“I think you have better abs than I do,” he says, shaking his head on a laugh. “Wow.”
Normally, I have no qualms about displaying my body while working out. In competition, we wear little more than a sports bikini. It’s normal for me to train like this. But when he looks at me, I almost feel naked, bare. Without thinking, I place my hand on my stomach as my insides clench and I almost falter my step, almost. Shit.
Used to hiding my emotions around men, I smile and dig out a bit of bravado. “If I’d known your ego was so fragile, I’d have covered up a little more.”
He laughs easily in response. “My ego is fine. I’m simply impressed by you.”
Impressed by me. I’m confused by him. He doesn’t match his description at all.
I chew my lip as I work up the courage to respond. He keeps stretching like it’s normal to tell a girl you met on Monday that you like her abs and are impressed by her by Friday. If I’d met him outside the office, I’d feel sure he was hitting on me. But with the no dating policy in place, and him at the beginning of his career, I can’t imagine he’s willing to fuck his life up just because he likes my abs. I don’t get it.
Hitting stop on the treadmill, I jump off. “You’ve seen mine. I want to see yours.”
A laugh bursts from his chest. “You want to see mine?”
“Your abs,” I reiterate, nodding towards his tank as I try to figure out what this is. I can’t be reading him wrong. I’m not that out of touch.
He pauses mid-quad stretch and raises his eyebrows before slowly complying, eyes locked on mine like we’re the only two people in the room.
Holy shit. I am not reading him wrong. This is reckless.
I hold my breath as I watch, my tongue sneaking out to wet my lips as he reveals his abs, one well-defined bump at a time.
With my heart hammering against my chest, I push things further, making a show of inspecting him, running my fingers over his smooth skin. He sucks in his breath, muscles shuddering. “Nothing wrong with them,” I whisper near his ear. They’re actually much more defined than mine are. And over the waistband of his shorts there’s a hint of that sexy V shape men get. “I’m impressed.” I pull my hand back as my insides clench. If I’m not careful, I’ll soon be nothing but a puddle of arousal. This is nuts. I’ll end up fired before my six-month trial is up.
Elliot clears his throat and lowers his shirt. “I flexed,” he admits with a cheeky grin, lightening the mood a little.
I laugh, and my laugh sounds… seductive. I’m losing control. God, I must need to get laid. It’s been a while.
“We should get moving,” I say, shifting back for some much-needed distance. “Those weights won’t lift themselves.”
He nods and follows me towards the free weights area. “Do you have a set weights routine? Or do you just wing it?”
“Set routine,” I say, producing the folded up piece of paper I tucked in the back zip pocket of my running tights.
He takes it, ensuring our fingers connect at the same time. Cheeky. The electricity between us shoots up my arm and sets me off again. Pelvic floor exercises aren’t on that list, but I’m definitely getting a lot in today.
Perusing the list of exercises, he takes a step back from me. “You do cleans?”
“I do,” I confirm, taking the piece of paper back while not connecting this time. I spin on my heels and head off to the first exercise on my list with Elliot trailing behind me. Probably looking at my arse. A quick glance over my shoulder confirms that theory.
We move around the gym following my weights routine together. It’s like a sweaty erotic dance. Each time I look at him, I have to restrain myself from jumping on top of him and running my tongue over those beautiful abs of his. Oh god. This is torture.
The whole situation confuses me. I’m as attracted to good-looking guys as any red-blooded girl. But normally, I have so much more control than this. Ever since I ended things with Christopher, I’ve been a beacon of self restraint. I haven’t let my hormones get the better of me once. Now I’m suddenly exchanging heated glances and placing my hands on a man I barely know? If I wasn’t living in my head, I wouldn’t understand myself. But it all comes so easy. Too easy. Elliot has breezed into my life and blanketed my worry-plagued mind with his levity and unexpected attention. And without really doing anything, he’s helped me feel like me again. I’m not sitting here thinking about the pain Christopher put me through, or the longing I feel around David. I’m living in the moment and it feels almost magical.
