He stiffened again, the air instantly heating between them. Let’s see him ignore that. Sipping her rosé, she looked up to find his eyes finally on her. Blood rushed through her veins as she deliberately ran her tongue across her bottom lip, pretending to catch a stray drop of wine. His jaw clenched.
Score.
Chest tight with emotions, she allowed them to enter her eyes and willed him to say something.
He didn’t, choosing as always, to run instead.
“Excuse me, folks. I see my secretary and her husband have just arrived.” Without another word he walked away.
“You’re doing great, Jordan. Keep it up.” Megan smiled reassuringly.
“Yeah. I thought he was going to faint for a minute there.” Connor snorted. “Man, it was priceless!”
“Okay. Would someone like to tell me what’s going on?” Kevin chimed in, bouncing his gaze around them.
Jordan just smiled and walked away allowing the others to fill him in. The night was young and she was far from through with Cole McCall.
Hours later, disappointed and distraught, she sat on her bed and clenched her teeth, on the cusp of a breakdown. She didn’t want to sleep. Doing so would put her that much closer to morning and her departure. She was nowhere near ready for that moment.
Still in her dress, she sat absently petting Bullet, wondering what she could have said or done differently to sway Cole.
Nothing. There was not one thing she hadn’t tried.
She’d touched and brushed him more than a dozen times and had even corned him for a dance, completely shocked when he’d agreed.
She’d blinked, expecting a refusal.
The band had started to play a slow song. Cole had grabbed her hand, walked them to the middle of the floor where he’d pulled her fully into his arms. Surprised, yet pleased, she’d rested her head on his shoulder and slowly closed her eyes. Heartbeat strong and reassuring, his body warm and welcoming, she didn’t want to leave. She belonged there. Did he feel it too?
Apparently not, because when the dance had finished, he’d simply let her go without a word.
Shaking her head, she looked down at her dog. “Well, boy, looks like we’re going home tomorrow, like it or not.”
He whimpered.
Sick of thinking about it, she jumped to her feet instead. “Come on, Bullet. Let’s go for a walk.” And with his excited bark, she led him outside and down the balcony steps.
The air helped but not the scenery. Everywhere she looked, she saw Cole. Young or present day, he was all over, haunting her steps and her heart. He was young and in the barn with the cheerleader being chased by stampeding horses. He was in the driveway, yelling at her to mind her own business. He was in the stable, helping her on his horse for their picnic.
She swallowed and wiped her face. “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, boy.” Hugging her arms, she walked back to the steps and up to the balcony with Bullet at her feet.
The hair on her neck instantly tingled.
Cole.
Bullet wagged his tail and left her side.
On a chair outside his room, he sat still dressed in his party clothes, minus the suit coat with his shirt completely unbuttoned.
Her heart squeezed. He looked so incredibly sexy...and so incredibly tired. She wanted to do and say so many things but it was useless. He was the one with the problem. He needed to come to terms with his fears. She finally realized she couldn’t do that for him.
Refusing to make any more of a fool out of herself than she already had, she called to her dog. “Come on, Bullet. Let Cole alone. It’s time for bed.”
He whimpered but didn’t move.
Trying again, she came closer. “Let’s go boy. Cole wants to be alone.”
Another whimper but no movement.
Close to tears, she went over to him. Bending down she looked her dog in the eyes. “It’s okay. We have to go. Cole doesn’t want us here.”
Cole’s breath hissed into the night and pushed the tears down her face.
Bullet rose and began to lick. “Thanks, boy,” she said softly, then stood.
A cold, hand gripped her wrist. “Look, Jordan. I said I was sorry.”
“Yeah. Well, I’m sorry too, Cole.” She shook him off. “I’m sorry you’re not strong enough to deal with us. I’m sorry you’re feelings for me aren’t strong enough to want me here. I’m sorry I’ve fallen in love with you and I’m damned sorry it hurts like hell!”
He closed his eyes and swallowed. The pulse in his neck throbbed but when he opened his eyes, they were blank. And still he remained silent.
