by Shouji Gatou
“Yes,” said Isuzu, explaining the circumstances. “You see...”
Kanie-kun nodded. “I see. Hmm...” He put a hand to his chin and considered. His eyes flicked towards me from time to time, and by the end, he was scrutinizing me openly. He was a little scary when he did this sort of thing. He seemed to be thinking pretty hard about something, and even though he was younger than I was, I felt like he could see right through me. “By the way, what’s Muse doing? Surely you could stay with her tonight.”
“Ah? Um...” I floundered, unsure of how to answer him.
“You’re friends, aren’t you?” he asked pointedly.
“W-Well...”
“Ugh, forget it. I’ll call her. Let’s go.” Kanie-kun immediately pulled out his smartphone and called Muse. I didn’t even have a chance to stop him. “...Is this Muse? It’s me. Salama doesn’t have a place to stay tonight. Can she stay at your place? ...No, I don’t care about your landlady. Hm... ah-ha... mm-hm...”
Muse was clearly saying something on the other end of the phone, but I couldn’t hear it.
“Yeah, yeah. Look, I don’t care. Just let her stay. Let her stay. ...What? Didn’t you hear me? All right, then, get ready for things to get a lot harder for you at our next planning conference! Maybe I’ll just scrap all your suggestions. Oh, don’t like that, do you? Yeah, so scary! Poor you! You’ll be humiliated!”
It was really harsh. He was bringing all his power as acting manager to bear, to force the reluctant Muse into helping me. I hadn’t thought Kanie-kun was that kind of person. I was feeling pretty grossed out by him!
But Isuzu-chan and Moffle-senpai—even Latifah-sama—simply watched in silence. They didn’t try to scold him or protest. That was a shock, too—were they all just Kanie-kun’s yes-men?!
“Hey... Kanie-kun...” I tried to interrupt him.
“Shut up,” he said. “...Anyway, just do it. I’ll be sending her your way now, so find a place nearby to meet her. That’s an order! Goodbye.” Kanie-kun cut off the one-sided call, and I launched into my protest.
“Are you nuts? How could you do that to her? It’s power harassment!”
“Yeah,” he shrugged, “maybe it is.”
“It’s not like I asked for this! How could you make Muse so uncomfortable?” I demanded. “And using my name to do it! What do you think you’re doing?!”
“What do I think I’m doing?” Kanie-kun peered into my face. You could call his smile ‘indomitable.’ I was expecting cold indifference, but somehow it seemed like he was enjoying himself. “My job, of course. If you don’t like it, submit your resignation. I want it on my desk tomorrow morning at 9:00.”
“What...” I was so confused.
“This conversation is over,” Kanie-kun announced. “Moffle, get her there.”
“Roger that, fumo.”
“Sento, you stay,” he went on. “I need to talk to you and Latifah about the budget.”
“Understood.”
Moffle-senpai and Isuzu-chan both obediently did as they were told. Even Latifah-sama, though looking serious, kept her face pointed downward and said nothing.
“All right, Salama. Come on, fumo.” While I was still staring in disbelief, Moffle-senpai took my arm and dragged me along.
He drove me out in the company car. I’m not exactly sure how he drove with that stout, plush body of his... From the passenger seat, I couldn’t even tell if his feet were reaching the pedals. It would be rude to stare, though, so I actively tried not to think about it.
As it turned out... he was a great driver! Moffle accelerated and decelerated smoothly; his steering was even, and he made a slow stop at the red lights. He was very precise when changing lanes; there was no stress at all for me in the passenger seat. I’d figured he would be the real reckless driver type, but he was actually a total class act.
“You know, fumo,” Moffle-senpai said, after driving for a while down the road in front of the park. “Seiya heard the whole story from Isuzu, fumo.”
“What?” I asked.
“Just the facts of it, anyway. No supposition.” He was probably referring to the fact that I hadn’t once stayed with Muse since my place got burned down.
“I think that’s why Seiya put on the whole power harassment act,” he explained. “But Isuzu, Latifah and I all saw through it. He’s not that good an actor.”