Finished with our training, we both stand across from each other shaking out our muscles and stretching.
“I was watching you today,” Elliot says as we sit on the ground and stretch out our legs.
“Is that what all the staring was?” I raise my eyebrows suggestively, unable to stop what seems to be flirting on my part. “What was that about?”
“Insanity on my part.”
Here it comes. I lower my eyes as I lean across to my other leg, stretching to my toes. “Because acting on what’s going on here would be insanity?”
He smiles. But it doesn’t make his eyes shine like his regular smiles do. “I fucking hate my job,” he confides. “I’ve been working for TBS for a solid year now, and all I’ve done is catalogue law journals and sort through old microfiche. I haven’t written a single brief, touched a file on an active case. My entire life has been curated so I become some big shot in the legal field. All the Roberts men are barristers or QCs.” He shakes his head. “I’m on the cusp of doing some real work, following my family footsteps. I don’t want to lose sight of that.”
Forcing my own lips to curve in a positive manner, I keep my eyes locked on his. Welcome to the friend zone, Trina. You don’t need a tour, you’ve been here all your adult life.
“I get it, Elliot. You don’t need to explain.” I pick up the paper with my routine on it, folding it between my fingers. “I didn’t expect anything to happen, anyway. With the no dating policy at work and the over-the-top flirting, I just took it as a little harmless fun.” I’m so full of shit it’s embarrassing. “You have a career to focus on and I have my sport. Not to mention I’m so emotionally unstable that I have no business mixing my life in with another person’s.” I laugh as I stuff the folded paper into my pocket. “We’re better off being friends. Training buddies at most. Don’t even sweat it.”
I stand up and keep offering the same manufactured smile. “I should hit the showers. See you back at the office, or at drinks maybe? I’ll pretend not to know you so the gossips can’t invent anything.” I back away.
“Katrina,” he says, wincing slightly because he probably feels like a real douche for leading me on. I should introduce him to David. They can find women who aren’t me together.
That’s not fair. I knew the stakes here.
“See you, Elliot. Oh, and thanks again for the pass. I owe you one.”
I turn away and wish I could rewind the last hour, go back to the lift and insist on training on my own. Now I’ll have to avoid him at work and on the running track and gym so I don’t feel like a naïve idiot every time we cross paths.
How foolish of me. A few days ago, I couldn’t even imagine blatantly flirting with a man I just met, constantly thinking about sex. Then I come face to face with a real life Adonis and lose my mind. Despite the fact we could both lose our jobs if we dated, it’s just a generally bad idea. I shouldn’t even be considering letting another man into my life. Ever since David made it clear years ago that nothing could ever happen between us, I’ve been trying to fill that void with other guys. But it never works out. Every partner I choose only ends up hurting me and making me feel even lonelier than before. I’m not sure I can go through that again. In love, I’ll always be the one to finish last.
My heart and my body can’t take anymore.
Seven
“You coming to drinks?” Kayley asks from the doorway of the library.
I pop my head over the partition. “Ye
p, just give me a sec to turn off my computer and I’m all yours.” Clicking it closed, I push myself away from my desk, grabbing my bag.
“Don’t look so freaked out. These are pretty fun.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve never done after-work drinks before. It’s a little nerve-wracking. You look nice.” Kayley has changed from the skirt and blouse combination she was wearing earlier, into tight black pants and a matching tank top covered in sequins. Her dark blonde hair is tied up in a messy ponytail, and she’s adorned large gold hoop earrings, darker makeup and a pair of cute red kitten heels. “Are we supposed to dress up for this?” I look down at my outfit. I’m wearing a pleated skirt in brown, purple and white tartan, with a white blouse and a purple sweater vest. I look dowdy in comparison.
“No, you don’t have to dress up. Some of us get changed to hit the clubs later. You should come with.”
