She turned away, hiding her emotion. ‘Do you want a drink?’ she asked, moving over to the bottle of wine on the sideboard.
‘I think we could probably both do with one.’
She took her time, collecting herself, as she poured a glass and handed it to him.
‘Cheers, and good riddance to bad rubbish,’ he said, raising his glass and flashing her a sudden grin.
She found herself smiling back, the tension easing just like that.
‘You must be wondering what I ever saw in him,’ she said, sighing.
‘Love’s a strange thing.’ His eyes were unreadable as he said it. ‘And I’m certainly not one to preach.’
She moved over to the window and gazed out into the dark. ‘It was never love. Not really.’ She found it easier to talk staring out of the window rather than looking at him. ‘When I met Ben, things were difficult at home. My parents had separated because my father had had an affair. Ben was different to anyone else I’d met, so grown up and flash. He took me away from it all, brought some fun into my life; put me first. I lapped it up. It was pathetic really. When I told him I was pregnant, he was over the moon. It was the excuse he’d been waiting for to get me to move in with him. I had a terrible row with my mother over it. She wanted me to wait, have the baby at home. She felt it had all happened too quickly. She was right of course, but by then it was too late.’
‘We all make mistakes,’ Adam said, ‘especially when we’re young and hot-headed. Don’t think you’re the only one. I sensed there was something out of kilter with Natasha almost from the word go, but she had such incredible energy. I couldn’t help being swept along with it. She used to tell me I was her anchor, and I think it was true. She flew so high she needed to know someone was there to stop her from blowing away. But I knew early on that we’d made a mistake. Now’s not the time to go into why she had the affairs, but they put a big strain on our marriage. And I hate to think I’ve got anything in common with Ben Short, but we do share one thing. I found out from Natasha’s letter that I wasn’t Katie’s real father. That was some boy she’d been seeing at school.’
Hannah turned to look at him, knowing how much that must have hurt.
‘I should feel livid with her about that, and I do, but in some ways, it helps lessen some of my guilt.’
He sighed. ‘It’s been hard coming to terms with how unhappy we’d both become. This wasn’t the first attempt she’d made on her life and I’m realising now that I wasn’t as understanding as I could have been. A couple of years ago her mood swings were so bad that she was sectioned for a while. I couldn’t relate to it at all. I blamed it on the fact she took recreational drugs … but she told me some stuff about her past before she died. I had no idea what she’d been through.’
She resisted an urge to comfort him, remembering what had happened the last time she’d done that.
Her tone when she spoke was matter of fact. ‘You’re not a mind reader. If she didn’t tell you stuff then you can’t blame yourself for not knowing. I’ve tried to find it in me to forgive her for what she did but I don’t think I ever can. I’ve missed so much of Katie’s life and I’ll never get that back. What she did was wrong. There’s no excusing it.’
‘I know.’ His eyes met hers. ‘I’m not excusing her. It’s just hard when you’ve always considered yourself the stronger one in the relationship, then realising you got it so wrong.’
He looked around the room. ‘I like what you’ve done with this room. You’ve transformed it.’
She took his change of subject without comment, her eyes following his to the photos on the ledges, the cushions and the throw on the settee.
‘You can take some of the credit for that. It was after your visit that I had something of an epiphany. I knew I wasn’t happy as I was, and I realised that unless I changed things for myself, that’s how I’d stay for the rest of my life. It was a depressing enough thought to make me decide to do something about it. It was fun getting my old bits and pieces out.’
‘And what about Sophie’s Room?’
Silence. Her eyes darted to his.
‘I couldn’t help noticing it last time I was here, when I went to get you the glass of water. The door was ajar. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have looked.’
‘Nobody else has seen that room.’ Her voice was low. ‘Sometimes I’d just sit in there for hours, remembering. It was such a short time that I had her, yet she was such a huge part of me. I couldn’t bring myself to clear her things away. I felt like that would be admitting she’d be gone forever. I just couldn’t do it.’
‘And now you don’t have to.’ Adam said with his quick smile. ‘You’ll be seeing her soon enough and maybe I can give you a hand redecorating it for when she’s here?’
‘I can’t wait.’ Hannah’s eyes lit up but there was also anxiety in the gaze she turned on him. ‘How are we going to handle this, Adam? I so want to see her and get to know her, but I know I can’t just rush in and expect her to start loving me.’
‘Look, it won’t happen overnight, but it’ll happen. I’ve already made a start. I explained that there was a mix up when she was a baby and that she was taken by the wrong mother. She’s too young to understand it properly but I’ve told her that you want to meet her and that we’d explain it all properly when she’s older. She seemed to accept it without too much of a problem, but understandably she’s nervous about meeting you, and worried about being taken away from me.’
His eyes, as they looked into hers, were steady. ‘The thing to remember is that we’re both on the same side. We want what’s best for Kate. I’m sure the Children’s’ Services people will have good advice on how to handle things, but that’s the thing we mustn’t lose sight of. The rest will work itself out.’
