by Devney Perry
Now I could cry.
“I killed him,” I whispered, another sob working free.
“I know. Give it to me, angel.”
And I did.
Once the seal was broken, my tears flowed unrestrained. The breakdown I’d been holding back came rushing forward like an avalanche. I cried, hard, giving Beau all of my pain from tonight. Giving him all the heartbreak and anguish I’d felt these last seven months.
When my loud cries became muffled whimpers and sniffles, I unburied my face and looked into his beautiful eyes. He was a miracle. The one and only person who could pull me from this nightmare had appeared like my savior.
“How did you know?”
He jerked his chin behind me toward the door. “Henry called Felicity. Felicity called me.”
“And you came right here?”
He nodded. “I drove like hell to Bozeman and caught the last flight out.”
“How did you know where I was?”
“I didn’t but figured this was as good a place as any to start looking. I knew someone here could point me in the right direction.”
My head fell back into the crook of his neck. “Thank you.”
“I’ll always come if you need me, Sabrina. Never doubt that,” he whispered into my hair as his arms banded around me tighter.
Henry cleared his throat at our side and I reluctantly let go of Beau to stand. “I’m ready to take your statement.”
I nodded. “Okay. Here? Or do I have to go somewhere else?”
“We’ll do it here. Have a seat.”
Beau’s hand on the small of my back steered me to the couch. He sat first then pulled me down to his side, securing me firmly to his torso with an arm around my shoulders. I laced my fingers with his free hand and took a deep breath.
“Ready.” I nodded to Henry, who sat across from us.
Henry placed a small tape recorder on my coffee table. He spoke first, verbalizing the date, time and my name, then looked up to me. “Sabrina. Would you please walk me through the events that occurred around six o’clock this evening?”
My fingers gripped Beau’s tighter as I took one more fortifying breath and launched into the details of the attack. By the time I was done, the crease between Beau’s eyebrows was as deep and worried as I’d ever seen it.
Henry asked me a few more questions and then shut off the recorder. “Thanks, that’s all I need. I’m sorry we made you wait so long to finish this up. It’s been a busy night.” He raked a hand through his hair. “You should know, Viktor and Ivan Federov were murdered.”
I gasped at the same time Beau’s arm jerked. “What? What happened?”
“I can’t tell you much. We’ll release a statement tomorrow, but they were both killed in a riot at the prison this evening.”
“Russian hit?” Beau asked quietly.
Henry just nodded.
Anton had planned his escape the same day the Russians had planned their hit. His escape might have been thwarted if there hadn’t been that prison riot. The Russians would have killed him, not me. The coincidence was just . . . so fucking unfair.
“So that’s it?” I asked. “They’re all gone?”
“Yeah. They’re all gone.” Henry’s sad eyes were full of guilt. “I have a specialized cleaning crew coming in tomorrow, so you’ll have to stay out until Sunday. We’ll put you up in a hotel.”
“Okay.” I started to stand but Beau kept me on the couch.
“We’re not done, Dalton.” Beau’s voice was quiet but angry. “You said she’d be safe.”
“And I fucked up. I won’t make any excuses. I fucked up and I’ll always be sorry. I should have put her in WITSEC.” Henry’s eyes left Beau’s and came to mine. “I’m sorry, Sabrina. This never should have happened. What can I do?”
Killing Anton had been my only choice but maybe if I had more of the facts, it would help me make sense of all that had happened tonight. “I’d like to know how Anton got in here.”
“Okay.” Henry looked up at an agent with a camera, hovering by the door. “Are you all done?”
“Yes, sir. Is there anything else you’d like us to finish?”
“No. I’ll escort Ms. MacKenzie to her hotel when we’re done talking. Get everything back to the office and put a rush on processing. I want her to be able to come back by Sunday morning at the latest.”
“Yes, sir.”
He waited until everyone had left and the door clicked shut to resume talking.
“This has to stay between us until the official report is released.”
I nodded.
“Anton wasn’t with his father or brother, because he was in the infirmary. He faked appendicitis and bribed a corrections officer to smuggle him out of the prison with a change of clothes and a weapon. With the Russian hit causing a big stir, none of us even knew he was gone until it was too late.”
“So he had been planning this for a while?” I asked. “He was never going to let me go, was he?”
Henry shook his head and looked to his feet. “I should have known.”
“And I shouldn’t have let you leave Montana,” Beau said, pressing a kiss to my temple. “I should have found another place for you to hide.”
“There’s no use looking back. It’s over now.” I leaned further into Beau’s side. I had no idea what that kiss meant or where we went from here, but I didn’t care. I was going to lean on him until I could stand on my own. Then we’d deal with the rest.
“How did Anton get in here?” I asked.
Henry’s face hardened. “He came in through the stairwell entrance. We’ve got him on video coming in with another tenant. He must have known your cleaning crew’s schedule because he slipped in while they were leaving. He probably pretended to be an agent.”
“But Agent Mitchell . . .” I didn’t need to finish my sentence. Agent Mitchell had been by the elevator on his phone. “Huh,” I scoffed. “That folding chair and phone probably saved his life.”