“You seem to be under this misconception that when I leave, you’ll be able to forget me. That just isn’t true.” She leaned closer. “Everywhere you go you’re going to see me. Every woman you kiss, you’re going to compare her to me because no one”—she lifted his chin to lock gazes—“and I mean no one, is going to make you feel the things that I can.” He swallowed and she held on tighter. “I already told you, when I moved to California you came with me. You haunted me all through my high school years and right into college. I couldn’t form any lasting relationships because your memory wouldn’t let me.”
He cleared his throat. “If that’s true, then how did you manage one with Eric?”
She released him and stood straight. “Because of that little trip six years ago. I guess I have you and Bess to thank,” she stated. “On my flight home I’d promised myself never to look back. I met Eric later that fall, and because I knew you were happy with Bess, I let you go and allowed him into my heart.”
His head cocked. “You can do that again.”
She closed her eyes and expelled a harsh breath before opening them again. “God, you’re so thick. No. I already told you. It’s different now. Because of what we shared this week you’re a part of me now—ingrained, not only in my heart but my soul. Our connection is much stronger, deeper…straight through.” Her gaze fell to his mouth. God, how she longed to kiss him back to last Tuesday. “Now I can never be satisfied with anyone else...and I know it’ll be the same for you.”
It has to be. I can’t love this hard and painfully all on my own.
Cole stood and ran a hand through his hair while he cursed.
He turned to leave but she stepped in front of him. “We’re meant to be together, Cole. Why don’t you see that? You’re making a big mistake and it’s ripping our hearts apart.” He remained quiet so she cupped his face and looked deep into his eyes. “Don’t let me walk out of your life, Cole. Please don’t let me go tomorrow.” Pressing her mouth very lightly to his, she tasted the salt of her own heartache as a tear spilled out and found its way between their lips. She drew back. “I love you, Cole. Don’t let me go.”
Sorrow and pain swam in his eyes, while a tentative hand brushed her cheek. “I can’t give you forever, Jordan. But I can give you tonight.”
Her heart thudded out of control at the words torn from his throat. She searched his face and weighed her options.
She didn’t want just tonight, she wanted forever. But…maybe, if she took up his offer, he’d find it that much harder to let her go in the morning. And even if he did let her go, it would be one more memory to haunt him, one more memory to make him see reason, one more memory to make him seek her out.
Even as her mind conjured more pluses, she knew her answer. If they made love again and he walked away, the last pieces of her world would crumple into dust.
Several tears raced down her face, easing the lump in her throat enough to allow her to speak. Drawing in a breath, she looked straight into his tormented eyes.
“I can’t give you tonight, Cole. It’s not enough.”
She turned and walked blindly to her room, her life completely shattered.
Dawn broke the horizon, sending sunlight onto her face. Laying on the bedroom floor, arm draped around Bullet, Jordan watched quietly as the sun rose further into the sky.
Departure day.
Panic seiz
ed her body. I should’ve taken Cole up on his offer! No... It would’ve killed her. She snickered without mirth. So? She was already dead.
Her mind had fought the same argument all night long. Over and over. She’d even gotten up to open her screen door, but a shred of common sense kept her rooted to the room.
Unable to go to him, she did the only thing she could do, drop to her knees and sob uncontrollably while she held onto her dog.
Bullet licked her face.
She reminded herself to breath. “We’re going home in a few hours, boy. I guess I should get up and pack.”
Concentrating on the mundane routine of getting ready, she emerged out of the bathroom a half hour later, dressed for her trip home.
A knock sounded on her door. Her spirits rose. She answered it to find her sister standing there with a cheerful smile.
“Good morning Jord—” Kerri stopped her greeting and frowned, pushing into the room. “Jordan, why are you doing this to yourself?”
Kicking the door shut, her sister pulled her into a much needed hug. Throat hot, Jordan gave in to the tears prickling behind her eyes. When she finished crying her sister took her hands and squeezed.