Hannah nodded, wishing she shared his confidence.
‘I know. I had a visit from the Children’s Services today. I told them I was happy for her to stay with you for the time being and that I’d rather that was the case than she goes into any sort of foster care.’
‘They told me. Thanks. They said as long as you’re happy with the arrangement there’s no reason why she can’t, especially in view of the fact she’s lost her ... Natasha, so recently.’
‘I also told them that I’ll wait until after the funeral before I meet her. I really want to see her – and I don’t know how I’ll survive that – but it doesn’t feel right somehow, doing it before. I don’t want to make a difficult time worse for her.’
Adam reached for her hand and squeezed it. ‘You’re going to be a great mother you know that? This must be so hard for you, but it’s only a few more days. We’ll get something set up for as soon as possible afterwards. I thought you might like these in the meantime.’
He let go of her hand and pulled an envelope from his jacket pocket. She knew what was in it without him saying anything.
‘Thanks,’ she said, taking it from him and putting it down on the coffee table without opening it. Looking at photos of her daughter was something she’d do in private.
Later, when she was alone, she picked it up again and opened it. Twelve pictures – two for each year of her life. And a note. You’ve got a bit of catching up to do, but the rest of your life to do it in. Adam.
And it was true, she thought, as she lovingly absorbed each photo. The next few days would be difficult, but she could get through them knowing that.
***
She tried to stay away, but she found she couldn’t. It was difficult to, when it seemed the whole world was turning out to get a last glimpse of the family caught up in what was now generally termed; “The Walker Affair”.
She stood well back from the crowd gathered outside the crematorium, a hooded jacket concealing her face, watching quietly as first Adam and then Katie climbed out of the leading black car in the procession. The little girl looked bemused as cameras clicked and reporters called out to her to look in their direction.
With typical resolve, Adam scooped her up in h
is arms and strode inside the modern building. Hannah sighed with relief and looked back at the hearse. No one could fail to be moved by the sight of the two coffins, one so much tinier than the other, lying side by side in the back.
She turned away. She didn’t want to see them being lifted out. She hadn’t known Natasha Campbell when she was alive. She certainly didn’t want to feel sympathy for her now she was dead.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Hannah made her way up the snowy path and smiled at the huge snowman, semi-melted now and in a sorry state as it sat in the centre of the front garden. So Katie had got her way.
She took a nervous breath and ran her hand through her hair. Did she look all right? Did she look like Katie would want her to look? What should she say? What did you say to the daughter you hadn’t seen since she was three weeks old – the daughter who hadn’t even known you existed until a few days ago? She stood on the doorstep gathering her courage, then lifted her hand and knocked on the door.
The door opened and a middle-aged woman was standing on the threshold smiling at her. Adam’s mother, she realised, noting the same brown eyes; slightly more faded, but just as warm. Next to her, the more familiar features of Ellie Hanson, the woman she’d already met from Children’s Services.
‘How are you doing?’ Ellie asked her gently. ‘Are you ready for this?’
‘As ready as I’ll ever be,’ Hannah responded, feeling slightly sick.
‘Hello, Hannah,’ the other woman said impulsively, taking her hand. ‘I’m Anne Campbell, Adam’s mother. They’re in the lounge through there. We thought it might be better for it to be just the three of you to start with. Ellie and I will be in the kitchen if you need us. We’ll bring you a cup of tea through in a little while.’
‘Just remember what we talked about yesterday and you’ll be fine,’ Ellie said in encouraging tones.
‘Thank you.’
Hannah was already making her way in the direction they’d indicated, her heart banging so hard in her chest she thought it might burst, as she slowly pushed open the solid oak door.
She was sitting on Adam’s knee by the large open fire, reading out loud to him from one of her schoolbooks. Hannah’s breath contracted in her throat as for the first time ever, she drank in the sight of her daughter’s furrowed little face, deep in concentration as she stumbled over one or two of the more difficult words. She was wearing a bright pink Gap tracksuit with a navy-blue tee-shirt poking out from beneath the jacket. Against the golden blond of her hair, the pink was vibrant. Hannah’s face softened as she slowly released her breath. She was perfect.
Katie had no idea that her mother was there and Hannah made no movement to distract her, drinking in every precious moment of that first sighting, savouring it, knowing that every nuance of that soft childish treble would be locked in her memory and heart forever more. She felt her eyes blur. To think she’d even considered terminating her pregnancy.
Adam looked up and sensing the change in the atmosphere, Katie’s voice petered out as she too looked across the room. Her eyes were green, Hannah noticed with a shock – like hers. And they were looking at her with a mixture of curiosity and apprehension.
‘Well look who’s here …’ Adam said. ‘Come in, Hannah, and meet Katie. She’s been wanting to meet you, haven’t you Kate?’
