by Shouji Gatou
“Turn that smartphone off!” Isuzu-chan commanded.
“......?!” I was surprised.
“Lord Moffle. Turn that smartphone... off...” Then she fell silent again.
She was talking in her sleep! And about... what, exactly? With a sigh of relief, I activated my smartphone. I was delighted to see that my views had surpassed 10k.
“Stop it!” Isuzu demanded.
“?!” I jerked involuntarily.
“Seiya-kun... stop it.” she said, with a hint of a moan. More sleep-talking, huh?
And... Seiya-kun? Did she mean Kanie-kun? Were they close enough to refer to each other that way?! And what did she mean by “stop it?” Huh? Wait... Was this some kind of sex dream?!
“Seiya-kun... Stop... that button will... fire... the nuclear weapons...” What the heck kind of dream was she having?!
“The lives of three million people...” An action movie?!
“D-Don’t... make me shoot you...” Kanie-kun was about to press a button to fire nuclear missiles, and Isuzu-chan was trying to stop him? It felt like things were reaching a climax!
“So turn off that smartphone, Lord Moffle!” Now back to that?! It made no sense!
But that was the last of the sleep-talking. Apparently a restless sleeper, Isuzu-chan ended up throwing off half of her sleeping bag. My questions about the nuclear button and Moffle-senpai’s smartphone made it even harder for me to sleep. By the time I finally drifted off, it was already getting light outside; I probably got less than two hours in total.
An alarm set for 6:30 AM sounded; Isuzu-chan finished her morning bath and shook me awake. I pleaded with her for a few more minutes, but go figure, she didn’t indulge me. I didn’t have to waste time on a commute, which was nice, but my performance that day was pretty rough anyway. Not that my performances were ever exactly wholehearted, so not a whole lot lost in that respect... but I did miss a lot of steps in my dancing, and I got sent into a spin after colliding with Kobory during the wirework section.
Pretty much nobody brought up the fire. A few said things like, “Oh, I saw your commentary, ron,” and “It must have been hard, fumo,” and “Do you have a place to stay? You can stay at my place, mii,” but while most sounded pretty concerned, none of them probed too deeply. After all, we were all busy with the summer vacation rush; nobody had time to hang around and chat. It was all we could do just to scarf down our rice balls and shoot the breeze a bit between shifts.
Muse was acting a little awkward around me, probably because of last night. At least she seemed worried.
But that evening...
I was trying to figure out what I should do, since I couldn’t get comfortable in Isuzu-chan’s apartment. I was just thinking about taking a chance and camping out, when Kobory came up to me. “Salama-san,” she said.
“Hmm?”
“Would you like to stay with me tonight?”
I was totally shocked by the offer. I always figured Kobory-chan was the member of Elementario (formerly Aquario) that I got along with the worst. Kobory was an introvert with long black hair, and she was a real otaku-type (though she herself denied it). For fashion, she mainly wore Anna Sui and stuff for her off-work clothes (pretty expensive stuff... where did she get her money?). She was earnest and polite with everyone, even more so than Muse. She was always really concerned with other people’s feelings.
I always figured that Kobory hated how sloppy I am with my work, and how careless I am with my words (I’m aware of it! I am!), and we’ve had plenty of differences of opinion in the past. Still, I took her up on her offer.
Sure, Kobory and I didn’t really mesh, but it’s not as if I hated her. And I couldn’t deny her god-level purity (ugh!) and cuteness levels. I’d also recently figured out that that stuff wasn’t calculated on her part—Kobory was as straightforward as you could get. So I mean, who wouldn’t want to delve into her private life?! Who wouldn’t want to see her secret messy, pissy side?!
After work was over, then, we headed to Kobory’s apartment in the neighboring Chofu City.
“Salama-san.” We’d just stopped by a convenience store and bought a little late dinner when Kobory addressed me. “I’ve actually been hoping we might get a chance to talk in more depth...”
“Ah... right,” I agreed uneasily.
“I know the circumstances are rotten for you, so I felt bad about it, but tonight felt like a nice opportunity to me.”
“Ahh.”