Ahh. So that’s how it was. Kanie-kun had intentionally taken on the role of villain, thinking that forcing me and Muse together would solve the problem. Oh, how wonderful! What kind consideration! I could cry!
“...That’s stupid,” I said. Actually, I hated when people did favors for me like that. I wasn’t helpless, and it wasn’t any of his business. So annoying. Just leave me alone.
“Moffu. Stupid, is it? I thought you’d say that...” Moffle observed. “But I don’t think he got the idea out of nowhere, fumo. You see...”
“I see... what?”
“After the fire, you stayed with Isuzu first, right?” Moffle said. “I was in the room with her when she called you, fumo.”
“Oh?” I asked, suddenly curious.
“It was right after a meeting. I was making small talk with Randy and Kenjuro, and Isuzu was cleaning up some documents when she got a call... The call was from Muse, fumo.”
“...?” I was surprised.
“It was a short conversation. It sounded like Muse was asking Isuzu to let you stay with her, fumo.”
“What?” Muse... called Isuzu-chan that night?
“Moffu. Then Isuzu hung up, and called you right after, fumo. She said ‘come stay with me.’ So I think it’s pretty clear, fumo.”
“What?” I said again, feeling confused. “But still...”
I wasn’t sure how to interpret what Moffle-senpai had just said. Could that also have been the reason Kobory and Sylphie had invited me for the next two days? Had Muse asked them all?
“Moffu. Well, you don’t have any friends, do you?”
“What?” I scoffed. “C’mon, I have plenty of friends...”
“Liar,” said Moffle. “And I’m sure you’re the kind of pain in the ass who tells her colleagues ‘I have tons of friends, so I’ll find a place to stay, easy!’ right?”
“Huh?” I asked innocently. “What are you talking about?” Yeah, I thought, you’re dead-on.
“Hmph. Whatever you say, fumo. A gentleman like me will just laugh at your vanity, but Kobory and Sylphie are different, fumo. They’ll take you seriously.”
“M... mmgh...”
“So even if Muse got worried and told them to invite you... you can’t really blame her, fumo.”
“......” What the hell? I wondered. How pathetic am I? Super pathetic, actually...
“Moffu. Pretty lame, eh?” Moffle teased. “Salama-san’s cool girl image is all down the drain.”
“Just... Just butt out.” It took all I had to say that. Everyone was being super considerate of me, and what was I doing? It was pathetic. Super pathetic.
“Moffu,” he said happily. “That look of humiliation on your face is really something, fumo. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone; I’ll keep it for my own amusement, fumo.”
Shut up, I thought venomously. Die, you plague rat.
“Look at those defiant tears. You’re thinking, ‘Shut up. Die, you plague rat.’ Aren’t you, fumo?”
“O-Of course not...”
“No, I can tell, fumo!” Moffle-senpai’s conscientious driving took us to an intersection near Seiseki Tsubakigaoka, where Moffle-senpai let out a sigh. “...Anyway, I don’t know why Muse wouldn’t let you stay with her, fumo. So you need to stop moping and just ask her, fumo.”
“But...”
“You’re best friends, aren’t you, fumo?” The directness of the question caused me to avert my eyes. I felt like my face was on fire.
“You aren’t, fumo?” he asked again.
“Well, I...”
“Which is it, fumo?”
“W-Well...” I sniffe
d. “I think I’d... like to be...”
“Then talk to her. And quit making us worry, fumo.”
“Not like I asked you to...”
“Hmph.”
The neon of the suburbs rolled past. Signals and street lights blinked in the corners of my vision. I couldn’t even look at Moffle-senpai head on.
“Um... Moffle-senpai?” I finally said.
“Yeah, fumo?”
“Are you being... um, kind to me?”
“Yeah,” he admitted. “Though the kindness is mostly meant for Muse. It’s only 10% directed at you.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I muttered. “Well, thanks a ton.”
“What kind of half-hearted thank you is that?” he wanted to know. “Give it a little more spirit!”
“Yeah, yeah...”