“I’ve got plans to go clubbing with David tonight.”
“That’s right, you mentioned that at morning tea. Well, why don’t you invite him along? The more the merrier.”
“I’ll text him and see what he wants to do,” I say, as she guides me to the conference room. I pause in the doorway and survey the room as we enter. I didn’t expect so many people. There are maybe thirty inside. It’s a fairly good mix of support staff to solicitors, even a couple of partners in here too.
Music plays at a reasonable level. To the left of the conference table there’s a bar laden with bottles of wine, beer, spirits and soft drinks. Whoa.
“Hey, you made it,” Carl says from within the usual group. “Let me get you a drink.” He reaches over the bar and hands me a glass of the wine I indicate. It’s sweet and fruity with a fairly low alcohol content that won’t mess with my training.
Thanking him, I take slow sips and continue to look around the room while Albina talks about how long and drawn out the week was. Jo keeps checking her watch because she has a hot date, and Anne is agreeing with Albina. “I think work should be four days and the weekends three,” she says. “Better work/life balance.”
Admittedly, my mood falls a little when I don’t see Elliot anywhere. I don’t think he’d talk to me here, but after the way we left things this afternoon, I feel the need to at least smile at him from across the room, let him know there are no hard feelings and that our friendship is fine. He was right putting a pin in things. There was no way we could be anything more. And that’s OK, I’ll just call him David number two now. Maybe they’ll meet and become the best of friends. That would be pretty funny.
“Taking it all in?” Mary asks, as she moves to stand next to me. I’ve somehow drifted away from the group.
“Um, yeah,” I reply, as brightly as I can. “I didn’t really know what to expect.” I sneak a glance toward the door as it opens to see who enters, my actions at odds with my reasoning as a disappointed pang fires off beneath my ribs when Bianca and Beth walk in.
Mary starts rattling off the details of some of the office sporting events, trying to get me to commit to a softball team. When I tell her I can’t add anything extra to my plate, she tries to negotiate with me. “You could just attend the games then. Be our extra man. We could really use you.”
“I really can’t. I’m sorry,” I explain, rattling off my already full schedule in the hopes she’ll understand. I’m part of the way through specifying my study load when a male voice speaks low in my ear.
“What’d I miss?” Mary’s eyes widen and a lust-filled grin takes over her face as tiny sparks zing up my spine, excitement on my skin.
“I don’t think we’ve met,” Mary says as David slings an arm casually around my shoulders.
“That’s because I don’t work here,” David says, cheeky grin in place. “I came to show this one a good time.”
I elbow him in the ribs. “Mary. This is David, my best friend. David, meet Mary. She runs the social committee and seems to think you’re dreamy.”
David’s grin widens as Mary’s face goes bright red. I’m in serious need of a filter. I seem to have lost mine somewhere in the last year.
“I don’t,” Mary blurts. “I mean, I run the social committee, but I don’t think, uh…”
“That I’m dreamy?” David finishes for her, his expression amused.
“Yes. I mean, no. No.” She closes her eyes and winces. “That’s not to say you’re not ah, dreamy. It’s just that I have, um, someone. And I wasn’t trying...” Her voice trails off to an imperceptible mumble.
“It’s OK, Mary. Katrina here was just razzing you. Weren’t you, Trina?”
“I was. I’m sorry, Mary. I’m not feeling myself this week.”
She nods. “I understand. Travelling to the city for work three times a week would be a big adjustment on top of your school and sport.”
“It is. And I’m sorry if I offended you.”
“It’s fine,” she says, touching my arm. “I’ll leave you to it. Nice to meet you, David.”
“You too,” he says as she moves off and he takes her position in front of me. “Remember when you thought catching a train from Penrith to the city would be the worst thing in the world?”
“Remember when you wanted to leave me out west so you could live on campus at Sydney Uni?”
“I’ll have it noted that I wanted you to move to the city with me. It’s you and me against the world, remember?” He nudges me with his elbow.
