‘The drugs don’t affect anything.’ Natasha said defensively. ‘I only take them sometimes – when I feel the need to escape for a while. And it’s only pot.’
‘Yes, but we’ve talked about this,’ Amanda said gently. ‘Some people can get away with dabbling in drugs with no long-term affects; others can’t. I’m not being judgmental Natasha, but we already know that you fall into that second category. I think I’m right in saying that the fact you took drugs was partly responsible for you being sectioned a couple of years ago?’
Natasha didn’t answer.
Amanda flipped through her notes. ‘At our last session, you said you were going to try to stop the drugs. How have you got on with that?’
‘Look – it’s not that easy okay? And I thought about going to the GP like you said, but if I do that, I’ll probably end up on some sort of Watch register. What if they took Katie away from me? Adam would never forgive me and then our marriage really would be over.’
She could feel the therapist’s eyes on her hands where they plucked agitatedly in her lap, and she made a concentrated effort to still them.
‘Natasha, I think you’d benefit from getting some professional medical help,’ Amanda said quietly. ‘If not from your GP, then maybe from the doctors at the hospital? They already know your case and–’
‘I don’t need help. I can stop on my own.’
‘But you’ve been trying for a while and it’s not happening, is it? I know it’s hard but if you had someone you could turn to?’
‘It wouldn’t make any difference. You don’t know what it’s like being me. Sometimes I need to escape.’
She wrung her hands wretchedly. ‘I have such horrible dreams,’ she whispered. ‘And when I’m on my own my head just fills with all sorts of dreadful thoughts and I can’t control them.’
‘What sort of thoughts?’
Natasha didn’t answer and after a moment Amanda said gently. ‘Surely you can see that taking drugs is only making things worse? You’ve told me how dark your moods get when you’re on them. It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help, you know.’
‘I don’t want to go back into hospital. I don’t need to. I know I’m not that bad.’
‘No one’s talking about putting you back into hospital. But I don’t feel these sessions with me are working. I think you need more specialised help than I can give you. What about the psychiatrist you’re under at the hospital? When’s your next appointment with him?
‘Next month.’
The therapist leaned forward in her chair. ‘Bring it forward,’ she said gently. ‘You’ve got a lot going on at the moment; it’s not surprising that it’s taking its toll. But from what you tell me you’ve got a good husband and a beautiful daughter – the sort of life most women would crave. Don’t you think it’s worth doing everything you can to hang on to that?’
Natasha’s eyes filled with tears but she brushed at them angrily. ‘It’s too late – I’ve lost it already. I knew that the day Adam moved out of my bedroom. I can’t fool him into believing I’m someone I’m not any longer. My father’s the only man that ever really loved me for the person I was – and that was a sick love, wasn’t it? What sort of man could say to his own daughter that she’s so beautiful he’d like her to have his child? And what sort of sick daughter would actually feel flattered by that?’
She grabbed a tissue from the box on the desk and stabbed at her eyes. Amanda’s regard was compassionate as she watched, but her manner was coolly professional. ‘Natasha, if you take one thing away from these sessions it’s that you mustn’t blame yourself for what your father did. You were a child. Adults have a way of manipulating their offspring that those children can’t even begin to understand. But you’re an adult yourself now and you have the option of either trying to deal with your past and move on, or let it cripple you forever. You took the first step, even if you didn’t realise it, by choosing a decent husband. Make the second step, putting everything you’ve got into making your marriage work and kicking your drug habit. And if you really can’t face going to your doctor for help then perhaps you could think about telling Adam? Trust him. Don’t shut him out. Let him help you.’
‘He’d just be disappointed in me,’ she said in a low voice. ‘He thinks I stopped the pot when I came out of hospital.’
‘I’m sure he’ll understand. He’s made an appointment to come and see me next week. If you like, I could broach it with him, have a chat about how best he can–’
‘No.’ Natasha scraped back her chair, ending the session. ‘I’ll think about it. But you mustn’t tell him anything. Not unless I say you can.’
