by Linda Conrad
Cal shook his head. He was hungry all right. Just not for food.
"I think you should rest a bit," he told her instead. "If you want to eat, I'll fix it."
He avoided touching her hair as she got herself a glass of water. "Ray called a while ago, honey. He's coming out later and wants to talk to us."
She put a hand on her hip and turned to face him. "Haven't we had enough of talking to the sheriff and the FBI agents?"
It was true, they'd spent all the daylight hours today answering questions. Bella had held up well. She'd never backed away from an uncomfortable question or lost her cool when the realization of how close they'd come to being murdered really hit home.
But she had to hold up a little longer. "Ray said he has some important news and some serious questions to ask. I think we'd better hear him out."
"Okay. I guess so." She returned to the refrigerator and pulled out an aluminum-foil covered plate. "Let's eat a little something now. After Ray leaves we'll probably be going to pick up Kaydie and won't have time."
With her hands full, Bella turned and smiled at him. "I'm sure you can't wait to get your daughter back in your arms." Her whole face beamed when she spoke about the baby.
He'd forgotten all about his child. Kaydie was safe and with people who really loved her now. Why mess that up?
"No I don't think we'll be getting Kaydie," he told Bella. "She's fine where she is."
Bella set the plate down carefully on the counter and turned to him. "Do you mean because it'll be too late for her and we should wait to pick up Kaydie until tomorrow?"
He shook his head, worrying about what she was going to think of him when he said what he knew he must. "No. I mean that Kaydie is where she should be. With Cinco and Meredith. I've been hoping that they'd fall in love with her and be willing to take her in permanently. And I believe that's just what's happened."
"But…" Bella's eyes blinked back her confusion. "I don't understand. You'll walk away from Gentry Ranch when you are well … and leave your daughter behind?"
In an effort to appear casual, Cal shrugged a shoulder. "That's my plan."
He almost couldn't bear the hurt look that had crept across Bella's face. Turning his back to her, he fiddled with the salt and pepper shakers on the table.
"My life on the racing circuit doesn't really lend itself to children," he explained over his shoulder. "What with all that travel and long hours." He held his breath … waited.
Bella stepped beside him and put a hand on his arm, just as he'd pictured she would. "But Kaydie needs you. When you love someone, you make time for them. You rearrange your life if necessary."
Her fingers burned a blistering spot into his arm so he jerked it out of her grip. "Love is for fools," he spat out and turned his back.
He hadn't wanted to go into all this with her. He knew she'd never understand. No one would.
"You don't know what you're saying," she said to his back. "Maybe you don't want to give your love to any woman. I can understand that. But … you love your daughter. I know you do."
"No," he roared hoarsely as he spun to face her. "I can't love anyone. Never again." He slapped a hand down on the counter. "Just leave it be, will you?"
"Cal, please," she begged. "Help me understand." She put one hand to her heart and one across her stomach, as if she must be feeling a terrible ache.
Cal hadn't meant to cause her pain. He was in enough misery for both of them at the moment.
"Look." He tried to soften his tone, but found his voice raspy, cracked and rusty. "I loved my parents with my whole heart and soul. They were everything to me. When they disappeared…"
He swallowed the shaky pain. "You don't know what it's like to love and then have that love ripped away from you. It's the worst…"
"No, it's not the worst," she interrupted, shaking her head sadly. "What's worse is never having been loved in the first place."
Bella dropped her hands to her side. "You don't know how lucky you are. You had parents who wanted you, who loved you. You have wonderful memories of a happy childhood."
She needed to take a breath of fresh air. Wanted to go hide somewhere and weep with the pain of loving a man who couldn't even let himself love his own daughter.
"Just think about this, Cal," she said as she backed toward the door. "Kaydie loves you. What kind of memories is she going to have of her parents and childhood?" Bella put a trembling hand on the doorknob. "How is your child going to feel about having a father walk away from her? Isn't that so much worse than knowing your parents would've stayed with you if only they could?"
