Peter knew my tendency to be stingy with myself. I was scared to dream again, to an extent. I wasn’t sure his plans for me would work. I had stopped planting. I was dancing more. But I wished he was still with us. I missed him. What did Peter mean by “continue what I started”? The family?
“Guess when I got his letter?” Claus approached me with slow steps.
Over his shoulder, I saw Gabriel sliding with the knight again. “When?” My voice came out hoarse.
“When I started going to that American church in Wiesbaden.”
“Calvary Baptist Church?”
He nodded.
“When was that?”
“About a year and a half ago.”
That last visit to Fantasy in Lights. “How did you end up at that church?”
“The guy who fixed your car invited me.”
“Must have been a killer pitch.”
He shook his head. “It was pretty awkward, actually.” He looked down. “There’d been enough coincidences, though. I had to go check it out.”
“Was that old tract still on your corkboard, where I’d put it?”
“Yeah.” He chuckled. “It was.”
“That’s funny.”
“Going there made me feel close to you, somehow, so I became a member and attended regularly. It’s been good.”
“Calvary’s been good for me too.”
He looked puzzled.
“Remember the lady from the Catholic church in Prague?”
“The one who gave you the little green Bible?”
“Her son is my pastor here.”
“Really?”
My head bobbed. “He’s good. His wife’s become a dear friend. She’s helping me with my walk.”
“That’s an amazing story. You had to leave Georgia, move to Germany, and travel to Prague to learn about a church back in Georgia where you’d one day grow. Hmm.” His royal blue eyes gleamed.
Oh, I’d missed those eyes.
He reached for the letter, folded it, and put it back in his pocket. “I realize now that if you try to make things happen your own way, somewhere down the line, there will be trouble.” He caressed my hands. “I’m sorry, Ana. I really am.”
“I know.”
“I finally let go of my dreams of a life with you. It was hard, but I did it. And then God brought me here, and I have a chance to be with you—on His terms.” Claus kissed my fingertips. “Now I know we can be happy.”
“It’s hard to let go…”
“I hope I can help.”
“You already have.”
I knew I was blushing, but I didn’t care. Is he blushing too?
He looked away with a smile. “I see you’re growing your own sunflowers now.” He’d noticed the small patch just beyond the porch.
“Trying.” I shrugged, looking at the twelve plants that were growing strong for early spring. “Your seeds. Remember?”
He cradled my hand and closed his eyes. We embraced and rocked to the slow sounds of the wind chime. I put my cheek on his shoulder and felt the softness of the white cashmere.
Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for putting Claus back in my arms. Now here it comes. This morning I didn’t feel ready, but now I am. I’m sorry for being angry and for thinking your gift was insufficient. Obviously, being a prima ballerina or dancing at the Met is not your will for my life. I’d already let go with my mind, and now I’m letting go with my heart. I’m letting go of my old dreams and making room for You to plant Yours. Guide my steps, Father. In Jesus’ precious name I pray. Amen.
A wind gust made the wind chime play forte.
“Sweet Hour of Prayer?” Claus whispered.
I nodded. I love you, Lord.
Chapter 29
June 21, 2014
Claus and I were celebrating our second wedding anniversary at home while Gabriel and Emma, our baby girl, spent the weekend with my parents. We would pick them up Sunday before church.
We finished our Saturday rehearsals early and spent the rest of that first day of summer on the lake. Claus cooked a German barbecue on a Mosel-made swinging grill I’d found online, and I cooked my favorite white asparagus with melted butter, roasted potatoes, and a side of fragrant homegrown strawberries.
I was cleaning the kitchen and listening to the iPod shuffle Claus had loaded with ninety-nine beautiful songs. He’d attached the iPod, along with a note, to a gorgeous bouquet of red roses and white ballerina freesias.
LOADED. BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO STOP TO DO MUNDANE THINGS LIKE PUTTING SONGS ON AN IPOD. YOU KEEP ON MOVING, DARLING GIRL, AND I WILL ALWAYS KEEP ON WATCHING YOU. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.
He’d wanted to take me to New York to celebrate. The American Ballet Theatre was dancing Le Corsaire at the Met, and one of the ABT soloists was a friend, so he knew he could get me on stage after the performance.
