“You think I don’t know that? I was fucking there!” I swallowed thickly as the memories came crashing back. The smell of scorched earth. The sick knowledge that we were trapped. The heat from the flames licking at our emergency fire shelters. The roar when the fire overtook us… Shaking my head to clear it, I scowled at Vanessa. “I remember it every time I look in the goddamn mirror.”
She paled as her eyes locked on the scarred skin visible on my neck. “I didn’t mean—”
“I know what you meant.” I sighed. “No one expects you to stop living your life. I just, I don’t feel that way about you.” I paused to figure out something—anything—to say to make this less harsh. Finally, I shook my head. “To me you’ll always be Jay’s girl.”
“I see.” Her face went blank. She’d shut down.
For the second time that day, I felt like an ass. But, like with Sabrina, this was for the best. She—they—deserved better than the scarred shell of a man I’d become.
Suddenly unable to breathe, I turned on my heel and headed for the front door. “Bella! Time to go.”
I didn’t look to see if the dog was following. Since she’d attached herself to my hip two weeks ago, I couldn’t shake her. Not that I was trying very hard lately.
“Logan.” Vanessa called from the kitchen.
But I didn’t want to hear whatever it was she wanted to say.
“I can’t. I don’t know if I ever could.” With Bella panting at my feet on the front step, I quietly closed the door behind me.
Vanessa probably deserved an apology, but I didn’t have it in me. I’d spent so much of my time in the hospital whispering them, I was pretty sure Travis would punch me if he heard me say them again.
Although, after this clusterfuck, I don’t think saying I’m sorry would be enough.
I drove without a destination. All I could think was how much I’d screwed everything up. Sabrina. Jay. Vanessa. Jaeda. Probably Travis, too. At this point I was surprised Bella had stayed with me.
I blinked, and realized I was only three blocks from Travis’ house.
Fuck, I’d already burned two bridges today. What was one more?
With a defeated sigh, I pulled into my buddy’s driveway and parked next to his SUV.
“Come on, Bella. Let’s go face the music.”
She whined like she could read my mood, but after a second, she lumbered out of my pickup. I really needed to get her checked out by a veterinarian, or take her to the pound like a responsible citizen. But just the thought of leaving her in doggie jail gave me a sick feeling that I really didn’t want to explore.
Instead I stomped to Travis’ front door, lifted a fist, and pounded.
Bella groaned and plopped her butt on my feet.
She looked ridiculous as usual with her tongue hanging out as she blinked up at me, but it did nothing to improve my mood.
A beat later Travis ripped the door open. “Took you long enough.”
I snorted as I pushed passed him and into the house. That wasn’t the greeting I’d been expecting. He actually sounded relieved to see me.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I waited for my eyes to adjust to the dim interior. Swinging around, I didn’t see anyone else. “Where’s Jaeda?”
“She’s taking a nap in the spare room. And what do you think I meant? I’ve been sweating bullets waiting for you to show up.” Travis bit out the words like he was pissed I wasn’t here sooner.
I was having a hard time keeping up with his mood swings. Usually Travis was the calm, even-keeled one.
“You turned her down, right?” Travis barked. “You have been over to Vanessa’s place?”
“Yeah. She called me about some bullshit with her dishwasher, but when I got there it was fine.”
“Fine? What was fine?”
“The dishwasher. It wasn’t broke.”
“Are you shitting me?” Travis limped over and stabbed me in the chest with a finger. “That’s all you gotta say? What the fuck, man?”
“Pretty sure that’s my line. What the fuck is going on, Travis? What are you so pissed about?”
“You! And Vanessa. What do you think I’m pissed about? How long has this been going on?” His voice grew louder with every word until he was shouting at the end.
I’d unconsciously backed away until my heels bumped into his sofa. Off balance, I collapsed onto the cushions.
And then it clicked.
I remembered the way Travis had looked at Vanessa the first time we ran into her at that club. Travis had clearly been interested, but when he saw the way she’d looked at Jay, Travis had stepped back.