“Maybe,” Henry said. “Or else he was bribed too. I’ll be finding out and he’ll either get fired or go to prison himself.”
We all sat quietly for a few moments. I was out of questions about Anton and hoped never to mutter his name again.
“What now?” Beau asked, breaking the silence.
“You’re free to go,” Henry told us. “Though I’d like to keep an agent with you for a few more weeks.”
“Is that really necessary?” There were much more important things for the FBI than babysitting me.
“Please?” Henry said. “Let me keep someone with you if nothing more than to appease my own worries. I’d like to give our Russian visitors the chance to return home and I’d also like to confirm with our inside man that they don’t have any interest in returning.”
“Fine,” I muttered.
Beau shifted and stood, bringing me with him off the couch. “Let’s get out of here.”
“All right. I’ll just pack a few things.”
Henry stood and reached out to touch my shoulder before I could walk away. “Sabrina, I’m sorry. I’ll never forgive myself for letting you down.”
I gave him a small smile. “I don’t know if anyone could have stopped Anton. You didn’t let me down, Henry. I wish none of this had happened but . . . it’s done now.”
Beau’s arm found my shoulders again. “Come on.”
He guided me out of the living room but my feet paused before we could make it to the hallway leading to my bedroom. I took one last look at the black pool of blood where Anton’s body had been. It was drying around the edges and I was grateful that someone else would be scrubbing it away. Still, I doubted I’d ever let my feet step in that space again. I’d always see blood, even after it had been washed away.
“I touched a gun today,” I muttered.
“What?” Beau asked.
“I touched a gun today,” I repeated, my eyes locked on the blood pool.
Eighteen years ago, I had vowed never to touch a gun. Not
after I’d found Janessa’s silver pistol, the one she’d used to kill herself. The gun she’d bought out of the trunk of some gangster’s car. The gun I had found lying next to her lifeless feet.
She’d been sick so I’d ditched study hall to visit her at home. I’d found her in bed, not sick, but dead, her beautiful turquoise quilt covered in blood and brain matter because she’d put that gun in her mouth and pulled the trigger.
Once the nightmare of that scene had subsided, I’d promised myself I’d never touch a gun. Never.
Shooting Anton had been my only option, but the realization that I’d broken my vow—something I’d held tight to for so long—broke the last hold I had on my control.
My legs gave out and I would have crumbled to the floor if not for Beau’s strong arms wrapping me up and cradling me into his chest. There in the safety of his embrace, I lost it. Completely.
“I’ve got you.”
Don’t ever let me go. The words didn’t come out, only more wails and heart-wrenching screams.
Beau said something to Henry but I couldn’t hear him over my own noise. We were moving but I couldn’t get a handle on myself to stop crying and open my eyes. My stomach dipped when we went down the elevator and my body jostled as we got into a car. My screams stopped but the wrenching sobs continued until we made it to a hotel and Beau locked us safely into our room.
Gently laying me on the bed, his arms only left me for a moment to shut off the light. Then I was curled tightly into his chest, where the darkness took over and I fell asleep.
I woke up to the sun shining through the hotel room windows.
My eyes were puffy and swollen. My throat was on fire. My entire body ached. But because I was waking up in Beau’s arms, I felt better than I would have ever imagined possible the morning after being nearly murdered and taking another person’s life.
“Hi, Goliath,” I whispered into his chest.
“Hi, Shortcake.” He brushed the hair off my cheek. “How are you feeling today?”
“Better. I’m sorry about last night.”
“Don’t ever be sorry.”
I don’t know what I would have done if he hadn’t been there. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. What do you want to do today?” he asked.
“You’re staying?” Say yes. Say yes.
“Of course I’m staying.”
I smiled and snuggled closer. “Good.”
“So, what do you think? Movies and room service?”
A day spent lying around with Beau sounded wonderful but I didn’t want to stay in the hotel room and dwell. I’d have plenty of time to analyze everything that had happened when Beau left and I was back on my own again.
“What if we explored Seattle a bit? I could show you all the tourist stops. I don’t want to sit around and mope all day.”
He leaned back to study my face. “Really?”
“Is that bad?” I had no idea how to act right now. It wasn’t like I was happy and carefree. I just didn’t want to keep replaying the events of last night on an endless loop. I needed the distraction of the outdoors and crowds.
“No, it’s not bad.” Beau rolled me onto my back, hovering over me. “You can’t feel guilty about what happened last night. It was you or him. You did what you had to do.”
The truth in his eyes spread to my heart, knitting together a couple of the broken pieces. I had so much I wanted to say, but instead, I brushed my lips against his.
Beau kissed me back, gentle and sweet, breaking us apart before it could get heated, but the kiss didn’t erase any of the concern in his eyes. “I’m worried about you.”
“I’ll be okay,” I reassured us both. “Let’s get through today, then go from there.”
“All right. Then show me your city.”
We spent the entire day playing tourist. I took him up the Space Needle and on the Seattle Great Wheel. We spent hours strolling through Pike Place Market and along the piers. Then I took him to my favorite seafood restaurant, where we caught up on the last seven months and ate way too much.
It was by far the best day I’d ever had in Seattle, all because I’d been with Beau.