But I’d been busy with Les Sylphides rehearsals in LaGrange, and some quiet time at home was a much better treat. I’d become a studio owner soon after dancing Paquita with Claus, when Mrs. B. died, leaving the school and the company to me.
Claus was busy too. He was dancing Les Sylphides with me in two weeks, and he was dancing Swan Lake in Atlanta. He was also choreographing there, and some of his work was being featured in the repertoire of major companies in the U.S. and in Europe.
In October we would dance something new he was choreographing for us, but we wouldn’t start rehearsing it until after our summer program at Camp Dream. I had a feeling the new ballet would have to wait even longer, though. I was eleven days late.
“There, the kitchen is clean,” I whispered, scanning the area. I leaned against the counter for one more breath of the sweet citrus scent of the delicate freesias and the warm roses.
Gabriel’s castle set was on the kitchen table, but he’d left it neat. He loved to put on elaborate plays for Emma, who always watched from the comfort of her highchair while eating quartered grapes of every color and size. He’d left the prince and the princess side by side on the steps of the tower. I moved the toy knight and his horse from the cannon position to the castle gate, put my iPod down, and turned off the kitchen lights.
The first notes of Prokofiev’s balcony scene drifted toward me from the living room stereo system.
I’d reread Romeo and Juliet while staging it for the company. The star-crossed lovers did kiss during the masquerade ball, but I was surprised to learn there was no kiss in Shakespeare’s balcony scene. That moment was simply a well-liked choice in both theater and ballet—one people had come to expect.
How had I missed that the first time I’d read it? A choice. Six years ago I’d made a bad one on Juliet’s balcony. A wave of guilt hurt my heart—the old boa constrictor squeezed me tight. Their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more. My lungs filled up to capacity against the sensation.
Claus saw me walk into the living room and reached for my hand. “Dance with me, Ana.”
My lips stretched, and my heart beat loud and strong. I reached back, and his arms enveloped me in his tender embrace. We slow danced in the peace of the darkened house, lit only by the full moon above the lake and the sequoias.
A scent of violet surprised me—it was the perfume he’d used in Prague, and I was immediately transported to the Natal. His lips touched mine, and mine parted against them. Prokofiev’s lyrical music filled the night. He’d once said, “There are still so many beautiful things to be said in C major.” How so very true.
“Ich liebe dich,” Claus whispered in my ear.
“Ich dich auch.” I felt his heartbeat against mine and closed my eyes. Happy anniversary.
Epilogue
THE METROPOLITAN OPERA HOUSE, NEW YORK
TWO YEARS LATER
DANCE TIMES
NEW YORK GAVE THE RHINE-MAIN BALLET AN ENTHUSIASTIC WELCOME AS THE COMPANY CELEBRATED THE ART OF GERMAN DANCER CLAUS VOGEL GERT IN TWELVE WORKS, SIX CLASSICS THAT MADE HIM FAMOUS AND SIX PIECES THAT HE CHOREOGRAPHED.
&
nbsp; MR. GERT, WHO IS A PRINCIPAL IN THE ATLANTA BALLET, WAS CONSISTENT AT ALL TIMES, AND HIS STAMINA IS IMPRESSIVE FOR A DANCER WHO’S BEEN A PROFESSIONAL FOR TWENTY YEARS. HIS THEME AND VARIATIONS WAS IMPECCABLE, AND IN THE PAS DE DEUX FOR LES CORSAIRE, HE FINISHED PIROUETTES IN BALANCE, JUMPED HIGH, AND LANDED EFFORTLESSLY.
AS A CHOREOGRAPHER, HE IS KNOWN FOR FOCUSING ON ARTISTIC AND LYRICAL QUALITIES, WITH MANY OF HIS WORKS PROMINENTLY FEATURED IN THE REPERTOIRE OF MAJOR BALLET COMPANIES IN THE WORLD.
THE MUCH-ANTICIPATED PREMIERE OF PRAHA, A CELEBRATION OF LOVE SET TO THE LARGO MOVEMENT OF DVOŘÁK’S “NEW WORLD SYMPHONY,” WAS FLAWLESS, FLUID, AND WELL WORTH THE EIGHT-YEAR WAIT. THE PIECE WAS THE FIRST MR. GERT EVER CREATED, AND WATCHING HIM DANCE IT WITH HIS WIFE, ANA, THE BALLERINA HE CALLS “HIS CONSTANT SOURCE OF INSPIRATION,” WAS A SPECIAL DELIGHT.