“Why don’t you stay longer? I’m sure mom and dad could use your help with the house.”
Jordan blinked. That would give her a legitimate reason to stay. But is that the right thing to do? She shook her head. No.
“Thanks, Kerri, but I have to go. Actually,” she corrected. “I need to go.” Seeing her sister’s confused frown, she explained, “Cole seems to think that if I leave, his dilemma will disappear too. I have to go in order to prove to him that we are meant to be together.”
“Well then,” Kerri said, dabbing Jordan’s face with a tissue. “You get packed and give him a good-bye he won’t forget!”
Jordan hugged her. “Thanks, Kerri. I love you,”
“I love you, too.” With one last squeeze and a kiss on the cheek, her sister smiled. “I’ll see you downstairs.”
An hour later, the car was packed and ready to go and Bullet had been given sufficient time to run. There was only one thing left to do—say their good-byes.
Where was Cole?
She hadn’t seen him all morning. God, she hoped he was still on the ranch. Her heart dipped. What if he wasn’t? I can’t leave without talking to him. Just as hyperventilation loomed on her horizon, he strode from the house to join the group on the veranda. Blank expression plastered on his pale, drawn face, he stood off to the side and refused to look her way.
Shawn and Megan started things off. They thanked everyone and promised to send pictures of the baby when the time came, then made their way to the car.
After Jordan said good-bye to Mr. and Mrs. McCall, Emma thrust a bag in her hand and squeezed her tight.
“I put something extra in yours because you didn’t eat much at breakfast and I thought you might need it later.”
“Thanks Emma. You’re too good to me.” Jordan smiled as brightly as possible and kissed the woman’s cheek. She had no intensions of eating now or later, even if Emma had packed her nothing but chocolate chip cookies.
Receiving hugs and kisses from both her parents and promising to call them when they made it back home, Jordan found herself in front of the McCall brothers along with her sister. Unable to face fate yet, she stepped to Connor as Kerri said her good-byes to Cole.
Her throat burned. “Connor, I’m going to miss you.” She hugged him tightly.
“It’ll be okay, darlin’,” he whispered in her ear. “I promise you. I know my brother. He’ll come around. Just try to be patient. Give him some time.”
“I will,” she told him quietly. “That’s why I’m leaving.”
Jordan returned his wink and stepped back. You can do this. You have to do this. Mustering her floundering strength, she traded places with her sister and faced the man who held her heart.
Hunched shoulders, blank eyes, pale face…Cole looked as miserable as she felt.
A part of him doesn’t want me to go.
Hope flickered in her heart. Could she reach that part? She had so much she wanted to say to him—feelings she needed to share. Mouth opened, she drew in a breath but the words refused to come.
His throat rippled and a muscled worked in his jaw. Silence stretched between them.
Say something, Cole…please.
Connor and Kerri exchanged an awkward good-bye before her sister walked to the car and everyone else went inside the house.
She stood alone with Cole.
Swallowing, she wished with all her might he’d take her in his arms and never let her go. Fate once again had different plans.
Through sheer strength of will, she forced herself to speak. “I guess they think we need some time alone.”
His shoulder lifted. “I guess so,” he replied, then bent down to pet Bullet who pawed his foot.
Seeing the bond they’d made in just a few days, Jordan realized she wasn’t the only one who’d fallen for Cole. Long fingers stroked the dog’s black and tan fur. Yearning gripped deep. Her body already missed his caress.
He gave Bullet a final pat before he stood to face her. “Well, you don’t want to keep them waiting. I know you have a long journey ahead of you.”
“Yes…good luck with your journey too, Cole.” She nodded, waiting to see if her meaning sunk in.
His shoulders dropped. “Jordan, I alrea—”
Her fingers pressed into his warm lips. “I know what you told me, Cole. You just need to remember what I told you. Besides, I’m giving you what you wanted. I’m leaving. You won’t have to look at me anymore. You won’t have to touch me anymore,” her voice was low as she caressed the side of his face. “You won’t have to taste me anymore, either.”
