“Well?” Michael looked at Bethany for confirmation.
“I heard her, but just barely.”
“Hmm. I wonder what will help. Bethany, do you have any suggestions?”
They conferred and with some practice they were able to get Jenny to be heard by someone standing on the stairwell. Jenny was excited that she wouldn’t have to give up being the narrator and promised to speak loud enough to be heard on the roof. As she went to change out of her costume, Bethany stayed in the workroom.
She opened one of the drawers. “I’ve often wondered what all these things are for.”
He sensed that she wanted to talk about something else. He would let her work up her courage. “It looks like a lot of stuff but there are just different sizes of the same items. Gears and pins. Pliers and screwdrivers. Tweezers and little magnets to retrieve dropped pieces of metal.”
She picked up his jeweler’s loupe. “And this is to let you see things more clearly, isn’t it?” She held it to her eye and turned so she was looking at him.
“Is it working?” he asked gently.
“I’m not sure.” She pulled it away from her face. “Every time I look I see something different.” He knew she was talking about him.
“That is one of the drawbacks of looking too closely.”
“I think the problem is I didn’t have my subject in focus. What can I do about that?”
“Not much, I’m afraid, if your subject is unwilling to cooperate.” He wasn’t ready to risk her knowing the whole truth.
“So the loupe is for seeing small pieces in great detail. How do I see the whole picture in greater detail?”
“The trick is to take a step back,” he said bluntly. Their relationship had progressed so quickly he wasn’t sure of his own feelings or of hers.
She laid the lens down. “I think that’s what I need to do.”
“I think it would be best if we both did that.”
A wry smile curved her lips. “I agree.”
She started to walk past him but he caught her arm. “Can we still be friends?”
“I don’t see why not,” she replied, but he couldn’t tell if she meant it.
* * *
Bethany expected her next meeting with Michael would be awkward. To prolong the inevitable, she went to visit her friend Gemma after the kids were off to school the following morning.
Gemma welcomed her with a hug and then intense scrutiny. “Okay, out with it. What’s troubling you?”
Bethany turned away from her friend’s sharp eyes. “The same thing. Ivan.” It was true but it wasn’t the whole truth.
“I know you are worried about your brother but something else is on your mind or you wouldn’t be here.”
Bethany began to remove her bonnet and coat. “You make it sound like I never come to see you unless I’m in some kind of crisis.”
Gemma poured two cups of coffee and sat down at the table with them. She pushed one across to Bethany when she sat down. “You visit me without a crisis often, but I know you well enough to see you are deeply troubled. What is it? I’m here to help.”
Bethany prided herself on being in control. She didn’t believe women were weaker than men, but when she looked up and saw the sympathy in Gemma’s eyes, Bethany’s pride flew out the window. Tears welled up and spilled down her cheeks. “I’m so confused.”
“Oh, you poor dear.” Gemma was around the table in a moment and gathered Bethany into her arms. “It’s okay. Go ahead and cry.”
“I can’t abide women who act like watering cans.” She sniffled and continued to cry.
Gemma patted Bethany’s back. “No one could accuse you of being a watering can. You are one of the strongest women I have ever had the privilege to know.”
“Then why do I feel like such a fool?” Bethany wailed.
“Because love makes glorious fools of us all.”
“I’m not in love. I can’t be in love.”
“And yet here you are crying on my shoulder because your mystery man has stolen your heart.”
Bethany drew back to stare at Gemma in amazement. “How can you know that?”
“Because I have been in love myself.”
“You have? With who?”
“A fellow who is denser than a post. But never mind about me. This is about you. First I have to know how bad it is. Has he kissed you?”
Bethany buried her face in her hands and nodded, unable to speak.
“Did you kiss him back?”
“Maybe just a little,” she whispered.
“Do Ivan and Jenny like him?”
“Jenny adores him. Ivan looks up to him and tries to emulate him.”
“All right. Has he told you that he loves you?”
“Nee, we’ve not spoken of our feelings.”
“So you haven’t professed your love. Okay. Things aren’t as bad as you are making them out to be.”
“How can you say that? I spend my days and nights thinking about him, wondering if he’s thinking about me.”
“That’s normal in any new relationship. I know that you are a wonderful catch for any man. I don’t see the problem on this end. Why is he all wrong for you?”
Bethany wiped her face with both hands and drew a ragged breath. “Because I don’t know anything about him.”
“You know a lot of things about him.”
“You don’t understand. Something bad happened to him. He has told me in general terms what happened but I know there is something else. Something he won’t talk about. He’s so secretive. I’m worried that I really may not want to know what he did.”
“Bethany, you have to ask yourself what is the one sin that you can’t forgive.”
She frowned slightly as she looked at Gemma. “There is no sin that cannot be forgiven.”
“You believe that with all your heart, don’t you?”
“Of course I do. Jesus died on the cross for all men’s sins. We are instructed by God to forgive those that have trespassed against us.”