THEY ALSO DANCED A FANTASTIC ROMEO AND JULIET BALCONY SCENE PAS DE DEUX THAT LEFT ME WANTING TO SEE THEM IN THE FULL-LENGTH BALLET. THE JOY THEY SHARE IS PALPABLE AND CHARMING, AND THE AUDIENCE REACTED WITH SHOUTS OF “BRAVO” NORMALLY RESERVED FOR MORE ACROBATIC PERFORMANCES.
“SWEET HOUR OF PRAYER,” SET TO A GORGEOUS INSTRUMENTAL VERSION OF THE TRADITIONAL HYMN, CLOSED THE EVENING. THE PIECE REMINDED ME OF SUNDAY MORNING CHURCH WITH MY PARENTS IN RURAL WEST VIRGINIA—A TIME WHEN THE SOUL FELT MORE COMPLETE AND AT HOME. THAT WAS MY MOTHER’s FAVORITE HYMN, AND I COULD ALMOST HEAR HER SINGING. WHEN MR. GERT PUT HIS ARM AROUND HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO BOWED DOWN, I PRAYED TOO.
AFTER NEW YORK, THEY PERFORM THIS PROGRAM WITH THE RHINE-MAIN BALLET AT LE PALAIS GARNIER IN PARIS, THE LONDON COLISEUM, AND THE CZECH NATIONAL THEATRE IN PRAGUE. THEY WILL FINISH THE EUROPEAN TOUR WITH TWO PERFORMANCES IN WIESBADEN BEFORE RETURNING HOME TO GEORGIA, WHERE THE COUPLE TEACHES CHILDREN WITH DISABILITIES AND WHERE MRS. GERT OWNS A STUDIO, COMPLETE WITH A YOUTH BALLET COMPANY.
—THE END—
Author Note
I didn’t grow up in a Christian home, but for most of my life I believed there had to be some kind of god out there and that being a good person was important. But in 2012, tired and lonely, I decided the notion of a loving god was absurd. There was no loving god, if there was a god at all.
Self-gratification became the chief end of my existence, and I looked behind every door for happiness and satisfaction. I didn’t find anything worth keeping though, and at the end of every new pursuit, I was still tired and lonely—and this time surrounded by a darkness and a hopelessness that was brand new and incredibly scary.
Then Jesus passed by, and where I saw the end, He saw the beginning. He fought for me, lifted me out of what had quickly become a murky and joyless existence, and brought me into His perfect light. I was born again in January of 2013, during the writing of this novel. For more on that, check out “A Season to Dance: the Book that Wrote Me.”
I share that with you here to tell you that if you don’t know Jesus as your personal Savior, He’s fighting for you right now—or you wouldn’t be reading this book. He’s fighting for you just like He fought for me and for Ana. He’s passing by. “Behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation,” (2 Corinthians 6:2).
Jesus was in such agony as the day of His crucifixion approached that He sweat blood. He knew His death would be brutal and dreaded it, but He endured it anyway. He suffered because He didn’t want you to. That’s His gift to you. Will you take it?
If you believe that Jesus died for your sins and that God raised Him from the dead—victor over sin and death, say so in prayer like Ana did and like millions of people around the world have been doing for almost 2,000 years now. Ask him into your life and into your heart. “For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved,” (Romans 10:13).
“Dear Father, I know I am a sinner, lost and condemned for hell. But Christ Jesus the Lord died for my sins and rose again. And right now by faith, I receive Jesus Christ into my heart as my Savior, trusting in Him alone for the forgiveness of my sins and eternal life. Thank you for saving me; thank you for making me your child; thank you for giving me a home in heaven. Now help me live for you from this day forward. Amen.”
I’ve been praying for you, the readers of this novel, for years and will continue to do so.
If you’ve been blessed by this book, please consider writing a review on Amazon and/or Goodreads to help other people find it. The reviews I write are often one sentence long—two on occasion. The length doesn’t matter, the number of opinions does.
Thank you so much for spending time with my words. I would love to hear from you!
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Reading Group Guide
Please enjoy this reading guide as if you are sitting down with Patricia Beal. She has specifically crafted this discussion guide in such a way as to fully share her heart and delve deeply into the many layers of this story with you, treasured reader.