***
‘Hannah, why don’t you go home early? Mondays are always quiet, and you’re not looking good, hon.’
Hannah looked at Jess over the length of material she was rolling up. ‘Sorry, I’ve been rubbish today I know.’
‘You’re thinking about the letter?’
Hannah nodded. ‘I can’t help it. It’s on my mind the whole time. I know it’s just going to be another hoax, but I can’t help thinking, what if it isn’t?’
‘What time’s your appointment with the police tomorrow?’
‘Nine-thirty.’
‘Well, don’t come in after that if you don’t feel like it. You’re doing me a favour and I’m grateful for whatever you can offer, but I don’t want to take advantage.’
‘Thanks, Jess.’
She didn’t deserve her friend, she knew that. She’d taken her support totally for granted these last six years and not once had Jess ever complained, or let her down.
She took a deep breath and said awkwardly. ‘You’ve been so great through everything. I don’t know how you’ve put up with me sometimes. I feel ashamed of myself. I know I don’t say it very often, but I couldn’t have managed without you. Our friendship means a lot to me.’
‘It means a lot to me too,’ Jess said, ‘you know that. Now, come on … get off early for a change and just remember I’m here if you want to talk about anything. I’m on tenterhooks as much as you are over all this. And give the school a ring about your job. I know for a fact that some of the mothers have started a petition against your suspension and that’s what you really need – to get back to doing the job you love.’
Hannah knew she was right. ‘Maybe I’ll drop round there now. I could pick Emma up for you at the same time if you like?’
‘You don’t need to do that.’
‘I know I don’t, but I love giving her a lift, you know I do.’
‘Well …’ Jess grinned. ‘Who am I kidding – that would be great. I could go to the supermarket on my way home.’
‘Take it as done then. I’ll need a bit of light relief after I’ve spoken to Miss Williams. Just pick her up from mine when you’re ready.’
She was doing the right thing telling the Inspector about the letter, Hannah told herself, as she shrugged into her coat and headed out to the car. Her mother was right, this might be the last chance the police got at taking a fresh look at everything, and it was only right they had all the facts.
***
‘I’m working on trying to get your situation resolved as quickly as possible,’ Miss Williams said, her eyes sympathetic. ‘I know how difficult it must be on top of everything else you’re going through. But these things can’t be rushed I’m afraid. There’s a due process that has to be gone through. I’m seeing the governors on Thursday and hopefully I’ll have some more news for you then. I’m sorry …’
‘‘They’re not going to change their minds, are they?’ Hannah said. ‘They won’t do anything that might involve putting their necks on the line.’
‘I’m on your side, Hannah. I promise I’ll do everything I can to fight your corner.’
But as Hannah headed home with Emma, she couldn’t help thinking about the cases she’d read in the papers where people had been suspended for months on end, years even.
‘Aunty Hannah?’
‘Ye
s, Sweetie?’ Hannah looked in the mirror at Emma’s frowning little face.
‘Why aren’t you at school anymore? We miss you.’
‘And I miss you too, darling.’
‘Sarah said it’s ‘cos you hurt your little girl. But I told her that was silly ‘cos you don’t have a little girl and you wouldn’t hurt anyone.’
Hannah smiled. ‘Thank you for saying that, Emma.’ She didn’t know how much to say – what, if anything, Jess had told her. ‘Has Mummy said anything to you about it?’
‘She said you used to have a baby but it went missing and you didn’t know what happened to her and that was very sad for you. That’s why you’re like another mummy to me.’
‘And she’s exactly right. I still miss my little girl, and that’s why I sometimes give you an extra big hug to make me feel better.’
‘I love you, Aunty Hannah.’
‘I love you too, Emma.’
‘Do my mummy and daddy love each other?’
Hannah looked at her in the mirror and smiled. ‘Of course they do. They love each other very much.’
