by Sarah Adams
“I think she was just bored,” her dad laughed, “or trying to get out of a shopping trip with her mom.”
“More likely wanted to drag me along,” Amber rolled her eyes, trying to blink away the morning fog that wouldn't release her brain.
“Misery loves company, kiddo,” he chuckled.
“Misery deserves to be alone,” Amber muttered and took a bite of the buttered toast that had appeared in front of her, “Thanks for the toast, Dad.”
“Not a problem, kiddo,” he said, “I'm going to lunch with the guys today. Will you be okay here by yourself?”
“No, I'm going to throw an epic house party,” Amber chuckled.
“Are you going to invite Joshua Nelson?” he asked.
“Maybe,” Amber rolled her eyes.
Amber didn't call Tamara back on Saturday. She had forgiven her BFF for stealing her precious weekend sleep, but wasn't in the mood to chat. Amber spent most of the day lying in bed staring at the ceiling.
“If the spell didn't make him notice me, nothing will,” she sighed to herself, “Maybe I really should go be a nun. Should I start going to mass? Do we even have a Catholic mass in this town? Maybe Greg will take me to the dance? No, not after he accused me of leading him on. Which I sort of did, because I didn't know how to tell him I wasn't interested in being more than friends.”
Tamara called twice while Amber's dad was out. She ignored the ringing of the phone.
“Leave me in my cesspool of pity!” she shouted out, thankful that she was home alone and her dad wasn't around to see how pathetic she was acting.
“Amber, hey, it's me again,” Tamara's voice rang from the answering machine downstairs, “I guess you're still asleep or maybe you went out with your dad or something. Call me back later. I just got back from shopping with mom and think I need therapy. Later BFF! Call me!”
Amber almost called her back. Almost. Tamara would know instantly that she was having a dumps day and would attempt to cheer her up. Usually, chatting with her BFF would improve Amber's mood, but today she wanted to wallow in it. The world had become a bleak place since she had decided last night to give up on Joshua Nelson forever.
Amber deleted Tamara's message from the machine and grabbed a trash bag from under the kitchen sink before heading back upstairs.
“It's time,” Amber said and opened her closet door.
Since fifth grade Amber had been collecting what she called her “Joshua Nelson memorabilia.” Her dad had no knowledge of the secret collection that was hidden in a shoe box in the back of her closet. Only Tamara knew of the stack of school photos, pictures cut from the school newspaper, every article about the basketball team from this year and last.
Amber's collection was started by accident. In fifth grade Joshua had given some of the girls his school photos. Amber was not one of those girls. She had never been popular enough to be noticed by Joshua, but one of the girls had dropped a photo outside of the school and Amber found it. She hid it in her backpack and never told anyone about it, except Tamara.
“I've waited for you Joshua,” Amber whispered looking through the photos and articles, “and I can't wait any longer. The spell didn't work. This is starting to drive me crazy. I'm done.”
Amber placed each photo and article into the bag one at a time. She studied each photo and read each article word by word, saying goodbye. Hot tears fell down her cheeks. This was the right thing to do, what she knew she needed to do, but it still hurt.
“I don't want to be a hundred and still pinning over you!” Amber shouted and dropped the now empty shoebox into the bag.
Amber reached blindly into the back of her closet feeling around for any photos that may have fallen out of the box. Her hands landed on a stack of thin books.
“My yearbooks,” she grinned to herself.
Amber always forgot they were back there until it was time to buy a new one. Every year she'd get her friends and some of her classmates to sign the newest edition and add it to the stack at the back of the closet. It had been her tradition since first grade. Her dad joked about it, saying if any of her classmates ever became famous she would be rich.
Not in the mood to be overly sentimental Amber only retrieved the most recent from the stack. She dropped to her knees and opened it. Page by page, memories surfaced. A full page was dedicated to her and Tamara's hippie costumes from last year. Every year the school hosted a Halloween event with a history theme. Last year was blast from the past.
