by Lila Felix
I jumped into Flint’s truck and slammed the door way too hard.
“What the hell crawled up your ass this morning?”
I crossed my arms over my chest and growled, “I swear Flint, I don’t even know.”
The whole thing crashed on top of me that morning. I flipped French toast and thought to myself, ‘This is it. Yes, I’ve got Hawke now, but it’s just more of the same, cooking and cleaning, except this time I’ll be expected to spit out cubs. Perfect.’
It was an attitude very ugly and very human. My bear fought me on it tooth and nail. The feeling overwhelmed my happiness from the night before, pushing it into shadows and forcing it to cower. And as Hawke got ready to go out into the world, I felt even worse. I hadn’t meant to take it out on him, I hadn’t. But somehow it escalated and multiplied like yeast in a bowl of warm sugar and flour.
I took out my frustrations on the dirt as I cleaned the house, taking note of things that were needed. Like Pine-Sol, the boy had no Pine-Sol.
A few minutes before noon; and a sparkling house later, someone knocked on the door. They smelled faintly like lemons, and I knew it was Martha.
“Hi,” I said to her not so happily.
“I’m running to the Target in town. Do you want to ride, or is there anything you need?”
“I’d love to ride with you.”
In the car, I spilled my guts about the morning before and was completely honest about everything. As I told the story, I was convinced of what a wench I’d been to him. And I thought I’d make a pretty nasty dent in his male pride.
“It’s not that he wants you to stay home. It has nothing to do with it. It’s him, needing to provide for his family. Cubs or not, you two are a family now. Try looking at it from a different perspective.”
She parked at Target and we got out together, “He is the Alpha, his word is law. But you, as the female, you have the privilege of taking care of the Alpha, being his confidant, sharing in decision-making. He may be the machine that runs the clan, but a machine can’t work without power. And it’s just that, a machine. You give it the heart it needs. You don’t know how lucky you are.”
Suddenly, I realized just how horrible I was. You’d think after years of being treated like dirt, I’d accept my place and thrive in it. But no, all I did was bitch and moan.
“I’m sorry, Martha. I didn’t mean to offend you. I know you must be…”
“Desperate for a mate and a family of my own.” She finished my sentence for me, looking down.
“I’m trying to offend everyone in the clan today, apparently.”
She shrugged, grabbed a cart and pulled out a very organized list, by department and then each item was written alphabetically.
“When we get back, can I show you some things?”
“Like what?”
“Yes or no.”
“Yes.”
“Okay, now, I need coffee creamer. I drink creamer with a little coffee in it, not the other way around.”
“I knew I liked you.”
After the learning experience of shopping with Martha, we went back to our houses to unpack our groceries. But only minutes later, she was back, dragging me to another home.
“I think once you meet Clarissa, you’ll know what I mean about you having enough work cut out for you already.”
I had no idea what she meant, until a middle aged woman, named Clarissa, opened the door but only a small amount.
“Hello, Martha…and you are?”
Martha spoke for me, “Coeur, this is Clarissa, my cousin. Clarissa, this is Echo, the Alpha’s new mate. I am trying to introduce her to everyone.”
“Oh,” the woman began to get very nervous. “I’m sorry I can’t invite you in.”
“That’s fine,” I could see as she moved that behind Clarissa was a mountain of mess—and the smell coming from her home was something between mildew and decaying garbage.
“It was nice to meet you formally. Have a good day.”
I looked at Martha like she was nuts.
“Now, let’s go see Clarissa’s family.”
“Her parents?”
“Nope,” she said as she crossed over to the house next door, “Her husband and children.”
Martha knocked on the door. A middle aged man answered the door with a four or five year old girl in tow and another boy, about six, tugging on his pants. Overwhelmed didn’t begin to cover the look on his face and the stress in his stance. “Hello, Coeur, how are you, please come in.”
We went into the house and for a man who had toddlers on foot, the place was clean and orderly.
“Adam, the Coeur is getting a feel for all of the families in the clan.”
“Can you help my wife?”
Martha had barely finished her sentence when he blurted out his question.
“Why do you live separately from your mate?”
“Because we couldn’t walk in the house. She collects junk. She doesn’t clean. I know she needs some mental help. But I can’t talk her into it. After these two were born, I just couldn’t take it anymore. As much as it hurts me to live apart from her, it’s not safe for the kids. I thought it would be enough to make her change. But we’ve been here over a year and nothing.”
By the time he finished, he was in tears.
Suddenly, my little temper tantrum from the morning made me feel completely petty. I had a clan to take care of, starting with my mate, and secondly with a female named Clarissa.
“Yes. I will make some calls. We will get her the help she needs. And even if we have to have Hawke command her to go to counseling, we will make sure your family is put back together. We need to clean out that home, make it safe for your cubs.”
“Thank you. No one else—I shouldn’t speak ill of the other Alpha.”
“It’s ok. I didn’t know him. But, I do know Hawke, and I will speak to him about this tonight.”
“I can’t thank you enough. I have to go to work tonight, but I will be home in the morning. Please call me and let me know what I can do.”