It was kinda similar to the way he looked now. Although now there was a lot of rage mixed in.
“Holy shit. You still like her!”
“What? No. And we’re not talking about me. This is about you. And Vanessa.”
“There is no me and Vanessa. I don’t feel that way about her. Which is what I told her when she ambushed me with that whole romantic dinner. I was kinda an ass about it. But you…” I shook my head. “You’re pissed about the whole thing because you like her.”
“Don’t be stupid. You don’t know what the fuck you’re—”
“Trabis?” A tiny voice quaked from the end of the hallway.
We both cursed as Travis took off down the hall. “I’m here, baby girl.”
“I scared.” Jaeda stood in the doorway of the bedroom with wide eyes, her short, dark hair all rucked up over her head. She was Jay in miniature—all dark hair and eyes. She even had his nose, or at least the one he’d had before he broke it twice when we were teenagers.
It physically hurt me to look at her. She was the embodiment of all my should’ve beens.
“It’s okay, baby girl. Trav is here.” My best friend scooped her into his arms and held her tight.
Jay should’ve been the one here to comfort her. Hold her. Parent her. But he wouldn’t.
He’d never have the chance.
Travis patted her back. “Me and Logan were just arguing about which Paw Patrol character is the best. I say it’s Chase, but Logan thinks it’s Marshall.”
“Chase is the best.” Jaeda scowled up at me, safe in Travis’ arms. “E’erybody knows dat.”
“Yeah, everybody knows that, Logan.” Travis echoed with a menace that had nothing to do with cartoon characters.
I forced a laugh. “Sorry, guys. You know me. I’m gonna root for the firefighter every time.”
“Like daddy.” Jaeda beamed.
It pained me that I knew so much about a cartoon, but for Jay’s daughter I’d do pretty much anything.
Anything except her mother. That was a line I couldn’t—would never—cross.
Travis cleared his throat. “Yeah. Just like Jay.”
His eyes burned into mine over Jaeda’s head, promising me he hadn’t forgotten our little conversation from earlier.
I agreed. Because once we got away from tiny ears, I had a few things I wanted to get off my chest too.
* * *
It was crazy awkward when Vanessa stopped by an hour later to pick up Jaeda. Anyone could tell by looking at her that Vanessa had spent the last hour crying. Her eyes were puffy and red, and she refused to look directly at me or Travis.
I didn’t think it was possible to feel any more like a dick, but apparently, I had new lows.
Fuck.
Her voice was a harsh whisper when she finally spoke. “You ready to go home, Jaeda?”
“No!” Jaeda scowled up at her mom. “More Paw Patrol.”
Vanessa sighed. “You can watch them at home. Come on, baby. These guys need to get back to grown up business.”
“Mama—”
“Hey,” Travis cut in with a pained smile. “How about you guys come over this weekend and we can get our Paw Patrol on some more?”
“Travis,” Vanessa hissed, finally facing us. “What did I say about promising Jaeda stuff?”
Trav blinked. “But—”
; “Come on, baby. Time to go. Tell the guys bye.” Vanessa scooped the toddler into her arms, turned, and stomped to the still open front door.
“Mama!” Jaeda wailed. “Trabis!”
I was wrong. There were still lower lows.
My eyes watered at the heartbreak in Jaeda’s eyes before the two of them disappeared. “Fuck.”
“This is on you,” Travis bit out as he crossed to the still open door. He stood in the doorway as the squeal of Vanessa’s tires pierced the sudden silence.
“I had no idea, man. I swear.” I didn’t know what else to say. What could I say to make this right?
Travis swung around and glared at me. “Because you’ve had your head up your ass for the last two years. You know, you weren’t the only one injured in that fucking fire.”
“I know, Trav, and I’m so fucking sorr—”
“No. You’ve said that so much the phrase has lost all meaning.” He closed the door with a slam and started to pace. “You say it, but you don’t fucking mean it. You’ve been so busy whipping yourself for shit that wasn’t your fault, you’re missing out on everything going on around you. The time’s come to pull your head outta your ass.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“That. Exactly.” He jabbed a finger at me. “I’ve watched this whole Vanessa thing coming for months.”