“What is the one thing in Michael’s past that you could not forgive?”
That made her pause. “I would forgive anything.”
“Then why do you have to know what he has done?”
Bethany pulled her coffee mug close and took a sip. It was lukewarm. “It’s not that I can’t forgive his sins great or small. It’s that I believe you can’t love someone that you don’t trust. How can he love me if he doesn’t trust me enough to share his burdens?”
“Has he said that he loves you?”
“Nee, he has not.”
“But you are in love with him?”
Bethany gave her friend a beseeching glance. “Maybe. I don’t know. What would you do in my place?”
“Sell the farm and move to someplace warm.”
Bethany managed a half-hearted smile. “You know I’m being serious.”
“I do. I trust your judgment, Bethany. Therefore, you should trust your own judgment. You have so many things vying for your attention and that keeps you from thinking straight. You and I both know that you won’t marry anyone before Christmas, even if it is the only way to keep Ivan with you. You’re much too smart for that. An Amish marriage is forever. Ivan will return to us when he is older. It will be a hard separation, but it won’t be forever. If you like Michael Shetler, even if you think you love him, you still need time to get to know one another.”
“He asked me if we could be friends.”
“Did he mean it?”
Bethany thought back to that moment. “I believe he did.”
“That’s a good sign. It means he cares about you and he values the relationship the two of you have. What did you say?”
“I said I didn’t see why not.”
“Well, that should give him some hope. Can you be hi
s friend even if he never confides in you?”
Bethany pondered the question. She liked Michael. More than that, she cared deeply about him. He made her laugh. He understood Ivan better than she ever could. Jenny adored him and looked up to him. Bethany realized her life would be poorer if Michael Shetler wasn’t in it. If his friendship was all that she could have, she would gladly hold on to it.
She nodded. “I can be his friend. You, Gemma, are such a wise friend. You give much better advice than Clarabelle.”
Gemma looked appalled. “I should hope so. Isn’t that your milk cow?”
Bethany chuckled. “Someday I will tell you the story. I will take your advice. I won’t rush into anything. I still believe that Ivan is better off with me. I’m not letting him go without a fight.”
Gemma took a sip of her coffee and made a bitter face. “That sounds like the Bethany I know and love. How about a fresh cup of hot coffee?”
“And a lemon cookie?”
“Absolutely. They come free with all my advice. How would you like to stay and help me bake cookies for the holidays? I need eight dozen.”
“I would be delighted to repay even a small portion of your kindness.”
* * *
Bethany spent the entire day with Gemma, enjoying her friendship, sampling new cookie recipes and making several dozen of each type to take home. Chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal cookies, gingerbread men, moose munch, sugar cookies and lemon crisps because she knew Michael would enjoy them. With several large plastic containers in her arms, she paused outside Gemma’s front door.
“Thank you again.”
Gemma waved aside Bethany’s gratitude. “Someday I will need your shoulder to cry on.”
“It will be available day or night. Are you going with Pastor Frank to see the Christmas parade in town?”
“I am. So are my folks. What about you?”
“The children and I are going for sure. I don’t know about Michael.”
“We will enjoy it with him or without him, right?”
“Right.”
Bethany waved goodbye and headed home. As she approached her lane, she saw the school bus pull away. Four of the local schoolchildren went swarming up the mounds of snow left by the snowplows on her side of the road. She noticed Jeffrey was one of them but she didn’t see Ivan.
She stopped to watch them playing king of the mountain. The one who obtained the summit then had to keep others from claiming his throne. There was more pushing and shoving than she liked to see, but all she did was caution them. “Make sure you don’t push anyone toward the road. Stay on the outside of those piles.”
“We know, Ms. Martin,” one of the younger boys replied.
She left them to their fun and walked up her drive. Pastor Frank’s van sat parked in front of the house. The sound of laughter and the smell of pizza greeted her as she entered. She stepped into the kitchen to see Pastor Frank, Michael, Ivan and Jenny seated around the table, making Christmas wreaths. All of them wore pine branch crowns around their heads. Michael’s held two long branches upright like antlers. Jenny had two small upright branches near the front of her head. Ivan had two bushy branches hanging down. The pastor had red winterberries woven into his.
Bethany shook her head. “What is going on in here?”
“We’re making Christmas wreaths to sell at the market,” Jenny said.
Bethany set down her containers of cookies. “I see. Who are you supposed to be?” she asked, looking askew at all of them.
“I’m a bunny,” Jenny said with a giggle. She got down from the table and hopped around the room.
Ivan slid off his chair. “I’m a hound dog.” He started barking and chasing Jenny. Sadie Sue immediately got up from her place under the table and started barking at them as they ran up the stairs with her close on their heels.
Bethany looked at Michael and tried not to laugh. “I assume you are a Christmas reindeer?”
He shook his head, making one of his antlers fall off. He picked it up and tucked it in again. “I am a Maine moose.”
“Of course you are. Pastor Frank?”