1. Early in the story, a young man named Josh rescues Ana from the top of the theater’s marquee and places her safely on the ground. That’s the story’s first salvation. The Hebrew meaning of Joshua is “Jehovah is my salvation.” Joshua is also the original Hebrew form of the Greek name Jesus.
What were the other small rescues before Ana’s conversion? How was God’s hand visible in the lives of Peter, Claus, Ana, Lorie, and others early in the story?
2. Ana said that Peter was her rock, that as a young woman with Claus she’d felt like “the worthiest person on the planet because of his love.” She also said dancing at the Met was an attainable goal—her “holy grail.” She tries to fill the God-shaped hole of her heart with Peter and Claus, with ballet and the Met, but ultimately realizes that a relationship with God is the only way to live a fulfilling life. If she had been a better dancer or if there’d been less ups and downs in her romantic life, could she have found enough happiness to not notice God’s pursuit of her?
Was there a time in your life in which you tried to fill the God-shaped hole of the heart with misguided romantic and professional pursuits?
3. Two men with very different personalities are significant to Ana’s journey. Ana said that with Claus she felt like she had to always be doing something to feel good about herself and that with Peter she was more relaxed and happy to “just be.”
Who did you like best—Peter or Claus? Why?
4. Every person Ana meets on her journey to Jesus has a first name that starts with “J”—Jill, Josh, Ms. Jiménez, John, Jakob, Jack, Judah, Dr. Joel, Jackie, Frau Jutta Jöllenbeck, Jovana, Jacqueline—and Ana was Juliet.
That happened to me when I was journeying to Jesus. It’s as if He were jumping up and down, waving, and saying, “Me! I’m still the answer.”
Has something like that ever happened to you?
5. Luci’s name is a different story. It’s short for Lucifer, because he used her to put destructive ideas in Ana’s head—ideas that resulted in Ana and Claus sleeping together before they were married. Ana went from being content with being in separate rooms, to taking the initiative to sleep together when in Prague—a decision that she regretted in the morning on the bridge.
What was going through her mind on that bridge? What troubles was she able to recognize? What things did you come to realize first that Ana didn’t yet understand?
6. After the bridge scene we have the rainy day at the Prague church. Ana arrives by cab under dark skies, unsure of everything and somewhat fearful. She leaves with a map (a Bible!) and a timid sun trying to shine through the thinning clouds, and she begins to walk in the direction of the river.
How is this a turning point for Ana in the story?
7. What is the role of purity—or lack thereof—in the novel? Early on when Ana and Claus first talk, she asks him if things would have been different had they not slept together in their youth. What
do you think? Would he have ended up in Germany with Hanna either way as he tells her?
8. Ana’s relationship with Peter provides pivotal changes in A Season to Dance. Their relationship, already challenged by Ana’s relationship with Claus, is challenged once again by his diagnosis with Huntington’s disease.
Where does Peter fit into God’s plan? Was Peter and Ana’s relationship a blessing in the end even though there was pain at first? How was he blessed in life? How about his death? Are you as convinced as Ana that his death was accidental?
9. How about Claus and his journey? He makes big mistakes, sets Ana up, and lies about it. Does he learn important lessons and mature? How so?
10. Ana is incredibly close with her dog, Barysh, much as many of us are with our pets. I wrote Barysh with a bleeding heart, as I was in the process of losing my very first dog in the same manner—a female boxer named Kyllian. She too had been left behind when her first family went to Germany, so when my husband and I went to Germany, we took her.
In real life, after a one-year struggle in which she lost thirty pounds of muscle, I had to ask the vet to put her down four months before my husband came back from a deployment. No amount of wishing for a natural death made it happen. In my novel, I gave Barysh the death I wish Kyllian had had. For Barysh death came “gentle and comforting, like a warm moonlit night bringing quiet peace.”
How do you feel about Barysh’s journey, his trip to Germany, and burial by the Rhine? Did Barysh enrich Ana’s journey and the novel? How so?
11. Ana has a loving relationship with her parents, but situations often become contentious with her mother. Early in the story she says she hates when her mom is right and there are some tense conversations between the two.
Have you ever experienced something similar? When Ana discovers Claus had indeed lied, she thinks her mom will say “I told you so,” but she doesn’t. Do you think she wanted to say it but chose not to? Did that conversation change their relationship? How so?
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