Bella opened the door. "I'll be back in a little while to pack. I'm going for a walk, then I'm going to ask Ray to help me find a way to stay in this country. But not on Gentry Ranch. You don't need me anymore."
She kept her back turned to the pain and sorrow she'd seen in Cal's face. "I thank you for everything you've done for me, Señor Gentry. But I'll be out of your way by tomorrow."
How could she have been so wrong about him? Was it possible that he was nothing more than a ladies' man with no feelings after all? If he didn't love his daughter… No, that was just not right. She knew she'd seen love in his eyes when he looked at Kaydie.
The man was full of conflicts and contradictions. Bella didn't know what to say to help him. Didn't know how to protect her heart or assist him in finding his.
Shutting the door behind her, she quickly made her way out of the yard. Bella dashed into the trees right before the tears blurred her vision and her shaking legs gave out. She dropped to the ground in a miserable heap of watery self-pity and cried as she'd always lived—alone.
Back in control, Bella ushered Ray into the front room a couple of hours later. She'd managed to miss seeing Cal when she'd come back inside. He'd been closed up in his room, and though she was glad not to face him, she hoped he'd gotten some rest while she'd packed her few belongings.
If he was determined to leave Kaydie and go back to racing, he would need all his rest to keep up his strength. She just hoped that in time her heart would mend as well as his knee had.
"Is Cal around?" Ray asked as she showed him to the sofa.
"I'm right here." Cal appeared, fully dressed in clean clothes and looking bright and rested.
Bella's heart thumped at the sight of him. But she bit her lip and sat down quietly on the sofa next to Ray.
"The immediate danger is over for you two." Ray sat, hands clasped between his legs, his emotionless face a mask. "But there's more to this situation than is clear just yet."
Bella thought the older man looked as if he knew a secret, and she couldn't help but wonder what it might be. "Is there something we should know?"
Ray slid a curious look in Cal's direction before he drew his attention back to Bella—without really answering her question. "The FBI is convinced that someone on this side of the border has been helping the coyotes. In fact—" his lips turned down into a deep frown "—well, they're sure that the real head of this whole human smuggling ring has yet to be uncovered."
Her breath hitched in her chest. It hadn't occurred to her that there might still be danger for them. She glanced over to Cal and found him studying her with a deadly serious expression on his face.
Ray continued with his explanations. "We also have a problem with the governor's aide in Mexico … Dr. Domingo's brother, remember?"
She nodded her head but stayed quiet.
"He's demanding your return to Mexico, Bella. He had your ambassador make a formal protest to our State Department." Ray glanced quickly at Cal, then deliberately softened his look when he spoke to her again. "There's a lot hidden about this whole mess. The FBI knows things they're not telling. But they've said they believe your life would be in danger if you return to Mexico."
Ray's concern was clear. He reached out to take her hand. "The FBI can't force you stay in this country. You're not really under their jurisdiction, but…"
"My fiancée is staying right here
on Gentry Ranch, Ray," Cal blurted out. "If we have to get married to make it all nice and legal and get them off her back, then so be it. You can arrange everything."
Bella's head jerked around in stunned amazement at Cal's words. "What? Fiancée? But…"
Ray barked out a laugh, but his face turned serious again when he spoke. "Cal may be right, dear. Marrying a U.S. citizen is sometimes the only way to stay in the country." He patted the back of her hand. "Do you want to stay in the U.S.? Would you consider becoming a citizen someday?"
She nodded, still too shocked to speak. Staying in the United States was what she'd been hoping for. She'd be safe here. There was nothing for her back in Mexico, anyway.
Bella looked over to the man she'd fallen in love with but had decided she would have to leave. His face was hard, impossible to read.
Why was Cal saying these things about marriage?
Was he just trying to be noble and pay her back because he thought she'd saved his life?