“I will. Goodbye, Adam.”
We walked back to my house and parted ways so Martha could go home.
“Food for thought,” she yelled back at me.
“No kidding,” I mumbled to myself. It seems that the whole time I was whining about not having a job, I was ignoring my job. I’d submitted myself to the mate claim, but it wasn’t until I entered the house with a new perspective that I submitted myself to my mate and my job as the Coeur.
Now I’d have to admit to my mistake.
For someone who’d come from nothing, I sure did have a lot of pride.
I spent the rest of the afternoon making calls, mostly leaving messages with clan members about the Sunday dinner—and I found Clarissa a psychologist in Lafayette. But she only made house visits since she specialized in hoarding and obsessive compulsive disorders. I would have to ask Hawke how to handle that situation.
Hawke hadn’t called all day. I kept my phone with me but it never rang. He must’ve been really angry—but all I felt from him was tension.
Around four, I made dinner, a whole roasted chicken with salad and roasted vegetables. I left it in the oven on warm while I straightened up again. I took pity on Clarissa who didn’t have the pride in keeping her family’s home a clean, safe place to return.
I went upstairs, took a shower and changed into another pair of jeans and a pink Henley, short sleeved shirt. By six, I started to get worried and I decided to call Hawke.
“Hello?”
“Hi.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes. I just expected you already. I was making sure you’re fine.”
“I’m fine. We’re pulling through the gate now.”
I hung up and waited. I’d apologized many, many times, but never actually meant it in the past. With Horace and the other clan, I apologized for survival. Now, I was charged with the task of apologizing and meaning it.
He came in and shot me a cu
rt smile. He climbed the stairs, and a few minutes later I heard the shower turn on. While I waited, I set the table and made our plates—kissing ass again.
“Smells good,” he remarked, coming into the kitchen barefoot, wearing gray sweatpants and a white thermal.
“Your plate’s on the table. I’m just getting the salad.”
He sat and waited for me to sit with him before digging in. His left hand and my right were next to each other on the table. It was excruciating, the impasse we were at. I was coiled tighter than a rattlesnake, but still didn’t quite know how to relent.
“What happened to you today,” he asked breaking the silence.
“I hung out with Martha. She introduced me to some clan members, I cleaned the house, did laundry, made some calls. And you?”
“I worked.”
He got up, and I tried to take his plate from him, “I’m getting more. It’s really good.”
“Thanks.”
I could see the stress in his movements as he walked.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered with as much meaning as I could pack with it.
One second I was in the chair and the next I was in his embrace. He held me so tightly I thought we’d mold into one. His mouth was on my neck, and he inhaled my scent as he spoke his next words.
“You can do whatever you want to. Damn, I was such an ass this morning.”
“No, I understand. Believe me, after the day I had, I understand the importance of my role and yours.”
“Well, then by all means. Please tell me. I nearly took off the head of everyone I came in contact with today. I was wound up so tight thinking you were angry. I didn’t feel your anger, but I still thought about it.”
“You need to finish eating.”
He shook his head, his face now buried in my hair, “Right now, I just need your voice. I can eat more, later.”
He brought me to the couch, and to the tune of more of his piano music, I told him the day’s events.
“They’ve been separated for over a year? No one ever told me.”
“Well, when I came home, I wanted to clean just because I could. I also made some calls but the psychologist who treats hoarding only makes house calls. So she would have to come onto clan land. I didn’t know if that was ok.”
He seemed to be listening to what I was saying but there was also something else on his mind, I could tell.
“What? Tell me.”
“Someone visited me at work today. I don’t even want to tell you.”
“Who?”
“I think—I think it was your mom.”
“What?”
“We never did talk about what Rev told me yesterday. He had some hunch that a woman from another clan, a human woman, mated to a black bear, was your mother. He said she had the same eyes and she was a Native American healer. After he remembered, he looked up the records and contacted her. She can’t come on clan lands without permission, so she came to my work. I didn’t know how to tell you. Her eyes and her hair—they are just like yours.”
Tears came down, “What did she say?”
He took my hands in his, “She wants to come and visit you. She said you were taken from her when you were a baby. Your father is not alive, but she lives with the LaFourche clan—she is still considered a member.”
“I want to see her,” I answered his unspoken question.
“I know. That’s why I asked her to come by next weekend. This weekend we’ll be busy and to be honest, I want to take my mate on a real date.”
“That rhymed.”
He chuckled, “You get really smart ass when you’re nervous.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I love it.”
“Rev didn’t come over, you should call him. Make sure he’s ok.”
“I already talked to him today. He will be here for the meeting on Saturday morning.”
“Your mom seemed very genuine and very kind. I hope you can have a relationship with her.”
“Me too.”
“So, now I have very specific plans. They involve you and TV.”
I threw my head back, “I hate TV!”
“I know—but I was trying to think of a way to make up with you, so I had Flint bring me to the store on our lunch break and I bought you something.”
“What?”