“You did that on purpose, fumo! It’s getting on my nerves! Do you know that the people most frequently wounded in traffic accidents are in the passenger seat?!” Moffle demanded. “You’re at the mercy of my driving, you know!”
“Look, whatever,” I told him. “We’re almost to the meet-up point.”
Muse was standing in front of a conspicuous convenience store on a big thoroughfare near the station, wearing her street clothes: a baggy T-shirt and tight-fitting shorts. So cute... Muse noticed our car, and waved as hard as she could.
“Oho, there she is,” Moffle chuckled. “...And Salama, don’t tweet about this conversation, all right?”
“Oh, come on!” I protested. “You know I wouldn’t!”
“No, you would, fumo. ‘Moffle gave me a lecture about my working relationships. What a bossy boss,’ and such.”
“I wouldn’t!” I’m not that insensitive! Besides, my smartphone battery is down to 12%... Well, of course... If it had been over 50%, I really might have posted a grievance or two.
Moffle-senpai let me out, and once his car was out of sight, Muse said: “Salama... seriously, don’t tell anyone, okay?” That was the first thing out of her mouth. She didn’t even say hello.
“Don’t tell anyone... about what?” I asked.
“I can’t really explain it... Just promise me you won’t tell anyone.”
Things had already been awkward between us lately, so I didn’t know how to react to that. To be honest, I figured the second we met, she’d have a few nasty words for me... I mean, this had only happened because Kanie-kun strong-armed her into it.
“I’m... staying in a boarding house,” Muse admitted.
“I heard.”
“It’s just the standard thing, okay? It’s a normal house, but they rent out rooms on the second floor to girls...”
“Ah, yeah. I’ve heard about that,” I said. “It’s the kind of arrangement that lets both the landlady and the renters feel more comfortable.”
“Yeah. The rent is pretty low, too... So being able to stay there has been a huge help,” Muse said earnestly as she walked down the lit-up street.
“So, what’s secret about it?”
“Well... the landlady, okay? She’s a doctor.”
“R-Right...” What’s the problem with that? I wondered. It’s a great job.
“Ah, but I’ve never been her patient, okay?! Not once! I mean it! ...Just, it results in a lot of misunderstandings, and I get embarrassed... and maybe it’s not fair to the landlady, it’s just, it’s really not what you’d think! Just keep that in mind!”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about...” I said, feeling bewildered.
“Just keep it secret, okay?” Muse insisted. “Don’t ever tell anyone!”
“I won’t, okay?” Why the hell would I tell anyone? I was feeling a little sad about how little she trusted me. But just as I was sighing about that...
“Here’s the boarding house...” Muse said, and stopped. Her head was bowed and she was as red as a beet.
I finally got a look at the hospital, which was a large house made of reinforced concrete. There were three entrances: one for the residents, one for boarders, and one for patients.
The sign on the hospital read: “Proctologist.”
My eyes opened wide. Proctologist?
“Like I said, I’m really not a patient, okay?” Muse insisted, talking fast. “Okay?! I’m not! I just live in the same building... Salama, why won’t you say something? Are you freaked out? You are, aren’t you?! But it’s really not true! Say something! Hey! Please!” Muse clung to me, eyes filled with tears.
“Well, this... explains a lot...” I trailed off.
“Ah... what do you mean by that?!” she wailed.
Of course she couldn’t say it. All the tension flooded out of my body. What had I spent all those days depressed for? A proctologist, huh? Of course she couldn’t admit to that. If I were in Muse’s shoes, I wouldn’t admit to it either. Not a chance in hell.
“Well, “ I explained, “I was just thinking ‘ah, that fits.’”
“I-Is that a pun?!” she choked out. “Are you enjoying this?!”
“No,” I said, “of course not!”
“But, but...”
It’s not a pun! It’s a coincidence! An act of God! Stop twisting everything! You’re making me want to cry! I thought. Well, cry from laughter, maybe...
“Salama... don’t hate me!”
“I’m not going to! Now, quit annoying the neighbors with your shouting and let’s go inside. Okay? Okay?”