‘They were cross this morning. Daddy said mummy’s getting too … too…’ she frowned, trying to remember the word. ‘Involved,’ she managed triumphantly. ‘I don’t like it when they’re cross.’
Hannah felt her heart dip. The last thing she wanted was to come between Jess and Fraser. ‘I’m sure it was nothing,’ she said. ‘Mummies and daddies argue all the time and it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. Now …’ her eyes twinkled as she firmly changed the subject. ‘A little fairy tells me it’s your birthday soon. What special things have you got on your list this year?’
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Tuesday morning, Adam woke early and stretched his uncomfortably aching limbs. If he was really planning staying in this room he’d need to do something about getting a more comfortable bed, which was something that wouldn’t go down well with Natasha. He frowned, knowing they couldn’t go on like this forever. They needed to resolve things one way or the other, but he didn’t seem to have the energy at the moment to instigate the discussion they needed to have. The decisions facing them both were massive, and the repercussions if they couldn’t sort themselves out were too devastating to get his head around.
He threw back the bedclothes. No. Cowardly though it may be, he wasn’t ready to face all that yet.
After showering, he woke Katie and put his head around Natasha’s door to see if she wanted any breakfast. She was still flat out, her luscious dark hair spilling over the pillow, her face for once relaxed in her sleep. It made her look younger; reminding him of how things used to be in the early days. Never perfect, but they’d had some good times together. Could they recapture anything of that? Was it still possible to try and save something from their marriage?
Downstairs in the kitchen he was deep in thought as he got the breakfast under way. On the radio, the presenter was saying there was a chance of snow but he didn’t really register her words. It was eight o’clock. Turning the volume down, he picked up the phone and dialled the mobile number they’d been given.
‘Inspector Murray?’
‘Yes.’
‘Adam Campbell here. Sorry to ring so early but I understand your sergeant dropped by yesterday and asked my wife about the DNA samples?’
‘That’s right, sir. We really need to move on with all this.’
There was a pause. ‘I’ve taken advice now. My solicitor tells me that although we can refuse to undergo testing at this stage, there really doesn’t seem much point. He did say though that once our records are on your database it can be difficult getting them off again?’
‘If the investigation gets solved we’d have no need to keep them and you can apply to have them removed. I’m sorry. It’s a hassle I know but that’s the way the law stands at the moment.’
‘And if it doesn’t?’
‘Then I’m afraid we’d want to keep your details on file. Certainly, for the foreseeable future.’
Adam made up his mind. ‘Okay. I’ve got a window of opportunity around ten o’clock this morning if that works? I’m a bit concerned, as I know my finger prints will be on some of the remains we found. Can they tell the difference between fresh and old DNA?’
‘I’m not sure how it works. But obviously we’d take into account the fact that we know you handled the bones. I’ll get someone to call you to confirm the time. Will your wife be coming with you?’
Adam hesitated. ‘She’s not too bright at the moment. Would it be possible for someone to come here and do it? Perhaps your Sergeant? She seems to feel quite comfortable around him and when she’s like this...’
He was barely aware of the Inspector’s response, remembering how he and Katie had come in yesterday and found Natasha curled up in her chair by the window, quietly mumbling to herself. She’d snapped out of it quickly enough when they’d approached her, scowling at Adam’s concern; telling him she was fine – she’d been pissed off by the therapist, that was all. But Adam’s heart had flipped uneasily. He hadn’t seen her like that in a long time.
‘I’m sure we can arrange something. I’ll get it sorted for either today or tomorrow. Thanks for that Mr. Campbell. It’ll make our job easier.’
Always so polite Adam thought as he hung up. But he wouldn’t like to get on the wrong side of him.
‘I’ve done mummy’s tray, daddy...’
Adam looked at his daughter and smiled at the carefully made up tray just waiting to have some food added to it.
‘The flower’s a nice touch,’ he said ruffling her hair. ‘Is that from the garden?’