“So... I’m really sorry. I didn’t plan this, but... I kind of got into a little trouble,” Kobory told me. “There’s some work I have to do that I can’t get out of, so I’m not sure we’ll have much time to talk...”
“Oh... I see. Well, I don’t have to stay if I’m in the way.”
“No! You have to stay!” Kobory rejected my politeness with clenched fists. She sure could get passionate about stuff like this... “I can’t throw you out right after I invited you! Besides, look at those clouds! It’s going to rain soon. It’s going to pour!”
“Yeah... there’s thunder in the south, I think...” The weather forecast had mentioned thunderstorms, and they could start any minute now. I really needed a roof over my head tonight.
“Anyway, I’m sorry,” Kobory told me, “but I’ll have to have friends staying over tonight... I hope it’s okay.”
“R-Right. ...Well, I don’t think that’d bother me. Wait, you said friends?”
“Yes. They kind of help me with work. They’re like... assistants? Oh, there they are. Over there.” She pointed me to a group of three girls gathered in front of the building. They were pretty cute, but their outfits were super plain: track suits, sweats, that kind of stuff... total lounging-around-the-house gear.
“Ah, there she is! Welcome back!” The three waved, then came to meet Kobory.
“Kobo-chan, I’m so sorry! I think I sent the message to the wrong address! But if we don’t get it to press first thing in the morning, we’re finished! I really am sorry! Really!” A bespectacled girl in a track suit, who looked a bit like the leader, apologized profusely to Kobory.
“Um... Well, I’m not really happy, but we can’t let the others in the collab doujin project down,” Kobory said. “......I’ll do my best!”
“Yes, that’s the way! I bought you waffles from ORANGE to say I’m sorry! Let’s do our best! ...Hey, is this your co-worker, Salama-san?” All three of them turned to me, staring at me curiously.
“Ah... hey,” I said.
“Waaah! It’s her! It’s really her!” Suddenly, their eyes were sparkling.
“I saw your commentary last night!”
“I’ve been following you forever!”
“You’re so harsh, but I love it! I’m a total fan!” they gushed, one after another. I felt a little bit intimidated by all the sudden attention. I was glad it was all positive, at least, but what was with these people?
The three of them were gabbing as they headed for the elevator. I stayed behind and whispered to Kobory, “Um, what kind of friends are these?”
“...my art group friends.” Kobory said hesitantly. “Please don’t tell anyone, but I draw fan comics for a hobby.”
“I... I see.”
“The doujinshi fair is in two days. We’d finished the work on the booklet we were putting out... but I just found out we still have to do the collab doujin.”
“What’s a collab doujin?” I wanted to know.
“You bring together creators from various groups to create a single book,” Kobory explained. “But there’s been a lot of phone tag and missed contacts, and as a result, it fell off the radar... It’s been a series of, ‘What? Nobody told me.’ You see it a lot with Tricen-san and Macaron-san and them... You know. It makes me so angry that I want to use a Daitengu Masaie to cut someone in half! But I don’t have a choice. I can’t make trouble for the other groups. Fortunately, the others have done the storyboards, so as lead artist, if I work all night... I think we can finish it.”
�
�Ahh,” I said. Her explanation didn’t really clarify things at all. “What’s a Daitengu Masaie?”
“It’s the name of a katana,” Kobory said. “Of course, I don’t really have one... Don’t worry about it.”
“I see.”
“Incidentally, my quota is four pages. Even though I’m not a pro. It’s pretty harsh...” she sighed. “I don’t think I’ll get any sleep tonight.”
“I... see.”
“By the way, Salama-san, do you know how to use CS?” Kobory asked.
“Use what?”
“Oh, okay,” she sighed. “I didn’t think you did...”
“Seriously, what is it?”
“Comic Studio, it’s software you use for drawing manga. I was going to ask you to help me if you could, but... sorry. You should probably just go to sleep.”
“R-Right...” I agreed.
Of course, I couldn’t sleep after that. Kobory and her art group friends were crazy busy drawing their manga. They’d let me use the bedroom next door, but I couldn’t help overhearing their stressed out exchanges in the living room.