“I’m a pastor with a limited imagination wearing a pine branch wreath on my head decorated by Jenny.” He gave her a big smile.
She looked at the number of wreaths stacked against the wall. “You have been busy. I know the children just got home a little while ago, so, Michael, did you make these by yourself or did Frank help you?”
“Those were all done by Michael,” the pastor said. “I just brought the pizza. It’s baking now. You are always feeding me. I thought I’d return the favor.”
Michael stretched his neck one way and then the other. “I was tired of fixing clocks and decided to try my hand at wreath making. What do you think?”
She picked up several and checked the construction. “Not bad at all. I’m sure these will sell well with a little more decoration added.”
“Did you have a good day?” he asked with a shade of uncertainty in his eyes.
She smiled. “I did. I went to visit Gemma and we baked cookies all day.”
“Are there samples?” Pastor Frank’s gaze slid to the counter and her plastic containers.
“There are. Pastor Frank, I know you enjoy oatmeal cookies. I have two dozen set aside just for you.” She handed him a full plastic baggie.
“These are going straight out to my van so I don’t forget them later.” He removed his crown before heading out the door.
Bethany held out a container. “I actually made some moose munch if you want to try that, Michael the Moose.”
He got up from his chair. “You don’t have to ask me twice.”
Opening one of the containers, he took a handful of the mix and turned to face her with his hip leaning against the counter. “How are you today?” he asked.
She cocked her head slightly. “I’m better. I had a wonderful time with Gemma and I’ve come to realize how truly valuable a great friendship can be.”
“Present company excluded?” he asked.
“Present company included,” she assured him. His smile warmed her all the way through.
Pastor Frank returned a few minutes later. The children thundered down the stairs when he called out that the pizza was ready. Bethany smiled as they crowded around him eagerly. This was the way it had been before her grandfather died. Friends stopping by. Storytelling, good food and good company. It was comforting to know it didn’t have to change.
After supper Bethany and Jenny rehearsed her lines as the men decided to teach Ivan the game of chess. The boy had an aptitude for it and was soon intent on learning more moves. It was almost ten thirty when Bethany called a stop to the game.
“It’s a school night and it is way past Ivan’s bedtime.” She had tucked Jenny in hours ago.
Pastor Frank pulled on his coat. “I apologize for keeping you all up so late. It was like old times and I guess I got carried away. Good night, all.”
Bethany and Michael watched him leave from the doorway. When he drove out of sight, she closed the door.
“I’d better leave, too,” Michael said. “I had a fine time tonight, Bethany. I’ve forgotten how satisfying an ordinary night with friends can be.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. We’ll do it again soon.”
He put on his hat and coat, but instead of leaving he seemed to come to some decision. “The weather isn’t bad and I’ve been sitting too long. Would you care to take a walk with me?”
“That would be nice.” She put on her coat and gloves and walked out the door to stand beside him. “Which way?”
“You have lived here longer than I have. You choose the direction.”
“There is a path that leads to an overlook. It’s not too steep.”
“I’ll keep up. Don’t worry about me.”
She took him a
t his word. They walked in silence for a time with Sadie Sue ambling alongside Michael. The crunch of their boots in the snow was the only sound. It was cold, but Bethany was warmly dressed and exercise kept her from getting chilled. “What do you think of New Covenant?” It was a safe subject and she was interested in his opinion.
“It’s a long way from being a self-supportive community.”
“What do you think we need here?”
“You don’t have a blacksmith or wheelwright.”
“We have a blacksmith coming in the spring. A man with three boys.”
“You don’t have an Amish school.”
“Once we reach ten school-age children in the community, the bishop will allow us to hire a teacher and open a school of our own.”
“You need a grocer. Mr. Meriwether’s prices are too high.”
She chuckled. “Tell me something I don’t know. I shop there every week.”
“And where is the nearest pizza parlor? What is an Amish settlement without a pizza parlor?”
“There is one in Fort Craig. They even deliver.”
“I’ll have to get their number. What about you, Bethany? What do you want out of New Covenant?”
“I want to see a happy, healthy, thriving community. We are so few and far between right now. I pray the community survives.”
“And if that doesn’t happen? What if there is a split in the church? It happens all the time. You won’t be immune because of your remoteness.”
She shrugged. “I guess we’ll just have to face that issue when it comes, if it comes. I like to expect the best that life has to offer.”
“Isn’t it better to expect the worst and then be pleased when it doesn’t show up?”
“I reckon you and I simply look at life differently. Here is the overlook I mentioned. I don’t see anyone around now, but it’s a popular place with young lovers in the spring and summer.”
They came out onto a rock ledge that jutted out between two old pine trees. Below was a stunning view of the Aroostook River. It was a silver ribbon winding its way through the countryside illuminated by a full moon just rising. She pointed east. “See where the farmland stops and the forest starts?”
“I do.”
“That is Canada.”
An Amish Wife for Christmas Page 14