‘No. I took it from over there.’
Adam looked over at the huge bouquet of flowers sitting on the window ledge. He hadn’t noticed it yesterday.
‘They’re nice,’ he said. ‘Where did they come from?’
Katie looked at him solemnly, eager to show off her newfound vocabulary. ‘Mummy said they were from a secret admirer. They came yesterday and the card just said; “Remember Me.” It’s got three kisses. Look ...’
She ran excitedly over to the vase and withdrew the card. It was just as she said and Adam compressed his lips. So much for thinking they might yet salvage something of their marriage. He was shocked to discover that he didn’t give a toss about the fact his wife might be seeing someone else.
***
Murray was in his office with his jacket on. ‘It’s bloody cold in here. Can’t we get some heating on?’
‘Problem with the boiler,’ Harry said, handing him a steaming cup of coffee. ‘They’re onto it as we speak. At least you’re secluded in here – it’s even colder out there in the main office. What time’s Hannah Walker coming in?’
Murray shifted his basket of post to make room for the cup. ‘Any time now. She asked for an early appointment.’
‘Any idea what it’s about?’
‘Nope. When I called her back she just said she had something to show me to do with the investigation.’
He looked up as someone tapped on his door. ‘Looks like we won’t have to wait long to find out. Here she is now.’
Murray stared at the note and locks of hair on his desk. ‘These came on Friday, you say?’
‘Yes, I did try to get an appointment to see you yesterday, but they told me you weren’t free. I didn’t want to leave it with anyone else.’
‘And how many people have seen and touched them? Apart from you?’
‘Only my mother.’ She was appalled at her stupidity, remembering how she and her mother had fingered the contents over and over ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t think.’
Murray sighed. ‘Well, I’ll get the hair tested for you and we’ll send the letter off for analysis, but I won’t encourage you to hold out too much hope. The chances of anyone running the risk of having the case re-opened because of evidence they’ve freely provided…’
‘I know it will probably prove that it’s just another hoaxer. But you know…’ her eyes followed h
is actions as he replaced the contents carefully in the envelope, ‘my hair used to be that colour when I was little.’
Murray put the envelope to one side. Then he leaned forward and looked at her intently.
‘As it happens, I’m glad you’ve come in. There was something else I wanted to talk to you about. I’m not sure you’ve been entirely honest with me about your relationship with your ex-boyfriend.’
‘Oh?’ Hannah’s expression became guarded.
He picked up a sheet of paper from his desk. ‘I have a report here from your doctor from several years ago. You apparently visited him displaying evidence of having been physically assaulted. You claimed at the time that it was your boyfriend.’ His eyes were sharp. ‘It was around the same time you and Ben Short separated.’
She should have guessed they’d find out. And now it would look suspicious that she hadn’t come clean in the first place and told them Ben could be violent.
She sighed. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t want to muddy the water by having you suspect Ben - like DCI Hedges did.’
‘I’d remind you, Miss Walker, that it’s my job, not yours, to decide what is and what isn’t relevant in this case. You should have let me be the judge of that. I’d like to hear what happened please.’
She hesitated, throwing a quick glance at Harry before saying quietly. ‘We had a row. A big one. I felt Ben had got too involved with all the media people and I accused him of sensationalism. He was furious. He stormed out and I knew when he came back he’d be drunk. I ... I barricaded myself in the spare room hoping he’d have cooled off by the morning – only that maddened him even more. He took an axe to the door and once he’d broken it down he grabbed me by the throat. I thought he was going to kill me.’ Her voice had dropped almost to a whisper. ‘He’d been violent before when he was drunk – but never to that extent. The next day I went to my GP so there’d be an official record of the attack and I told Ben that if he didn’t leave I’d apply for a restraining order and tell his work what he’d done. He knew I meant it, so we parted.’
Cry From The Grave A Thrilling Psychological Crime Mystery (Harry Briscombe Book 1) Page 11