“Always,” I say. “Who the hell let you in here, anyway? I was supposed to meet you downstairs.”
He shrugs. “I got your text and thought I’d come up and see these new people you want me to share you with. Followed the sounds of frivolity when I got here, and since someone was kind enough not to check behind them when they keyed their code in the door, here I am.”
“Very James Bond of you.” I smile as I link my arm through his, happy to have my favourite person by my side.
“Eh, I got here early anyway. Didn’t want to go to drinks at my office tonight.”
“Why not?”
“Things are a little awkward with the girl from the filing room.”
“Is she getting a little clingy?”
He wrinkles his nose. “She likes the rumours better than the reality.”
“There are rumours?”
“You know me, wherever I go, there are rumours. My reputation seems to precede me.”
“You bring it on yourself with the way you behave.”
He leans close to my ear speaking so I feel the warmth of his breath tickle my skin in the most delicious way. “How do you think I behave, Trina?”
I place my hand on his chest and push him back. “Same way you always do.”
“Take me to the filing room and I’ll show you.” His eyes darken as they lock with mine, and I have a moment where I wonder if he’s serious. But we’ve been through this a thousand times. He teases me. I blush. Then we laugh and he ends up fucking someone else. I’m just not relationship material, he says. Most of the time I think it’s a copout. I think he’s just afraid of turning out like his father: drunk and belligerent, resenting the people he’d promised to love. That man really messed with David’s head.
“Behave,” I say with a smile, poking my finger in his chest as Kayley and the others join us.
“Aren’t you going to introduce us to your friend?” Albina asks, giving David an approving once over.
I do the round of introductions while Albina makes her interest painfully obvious. David doesn’t help matters much, flashing his ‘yeah, I’m hot’ smile and running his fingers through his already messy hair. She licks her lips seductively at him. And I feel a little lightheaded.
I can’t keep going through this.
I excuse myself to go freshen up.
As I leave the conference room, my breath catches a little. Elliot is coming toward me. A smile creeps over my lips, but I freeze when I see his eyes drift over my shoulder to check if anyone is looking. He’s acting aloof, and it instantly annoys me.
What is with t
hese men?
“Are you leaving?” he asks, looking at his watch. “I thought you were staying a while.”
“Not just yet. I’m just going to the bathroom.”
His eyes drift nervously to the conference room again. “I might see you in there.”
I want to say, “Don’t do me any favours.” But, I just nod then head into the bathroom. It’s not fair to take my frustrations about David out on him. It’s not his fault I seem to have a thing for unattainable guys.
Once I’ve visited the loo and washed my hands, I sigh as I look at my reflection. I reapply my makeup and brush my hair, wishing I’d thought to bring some clubbing clothes with me. I’m good at making myself look casually pretty, but I’m terrible at getting dressed up for nights out on the town. It’s something my mother tried to coach me on, but it never stuck. I’m no match for the likes of Bianca and Beth, or even Albina. They all make themselves up so beautifully, and I’m very plain in comparison. The difference in our looks doesn’t make me feel unique as Elliot suggested. It makes me feel dowdy.
I return to the conference room, a lump forming in my throat when I see Bianca flicking her hair while talking to David. The last thing I need is for David to do his usual hump and dash with someone I work with. Especially Bianca. I can only imagine how nasty she’d get if she felt used by him.
“Hey,” I interrupt as cheerily as I can, focusing my attention on David. “You about ready to go?”
“Ah, yeah sure. These guys are all heading to Pontoon. You want to wait and go with them?”
“We’d love it if you came.” Bianca smiles at me but touches David’s arm. God, give me strength.
“Oh, I don’t—” I start, before Kayley bounces over and excitedly tells me she’s so happy I’m going to Pontoon with them “—think it was ever my decision.” I finish the sentence under my breath.
Struggle to Forever: a friends to lovers duet Page 7