Amber skipped to the section of the yearbook which held their school photos. Hers was always on the first page and last year's still looked good. She had worn a light green sundress with her hair in ringlets. Remembering she still didn't know 'Mr. Kirk's' name, she flipped to the pages which held the Ks and scanned the photos. Quickly her fingers moved over the photos until it settled on one. That was definitely the guy she was looking for.
“JOSHUA KIRK” was printed under his photo.
Amber laughed and slammed the book shut.
“Another Joshua?” she said as she slid the book back into its rightful place.
Amber slept in on Sunday morning, waking just after eleven. She took a shower and blow dried her hair before she headed down for breakfast. The house was quiet making Amber wonder if her dad was still reading the Sunday paper. Taped to the kitchen counter she found a note.
“Amber,
Going out to play golf. Money in cookie jar for pizza. You can invite Tamara over if you want. See you in time for dinner.”
Love, Dad
Amber retrieved the money from the cookie jar and studied the fine printing of the money while contemplating whether she should phone Tamara or not. If she didn't Tamara would give her the cold shoulder on Monday.
“Hello?” Mrs. Page answered.
“Hey, Mrs. Page, this is Amber, is Tamara around?” Amber asked, forcing a smile, even though her brain was still clouded with morning fog.
“Just a second,” Mrs. Page said and moved the receiver away from her mouth.
“Hey, what's up?” Tamara asked.
“Want to come over for pizza?” Amber asked.
“Can't. My grandparents are here,” Tamara said.
“Okay, I'll see you at school then,” Amber said, holding back a sigh of relief. She loved her BFF, but she needed some time alone, having recently given up something that had been part of her life for the last six years.
“Later,” Tamara said and hung up.
When Amber's cheese pizza with white sauce arrived she ate in silence and contemplated what she should do for the rest of the day. After eating she headed to the library, but even the thought of being surrounded by books didn't cheer Amber up. She wandered her neighborhood aimlessly and ended up back where she started. Not wanting to go inside Amber sat down in the grass and retrieved the paperback from her purse.
“Hey,” a voice said, before she finished reading the first page.
“It's Joshua Kirk! What the hell? Is he following me now or something?” Amber thought.
“Um...hi,” Amber said, without looking up.
“What's up?” the voice said again.
With a sigh Amber looked up from her book. Joshua Kirk was standing in front of her wearing jeans and a black tee. His short brown hair was windblown, but his brown eyes were bright in the afternoon sun. Joshua grinned, revealing his lack of dimples. Amber returned his smile feeling slightly disappointed.
“Just reading,” Amber said holding the book up awkwardly.
“Cool,” Joshua said, sitting down in the grass next to her, “You come here a lot.”
At first Amber thought he was asking a question. The words had been a statement, not a question. How did he know how often she frequented the library?
“Yeah, I guess so,” she shrugged turning her attention back to the book.
“I come here a lot, too,” Joshua said.
Amber hid her grin behind the book. Joshua Kirk was trying to start a conversation with her and it made him ner
vous. Greg had sounded the same way the first few times he had spoken to her on the bus.
“Cool,” Amber said, unsure what he was expecting her to say, “But I haven't seen you around.”
“I come here to do homework, so I usually keep to myself,” he shrugged.
“Me too,” Amber nodded.
“I've noticed,” Joshua laughed.
“What's that supposed to mean?” she asked.
“Nothing, I was just saying that I noticed you stayed to yourself,” Joshua said.
Amber's phone vibrated in her back pocket and she sprang to her feet.
“Are you okay?” Joshua asked.
Amber ignored him and pulled out her phone to answer it.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Kiddo,” her dad said, “I just got home and was wondering if you wanted to drive out to Marley's for dinner with me?”
“No, I'm okay, Dad. I'll have leftovers, okay?” Amber said.
She didn't want to go to dinner at Aunt Marley's. The woman would drone on and on about how imperfect she was. Amber was surprised that her aunt could live with herself.