"Yes, I want to become an American," she whispered, still watching Cal's face. "Very much."
* * *
Ten
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"You said you wanted to stay." Cal reached for Bella the minute Ray excused himself for the night and left the cabin. "Does that mean you'll marry me?"
He couldn't bear not holding her in his arms, so he crushed her to him. She was still in danger. There were forces swirling around her that she didn't understand.
But Cal understood one thing. The minute he'd realized she was in trouble, he knew he didn't want to lose her. He couldn't let her return to Mexico—especially since her life was in danger there.
Cal buried his face in her hair while the scent of soap and spicy pepper drew him ever deeper into the fiery bonfire that was Bella. He wanted her close. He'd gotten accustomed to her being around.
More than that, he needed her. Needed her in his bed. And needed her in his life. To hell with his old plans.
He'd given it some thought this afternoon when she'd left him standing in the kitchen. Why couldn't she come with him when he went back on the racing circuit? She could help with his physical therapy. He'd buy a big motorcoach and they'd travel from racetrack to racetrack together.
It wouldn't be exactly the life he'd left behind. But Cal wasn't so sure he'd really cared much for that lonely life, anyway. With Bella by his side, he'd have the best of both worlds.
But at the moment she was too quiet. "Say you'll marry me, honey." With a great internal struggle, he pushed her back to arm's length so he could see her face.
"Why? Why do you want me to marry you?" she asked.
"It'll keep you in this country. And…" He wasn't sure what she wanted him to say, so he flashed her one of his infamous smiles. "And it'll be a lot of fun. Think of how it'll be. We can travel from party to party on the circuit. You can help me stay in racing shape and I'll show you what the bright lights of stardom are all about."
"Fun … stardom." Bella took a step back. "No, Cal, I won't marry you. I … thought you knew me better than that."
Bella was absolutely astonished that her broken heart could still be ripped into shreds. How did the man keep getting to her this way? She would've thought she couldn't be tempted by him after all they'd been through. But he'd never mentioned Kaydie. He'd never mentioned need.
And yet here she was, imagining a long life spent loving and being loved and needed in return. She had to get ahold of herself. Obviously, Cal wasn't that kind of man. And hadn't he told her earlier that love was for fools?
Well, he'd certainly been right. She felt like every bit the fool now. He didn't love her. With his knee healed and without Kaydie, he didn't even need her anymore.
"Thank you very much for the offer, but I'll ask Ray to figure out another way for me to stay in the country," she told him.
"But … but…" Cal stuttered.
He looked confused. Bella nearly laughed. She'd be willing to bet that this was the first time a woman had told him no. Poor Cal.
But he'd be over his disappointment in a few days. Bella, on the other hand, might never recover from the heartache she'd given herself by falling in love with another ladies' man who refused to give his heart.
Before he could say anything else that might tempt her to reconsider, she quickly added, "Do you think it's too late to go to the main house? I can't stay here tonight after everything that's happened, and … I want to see Kaydie."
As the morning sun began to spill over the horizon, Bella stood at the window of the guest room where she'd slept last night, staring out at the rays of rose and gold sweeping over the rolling Texas countryside. She wondered if it was too early to go to Kaydie's room.
A soft knock on her door drew her attention from the peaceful scene outside. "Come in."
"Morning." Meredith swept into the room, carrying Kaydie in her arms. "Someone wants to see you." She handed the baby over to Bella.
"Aye, nina," Bella cried as she hugged the little girl close. "Kaydie. Kaydie. Kaydie. I've missed you so much." Dios help her, she was thrilled to feel the baby back in her arms.
Kaydie squealed, laughed and patted Bella's cheek.
"We're glad you've come, Bella," Meredith said through a smile. "Things have been so hectic. But I need to get back in a plane this morning and help check the fence lines."
"Oh?" Bella was confused by the woman's meaning. "But what about the housekeeper? What was her name … Lupe? She takes care of Kaydie when you work, doesn't she?"