“Um, do you think 60L10% is okay for this tone?”
“...Didn’t I tell you to use gradation for the nipples? That’s a screentone!”
“Ah, right... sorry.”
There was no way I was sleeping like this. They insisted that it was just a hobby, but that tone in their voices... The tension... This was work! I don’t know why, but I felt like I was skipping out on work to sleep, and I felt really guilty about it!
I couldn’t take it. I snapped to my feet and left the bedroom. It was 2:30 in the morning. I’d planned to just tell them I needed a glass of water and head right back in; I said hi to Kobory, but she was so laser-focused on her tablet that she didn’t even notice. It was honestly incredible; I’d never seen her that focused during dance practice. Maybe this kind of work was more her speed?
Incidentally, Kobory’s assistant friends didn’t seem to be doing anything. They’d initially been helping out on Kobory’s secondary PC and the laptops they’d brought from home, but when I came out, they were just messing around. One of them was even doing some sewing. Why was she sewing at this time of night?
“It’s for cosplay!” the sewing girl declared when she noticed me squinting at her. “It’s a booth costume. You know the comic we were drawing? There’s this one character in it who’s featured! See? Cute, huh?”
She showed me the picture of the character. I thought it was a girl at first, but it was actually a boy in girls’ clothing.
Wuh. Weird. ...Or so I’d wished was my reaction, but he actually was pretty cute. It was a really nice picture, too. The lines were delicate, and it had a strange allure. Whoever drew this was amazing. And this was a boy? Yeah, I kinda liked it. I wondered what the boy’s name was.
“Salama-san, do you want to wear it?!” the girl asked excitedly.
Huh?
“Yeah! I bet it’d look great on you! You’ve got such a masculine energy!”
Um. Excuse me?
“You don’t have to wear it on the day of the show!” she said. “Just for now! For now!”
Just for now? Well, um, but... While groping for an answer, I cast a glance at Kobory. She was so focused on her drawing that she didn’t even seem to hear our conversation. She wasn’t looking. She wasn’t listening.
I was feeling a little loopy, too, probably due to lack of sleep. If I turned the girl down now, it might crash the mood even worse, which would make it even harder for me to sleep, and... “Ah, um. Well...”
Ten minutes later...
I got changed in the bedroom so I wouldn’t get in Kobory’s way, and when her assistant friends saw me, they started squealing with joy.
“Yeeee!”
“It’s great! It’s so great! I knew it’d be great!”
“You’re a princess! There’s a princess among us!” the girls shouted in excitement.
I was wearing a, um... magical girl (boy) costume? Kind of thing... It was actually a lot less revealing than the stage costume I wore all the time, with long sleeves and knee socks. It looked a little bit like Isuzu-chan’s winter uniform, actually. But even so... Why did I feel so embarrassed?
Pastel pink. Frills. It was so girly. And they even made me hold this magic stick thing... I would have loved to wear something like this as a kid, but I was a grown-up now. It just felt like a weird fetish! I felt like a 40-something with high school-aged kids, dressing in a sailor-style school uniform! When I expressed my reservations, they all denied it vehemently.
“No, no, no! You’re wrong!”
“It looks great on you!”
“And the shame just makes it better! I love it!”
“R-Really?” I asked. Despite my doubts, I gave a twirl. The pleated miniskirt flared out and the three screamed even louder.
“Oh, gosh! Oh, gosh! Salama-san, you’re too good!”
“Someone shy and mean playing a pure character is incredibly powerful!”
Ignoring my discomfort, they took out smartphones and started taking pictures. Wait a minute, I thought. I didn’t agree to a photoshoot! Hey!
“Salama-san! Do one more twirl!”
“Ah, okay...” I found myself doing it. I showed off all the frills. The girls were delighted.
“This is great! It’s great!”
“It’s criminal! Just crazy!”
“Salama-san! Keep it up! Keep it up! Arch your back and hold out the stick!”
“Huh?” I asked. “Huh?”
“Like this! Like this!” The girl in the track suit showed me, and I did it. I held up the magical stick (it was also really well made) and posed with my fingertip on my chin.
