by Violet Blaze
“When the time is right,” Flor repeated as Max and Rhonda exchanged a look. I didn't have to be a part of it to know what it meant: if there's a right time.
“I had a good time tonight,” I told Flor, leaning in the doorway to my apartment. He crossed his arms over his chest and watched me with a smirk growing on his lips. Damn it, you know me too well, Florian.
“Pretending I'm not coming in to ravage you only makes it more embarrassing for you when I do,” he told me, cupping a hand to his mouth to yell over my shoulder. “Addi, I'm comin' inside. In more ways than one.”
“Seriously?” my friend said, popping her head out of her room to glare at us both. “Abigail, stop embarrassing yourself by pretending he's not staying the night.” She disappeared again as a flush heated my cheeks, only to pop back and tack on yet another note to my board of embarrassment. “And use a fucking condom. We don't need no sister-auntie situations going on here. Babies complicate things.” She slammed the door as Patrick's head appeared, cutting him off before he could add to the conversation. When I'd first met him, I'd thought 'quiet nerd', but no. Apparently, he was just as opinionated as Abi. I was slowly learning exactly how intense an at-home debate could get.
“I'm on the pill,” I muttered, stepping out of the way to let Flor slide smoothly into the apartment. I could barely get the door shut and locked before he was pressing against me, turning me around to face him. Without thinking, my arms slid around his neck and my face raised to peer into his. He had that shadowy look again, and it was killing me. Must be the 'baby talk'. “Flor, don't think about it,” I whispered as he leaned his forehead against mine. “I don't want you to get freaked out.”
“Freaked out?” he asked, voice husky, pressing his erection into me. “How freaked out do you really think I am right now?”
“We can have kids one day, Flor. We're not related.”
“I know,” he said, cupping my chin and bringing my lips to his for a sweet kiss that turned my knees liquid. “I know that, but I … I spent the last several years convincing myself I couldn't have you and why. It might take me a while to get over that, Abs, but I will. I'm not playing around with you. I want this.” He ground his hips against mine and I moaned, biting my lower lip as his fingers found the button on my jeans. “I want you, Abi.”
I arched my hips against Flor's, letting him slide my pants down my hips, letting him go only long enough to drop them on the floor at our feet. Addi and Patrick had already walked in on us doing it out here twice already, but I couldn't seem to convince myself to stop. When Flor stood up and pressed me against the door, lifting me just enough to slide inside, I didn't protest.
I kissed him; I fucked him; I counted my blessings.
Morning sunshine streamed over my face as I struggled to grab my phone and silence the alarm. Yes, it was Sunday, but I had a ton of extra schoolwork to catch up on. Being with Florian was kind of … full time. But I also refused to let my love for him screw up my education. I would prevail.
“Shut it off,” Flor groaned, his bare back stirring my body up in a way that might've been alarming if I wasn't so used to it. Seeing him naked in my bed was too exciting to put words to. I just wanted to kiss him up and down his spine and forget the rest of the world, but we'd spent the better part of so many days doing just that. “Ten more minutes.”
“You have an appointment,” I told him, sliding the blanket down just enough to slap his perfect ass. “You need to make money to pay for all those cats.” Despite attempting to find homes for the three kittens, Flor hadn't really been successful. And I was pretty sure he'd stopped trying. I leaned over and pressed one, perfect kiss to his shoulder, to the face of one of his tattoos. I made sure to get her right on her perfectly red lips and then slid out of bed.
Getting ready with Florian around took twice as long – he always joined me in the shower – so he was running late by the time we were out and dressed. Still, we couldn't keep our hands off each other, much to Addi's disgust, as I trailed him out the front door and down the steps.
“I hope you don't have any plans tonight,” Flor told me, kissing my neck, pushing my body up against the wall of the hallway.
“Why?” I gasped as his hands roamed over me, touching literally everything. His breathing sped up in time with mine as our lips made contact again and again and again, tongues tangling in an erotic dance. Shit.