“And you didn’t say shit to warn me? What the hell?”
“I didn’t—I’d hoped that she wouldn’t have the guts to make a move.” Travis ran a hand through his hair. “She’s clearly been waiting for you to make the first move for forever. She always sits next to you when we all go out. She watches you all the fucking time and those smiles she’s always sending you.”
“I…” To me it’d been the three of us going out. Sure, she looked in my direction and smiled, but it hadn’t raised any flags. “I never saw it, man.”
“Of course you didn’t, because you’re still beating yourself up over the fucking fire. Wake up, Lo. We’ve all moved on. All of us. Everyone but you.”
“It’s not that easy.” I stood up with a grunt and snapped my fingers at Bella. “And fuck you for not getting that.”
“Don’t even try that shit with me.” Travis glared back at me. “I mean it. I watched you push your parents, your sister, and everyone from our old life away. But I was there too. I was injured too. And even I’ve moved on.”
“You’re full of shit! You haven’t moved on! You’re doing your damnedest to live Jay’s life. So how about you fuck off!”
Travis shook his head in disgust. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Everything.” I snapped my fingers at Bella again. “Come on. Let’s go.”
“Lo.”
“No.” I was so fucking done. With Travis. With all the fucking drama. I was just done. “I’m out of here.”
He didn’t say anything as I walked away with Bella at my heels. All I heard was the door closing behind me.
Travis was full of shit. He might want to pretend that he’d moved on, but he hadn’t. He was still in love with our dead best friend’s girl. And if that wasn’t the definition of fucked up, I didn’t know what was.
Chapter Five
Sabrina
I was hiding. From my mom. My brothers. Hope. Even Maddie. I didn’t have it in me to see or talk to any of them.
So I went to the one place where I knew they wouldn’t look for me—my office.
It was Saturday, and we weren’t supposed to be in the building until the new fire suppression system was installed. I might’ve gone so far as to park my car around the back next to the paint shed so no one could see it. But still. I felt safe here.
Safe enough to cry my eyes out.
I’d spent the last twelve hours crying, so Lord knows I shouldn’t have any tears left. But I was in the middle of a shitstorm of epic proportions. My mom had lied to me my entire life.
My dad was alive.
I didn’t know what to do, how to sort through all my complicated feelings. The one thing I did know was that I couldn’t go to my brothers. They’d just blow this whole thing up even more. The guys weren’t exactly known for their tact.
“What the fuck.”
Great.
I lifted my head from my desktop and saw him.
Logan looked at me with that same blank expression I’d seen too many times lately. Like I was nothing. Like we’d been nothing.
He cocked his head in that cocky bad boy way. Like I was annoying AF. “You can’t be in here.”
And I lost it.
“Call the fucking cops.”
“Wha—”
“No.” I pushed my rolling chair away with a crash and stomped over to him. “I don’t give a flying fuck. If you’ve got a problem with me being here, call the cops. Because that’s the only way you’re going to get rid of me. Now get the hell out.”
“You can’t—”
“Don’t care! Not today, Satan.” And I slammed the door shut in his face.
“Satan?” He repeated. Then I swear I heard a snorting laugh from the other side of the door.
But I had to be wrong. Logan didn’t find anything about me funny anymore. Mostly, he just ignored me when he wasn’t trying to boss me around.
Now where was I? Oh right. Crying.
For the first time in over twelve hours, I didn’t have any tears left. That little scene with Logan made me feel like I was capable of taking control of the chaos around me. I guess I had one thing to thank him for, after all. He was such an ass he made me realize I was better off without him and his weird drama.
I tipped my head and murmured to myself, “Done with that.”
So instead of wallowing, I took a deep breath, walked back to my desk, and got to work. There was always something for me to do—taxes, payroll, expenses, for both the shop and my mom’s restaurant, kept me buried. I would admit to being catty enough to avoid any work for the restaurant. I just didn’t have it in me to see her name right then.