“You sure?” her dad asked, “Where are you?”
“I'm at the library, reading,” Amber said.
“Okay, make sure you eat dinner though, okay?”
“Yes, Sir!” Amber said with a small chuckle.
“Later, kiddo, make sure you're home before dark,” he said.
“Okay, Dad,” Amber said and hung up.
“Sorry about that,” she said looking down at Joshua.
“Not a problem, my mom is always calling to check up on me,” he laughed.
“Dad wanted me to go to my Aunt's. Thankfully he didn't make me,” Amber laughed.
“That bad, huh?” Joshua asked.
“You don't even wanna know,” Amber shook her head and bent to retrieve her book.
“Do you want to go for a walk or something?” Joshua asked.
“I think I should get home,” Amber said.
“It's on my way home, so I'll walk with you, if you like?” Joshua offered.
“Okay,” Amber nodded, tucking the book back into her purse.
“I bet O'Bannon has another pop quiz in the morning,” Joshua said.
“What?” Amber said, “I hope not.”
“He's going quiz happy. I heard him talking to Mrs. Rolling after school on Friday and he mentioned something about writing one up over the weekend,” Joshua said.
“Ugh,” Amber groaned.
“I think he gets some sadistic kick out of it,” Joshua laughed.
“I think so do you,” Amber laughed.
“What's that supposed to mean?” Joshua asked.
“It means that you enjoy making me dread math,” Amber said.
“Not really, it was just something to talk about,” Joshua shrugged.
“Either way, this is my house, so I'll see you in math tomorrow,” Amber said and sprinted up the walk.
Chapter Seven
Monday
Monday morning found Amber exhaustedly dragging herself to the bus stop. She had stayed up to finish her book and began another. Her body had been exhausted, but her mind wouldn't shut up. Her thoughts chased each other back and forth while she tried to concentrate on reading. The bag filled with her Joshua Nelson memorabilia still sat in the back of her closet. Amber hadn't managed the nerve to take it out to the curb yet.
Her thoughts skirted from Joshua Nelson and the improbability of ever hooking up and Joshua Kirk. Joshua Kirk was average. He was cute, but not sexy. He was funny, but not hilarious. He didn't play a sport or a guitar. Joshua Kirk claimed to spend a lot of time at the library, but Amber had never noticed him there. Was she really so lost in her own world that she failed to notice him? It had to be the answer, because why would someone lie about hanging out at the library? It implied the lack of a social life. Even Greg, whose nose was constantly buried in a book never hung out at the library.
Amber wasn't sure what to do now. The spell hadn't worked and she had given up on Joshua Nelson, even if she didn't want to throw the stuff out yet. Joshua Kirk seemed nice enough, but Amber didn't know if she was ready to move on. More than that, she wasn't sure Joshua Kirk was the type of guy she wanted to move on with. After all, Amber planned to marry her high-school sweetheart, just like her parents had. So she had to be careful. Joshua Nelson would have been perfect. Well, if he had quit stroking his own ego long enough to notice her.
“The plan is just to avoid him,” Amber thought to herself, “Just avoid him and the other Joshua.”
“Come on, Amber!” Larry called.
Amber blinked and scurried onto the bus. She hadn't heard it pull up.
“You alive inside that thick skull this morning, Amber?” Larry asked.
“Barely,” Amber said and collapsed into her normal seat.
She pulled out the book she had begun last night and began to read. Amber knew the bus route by heart. She had traveled the route every morning for school this year and last, because most mornings her dad had to leave for work too early to drive her. Her heart skipped a beat when the bus rolled to a halt at the newly added stop. Joshua Kirk's stop.
Amber raised the book, covering her face and pretending to be deeply enchanted by the story. She even made it a point to laugh out loud. Usually, that kept people from disturbing her.
“Hey, Amber,” Joshua said, sliding into the seat in front of her.
“Hi, Joshua,” Amber said.
“Josh is fine,” he laughed, “Joshua is my father's name.”