“Because,” he told me, pulling back just enough to speak, close enough that I could taste his words on my lips. “I'm going to fuck the shit out of you, Abigail.”
“Florian.”
Fuck.
The voice that spoke my beloved's name in horror was not my own. Even if I hadn't heard it, I would've known who that was based on the way Flor's face went white as a sheet. Please don't let my dad be with her, I thought as I twisted my head to the side to stare at my stepmother. Meanwhile, my stepbrother's hands were on my waist, his erection pressed against me through his jeans. The position we were in, my legs spread, his hips locked tight against mine, it wasn't easy to explain away. And that would be if she hadn't heard what he'd just said to me.
Based on her expression of horror, I was certain that she had.
“Mom,” Flor squeaked out, taking a slow step back. All the places he'd been touching me went ice cold. River was alone, yes, but that didn't mean my dad wouldn't find out. They shared everything, even the little things, so I didn't even have hope that she might keep this from him for a while. In a split second, all of my fears and my shame came crashing down, culminating in that look on my stepmom's face. The moment I'd dreaded since I'd first realized my feelings for Flor was happening. Now. Here. On my doorstep.
And I was completely and utterly unprepared for it.
My body felt weak and sexed up, liquid, languid. I so couldn't handle this right now.
My hands clamped over my mouth as my stepmom took a step back and put a hand against the wall to steady herself. She was freaking forty-eight and pregnant. This was so not good.
“Mom,” Flor said again, not moving towards her, but not trying to explain the situation away either. He, like me, knew that it was probably impossible. How much had she seen?
“Florian,” she said, blinking rapidly like she was trying to come out of a coma. “Abigail. I … oh my God.” She turned away and covered her own mouth as I dropped my hands to my sides. I tried to get Flor to look at me, but his own hands were shaking, and his gaze was hooked on his mother's face. “Oh my. Oh dear Jesus.”
“Mom, listen to me,” Flor said, still not moving towards her. “Abigail … ” I waited for his words, suddenly desperate to hear what he had to say. I watched him clench his fists, run his tongue over his lips, his piercings. “I'm in love with Abigail.”
“Dear Jesus,” River repeated, tears blooming in her eyes like thunderstorms. She looked sharply over at me and I blurted the first thing I could think to say.
“I'm on birth control.”
Crap.
My stepmom's face turned as white as her son's as she leaned against the glass door behind her. Outside, people passed by on the sun soaked sidewalk, completely oblivious to what was happening inside this tiny stairwell.
“You've … so you've … you two have … ” You've slept together. The words were implied; nobody needed to say them. I looked desperately at Flor, but he was still staring at his mother in shock.
“What are you even doing here?” he asked, voice low, almost accusing.
“The store owner,” she gestured weakly towards the wall, towards the shoe boutique that sat beneath my apartment, “wanted to talk about … something.” Her voice trailed off and her eyes went glassy for a moment before she looked up and locked onto my face. Traitor, her expression said and I couldn't help myself; I glanced away. “How did this happen?”
“For fuck's sake, Mom,” Flor snapped, running his fingers through his hair. “This wasn't an accident, some mistake that can be accounted for and psychoanalyzed, dealt with. This is �
� ” Flor finally paused to look over at me, and despite the situation, I saw the determination in his eyes. “This is worth fighting for.”
“Art's going to have a heart attack,” River whispered, fumbling in her pocket like she was going for her cell. Not yet.
“Wait!” I yelled, but she only pulled out a package of gum, popping a piece between her lips with the same shaking frenzy I'd noticed when she'd first gotten with my dad and quit smoking. Her eyes strayed back to mine, that same wild green as Florian's.
“How long?” she asked, ignoring my outburst.
“Not long,” Flor said, but River wasn't looking at him.
“How long?” she ground out between her teeth. Her perfect hair was coiffed on her head and her shirt hung just right, just enough that it was impossible to tell if she was showing at all. “How long, Abigail?”
I tried to think up the best way to phrase this. Did I say a week? That's when we'd made it official. But no. It didn't seem right. Only complete honesty would work here.
