“Why did you lie to me? If I hadn’t have found that.” He pointed to the test strip. “I wouldn’t know now. Were you ever going to tell me?”
Natasha’s reaction to his question set him back on his heels. She gave him a bitter sounding laugh. A laugh he never thought he’d hear from her and the look she gave him cut deep. “You dare to ask me why I didn’t tell you? You made it perfectly clear you don’t want to be a father. I was so scared you’d force me to have an abortion and I’m sorry if that pisses you off, but I want this baby and I’m not destroying this child because you don’t want it. I’d never thought about becoming a Mother any time soon, but now I’m pregnant, there is no way in hell I’m giving this child up. I don’t need you in my baby’s life Eric. I will not make any financial demands on you. I have money of my own and I’m quite happy to put father unknown on the birth certificate.”
Her harsh words filled with so much contempt for him ripped him open again emotionally and he struggled not to let the pain he was feeling register on his face. He couldn’t help recoiling in horror though at her low opinion of him. Despite his earlier fears he’d expressed, did she really think he would force her to have an abortion? If the look on her face was any indication, then yes she did.
“You think I would force you to have an abortion? Why do you think I’m such a monster Natasha? I know I won’t make a good father. Just because I’m not cut out to be a father doesn’t mean I’d demand you get rid of the baby.” He began to pace restlessly around the room as he struggled with his emotions.
“Why are you so convinced you would be such a terrible Father?” Her eyes followed him as he paced.
He stopped to face her, his expression tormented. “I just know, ok?” He knew this was his chance to open up to her about his past but although the words hovered on the tip of his tongue, he just couldn’t seem to open up and talk to her.
“That doesn’t answer my question Eric. You have to have a reason why you’re so convinced that you would take out Terrible Father of the Year award.”
He opened up his mouth trying to finally tell her, but he couldn’t. He froze, fear of what she would say and how she would look at him if she knew the truth kept him silent.
“Just go home Eric. We have nothing more to discuss.” Natasha’s voice sounded weary and resigned. He knew he’d failed her by not giving her a reason but he’d never told anyone about his past and although the truth might have given her a sense of understanding of him, he couldn’t tell her.
One thing he knew for sure though was she wasn’t going to just dismiss him the way she was. “Dammit Natasha, you’re not pushing me out that fucking door. Fuck it, fuck it. Why did everything have to become such a fucking mess? This was never meant to happen. It was a huge mistake. Everything was a fucking mistake.” The words tumbled from his lips as the pain of their fight, the pain of her leaving him and now the fear that he was about to lose her forever tore at him.
“I’m so sorry Eric that everything in your life has gone to shit. I’m sorry that our time away was a huge fucking mistake to you and I’m really sorry that I’m now carrying your child which you don’t want but I’m tired. I want to go to bed, so go home!” Suddenly Natasha was yelling at him and Eric stared at her in confusion.
Why on earth was she tearing into him now? Fuck it, no, she was twisting his words, that wasn’t what he’d meant at all. He was so fucked up right now, everything was so fucked up and he didn’t know how to fix it. They were spiralling out of control and he’d never been in this situation with a woman before, he didn’t know what to do to make it right.
“Dammit Natasha, you’re twisting this all around. I never said that.” He walked over to her. “Our time away was amazing, you were amazing. I couldn’t get enough of you. I still can’t. I still want you so damned much.” He groaned and reached for her, but she pulled away from him.
Eric’s arms fell back to his side and he closed his eyes tight for a moment as the pain of her rejection lanced through him. At her next words, he flinched, unable to protect himself anymore against the hurt she could inflict on him. “Don’t you dare touch me Eric. It’s over between us and you know it. Everything has changed. I’m not here for your amusement. I’m pregnant with a baby you don’t want and since this baby and I are a package deal there is no one without the other. Plus that wasn’t some fucking attempt to trap you or something. I don’t need you, your baby doesn’t need you, so go home!” She spat at him vehemently.
Fuck it no. He had to give it one more try to get her back. Sex, the sex was always amazing between them. If he could just kiss her and touch her she’d have to remember what it was like, she’d have to want him back then. He reached out and pulled her against him. “Don’t just dismiss me like I’m nothing. Maybe I need to remind you what it can be like between us.”
His lips closed over hers, crushing her lips against her teeth as arousal surged through his body. He forced his tongue past her lips, his assault on her mouth rough until he tasted her blood and with a groan he eased off, gently nibbling along her bottom lip. Natasha didn’t respond and Eric’s frustration grew. He had to make her feel again. Their desire was normally explosive, if he tried harder, pushed more, she would respond, he was sure of it.
He moved his hands to her breasts cupping them and squeezing them until he heard her gasp. His cock pushed urgently against his jeans and he ground his erection into her stomach, suddenly desperate for her. Still she stood there unresponsive and he groaned grinding himself more forcefully against her, his hands crushing her breasts. He knew he was being rough, but he couldn’t make himself calm down. His need for her was too great.