His jaw clenched, but he remained silent.
Don’t let me go, Cole. Don’t let me get in that car and drive out of your life.
Her silent pleas went unanswered.
She pulled in a breath and summoned her trusty in-your-face attitude. “You sure are stubborn, Cole McCall.” Linking their arms, she began to walk to the steps of the veranda. “Now, you have my cell phone number and my parents can give you directions to my house when you finally come to your senses,” she told him matter-of-factly
He shook his head, a small smile tugging his mouth. “Who’s stubborn?”
Stopping at the bottom she let go of his arm and turned to him. “I guess it’s time. Do I get a good-bye kiss?” She looked up at him, anticipation racing her pulse as she waited for his answer.
Miraculously, he tipped her chin and brought his mouth to hers. Taking full advantage of the opportunity, she held his face, pouring all the love she had for him in this—their last kiss. Her lips caressed and worshiped and his answering touch told her all he refused to say. When it was over, tears burned her eyes.
She blinked and cleared her throat. “Good-bye, Cole.” With superhuman effort, she turned her back and walked toward the car.
A few feet away, she stopped. Her heart hurt so bad her legs refused to listen. Get in the car, Jordan. He didn’t stop you. He needs you to leave.
Head held high, she put one foot in front of the other and made it to the car. Bullet jumped in and she turned to glance at Cole one last time. I love you, she mouthed before getting in the back of the car as he stood, hands shoved deep in his pockets, shoulders slumped, misery on his face.
At least she wasn’t in hell alone.
Chapter Sixteen
Four weeks had gone by. Four weeks of hell. And Cole still wasn’t sure he’d done the right thing. He didn’t feel any better. In fact, he felt worse. Much worse. Jordan had been right. He saw her everywhere. At home. At work. Hell, he couldn’t even use his office anymore.
Muttering a curse, he jumped up and strode to look out the conference room window. He’d taken to using a laptop in there, not that Jordan hadn’t haunted him in this room, too. The memories just weren’t as painful as the ones in his office. No wa
y could he sit in his chair or face the desk where he’d gotten his first taste of Jordan and what it had felt like to be inside the hot, giving woman. To experience a fierce, unrelenting passion that stole his breath and liquefied his bones. His grip tightened around the sill.
God help him, he missed her. He missed her so damn much it hurt to breathe.
And things were no better at home. Jordan haunted him everywhere on the ranch. Inside and out. He thought he’d at least find sanctuary in his room, but son-of-a-bitch if he didn’t find himself straying just a few doors down to sit on her bed and fumble with the hairclip she’d left on the nightstand. He wondered if she’d left it on purpose. It didn’t matter. He still visited almost daily.
“Figured you’d be here,” Kevin said, strolling in from the door attached to Cole’s office. “You need help moving your things?”
Cole frowned, turning to face his VP fully. “What are you talking about?”
“You’re office. It’s great. Much better view than mine. Shame to waste it. Thought we’d move your things out, then move mine in…seeing as you’re not using it.”
“Fuck you. Get out of here.”
Kevin chuckled, leaning next to him against the window not at all put off by his tone. “No can do. Bossman expects me here. He’s a tough SOB.”
“He needs to be in order to handle the likes of you.” Cole sighed. “What do you want, Kevin. I’m not in the mood.”
“That’s because you let Jordan get away.”
“I didn’t let anything.”
Kevin held his hands up. “That’s right, my mistake. You sent her away. What the fuck’s wrong with you, man?”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“Oh, but I do, buddy. I do,” Kevin insisted. “You’ve been in love with that girl since we were kids. Why’d you push her away?”
He didn’t bother to explain. There was no easy answer.
“Surely, you’re not going to deny you love her?” Kevin raised a brow and waited.
Seemed his buddy was in full pain-in-the-fuckin’-ass mode today. “No, I don’t deny it.”
Her Fated Cowboy (Harland County Series) Page 23