Hannah forced her legs to move forward, a smile pinned to her face. ‘Hello Katie,’ she said softly. ‘I’m very pleased to meet you at last. I’ve been looking forward to it.’
Katie’s eyes were enormous in her face and Hannah didn’t miss the way her hand clung tightly to her father’s arm. In that instant, she realised it didn’t matter that she’d waited six years for this moment, it wasn’t important that her mouth was so dry she feared she might choke on the breath caught in her throat. What mattered was that Katie should be reassured that though change was about to happen, it wasn’t going to tear her already fragile life apart. She’d just lost the woman she’d thought was her mother. She needed to know that she wasn’t about to lose her father as well.
‘Are you my new mummy?’ Katie’s eyes were mystified, and Hannah smiled.
‘Yes, I am, but that doesn’t mean you have to forget about your other mummy … because I know she loved you very much.’
‘My other mummy died. That means she’s not coming home anymore. Will you die too?’
‘I’m not planning on it,’ Hannah said cheerfully. ‘I hope to be around for a long time yet. Long enough to see you all grown up into a big girl, with children of your own. I live quite close to here and maybe one day you can come and visit me?
Katie’s look was wary. ‘Can daddy come too?’
‘Oh, yes. We wouldn’t want him to feel left out, would we? Was that Snow White you were just reading? That was one of my favourite stories when I was a little girl.’
‘Daddy and I take it in turns to read,’ Katie said importantly. ‘You can have a turn too if you like?’
Hannah sat down on the floor and crossed her legs in front of her. ‘I’d like that, but I think Daddy should go first don’t you? Then you and I can catch him out when he makes a mistake.’
Katie giggled. ‘Daddies don’t make mistakes. They know everything.’
‘See?’ Adam chuckled, taking charge of the book. ‘I’ve been teaching her well. You never realised I was so perfect, did you?’
Over Katie’s head his twinkling eyes met hers. And it was one of those rare moments when time seemed suddenly to stand still – the everyday ordinariness receding into the background as their gazes locked. She thought he was going to say something, but the moment passed as Katie tapped his knee impatiently and looked up at him. ‘Come on, daddy, it’s your turn now.’
His eyes held hers for a moment longer before he bent his head to drop a kiss on his daughter’s head.
‘Okay poppet. Now, where were we?’
Hannah watched him as he read, absorbing the strong, clear-cut features, the deep resonant voice that held not only Katie enthralled. She smiled at the way he altered his tone for the different characters, noting how totally at ease Katie was with him as she looked at the pictures and asked questions. He was more relaxed than she’d ever seen him, and she wanted to capture that scene. Treasure it.
When the time finally came for her to leave, the light was fading. Nothing could have prepared her for the rollercoaster of emotions she’d experienced this last couple of hours. They left her feeling exhausted. And different, she realised. She’d always been a mother – losing her daughter hadn’t changed that. And the love had always been there, locked tight in her heart. But all it had taken was one sighting of Katie to heal the agony that had pinched at her daily like an open sore. Was this incredible swell of emotion what her own mother felt for her? Did it ever fade? She doubted it somehow. She could only imagine that it grew. No wonder it was so painful when your children spread their wings to fly.
‘I’ll see you out,’ Adam said, as she wrapped herself warmly in her padded jacket and scarf and prepared to take her leave. His hand beneath her elbow was firm as they walked carefully down the slippery path to the car. Once there, he looked down at her and smiled.
‘That went well.’
‘It was nerve-wracking. Was I … did I …?’
‘You were great. Kate was charmed by you. She doesn’t take everyone up to her room to see her shell collection.’
Hannah shook her head. ‘She’s perfect,’ she said softly. ‘I can’t wait to get to know her properly.’
‘We should probably talk about that – get some sort of a plan mapped out before we meet with the Children’s Services again. Are you around tomorrow evening after work?’
‘Yes.’
She tried not to let her anxiety show. They needed to do this. To work out exactly how they were going to handle things. But she felt so inadequate. What did she know about what would work best for Katie – for all of them?
She flicked the remote and opened her car, preparing to climb
in. The unexpected warmth of Adam’s hand, covering hers where it rested on top of the car door, halted her. She turned to look at him.
‘We’ll work this out, Hannah. We’ve got a way to go, but life’s suddenly looking much brighter, don’t you think? We’ll get there.’
And as she looked into his dependable face and felt the warm reassuring squeeze of his fingers on hers, it took only the most fleeting of moments before her own hand curled in his palm and returned the pressure, her fears dispelling.
He was right. Between them – the three of them – they would get there.
THE END
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THE JAGGED LINE
The line between right and wrong can be a fine one – and sometimes it’s too easy to cross.
PROLOGUE
The vehicle ploughing into the back of his van seemed to come from nowhere – the impact of it shooting him forward, causing the engine to splutter and stall. For a moment, he sat there shocked, clutching ribs that were already painful.
Cry From The Grave A Thrilling Psychological Crime Mystery (Harry Briscombe Book 1) Page 25