“I had fun today,” I told him as we ambled back to the hotel. “That’s kind of weird, huh?”
“Not weird.” His thumb caressed the back of my hand. “I had fun too. How are you doing?”
We hadn’t talked at all about Anton the entire day, or last night’s ordeal. I didn’t need to. Just walking around, holding Beau’s hand had helped me put it all into perspective. I had done what I’d had to do. What anyone else would have done. I didn’t like it, but I wasn’t going to blame myself. I was going to do my best to move on.
“I’m okay,” I said. “I’m sure there will be bad days ahead but getting through today, the distractions, they really helped.”
“Good.” His free hand reached out and tipped up the brim of my baseball hat. He’d been doing that all day, grinning each time. “My hat looks better on you than it does on me.”
“I beg to differ.” He looked sexy as hell in his old hat but he’d given it to me to wear today because I hadn’t had any sunglasses. Henry had packed me a few things while I’d been sobbing in Beau’s arms last night but he’d stuck to the bare essentials.
“I like your hair,” Beau said. “It looks good lighter.”
“Thanks. My stylist nearly fainted at my first appointment after coming back. She was distraught at my split ends and wanted to cut off six inches but I told her all she could do was a trim because I’d made a deal never to cut my hair.”
He smiled. “Damn straight.”
I looked to the side and saw our reflection in a store window. Even in the dim evening light, I could see huge bags under my eyes. “Ugh,” I groaned.
“What?”
“It’s a good thing I’ve got this hat on. I look horrible. I probably scared the children at the Space Needle today.”
“Hey,” Beau said, bumping my shoulder with his arm. “Don’t be talking about my Shortcake like that. She’s always beautiful. Even after being forced to use an outhouse.”
I laughed. “I don’t know what was worse. Hovering over that hole or knowing that you could hear me pee.”
He laughed too and let go of my hand to toss his arm around my shoulders. I leaned into his side and wrapped my arms around his waist.
“I missed you, Beau.”
He kissed my hat-covered head. “You too.”
By the time we got back to the hotel, I was wiped out. Beau opened the glass doors and let me inside first, waving to the agent that had been following us all day.
The man Henry had assigned to us wasn’t anyone I recognized but I could tell he had experience. He had been so discreet that I’d forgotten he was even with us. The only time I’d noticed he was close was when he’d silently communicated something with Beau.
My phone rang at the same time Beau flipped the lock closed in our room. It had been ringing nonstop all day so Beau and I had made a game of guessing who the caller was each time. Without looking at the screen, I said, “I’m guessing Felicity.”
He shook his head. “Dalton.”
I flipped the screen up. Beau was the winner. Again. “Hi,” I answered. I should have guessed the call was from Henry. His agent had probably reported we were no longer on the loose.
“Are you back at the hotel for the night?” He sounded exhausted.
“Yes.”
“Good. Your apartment is clean and you can go home tomorrow. You’ve got new locks since Mitchell busted in the old ones. Your doorman has your new keys.”
“Okay. Thank you for taking care of that.”
“No problem. How are you?”
I looked at Beau, sitting on the edge of the bed kicking off his shoes. His soft smile was aimed my way. “I’m okay. Good night, Henry.”
“Good night, Sabrina.”
I tossed my phone on the bed next to Beau. “Henry says I can go home tomorrow. Will you go wi
th me?”
“Try to keep me away.”
I smiled and plopped down next to him. I wasn’t sure how it would feel going back to my apartment. That place was starting to have more bad memories than good.
“One day at a time,” Beau said, reading my thoughts.
One day at a time.
Taking a deep breath, I turned the key in the lock. Bleach and air freshener assaulted my nose as the door swung open to reveal the bright afternoon sun beaming through my living room windows. Beau’s hand rested on the small of my back. He stayed glued to my side with each step into my apartment.
I had told him at lunch that I wanted to rip off the Band-Aid. To waltz right into my apartment and walk directly to the spot where I had killed Anton. There wasn’t much waltzing with my heavy footsteps but they took me right to the spot.
On my left was a bouquet of flowers someone had left on the island. It rested in the exact place where Anton’s gun had been. On the right, someone had turned my staring chair around so it no longer faced the windows. And at my feet was a clean and polished floor. All traces of Anton had been erased.
Once I blocked him from my memories, he’d be gone forever.
“Okay?” Beau asked.
“Would it be strange to say yes?” I’d thought it would be scary and emotional to come back in here but it just felt like . . . nothing. I looked up into Beau’s eyes. “I think I let it all out the other night.”
His hand cupped my jaw. “I think you did too.”
I wished there had been another way but it didn’t change the facts. Anton was gone and he wouldn’t be coming after me again.
For the first time in over a year, I was truly safe to live my life.
I was free of Anton.
And Beau could be free of me. Of my hassle.
A decision cemented itself firmly in my head. It was going to destroy me, but I had to send Beau home.
Beau would always be rescuing someone or something; it just wouldn’t be me anymore. I had to release him from my burdens. All I had to give him for his troubles was my heart but he would have it all until the day I died.
I stepped into his space and wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my ear against his heart. I couldn’t say what I needed to say if I was looking into his eyes.