Natasha started to struggle and her struggles only excited him more. He backed her up until she hit the wall and he began to thrust against her, his cock hard and pressing painfully against his fly. He reached down to rip the button open on her jeans, hastily opened the zip on them and slipped his hand inside to touch his fingers to her clit. She twitched slightly but still she wouldn’t respond to his caress. Fuck her she was being so damned stubborn. He was going to make her feel again, he knew he could, he just had to keep working on her until he broke down the walls she’d erected.
His lips closed over hers again and she responded by biting down hard on his lip drawing blood. He grunted with the pain but all it did was excite him even more. He pulled her jeans down over her hips, sliding them down her legs and ripped them the rest of the way off. He was in too much of a hurry to worry with her panties and simply tore the fabric until they fell apart and he tossed them aside.
He pushed a leg between hers forcing hers apart and bent his knees enough to lower himself to her height and with one hard thrust he drove his cock deep into her body. It was a shock to meet some slight resistance when he discovered she wasn’t as wet as she normally was, but all coherent thought had left Eric, he had no time for gentleness, he was controlled by basic animal instincts and began to thrust into her over and over again, desperate for his release.
Vaguely he heard Natasha cry out but he was too consumed by his own need to slow down and he slammed into her completely out of control, grunting from his exertions, his mouth pressed against her neck, his breathing rasping hot and heavy dampening her skin.
He felt her starting to get wet and her hands came up to his shoulders but he was too far gone to take the time to make things good for her now. With a couple more hard thrusts, he came, pumping his hot seed into her, over and over again, his cock jerking with every spurt. When he was finally finished, his legs were shaking and he sagged against her breathing hard.
Just when his breathing started to slow, Natasha pushed against his shoulders and reluctantly he pulled out of her, his cum immediately flowing from her and running down her legs. When he looked into her eyes, his blood froze in his veins. The look she gave him was filled with a mix of contempt and pure hatred. The enormity of what he’d just done started t
o sink in. Fuck, fuck, he’d royally just fucked up. He couldn’t believe he’d done that to her. He’d acted like an animal with no regard for her, with no concern for her feelings. He’d taken her violently and selfishly. He closed his eyes against the look in hers as she stood there silently, unmoving, just giving him that look that was turning his body to stone as he looked at her.
“Baby, I’m sorry. Dammit Natasha, I’m sorry but you’re driving me crazy. I can’t get enough of you. You’re like a drug to me. I’m sorry I was so rough but you just make me loose all self control. I had to have you.” He tried to tell her although he knew there wasn’t anything he could say that would justify the way he’d just treated her.
Still she continued to look at him before finally in a voice that was low and filled with venom. “Get dressed and get out.”
He stared into her eyes again, looking for a sign that he could fix this, that there was hope for them, that she might forgive him, but there was nothing but that look of disgust which ripped him apart to know that he was the one that had put that look in her eyes. He’d fucked up and he’d fucked up big time. She was never going to take him back now, he could see it in her eyes.
Slowly feeling like a condemned man, he pulled up his jeans, trying to ignore the sight of his cum running down her legs, her swollen and bleeding bottom lip and met her eyes again.
“How dare you Eric. How dare you force yourself on me. You had no regard for me or my child. What if you did something that would make me lose it?” She gave a sudden short burst of laughter, but the sound of it made him flinch. “What am I saying? You wouldn’t give a shit if I lost the baby. That would solve all your problems wouldn’t it Eric?” She pointed to the door, her expression hard. “Now get out of my home. I resign from my job, effective immediately and fuck off out of my life. I don’t want to see you ever again.”
At her words, shock nearly made him stagger back from the sheer enormity of what she was saying before he blushed when she stood there with her body marked by his rough possession of it and shame filled him. He couldn’t believe what he’d done to her. He reached out to try and beg for her forgiveness but the look in her eyes stopped him and his hand fell back to his side.
Tears burned at the back of his eyes and his teeth were clenched so hard his jaw ached as he fought not to collapse at her feet begging for not to push him away. He couldn’t stand the thought of her rejecting him. He finally opened his eyes, unable to stop the sheen of tears in them before he whispered. “I’m sorry baby.” He lowered his head since it hurt too much to see the look in her eyes a moment longer and turned, opening her front door and walked out, closing it quietly behind him.
CHAPTER 16
Somehow in a haze of almost crippling pain Eric made it back to his car and collapsed into the driver’s seat. He couldn’t do anything but sit there, tears blinding him as the reality of what he’d done hit home. Fuck he’d gone about as close to raping Natasha as he could go. As long as he lived, he’d never be able to shake the image from his head of her face when she’d told him to go and never return.
The more the image burned its way into his brain, the harder and faster his tears fell. Fuck but he hadn’t cried like this since he was a kid. Why did he put himself in this position in the first place? He’d never gone after women like her. He’d always chosen cold, heartless women who were good for meeting his sexual needs and that was all. He should have known to get involved with Natasha was risky, that he could end up being hurt and the pain crippling his body was the most agonising pain he’d ever experienced, even more so than when he was a child. It was like losing Natasha had been the catalyst for his complete emotional breakdown and he couldn’t see any way of getting himself out of this situation now.
