
“That would be nice. I’ll just get me a cup and join you.” He winks and my heart may have skipped a beat. Or two.