“Joshua sounds more elegant,” Amber laughed and closed her book.
“Well, I don't care much about elegance, so Josh will work,” Joshua said.
“Okay,” Amber nodded, “Josh it is.”
“So you ready for O'Bannon's pop quiz?” Joshua grinned.
“Of course and I'm so very thrilled to have the opportunity to take it,” Amber rolled her eyes.
“I'll be sure to tell O'Bannon that,” Joshua laughed, “Maybe he can write up some extra quizzes just for you.”
“Shut up,” Amber laughed, “Why were you eavesdropping on Mr. O'Bannon and Mrs. Kelly anyway?”
“I wasn't,” Joshua shrugged, “I was at my locker and they were talking in the hallway.”
“Sure,” Amber teased.
“They were!” Joshua laughed.
“I don't believe you,” Amber grinned.
The bus pulled to a stop and their classmates began to unload. Joshua smiled at Amber and she couldn't help it, she smiled too.
“So much for avoiding him,” Amber thought to herself as she waited by her locker for Tamara.
Tamara came sprinting down the hall two minutes before the first period bell rang.
“I've got to get to history,” Amber said, “I'll talk to you at lunch.”
“Later,” Tamara said.
Fortunately Mr. O'Bannon didn't issue the dreaded pop quiz. He assigned the class six pages of book work instead. Amber could feel Joshua trying to catch her eye, but ignored him, feigning concentration.
“Hey,” Joshua said, sliding into an empty desk next to her.
“Hi again, Josh,” she said but didn't look.
“Are you going to the library after school today?” he asked.
“Yes,” Amber said.
“Cool, me too! We could walk together if you like?” he offered.
“My dad's driving me,” Amber said.
“We could hang out there and maybe work on this math work together,” Joshua said.
“Maybe, we'll see. I might finish it before class is over,” Amber said.
“I thought I told you two to leave the romance for outside of my classroom,” Mr. O'Bannon said.
Amber blushed, sinking down low in her seat, silently wishing she was invisible.
After school Amber told her dad that she didn't need to go to the library.
“You okay? Are you sick or something?” her dad asked.
“No,
why?” Amber asked.
“Because you don't ever not need to go to the library. You'd live there if they'd let you,” he laughed.
“I don't need to go,” she shrugged, “I don't have any homework.”
“What's up, Kiddo?”
“Nothing, really. I just want to go home and read.”
Chapter Eight
Tuesday
Amber walked to school Tuesday morning. She didn't want to talk to Joshua Kirk again. Something felt wrong about it. His smile gave her butterflies, but also made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. Not to mention, he kept getting her into trouble in class. Why didn't he just leave her alone?
After first period Amber dashed into the nurse's office and lied about having a headache.
“I've already taken medicine this morning,” Amber lied, “I just really need to lie down for awhile.”
“Okay, Amber, you lay down here for a bit. If you don't feel better soon, we'll see about getting in touch with your dad so you can go home,” Nurse Holly smiled.
Wednesday
Avoiding Josh on Wednesday presented more a problem. She couldn't hide in the nurse’s office two days in a row without arousing suspicion. Amber went to class and worked with her head down. Josh tried to get her attention, but she ignored him. It wasn't too difficult. The bulk of her attention centered on her aching calves. She wasn't used to the long walk to school and doing it two days in a roll had taken its toll on her.
“Hey, what happened to you yesterday?” he asked after the bell rang.
“I had some stuff to do,” Amber said.
“Oh, cool,” Joshua grinned, “So how about hanging out today?”
“Maybe,” Amber shrugged.
“We could go to the coffee shop or something,” he suggested.
“No thanks, I have stuff I have to do at the library today. I stay pretty busy,” Amber said, quickening her pace.
“Okay, some other time then,” Joshua said.
Amber's heart sank into her stomach. His tone sounded similar to Greg's when she told him she couldn't be his girlfriend. She took a deep breath and walked quickly to her locker.