“These,” he got up and retrieved a bag from just inside the door, reached in and held up movies, DVDs. And as he flashed the titles in front of my face, I could see what they were.
“Did you go Nicholas Sparks crazy?”
“Yep. Now, I say pajamas, doors locked, phones on vibrate and we’ll have a date at home.”
“Only if you make me a deal.”
“Anything,” he agreed with a smile.
“Don’t go to work upset anymore. Today sucked.”
Friday morning, he left for work right on time, taking his truck. And since I hadn’t had time the day before, I called Martha, ready to get started on my gift for him. Then I made a call to Rev, to help me get all of the bins to Martha’s house. He showed up, bringing all of the bins into Martha’s house while she was in her sewing room, getting everything set up. I had done it all on purpose, trying to get the two of them to look at each other. But it seemed like no matter what I did, they were always in two different places. Finally settled, we began the daunting job of cutting all of those pelts into equal pieces. It looked like we would have just enough for a king sized blanket.
My mind continued to touch down on thoughts about the night before. Hawke had told me about seeing the woman who claimed to be my mother, but I couldn’t help but doubt it. If she was my mother, why hadn’t she looked for me? And although my initial reaction was wanting to meet her, I just didn’t know anymore.
My phone ringing brought me back, “Hello.”
“Your heart is all over the place, what’s wrong?”
“I was just thinking about my mom. I’m sorry.”
“She’s gonna love you. It’s impossible not to. What are you doing?”
“I’m at Martha’s, making your gift.”
“I’ve got to get back. I will see you later, mate.”
He hung up, and I felt reassured just hearing his voice. Martha and I called it a day after three, only stopping for lunch. We’d gotten all of the pelts cut and sewed five rows. We only had a million more by the next full moon—no sweat.
On my way home, my phone rang. Momentarily, I thought it was Echo, and I smiled picking the phone from my pocket. But it was Rev. I cringed thinking about what I’d asked him to research. There was more at hand than Echo’s mother showing up. There was a chance she could, according to our laws, make a claim to Echo that superseded the mate claim. She could also make the accusation that I’d pursued the mate claim without her parents’ permission. It was something just not done. Even if you had met your mate, the law stated that permission must be granted of the female’s parents before proceeding with the rest of the mating. It was rarely denied, every bear knew the power of the mate claim. But I’d had Rev research it just in case she accused me of going against the laws I was trusted to protect.
“Rev, did you find anything?”
“Yes, Alpha. If she decides, she has a legitimate claim. The law states you should’ve made a great effort to find her parents before the mark was made.”
“Shit! So now I just have to wait and see what she does?”
“Yes, and Alpha?”
“What?”
“Be nice to this woman. Give her permission to visit Echo whenever she wants, maybe that will placate her. There’s a chance she could take your mate. The law says she could take her for ninety days. That would be just enough time to break your bond; if the ceremonies are not performed. She would be free to find a mate in another male. While you would be stuck, forever bonded to a female that no longer is bonded to you.”
“I know,” I growled back at him.
“Goodbye, I will be at the meeting tomorrow.”
&n
bsp; I slowed my breathing, hoping my spike in heart rate wouldn’t set her off.
I parked and went into the house, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just an idiot driver in front of me.”
“Oh, yeah, ok. I made meatloaf.”
“I just wanna run with my mate. Can we just do that?”
“Of course. Is it okay now, during the day?”
“Yes,” I reached for her, holding her tight against my chest, trying to squelch the desire to lock her up somewhere her mother could never find her. But my bear knew that her mother would make her happy. She needed to know her, but the thought of her taking my mate from me scrambled my insides.
“You’re all tense. Let’s go now.”
I dragged her out with me and didn’t even have the strength to wait until I undressed, I shifted right outside the back door, splitting and shredding my clothes in the process. My bear let out a tremendous growl, so happy to be able to get rid of the anxiety, if only for a moment. Echo shifted in the same manner, not bothering to release tethers of clothing.
Then she took off into the trees never looking back. Her need for a shift was as great as mine. That’s why we were meant for each other, all of our basic needs were on the same levels. We differed in all sorts of things, but our instincts were mirror images of each other.
I watched her in front of me, free and graceful—she didn’t look back to see if I was following. She knew I would. I’d follow her anywhere.
We ran all the way to an area of swamp near the river. Her steps were deliberate, trying not to get mucked down in the recesses. She plopped down beside a tree and scratched an itch on the rough park of a pine tree. Lying down, I could hear the screech of a bald eagle above us. Flopping down next to her on my side, I was able to relax. If my mate was to be taken from me, I would enjoy the moments I had left with her, maybe be able to make them memorable enough—maybe our bond could somehow withstand the time apart. She laid down beside me, head on my rib cage. I knew she listened to my breaths and the beat of my heart just as I listened to hers. My stomach growled in hunger, and it startled her. But my bear didn’t want human food. I could hear a rabbit in the distance, getting closer. I didn’t like to eat rabbits, but chasing them was always fun. As I got up, I noticed Echo’s eyes were on the river. She was hungry as well.