“Yes, perfect! Now the catchphrase! ‘My stem cells are in top gear!’”
Um, what? I wondered suspiciously. What kind of story is this?
“Salama-san, please!” the assistant begged. “Please please please please!”
“But...” I tried to protest.
“If you can’t do that, just say ‘stem cells, yeah!’”
That makes less sense! What kind of story is this character in?!
“Anyway, at least say... at least say ‘stem cells!’ That’s the one thing we desperately need!”
You don’t need it! I thought. What is this stem cell obsession?!
“Yes. Good luck, Salama-san!”
“Make it sound cute! Come on! ‘Stem cells!’”
“S-Stem cells...” I stuttered weakly.
“Do it cuter!” the assistant demanded. “And don’t forget the pose!”
“S-Stem cells...” I said.
“Yes, yes! That’s the way! With the cute pose! One more time! One, two...”
“Stem cells!” I held up the magic stick, twirled my miniskirt, and shouted the line with a beaming smile. The three took picture after picture, shrieking in delight.
Just then, I noticed Kobory standing outside the room. I froze. Her eyes looked empty and bloodshot as she glared at me. I was frozen in position, wearing a frilly magical girl(?) costume, holding a stick, and striking a pose.
“Um...” Kobory said. “Excuse me, but it’s three in the morning.”
“S-Sorry,” I mumbled. Can you imagine the despair I felt? Wearing that outfit, striking a pose, and being told, “it’s three in the morning”? Good thing I didn’t have a gun or a knife on me. I would’ve killed myself on the spot!
“You’re going to bother the neighbors,” Kobory said.
“R..................... right,” I agreed.
“Anyway, guys. I have the sketches done.”
Wait a minute, why did they get off with an ‘anyway, guys’?! Does she think I’m the ringleader?! That’s not fair!
“Okaaay!” Kobory’s art friends slumped back to work.
Once they were all out of the room, Kobory walked up to me and whispered: “I’m sorry. I can imagine how it happened. They all forced you, right?”
“Ah... yeah,” I admitted.
>
“I’m really sorry... But anyway, get some rest,” Kobory said, then went back to the room next door. As she did, she took the opportunity to get a picture of me with her smartphone.
“Ah... hey?!” I protested.
“Good night.”
“How can I sleep?!” I wailed. I felt like she’d gotten blackmail material on me. It was awkward, embarrassing, pathetic... By the time I dozed off, it was already morning.
I must have looked like a zombie from lack of sleep, because everyone I met on the way to work looked at me with concern. It wasn’t just me; Kobory seemed to be on her last legs, too. She had worked all night, and apparently only got 30 minutes of sleep in the end. So, a deeply concerned Muse ended up canceling our morning performance (the fact that it was raining helped), and Kobory and I took a nap.
“I don’t know what kind of wild party you got up to last night, but...” Kanie Seiya-kun, our acting manager, was saying; he’d heard that we’d taken the day off and had stopped by to look in on us. “You need to take better care of yourselves. We start B-team auditions this week, so I need you to stay sharp until then.”
“Yeah. Sorry...” I told Kanie-kun, my head woozy from sleep dep.
In case you’re wondering, the B-team was a back-up cast for Elementario. Up until now, the four of us had been running all the performances ourselves. But we needed rest days, and sick days, and it was impossible to keep up half a dozen performances a day seven days a week while also planning and rehearsing new content. In the past, even during our busy season, we’d been able to arrange a day off on Monday or Tuesday, but we knew we couldn’t keep that up forever—we did have the fourth most popular attraction in the park, and all—which was why Kanie-kun was putting out want ads for substitutes. We weren’t sure how it would work out, but I guessed the idea was that we’d cycle between teams to reduce the burden on us. Which sounded nice on the face of it, but knowing Kanie-kun, he was probably angling to use the chance to give us a pay cut.
And, not to brag or anything, but our dancing and wire stunts aren’t actually all that easy. We’ve gotta fly around in midair, spinning all around and weaving in and out of spotlights, and any accidents we get into can result in major pain. Our popularity wasn’t just because of our sexy costumes (...I assured myself).