“Yeah... I really am sorry.”
“And why are you apologizing?” I demanded. “Knock it off.”
“But... but...”
“I already know everything.” Yes, it all added up now. My spirit felt the lightest it had in several days. “I’m the one who should be sorry.”
“But...”
“Go in, go in!” I urged her. “Hurry, hurry!”
“O-Okay...” Dragging her feet, Muse walked in the entrance for the boarding house.
I let out a sigh, and then followed her.
Muse’s apartment was pretty large and very clean. The futon she laid out for me was fluffy and comfortable.
I used her shower, and when I came out she was already asleep in bed. Of course, I had to take pictures. Ugh. She’s so trusting I could die!
The shutter sound woke Muse up, and she sleepily said, “hey, cut it out,” and we spent a little time winding down together. Before she went back to sleep, we had a nice talk about romance and life.
I even got to have the exchange I’d dreamed about, where I asked, “Muse, are you asleep?” and she clearly was.
I woke up the next morning to the sound of sparrows chirping outside. Muse was making miso soup! She wore a thin apron over her around-the-house clothes and said, “Morning, Salama. Breakfast will be ready soon!”
A housewife act? Is she trying to kill me?! I wondered. Well, I had been pretty much ignoring her and giving her the cold shoulder the past few days...
On the way to work, we said hi to the landlady, whom we happened to meet out front. She seemed nice, and she said, “Come by any time.” Pretty cool.
Muse shot her a leisurely, “See you later, Auntie!” They seemed to be close. But that old woman was a proctologist?
I don’t know why, but I felt like I had grown up that day.
[The End]
I’m Not All Rotten, Okay?
I’m Kobory, the Spirit of Earth. I work at Elementario (formerly Aquario). Do you believe in fairies? Well, of course, I guess you’d have to... Muse-san, Salama-san, Sylphie-san and I are spirits of the four basic elements, and we come from magical lands just like Moffle-senpai and his friends.
By the way, apparently there’s been a strange rumor going around in our cast lately: They say there’s a fairy in the park. I don’t really understand what they mean, of course... We’ve always had fairies here, working their fingers to the bone! The first time I heard about it, I’m sure a big question mark appeared over my head. It would be like someone at a normal company saying, “I hear there are humans working here.”
“C’mon, girlie
. Don’t go looking so confused.” I was talking to the head of the maintenance department, Wrenchy-kun-san. We were on a break from work, shooting the breeze in a corner of the underground passageway.
He and I weren’t especially close, but for some reason, we tended to see a lot of each other. Whenever he needed to talk about the Elementario facilities, I was always the one he seemed to come to first, and this time, I just happened to say hello to him in the break room while he was enjoying a can of coffee.
“‘Fairy’ is just a figure of speech. What I mean is, there’s somethin’ strange goin’ on around here.” That rough Tokyo dialect was how Wrenchy-kun-san always talked. He looked like a large wrench with arms and legs, wearing a headband, and he spoke like your typical workman. He looked after all of the park’s facilities—the power, the air circulation, the water pipes, the sound system, the lighting—and he was very reliable, to the point that even Kanie-san respected him.
“What do you mean, ‘something strange’?” I wanted to know.
“I wouldn’t be callin’ it a fairy if I knew!” he insisted. “I’m just sayin’, there’s some strange things afoot that a man can’t explain.”
“Do you mean like a gremlin?” I wondered.
“The hell’s that?”
“It’s a mortal legend about imps that sabotage machinery... World War II bombers and things like that,” I explained. “Inexplicable breakdowns they suffered would be said to have been the work of gremlins.”
Wrenchy-kun-san just stared at me. “You know the strangest things, girlie.”
“Well...”
“But, fine... it’s somethin’ like that, then. The fairy plays pranks, but nothin’ bad like that. It only seems to do good things, matter of fact.”
“Ahh. Is that so?” So it’s like a reverse gremlin, I thought, A fairy that only does good things—that sounds nice.
“It happened to me once, y’see. I’m sure it was the fairy behind it, any rate.”