A few hours later, I heard a whimpering bark followed by Logan shouting.
I lifted my head from the stack of bills and listened intently for anything more. A few beats later I heard the slap of his boots running down the hall to my office. My door ripped open and Logan stood there with a panicked expression.
“Quick! What do you know about labor?”
I blinked. “Like, having a baby kinda labor?”
“Yes. That.” His eyes were wild.
“Nothing. Why?”
“Shit. Fuck.” Logan ran a visibly shaking hand through his hair then mumbled to himself, “I don’t know what to do.”
“Logan? What’s going on? Who’s in labor?”
“Bella.”
“Bella,” I repeated weakly like that would tell me anything. When he didn’t elaborate, I asked, “Did you call 9-1-1?”
“Of course not. They won’t give a shit about my dog.”
“Your dog.” I had to laugh a little at that. “Okay. Maybe try your vet then. That’s the kinda thing they’d handle, right?”
“Right.” He contradicted himself by shaking his head. “Except I don’t have one. A vet that is.”
“How do you have a pregnant dog, but no vet? That’s crazy.”
“She’s not my dog. She kinda adopted me.”
Laughing to myself, I whipped out my phone and googled the closest emergency vet office. And here I’d thought he was dead inside. He couldn’t be totally bad if animals still liked him. “There’s an animal hospital on P Street that’s still open.”
“Okay. That sounds like a plan. Wait. Can we even move her? Should we move her?”
“Show me where she is.” I continued to google whelping advice as I followed Logan into the shop where we found Bella sprawled on her side in the clean rag box with a shiny, grayish sac hanging out of her. “Oh wow.”
“What do we do?”
Bella whimpered as she nudged the sac with her nose. The sac opened, letting all the
fluid out.
“Oh shit.” She was really in labor. My heartrate picked up as the situation really hit me.
With shaky hands, I pulled up the number for the animal hospital, hit dial, and handed the phone to Logan. As he answered questions, I knelt down next to Bella’s head and tried to murmur reassuringly. “Hey, Bella. Are you going to be a mommy? Did you forget to tell Logan you had babies on the way?”
Bella moaned and seemed to strain as she burrowed into the rag box. But she didn’t seem to mind my presence. I lifted a shaky hand and gently ran it over her head and down her neck. “It’s gonna be okay, Bella. Contrary to Logan’s freak out, you’re not the first dog to ever have puppies. You’re gonna be fine. You can do this.”
“Uh huh.” Logan glared at me and snapped his fingers. “I need a pen!”
Rolling my eyes at his grabby gesture, I pushed to my feet, nabbed the sharpie ten feet away from him, and slapped it into his hand.
He didn’t even make eye contact or whisper thanks.
Instead he lifted the bottom of his t-shirt, splayed his left hand under his shirt, and wrote something on the material.
I took advantage of the moment and checked out his abs. He might be an ass, but the man still had the body of a Greek god. If anything, he was more ripped than he had been two years ago. And the skin on his torso was all smooth and scar free aside from the bumps from his six pack. Geez.
Leaving him to his phone call, I turned back to Bella and concentrated on calming her. She was panting, and every few minutes, she seemed to strain like she was trying to push.
“You’re doing a great job, Bella.” I murmured. “You’re going to be a mama before you know it.”
Logan cleared his throat behind me. “Uh, the doctor says that as long as she’s not too stressed, we can keep her where she is.”
“Did you tell him that the fluid sac or whatever burst?”
“Yeah. Apparently that’s normal. But if she hasn’t delivered the first pup in the next hour or so, I need to call the emergency line because the hospital will be closed by then.” He blew out an unsteady breath. “Thanks for the pen. And for the help. I was kinda freaking out there for a minute.”
“You’re welcome.” I kept my eyes and hands on Bella as I avoided looking at him. Our truce felt tenuous, and I didn’t want to be the one to break it. I was worried about Bella too. “I’m staying with your dog. You can stay if you want.”
Spark: A Bad Boy's Second Chance Romance (Burns Brothers Book 3) Page 4