"Lupe would love to care for the baby, but she thinks she's grown too old to do it right," Meredith told her. "Her arthritic hips and poor eyesight keep her from doing much of anything except for cooking. That she could do blindfolded."
The look in Meredith's eyes suddenly changed and she became thoughtful and quiet. "I'm sorry I wasn't awake when you and Cal came in last night. When Cinco told me you were here, I thought you'd come to take care of Kaydie until the trouble's all over."
Bella shifted the baby to her hip. This woman had always been friendly and now seemed so concerned. Bella hoped it would be okay to talk frankly with her. She needed someone to turn to for advice and friendship.
"I wanted to continue being the baby's nanny, but Cal said…" She caught herself before she accidentally said the wrong thing. She wasn't positive that Cal wanted his brother to know his full intentions just yet.
Bella took the conversation in a different direction.
"Ray came over last night and asked me if I wanted to stay in this country."
"And do you?"
"Of course. But apparently I need a good reason to keep Mexico from demanding that I return." Bella's eyes burned, but she refused to give in to fear and longing right now. Maybe later.
"I thought if I had a permanent job as Kaydie's nanny and good references from the Gentrys, it would be reason enough to keep them from sending me back. What do you think?"
Meredith looked curious. "What did Cal have to say about this?"
"He asked me to marry him."
"So that's the answer to the problem, isn't it?" Meredith asked with a grin.
Bella sniffed once and squared her shoulders. "No. I refused him. Cal doesn't love me."
"But you love him. Right?"
"Sí. I do love him," she admitted. "But … but … he's determined not to need me … not to let me love him. His past stops him from loving anyone."
Going to sit on the edge of the bed, Meredith's expression turned thoughtful. "I've heard that sometimes love can grow after marriage. And besides, everyone has some issue from their past that keeps things from running smoothly. You're not afraid Cal would cheat on you, are you?"
Bella shook her head and kept the tears at bay. She knew Cal would never cheat once he made a commitment. He was definitely not that kind of man.
"But he has already married once without love," Bella objected. "I don't want him to think of me that way. And … I need to be needed."
Meredith reached over and put
a gentle hand on her arm. "Are you sure you're being honest with yourself about how you feel?" Looking deep into Bella's eyes, she didn't wait long for an answer. "Love isn't always easy, sweetie. Sometimes you don't get everything the way you want it. I think you're so accustomed to giving that you're afraid to take what's being offered."
"I … don't know." Bella forced back the fears and tried to assure herself she knew her own heart.
Meredith stood to leave. "Well, you have the job as Kaydie's nanny for now … if that helps any. You can stay here on Gentry Ranch as long as you want. Cinco and Ray will see to it the Mexican government leaves you alone."
Bella hugged Kaydie to her breast after Meredith left to go to work. "Oh, Kaydie. I know you would grow to love me. I'd never leave you. And if I got the chance, I'd always be there to care about you."
She couldn't imagine risking her heart with a man who wouldn't take a chance on love, though. Instead, she would learn to be content with friends and a child who really needed her.
Bella had never known what being loved was all about. Perhaps this baby was the chance she'd been seeking. Going off with a man whose past kept him from needing her or his child would be just too scary to contemplate.
Cal eased out of the cab of a Gentry Ranch truck and balanced himself on his good leg. It had been an interesting morning.
He'd wangled himself an invitation to sit in on one part of the FBI's interrogation of the coyotes. That was all he could think to do that would seem useful. He wanted to help keep Bella safe.
And ever since she'd turned down his marriage proposal last night, he'd been trying to get his head on straight where she was concerned. He'd thought about losing her. About attempting to make a life without her in it.
And he knew he couldn't. She'd done something to his soul. Opened a locked gate he'd forgotten all about. There would be no going back.
He wasn't positive yet what it would take to make her want to keep him around. But he intended to stay by her side for the rest of their lives. Somehow.