She was carrying his child, but not even that was enough for him to insert himself into her life. She wanted nothing to do with him, she didn’t want him to play any part in their child’s life and the more he thought about it, the longer he sat there with his mind dwelling on it, the thinner the final thread of his self control became and he dropped his head on his hands that gripped the steering wheel and gave into the racking sobs that claimed him. His tears fell until his throat felt raw and his head pounded.
Finally he got himself together again and swatted at his face to wipe away his tears. He was turning into such a fucking pussy. One woman had the power to turn him into an emotional basket case but despite that, he wanted her more than anything he’d ever wanted in his life. He needed to get home and regroup and try and figure out how the hell he was going to fix this. He might have fucked up the chances of a relationship with Natasha but he’d be fucked if she was going to dismiss him from his child’s life.
He started the Porsche and pulled away from the kerb to head for home. “I’ll be back.” He whispered as he glanced back towards her townhouse. He’d give her a few days to settle down before he tried to see her again. Maybe if she had some time without him, she might change her mind, maybe. The more he thought about it as he drove the more convinced he became that she couldn’t have spent the week with him, giving her body to him over and over again, hell, giving him her virginity without feeling something for him, if only just a tiny bit of affection. She might never love him like he loved her, but he needed to somehow make himself a part of her life so he could be a part of his child’s life too. He had to keep telling himself that and not give up. He wouldn’t allow himself to think about what it would do to him if he couldn’t win her back.
For fuck sakes, he had started his own business and was successful and he’d done it with sheer determination, never backing down no matter how challenging it got and a little bit of luck helped too. If he applied the same theories to Natasha, surely he could slowly make himself a vital part of her life? All he knew was he had to try because facing a life without her was too painful for him to contemplate.
With his mind set on working out how he was going to worm his way back into her life, he pushed the Porsche as fast as he could to get back home so he could start hatching a plan on how he was going to get his girl back. It would give him something to focus on so he didn’t spend all his time reliving this awful day and in particular his treatment of Natasha and the look in her eyes when she’d told him to leave. Just thinking about it made him shudder. He was going to treat her like his latest business acquisition and in business, he never gave up so he couldn’t give up trying to get her back in his life. For the sake of his heart and sanity, failure was not an option.
* * *
Five days, five long torturous days Eric stayed away from Natasha. He never rang her although he went so far as to dial her number but hung up again before it started ringing. He so badly wanted to drive to her home, but he stopped himself. He had to give her time to settle down, perhaps think he really was gone from her life for good and hopefully she might even miss him a little. He didn’t want to think about her last words to him, deciding instead to just put them down to her lashing out to hurt him as he had hurt her.
He managed to keep himself distracted from constantly thinking about her by going back to work. Without her by his side in the office, it just wasn’t the same, but he was still occupied with talks to Steve Anderson in his New York offices regarding the acquisition of the Stanthorpe Corporation. They spent hours in negotiation via Skype with Ian Stanthorpe the CEO of the company that was failing miserably and after three days a deal was struck and Stanthorpe Corporation was his. All this helped to distract him from tearing himself apart emotionally over Natasha and not being able to see her. Five days without her was long enough though. It was time to make his move.
He couldn’t believe his luck when he finally worked up the courage to drive to her townhouse and he’d just parked his car when he saw her garage door opening. As he walked across the road he realised this was his chance. Breaking into a run he got to the door just as it had rolled up high enough to let him in, but not high enough for Natasha
to back her car out yet. He found himself even luckier when he realised she wasn’t in her car yet, she was rummaging in her hand bag for something.
As she climbed into the driver’s seat, he hurried down the side of her car, opened the passenger door and jumped inside before she could start backing her car out of the garage. She jumped when she saw him, her expression filled with shock before it turned to anger. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? You scared me half to death. What do you want?”
Eric hated to see the anger flashing in those gorgeous eyes of hers, but he’d take that over the hatred and contempt he’d seen five days ago. “I had to see you Natasha. I needed to know you were ok.” He said, his eyes moving over her noticing that she looked as bad as he did. She was still stunningly beautiful to him, she always would be, but she looked pale and there were dark shadows under her eyes as if she hadn’t been sleeping well and he hoped it was because she’d missed him as much as he had missed her. “Where are you going?”
She sighed, slumping in her seat as she stared at him. “What do you want Eric? Why are you here? I would have thought after the last time I saw you that you would be out of my life now or have you come to rape me again?” Her voice was laced with sarcasm and he flinched at her harsh words, guilt over how he’d treated her causing his stomach to roll nauseously.
“Please Natasha, don’t use that word. I’m sorry, fuck you have no idea how sorry I am. I haven’t been able to sleep, I can’t eat. I feel like shit.” He raised tortured blue eyes to hers.
“That’s good Eric, you deserve to feel like shit. You treated me like shit, your entire behaviour has been shit. You act like the injured party here but I’m the one who is pregnant, I’m the one whose life is going to change, not yours. You don’t want this baby, you’ve made that perfectly clear so why don’t you just go away and get on with your life and I’ll get on with mine. Go find yourself the next woman to warm your bed.”
Taming Eric Page 34