“Since I first met him,” I whispered, eyes tearing up. “Since forever. I've loved your son for as long as I can remember.”
River choked and turned away, pushing outside and onto the sidewalk. Flor and I watched as she put her hands on her lower back and leaned over. He went after her like a shot, putting his arm around her waist. I watched as River Riley-Sharp, a woman who'd been a helicopter mom to her son, who loved him more than anything or anyone (except for possibly my dad), jerked away from my stepbrother and walked a few steps down the sidewalk. When they disappeared from view, I let my back hit the wall. I could hear the faint whispers of shouts from outside, but I knew better than to go after them. If anyone could calm River down, it'd be her son. The last thing she needed right now was to look me in the face. A sense of betrayal washed over me, but I shook it off. I couldn't think like that or I'd break down.
Flor and my love was not a betrayal; it was a blessing. I closed my eyes, let myself think about last night, how perfect it had been. I would get through this; I would.
A few minutes later, after I'd finally calmed my breathing down, Flor burst back in the door, sweeping his fingers through his hair over and over again.
“She's calling your dad,” he told me with a grim look on his face. I just stared up at him, my entire body going rigid with fear. “She promised she wouldn't tell him over the phone if we went over to the house.” I swallowed and nodded.
Right now, seeing my dad was literally the last thing I wanted, but I'd gotten myself into this mess. I would get myself out. Flor and I would be happy. Keep telling yourself that, Abigail.
Flor reached out a hand covered in ink, and I took it, wrapping my fingers around his and letting him pull me in against his chest. As soon as I heard the gentle thump of his heartbeat, I relaxed a little. This was what I was fighting for, right here, and it was so worth it.
Flor and I drove to our parents' house in silence, hands clasped between our seats, faces forward. We pulled into the driveway behind River with no sign of my father's black BMW in sight. Thank God for small miracles. I was hoping we'd have a minute or two to collect ourselves before he showed up and stormed in the front door, demanding to know what the emergency was. Meanwhile, I could sit here and stew and see the image of Addi's stunned face when I'd run up the stairs and told her. The goodbye hug she'd given me felt like a send off, like I was on my way to my own funeral.
“We'll survive this,” Flor promised, glancing over at me. The words were nice, but the tone behind them said maybe. I looked over at him and bit my bottom lip.
“I might,” I said, trying to make a joke, “but you might not. You know my dad keeps all his guns in the house.” I smiled, but Flor paled and then jumped when River's knuckles rapped on his window.
“Come inside,” she mouthed and moved off towards the front door.
Flor and I exchanged one more look before following after her. This time, we didn't hold hands.
“What the hell is Gram Gram going to say about this?” River asked as soon as we set foot inside the house. Gram Gram was Flor's grandmother, but she treated me like her own grandchild. Hell, half the time I forgot she wasn't actually related to me. Since she lived in New York, I hadn't given much thought as to how she'd take the news. Crap.
“We'll deal with Gram Gram later,” Flor said, leaning against the wall and looking sexy as ever with his dark hair, brightly colored tattoos and piercings. I smiled tightly at him and he returned the expression. “She survived both strokes she had when she found out about the smoking and the tattoos,” he said, pointing to himself. River wasn't amused.
“There's an explanation for all of this,” she mumbled, most likely searching her brain for possible disorders to apply to the two of us. Little did she know that no amount of talking would clear Florian from my head. Trust me, I'd tried. I'd spent years trying to convince myself that this wouldn't work based on this very scenario – telling our parents. Yet, here I was, standing in the dining room with shaking hands and a sweaty back. My shirt was already sticking to my skin. Gross.
River whirled around, looking between the two of us.
“When were you planning on telling me?” she asked curtly, sending that nice, bright shock of betrayal through my body again. “Hmm? When you moved in together? After you were married? Got pregnant?”
“We didn't want to upset you,” Flor said, gesturing weakly at his mother. The implications hung unsaid in the air between the three of us. Didn't want to do anything that might hurt our unborn sister. “So please, calm down before you pass out.” Flor stepped forward and put the back of his hand to his mother's forehead, but she swatted him away. He pulled out a chair anyway and she slumped into it, looking defeated. “Mom, I love her,” Flor said again, turning my insides to mush. Damn you. I didn't think I'd ever get tired of hearing it. “Mom.”
“I heard you, Florian,” River mumbled, running her long, pale fingers down her face. She looked seconds away from throwing up. “Obviously, you're both adults and I can't stop you from doing anything.” She took a deep breath. “And of course, I don't approve.” She held up a hand before Flor could butt in. “I understand that you're not related, son. I get that. This might not be incest, but we're still a family. How could … how could you even let it get this far?” Flor looked away, shame flickering across his face.
“It was my fault,” I blurted, drawing River's attention back to me. “I wouldn't let it go. Flor tried.” I licked my lower lip. “Trust me, he really tried, but I … I couldn't let him just move on with his life without telling him. And then I did, and things … got more complicated from there. I know what we're asking when we say we're together. We're asking you to forget everything you ever thought you knew about family and how things are supposed to work.” I took a deep breath. I knew I was climbing precariously close to the cheesy, preachy end of story speech that accompanied most TV dramas, but I couldn't help myself. Those people, with all of their drama, had nothing on me. It was like I was standing knee-deep in a telenovela or something. “Just like you fought to make a family out of Flor and me and my dad, maybe we can fight to make something beautiful.” I refused to look at Flor while I was talking. Either he'd be laughing at me or … worse. Maybe he'd be gazing at me with tenderness? I shivered. I mean, I wanted him to look at me that way, but it was hard to take in. “Family isn't what it used to be. Arrangements that nobody thought were okay before are okay now. Beautiful now, perfect even.” I twisted my hands together. I knew I could make some comparisons to interracial couples or gay couples or something, but I didn't want to beg off the struggles of others. Flor was my stepbrother, yes, and in some circles, that made him my brother, but to me, he wasn't, and that was all that should rightfully matter.
I bounced on my toes and looked at anything and everything but Flor and River's faces. Just when I thought I was going to die from the awkward silence and the sick churning in my belly, the front door opened.
Fuck.
; My throat went dry and my head swam as I struggled not to pass out.
“Hey Dad,” I said, swallowing hard and forcing my fingers into my pockets. It was the only way to keep them still.
“Abigail,” he said, pausing in the entrance to the dining room. As always, his eyes immediately strayed to Flor, taking in his tight jeans and T-shirt, tattoos and piercings, with the usual amount of scorn and disapproval. If he'd actually liked Flor, I wasn't sure if the whole situation would be easier or twice as difficult. I mean, obviously my dad wouldn't want me to be with someone he disliked as much as he did Flor, but at the same time, maybe I was lucky that he didn't consider Flor the son he never had. “What's all this about?” he tucked his keys into his pocket and made his way over to River for a kiss. “Is everything alright?”
“Everything's fine,” River said, and for a split second I had hope that maybe she wouldn't tell him, that we could keep this to ourselves for a while. I should've known better. River and my dad shared everything. They were that perfect fairytale couple that everyone wanted to be. The last thing I wanted was to ruin what they had between them. “Physically speaking,” she adding, causing my dad to raise one thin brow. He sat down in the chair opposite her and took her hands in his. Based on his actions, I was guessing he had no idea what was going on. Maybe he just thought Flor and me were here to be witnesses to whatever River had to say? At that point, I truly believed he had no idea that this whole family meeting revolved around the two of us.
“Art,” River began, sucking in a deep breath and looking between Flor and me. “Maybe you two should take a seat before I begin?”
“Stop trying to turn this into a therapy session,” Flor growled. “We're not your fucking clients.”
“Don't you dare speak to your mother like that, not in my house,” my father rumbled back, intimidating even with his balding head and white button down. Flor just rolled his eyes and came around the table to stand beside me, my father's back to us. Unfortunately River refused to let us have this conversation without the accompanying awkward eye contact, and made my dad turn his chair so that the four of us created a semi-circle at the edge of the table.